DD’s Boyfriend Buys House Prior To Marriage. Should DD Help Pay Down Mortguage

[oscar1]

If her boyfriend buys a house (titled to him) pre-marriage, and they do get married some time after, but then divorce in, say, 10 years, is she entitled to any portion of the house asset? Reason I ask is suppose we give them a nice marriage gift of $30k to help with paying down the house? In Texas i think the rule of “separate property” applies. Meaning what he brought into the marriage is his. If she were to help pay down the mortgage, perhaps with a gift form her Mom and Dad, it would still be ‘his’ if they split. How to avoid this? Does he need to add her name to the mortgage? Does she need to get some agreement that any sizable contribution to the house be reimbursed if they slit later? Any advice?

 

[RetireeRobert]

Any reason they cannot buy the house "together" in Texas even before they are married? I believe mortgage companies and realtors deal with unmarried couples buying real estate together somewhat routinely in these days.

 

[Ready]

I’m not familiar with the specifics of Texas property law so I’ll leave it to others who are more familiar to comments on those specifics.

But if the house is titled in his name only there is no way I would pay $30K toward the purchase price. The house should be titled in both names if both are contributing funds. Having her name on the mortgage but not the title is even worse. That means he owns the house but she is still responsible for the debt if he fails to pay.

I’m assuming there is no prenup here, which would presumably overrule Texas law. So if they get married I would insist that he add her name to the title, as well as the mortgage.

 

[Jerry1]

Any reason they cannot buy the house "together" in Texas even before they are married? I believe mortgage companies and realtors deal with unmarried couples buying real estate together somewhat routinely in these days.

Yeah, I don’t know how all the marriage/divorce laws would work if her name is not on the title, but there’s no reason to find out. There is no reason that she should put down any amount without her name being on the title. Even if it’s your money. Just don’t do it. Don’t rely on a prenup and don’t accept any other alternative like only having her name on the mortgage. Name on the title - period.

In the case of the wedding gift, give them a reasonable gift now and talk about paying down on the house later. We just did a quit claim deed to take our names off my daughters house that we helped her buy. It was no big deal at all. They can adjust the deed after the marriage so if you want to give then serious money, discuss it after marriage and insist on the change to the deed.

 

[JustCurious]

If her boyfriend buys a house (titled to him) pre-marriage, and they do get married some time after, but then divorce in, say, 10 years, is she entitled to any portion of the house asset?

This depends on your state law, but in general the answer is no.

And having her name on the mortgage but not the title is worse.

 

[Aerides]

Helping pay down the house, even if he does add her to the deed (which should be done when they marry, one would hope) might not even be the best use of the funds, given interest rates and other priorities at their age.

You mention it's a potential gift, so, figure an amount but without the "but spend it on this" requirement.

If this is just a BF and not already a fiancé, I think the cart is a bit before the horse here.

 

[MarieIG]

This is a loud screaming no.

If she is not on the deed, she should not be paying down the mortgage and building up his equity at her expense. You certainly should not be putting money towards his mortgage either. They may never get married or he may never put her on the deed. (I had that happen to a former co-worker. It was a first marriage for both too, and she gave birth to twins and became a stay-at-home mom. It continued to bother her that her husband did not care enough about her to put her on the deed.) If your daughter's boyfriend suggested that the house be in his name while she helps pay the mortgage, that should be a big, red, flag.

As one of the prior posters stated, being put on the mortgage without being placed on the deed means that you have assumed the obligation to pay the bank for the house - without having an ownership interest.

After they get married and after he has put her on the deed you can reassess the situation. There is no rush.

 

[RobbieB]

He bought a house. Good for him. That's all.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

She's about to say goodbye to 30K.

 

[eeyore]

If she moves in, married or not, shouldn't she pay some rent ?
And if so, what is the difference between that and helping with the mortgage ?

 

[FLSUnFIRE]

I'm sure that will be very state specific. When I was married and sold my bachelor house my wife at the time had to sign a quit claim deed even though she was not on the deed or mortgage. Based off that I expect that there is some risk. At the very least, the "ex" could make things difficult even if she didn't have a valid claim. I don't think under FL law she would have a good claim but in an ugly contested divorce, all assets can be in play or considered even if "protected."



I was lucky as we were amicable and kept his/hers/our accounts so breaking up wasn't as hard to do. We did it ourselves and only paid filing fees. In hindsight, I (we) were lucky and I highly recommend a pre-nump (maybe with the exception of just starting out with nothing and building a life from scratch with no significant difference in wealth or family wealth).

 

[Dtail]

If she moves in, married or not, shouldn't she pay some rent ?
And if so, what is the difference between that and helping with the mortgage ?

+1
This was my thoughts too, but let her specifically pay some rent charge.

 

[audreyh1]

In TX when I sold my first house the title was in my name even though I had remarried. DH didn’t have to sign anything at the closing. And we had even refinanced the house while (re)married and I bet the new mortgage was in both our names. It didn’t occur to me retitle the house and I don’t know why that didn’t come up during the refinancing.

We had joint accounts paying all our bills. As my spouse DH would have inherited my house if something had happened to me.

 

[latexman]

Just be sure to give her the $30k BEFORE she gets married. What she brings into the marriage is hers, right? Then, let her spend it as she wishes.

 

[JustCurious]

Just be sure to give her the $30k BEFORE she gets married. What she brings into the marriage is hers, right? Then, let her spend it as she wishes.

This is also state specific, I don't think there is one answer that applies in all states. But I think the general rule is gifts or inheritances to one spouse are considered separate from marital property even if received during the marriage so long as the receiving spouse does not comingle the funds with marital funds, i.e. deposit or transfer the money to a joint account.

 

[street]

If she moves in, married or not, shouldn't she pay some rent ?
And if so, what is the difference between that and helping with the mortgage ?

I agree. Maybe she should pay for all utilities and house expenses, or some arrangement that she does her part in this partnership.

Your wondering if she has a right to get back any money she puts toward this house is anybody's guess. No guarantee, but the two responsible adults should come up with a fair understanding if things go south that she would get what she has invested in the down payment if the house stays with him.

 

[Jerry1]

If she moves in, married or not, shouldn't she pay some rent ?
And if so, what is the difference between that and helping with the mortgage ?

+1
This was my thoughts too, but let her specifically pay some rent charge.

Any financial arrangement is between them, but it doesn’t have to include “paying rent”. For example, she may choose to pay some of the utilities. Either way, any financial input from her has the affect of helping with the mortgage just by freeing up other money. However, that is so very different from actually putting ones name on the mortgage.

 

[candrew]

If she were to help pay down the mortgage, perhaps with a gift form her Mom and Dad, it would still be ‘his’ if they split. How to avoid this? Any advice?

You asked for advice, so here goes.

Get them a set of pots and pans as a wedding gift like my parents bought for us.

Problem solved.

 

[jollystomper]

Gifting vs. the house situation are 2 different things. My recommendation would be to give them a gift you feel comfortable with that has no strings attached, regardless of what might or might not happen in the future.

For the house titling it would be best if it were in both their names, but in truth that is for them to work out.You can lead a horse to water...

 

[Ronstar]

I say let him buy the house and then if they get married, execute a deed from him as a bachelor to him and her as husband and wife in Joint Tenancy to creates rights of survivorship.

Same thing for the mortgage. Let him get the mortgage solely and then redo the mortgage in both of their names when/if they get married.

That said, it may be best for her to pitch in some $ monthly as "rent" as long as she lives in the house until they get married.

If you gift them $ for the house when they get married, they can apply that $ to the principle of the loan - after she gets her name on the deed and mortgage.

 

[Joylush]

If her boyfriend buys a house (titled to him) pre-marriage, and they do get married some time after, but then divorce in, say, 10 years, is she entitled to any portion of the house asset? Reason I ask is suppose we give them a nice marriage gift of $30k to help with paying down the house? In Texas i think the rule of “separate property” applies. Meaning what he brought into the marriage is his. If she were to help pay down the mortgage, perhaps with a gift form her Mom and Dad, it would still be ‘his’ if they split. How to avoid this? Does he need to add her name to the mortgage? Does she need to get some agreement that any sizable contribution to the house be reimbursed if they slit later? Any advice?

No, you don’t even want to consider that unless she is on the deed. And you never want to be on a mortgage but not on the deed. Then you are held responsible for paying for a house you don’t even own. I’ve seen this cause major problems for people.

I’d be concerned about my $30,000 as well being as it’s clearly intended to benefit your daughter. Giving it to her boyfriend to buy his own house is only benefiting him. Do not do this for your daughter. Because as you suggested they may never marry, get divorced etc...and she wouldn’t have any claim to that money.

When you give a gift of a mortgage down payment all parties must sign a statement verifying it is a gift, no strings attached, no expectation of payback. This would be fine if your daughter was one of the purchasers. At least then half of it would be hers.

A better solution might be to offer to match his down payment with an equal down payment amount (her down payment) and they buy the home together.

 

[JoeWras]

I say let him buy the house and then if they get married, execute a deed from him as a bachelor to him and her as husband and wife in Joint Tenancy to creates rights of survivorship.

Same thing for the mortgage. Let him get the mortgage solely and then redo the mortgage in both of their names when/if they get married.

This is what we did.

I bought the house as a single man, although I let my GF help find it. We weren't even engaged. We were also old fashioned and didn't live together until marriage. In any case, I promised the deed fix after we were married. I put up the downpayment and monthly payments myself.

We discussed it and figured once we are married, what is mine is yours, etc.

The deed fix occurred 2 years later during a refinance. We were just busy up until that time.

 

[street]

I say let him buy the house and then if they get married, execute a deed from him as a bachelor to him and her as husband and wife in Joint Tenancy to creates rights of survivorship.

Same thing for the mortgage. Let him get the mortgage solely and then redo the mortgage in both of their names when/if they get married.

That said, it may be best for her to pitch in some $ monthly as "rent" as long as she lives in the house until they get married.

If you gift them $ for the house when they get married, they can apply that $ to the principle of the loan - after she gets her name on the deed and mortgage.

Very sound advise.
My son and his future wife are this process now. My son bought a new home for them, sold his home and she is about ready to close on her home. She is paying for all utilities and most expenses now. I'm sure they will have the home in joint ownership once they get married. I don't know their arrangements and don't care to get involved with their business.

We did gift some money for the new home purchase because both still had their homes to sell etc.. We understand if things don't work out it is the way it is.

The house is in my sons name now, and that may change when they get married but I don't know for sure.

 

[HarveyS]

We were just busy up until that time.

Perhaps better said as "we prioritized other things until that time". I was a newlywed once too

FWIW, I owned a home and mortgage in my name when I got married. I never considered changing mortgage or deed. We knew we would be selling the starter home within a few years. Did not change title on cars either (hers or mine).

We did change our insurance and 401k beneficiaries right away. And added each others names to checking and savings accounts.

We budgeted and paid for our own wedding and honeymoon. Once married we embraced the 'yours is mine and mine is yours' mindset and paid off DW student loans within 3 months.

Maybe this ins't the way to go for everyone, but after 25 yrs it is working for us.

 

[Chuckanut]

I've mentioned this before, but this post cries out to hear it again.

My uncle gave his son and new daughter-in-law about $25,000 for a down payment on their first home. Two years later she left him for another man. She got the house. Essentially, he gave $25,000 to a woman who cheated on his son.

I would do this if you want to help out with the cost of a new house. Gift a a few monthly payments every year to them. Then, if things don't work out in the early years, you are not out the full amount.

FWIW, even though we ended up getting divorced, I could not imagine NOT putting my wife's name on our first house together. Or the one we raised our children in. Perhaps I am a foolish romantic.