DW's engagement/wedding ring

[aja8888]

The only thing I wouldn't do is sell it or give to someone you don't know (like a charity).

It meant a lot to her and obviously to you. If no one in the family wants it or its pieces, I'd maybe put it in a frame or small domed glass display as a precious memory. Maybe have it buried with you when the time comes...(that's what I'd do)

Other things, sure, but a wedding ring to me is something entirely different.

Just one man's opinion.

I wouldn't do anything just this moment - but would think it over for a bit. There's no rush, the ring is special to you, and certainly doesn't take up much space.

I like the idea of having multiple pendants made from it - one for each daughter and the granddaughter. in memory of your DW. (You may have to add a little gold.)

I would reach out to the steps on Christmas Eve to wish them a happy holiday - whether or not they deserve it. In other words, keep the door open.

Thanks! both appreciated thoughts and ideas.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I might just put it in a drawer and look at it when feeling sentimental about DW. You'd be shocked by how little money you are offered for it. To those of you saying jewelry store, you need to say pawn shop. My hubby bought me a set for our 45th which is a old fashioned set like yours.. gold, a one caret diamond with smaller sapphires and a matching band with stones, 1100 bucks. Pawn shop....


Now if you like the idea of someone in pinch for money getting a beautiful wedding set and having your story live on, take it to a nice pawnshop.

Jewelers buy jewelry and while you will only get about a 6th of what you paid it’s much better than what you get from a pawnshop. Actually most people don’t sell to the pawnshop but get a small loan and put up something as collateral such as jewelry, guns,. Then if you fail to pay the loan they keep the item.

 

[FlaGator]

Good thought, but no, as our family is small and all the young males are married. The ones that aren't are toddlers or very young.

To that...

When I split the sheets with the Beautiful Princess (2nd wife), we agreed to share proceeds from the sale of her wedding ring. It was much nicer than either of us had at our first marriages in our 20's, and my kids weren't interested in it.

After seeing quotes ~40% of the purchase price, I just gave it to her with the condition it go to her infant grandson for his (far in the future) bride. Also told her she had to stay alive long enough to make sure that happened.

Another idea to keep the generations connected.

 

[Jerry1]

I would just hold on to it and let whoever handles your estate deal with it. If you come up with a better idea and feel good about it, go for it. In the mean time, it will be fine in a drawer or displayed on your dresser.

As for the extended family disappearing, my dad had the same thing happen. The thing that bothered me the most were the grandkids. They were the kids of his step daughters. When my dad married his second wife, the stepdaughters were in their late teens and early 20’s. They knew their dad (he passed away). So no reason for them to think of my dad as dad. But, their kids never knew anyone else as their grandfather. My dad watched them from pre-school on and they had wonderful times together as a family. But, once my dad’s wife died, they were gone. He just passed away and no acknowledgment of him in any way. They’re in their 30’s and live about an hour away so no excuses. Just sad.

 

[DrRoy]

Charity.

 

[Badger]

Yes, that's why I still have it. I thought about selling it or having the diamonds removed and put into another type of piece like a broach, but what would I do with that?

Why not have it made into a man's ring for yourself?

 

[splitwdw]

AJA8888, Since it doesn't take up much space keep it for a few more years. The granddaughter may change her mind in a few years. I ran into the same thing with my husband and sister's jewelry. I'm leaving it in my jewelry box for now.

 

[Car-Guy]

When the DW and I got married we couldn't afford any diamond rings. (Engagement or wedding). I'm sure my FIL recognized that and offered his college ring which had a nice sized diamond in the middle of it. "We" took that and had it reset in the DW's gold engagement ring. Saved us some big bucks and the DW cherished it even more. Maybe someone in the OP's family might want to do something similar, at some point.

 

[ERD50]

... It is very sentimental to me as DW loved the ring.

Now that you have mentioned that, IMO, you should hang onto it. In the future, you may regret selling it or giving it away, and then there's nothing you can do.

At one year of grieving, you are still adjusting, so unless there is some pressing need, just hang onto it.

... On another note, it's surprising to me how members of my (maybe a lot of?) "extended" family seem to have gone silent after the spouse passes. At first, her three kids and three grandkids were around to help me get over the grief, but a few months later, crickets. Only one daughter has periodically been in contact with me (last time early October) and the rest...silence. But they have their own families and lives, so I somewhat understand. And that could be the topic for another thread.

Try not to take it personally, or judgmentally. As you say, young people have busy lives, and once the initial help/support time passes, they mentally move on. It also may be a little awkward for them - once you've provided that initial support, what can you say/do?

Try to reach out to them maybe? You may find it will help.

-ERD50

 

[Stormy Kromer]

DW has one sister, neither of them are collectors or sentimental. When their mother passed they wish they would have had her buried wearing her ring. Now that their father passed they wish they would have placed it in his coat pocket at his funeral.

They said "they loved their mother, not her possessions."

To the OP, there is no need to be in a hurry to make a decision.

My own mother passed a couple months ago, the estate attorney told me that they don't even consider the value of jewelry in an estate.

I wish I knew a young couple starting out that couldn't afford a ring, I'd give it to them and even pay to have it resized if needed.

 

[aja8888]

As for the extended family disappearing, my dad had the same thing happen. The thing that bothered me the most were the grandkids. They were the kids of his step daughters. When my dad married his second wife, the stepdaughters were in their late teens and early 20’s. They knew their dad (he passed away). So no reason for them to think of my dad as dad. But, their kids never knew anyone else as their grandfather. My dad watched them from pre-school on and they had wonderful times together as a family. But, once my dad’s wife died, they were gone. He just passed away and no acknowledgment of him in any way. They’re in their 30’s and live about an hour away so no excuses. Just sad.

My wife's grandkids are the ones I miss the most. The granddaughter lived with us for two years when her parents relocated to Alaska for a job when she was 16. We helped her through college and then some. I haven't heard a peep from her since DW's funeral in January.

And for all the great suggestions so far, I think I will just keep the ring for now and see if a need arises for someone in the family to have it or use the stones and gold for another piece. If that doesn't happen, I'll just have it buried with me someday (I need to think that through, though).

 

[HarveyS]

I haven't heard a peep from her since DW's funeral in January.

Why not call her? She probably is nervous/unsure about calling you. Wish her a Merry Christmas and say you miss hearing from her.

 

[aja8888]

Why not call her? She probably is nervous/unsure about calling you. Wish her a Merry Christmas and say you miss hearing from her.

I did send her a message on Fakebook a month or so ago and didn't get a reply. Since these kids never answer phones, I guess I could call her and leave a voice mail. But good idea.

 

[More Cowbell]

Since this is a sentimental ring, why don’t you document why it is sentimental now while the memories are strong? Take a photo and write the story about how you came to gift it to your late DW, little snippets of moments when you remember how your wife showed through action or words how much she treasured it. Maybe in your story include photos of her wearing the ring. Heck, you might even still have the receipt from the jeweler! Maybe even take a video or audio recording of you telling the story of the ring for your descendants.

This action may help to give context to the ring in your family’s history. It may take a load off your mind, because you preserved the memory of why this ring is meaningful. It’s a relatively easy interim step. Then you may display it as marko suggested, store it, gift it, sell it as you decide.

 

[Mark1]

I did send her a message on Fakebook a month or so ago and didn't get a reply. Since these kids never answer phones, I guess I could call her and leave a voice mail. But good idea.

I was thinking the same thing as HarveyS, as I have been in those situation where I don't replay right away and then it gets more and more awkward as time goes on. I like the idea of letting her "off the hook" with a no guilt message. Heck, you can even take the blame yourself for not reaching out earlier if you really to make it easier on her.

 

[MarieIG]

I did send her a message on Fakebook a month or so ago and didn't get a reply. Since these kids never answer phones, I guess I could call her and leave a voice mail. But good idea.

Maybe text? Some people are not great about checking their (non-business) voicemails.

 

[aja8888]

Maybe text? Some people are not great about checking their (non-business) voicemails.

Good idea.

 

[Scuba]

I did send her a message on Fakebook a month or so ago and didn't get a reply. Since these kids never answer phones, I guess I could call her and leave a voice mail. But good idea.

Consider sending her a text. Many young people don’t listen to voicemails or look at Facebook very often. If I want a response from our niece or nephew (late 20’s, early 30’s), I am far more successful with texting.

I think it’s a good idea to hold onto your DW’s ring.

 

[SecondAttempt]

Since it seems like we are dealing with a mix of step and natural children with no strong interest in a valuable ring, I think an option might be it hang on to it and direct in your own will that either the eligible children (which you can define) must reach consensus or the ring is to be sold and the proceeds split, again as you define. Hopefully you live long and they mature and have an interest in the ring, perhaps for their own children.

 

[gwill1010]

Post a picture & details, auction it here. LOL

 

[TappyGee]

I wear my mom’s wedding ring on my pinky finger every day since she passed. It comforts me. I’m sorry none of them want it currently. Maybe one day in the future they will. (((hugs)))

 

[brett]

Why the rush? Why the sense of urgency?

If there are no takers today and your are not certain what to do with it why not put it back into the safe until you know for certain or until you ultimately have someone to pass it on to.

Doing nothing with that ring at this point in time is a realistic option for you.

 

[samcat]

I, too, suggest incorporating into another piece of jewelry. A pendant would not be too expensive.

Just make sure you go to a reputable jeweler/goldsmith. Diamonds are easy to replace with a fake stone. Might even get an appraisal done (even a back of the envelope appraisal) before you hand it to anyone.

 

[pjm-7]

I have been thinking about this same issue of what to do with mom's wedding and engagement rings. When she passed, I made sure that our maternal grandmother's engagement ring, gold band with an amethyst went to the only granddaughter. Neither of my brother's knew about this ring that was just in a pile of costume jewelry.

I have mom's diamond and platinum wedding set. What to do with it? I have no children and doubt I would donate to charity. I like the idea of possibly having a necklace made. I don't want to sell the rings. I think I may hold onto the rings if either of my nephews ever get married.

 

[lauradrops]

I wear my mom’s wedding ring on my pinky finger every day since she passed. It comforts me. I’m sorry none of them want it currently. Maybe one day in the future they will. (((hugs)))

I too wear my mother's wedding ring and it brings me comfort as well.

My husband's first wife passed, so I convinced him to save her ring to offer to my 2 stepsons (her sons) as they became engaged. The first one passed on it, but the second one designed a beautiful engagement ring with the stone.

It is too bad nobody seems interested in these rings.