Nords, with all due respect (sincerely), lighten up. It was meant as a simple question for others who might have found themselves in the same situation.
Midpack asked for some advice. People responded to his request. I don't think that anyone should feel guilty for answering his original post ... it's not like gratuitous suggestions were just thrown out there by busybodies.
Individually, no one's an egregious offender-- but we're all straws on the camel's back. It amazes me that everyone hopped on the engineering solutions to the problem statement without even considering whether it was the actual problem. Or without questioning whether there was a problem at all.
Wow. This thread really seems to have hit a nerve with you! Perhaps Midpack's situation is too close for comfort.
What's wirebrushing my nerves is the implicit assumption that so many people see their spouses as a work in progress for their tinkering. Imagine if those same spouses were reading this thread right now...
P.S. I hope you're exaggerating about the "nearly 140 hours of programming per week". If your wife watched only half of that, that would mean she spends an average of
10 hours a day in front of the television.
For starters, it's probably less time per day in front of the TV for her than it is for me in front of a monitor or with my nose in a book/magazine. I spend some of that time alongside her in the recliner reading while she's watching. But somehow the perception could be that I'm OK and she has the "problem". Maybe my virtue is all the calories I burn from clicking the mouse.
And no, I'm not exaggerating. According to my programming list it's actually 138.5 hours/week, including eight hours a night of both PBS and HGTV plus the daily dose of Oprah. Throw in some favorites from TLC, the usual network primetime stuff, and Gene Simmons-- it adds up pretty quickly among five VCRs and a DVD recorder. We burn out at least one VHS rewinder a year and it's getting kinda tough to find VHS VCRs, but VHS tapes are in plentiful supply these days.
I don't know if it's 10 hours/day-- I haven't kept track of that-- but it's certainly more than six.
Have to disagree with you there. IMHO, you would be describing a 'home business' partnership, not a genuine marriage. An absence or shortage of love, sex, companionship or communication is a problem for both spouses, and should be addressed before resentment takes hold.
Eh, I did marry a naval officer and we are raising a kid. But differences over money and sex, in about that order, are the most frequently discussed marital issues and certainly ahead of careers & parenting.
The above may be more details than anyone really wanted to know, but my point is that we're all up in a spouse's grille about solving a problem that may not exist in the first place-- or could even be the
other spouse's problem. Someone is living their life in a manner that they deem acceptable enough to continue, whether or not they think it's optimal, and yet another person thinks it can't be allowed to persist. To me that sounds a lot more serious than debates about money, sex, or dishwasher packing.
Gosh, sure hope we don't hit anyone else's nerves, but we'll have to get back to that after we discuss this subject another 10 or 20 times.
