Feeling so depressed and confused

[Poopycat]

I know that when I take a step back and try to be objective, I am lucky because I’m in a good enough position in life to legitimately be considering (perhaps even starting?) the FIRE lifestyle and I won’t hit age 50 til next month.

But I have to tell ya, the current situation has me feeling really terrified for the future. I worry a little bit about catching the illness, and every time my throat feels a little scratchy, or I have a headache, I freak out and think I’ve caught the virus. But that fear is minor compared to the terror and confusion I feel about what to do about my future.

As of today, I am unemployed. First time I have ever been laid off. If the economy had been going swimmingly like it was in February, I would have said Hoorah! because I had already planned to hang it up in October, sell the house, and take a long trip to the west coast to figure out where to live. But now, I see my portfolio down $350K, I read all these forums, and articles about how the Dow will fall further, and I worry that all my investments will disappear.

So I think, maybe I should suck it up and work for another couple of years. I knew the lay-off was coming so I’ve been looking for a few weeks and applying for roles. No response, and I’m very qualified. These are not old roles, but ones that were recently posted. And I wonder whether it’s just employers being cautious (probably), or whether I’ve reached that age where employers aren’t interested (maybe). I work, or should I say worked, in HR, so I do know that there is already a bias against candidates who have been laid off, so I will have a strike against me. Realistically, it could take months and months to find employment, but still, the rejection/lack of response/inability to control my employment situation adds to the depression.

I’ve decided to get the house up for sale; maybe I can sell before the market falls apart, and take advantage when prices drop in the part of the country that interests me. But even that scares me now because I’ll end up having to rent when it’s cheaper to stay in my paid-for house. But if I stay put and prices plunge, I’ll be stuck in an area I hate. But is being someplace I hate with an affordable roof over my head better than living in a higher cost area when your retirement portfolio has just collapsed?

I really, really did not intend for this post to be so long. As you can tell, I am a worrier. A fatalist. I catastrophize. That’s what happens when I’m stuck at home all day with no job, no tennis, no hiking, no travel, no family or close friends within 1500 miles from me . I just need to figure out how to stay calm and optimistic, or at least let my brain stop worrying for a while.

 

[MuirWannabe]

I’m sorry for what you are experiencing and feeling. Any advice I have is more general to your circumstances. They may seem like platitudes but I’ve found them helpful to remember or consider.

Things are rarely as bad as they seem. Or as we may worry they can be.

Try not to make to many huge decisions at one time. Take your time.

If you are a person of faith, pursue it. Immerse yourself into it.

Take time to catch up on sleep and rest.

Best wishes to you.

 

[pacergal]

OP--so sorry you are feeling this way, it is understandable.
You were laid off, so have you filed for Unemployment? That would give you some income.

Run your calculations through Firecalc, if you had planned to retire in October, the numbers may still work for you.
If you don't know for sure where you were going to end up, perhaps now is not the time to sell.
Make a list of pros/cons for things you might want to do.
Try to get outside or get some exercise daily. take a deep breath.

I tend to be a worrier also. Sometimes I just have to turn off the news and live each day concentrating on the positives in my life: my home, family, dog, even just sitting outside enjoying the Spring.

Best of luck to you.

 

[gwraigty]

I second the suggestion to file for unemployment. Just know that you're among many still trying over the last month. It will take awhile. Be persistent. Our state keeps urging people to apply for the 40,000 available jobs that essential businesses are desperately hiring for. They may not pay what you're used to, but it's something if you want some money coming in or if you'd feel better being somewhat among other people right now.

 

[copyright1997reloaded]

Take a deep breath. Go for a walk.

Sometimes things happen that are bad, and sometimes things happen that seem bad (but aren't really). You had a plan, and yes while that was 350K higher, if you were financially ready then you are most likely financially ready now.

Here's the thing - letting go is scary. Whether that be your job or a relationship (even an abusive one). That takes TIME to process, especially when it happens all of a sudden and even more when there is a whirlwind of external factors (like the virus, housing market, a potential move and so on) adding to the stress factors. And they ARE stress factors.

I don't have an easy answer for you...other than you can get through this. Some of the getting through this is to have enough laid out in front of you to assure yourself that you have 'enough' to get by if things don't work out so great. Some of getting through this is to relieve stress though physical and mental exercise unrelated to the things bringing on stress.

ETA: I think if you took a survey where people were forced to answer truthfully, you would find a LOT of retired people were anxious when it actually came to the event, and especially anxious in cases where it was somehow forced upon them.

 

[austin944]

I feel very privileged and grateful to have excellent health, a roof over my head, plenty to eat, and no real worries.

Like you, I have lost a large chunk in the stock market, but it's inconsequential compared to the suffering of people who had no savings before this virus, and were surviving from day to day on minimum wage jobs.

When they lose their jobs, where are they going to live, will they become homeless, will they be able to survive?

I feel that our suffering has only just begun, and that it's going to get a lot worse -- not for me necessarily, but for others less fortunate.

Even if I lost my job and my savings got wiped out, I could still fall back on myself -- primarily my education and my ability to survive past difficulties. And for that I am grateful.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

I don't see real estate prices plunging. A bit of a decline would make sense. A few % points below what things were a few months ago.

Or perhaps prices will not change at all, just stagnate.

I would tell you not to worry, but you already identify as a worrier. I'm the opposite.

I suggest you don't make any life changing decisions due to fear.

 

[Sunset]

I second the suggestion to file for unemployment. Just know that you're among many still trying over the last month. It will take awhile. Be persistent. ...

+1
Even though the UI websites are crashing, keep at it to get in and file.
Having some $$ come in will help you emotionally as well as money wise.

 

[Jerry1]

I’m sorry for what you are experiencing and feeling. Any advice I have is more general to your circumstances. They may seem like platitudes but I’ve found them helpful to remember or consider.

Things are rarely as bad as they seem. Or as we may worry they can be.

Try not to make to many huge decisions at one time. Take your time.

If you are a person of faith, pursue it. Immerse yourself into it.

Take time to catch up on sleep and rest.

Best wishes to you.

I will add to this list. One of the things I do when things are rough is think of the worst possibility and I usually find that even that situation is not that bad and certainly better than most, for which I’m actually grateful.

Even if you never work again and you don’t sell your house, I bet you’ll still be okay and better off than most. Starting from that realization, then I start thinking through possible outcomes. It’s really not likely that you’ll never work again if you really want or need to. If your house value takes a hit, likely so will the house you want to buy. You’re going to be alright. Start planning and implementing your future. Sure, there’s not a lot that will happen right this minute, but things will break open soon and you’ll be on a path moving forward.

As was said, things are rarely as bad as the seem. Go forward on a positive note. The positive thing is that you will get through this. Take a deep breath and keep in touch with your friends and family. They will help you stay grounded and on track.

 

[Chuckanut]

I agree, take a deep breath, go for a walk and consider how lucky you are that you can even still conteplate early retirement if not now maybe in a few years.

Once I accepted the fact that the two Spring and Early Summer trips I had so looked forward to since my recovery from knee surgery last year have now gone POOF!, up in smoke, burnt to a crisp, I've been a lot happier.

I am still healthy, my children and grands are healthy. My GF is healthy. There are plenty of problems, but it is highly unlikely the world will end for any of us in 2020.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

You are a worrier, and I can relate. You are grieving now (been there) and it is a process nobody enjoys but going through it is important. Making decisions right now may be unwise, and selling a house is a huge decision. Take some time to breathe & get that unemployment coming in to take off the pressure to rush. I'm sorry you are going through this alone, but now is the time you can really figure out what it is that you want to do. If you want to work, you'll find it eventually. I've been the blue light special both times I was laid off, and it was humbling.

Maybe there is another LCOL place you'd consider for retirement. Location greatly influences financial needs & W coast is spendy.

Again, it stinks that you are alone just now, but everyone is, really. Most of my immediate family lives within 70 miles of us and we haven't seen them in ages. They are just a phone call (or a zoom) away, though. Good luck deciding the best course for yourself.

 

[Markola]

I know that when I take a step back and try to be objective, I am lucky because I’m in a good enough position in life to legitimately be considering (perhaps even starting?) the FIRE lifestyle and I won’t hit age 50 til next month.


As of today, I am unemployed. First time I have ever been laid off. If the economy had been going swimmingly like it was in February, I would have said Hoorah! because I had already planned to hang it up in October, sell the house, and take a long trip to the west coast to figure out where to live. But now, I see my portfolio down $350K, I read all these forums, and articles about how the Dow will fall further, and I worry that all my investments will disappear.

.

I found myself in this situation in 2009 during the last recession. It sounds like you have a lot of professional skills and are willing to move around the country. Why not view it as an opportunity? You just need to get your story together. Good luck!

 

[DrRoy]

It would not be a good time to take any irreversible actions, and I would suggest that you are not in a proper state of mind to make major decisions. It would be very hard to sell a house now anyway. It would probably be best to ride this out until late in the year or next year. Your options would likely be better then.

 

[freedomatlast]

As far as Real Estate is concerned, maybe my example will help you.

Right before the Covid pandemic, we bought a house. As a matter of fact, we closed on the house we bought the same day the Dow plunged 2997 points. No doubt, this was more than a little unsettling, but we were focused on long term versus short term.

We were then faced with selling the old one. We used the stay at home time to pack and start to move and declutter. There's no other time when we would have this much time to do it. More importantly, we stayed busy and time went quickly.

So, even though the state has shut down nonessential activities, we put the old house up for sale. We took our own pictures, produced our own videos and it kept us busy which is important in these times. The idea was that probably a lot of other people were stuck at home too, with nothing to do but cruise the internet and might see the listing. It worked!

The next day, we had a request for a Zoom meeting/video from an out of state buyer. This meeting seemed to go real well and an offer was made. In two more days, the buyer came from out of state to see it in person. It was under contract in three days. All paperwork was done remotely. Fast forward to now. The inspection is completed, a small issue has been resolved and closing is scheduled in a little over a month.

Business is done differently now, and in some cases it's actually easier do do things remotely, and life is still going on. Anything that can be done virtually is done that way and extreme precautions are being taken for everything else.

Hang in there and use this time to declutter and prepare for what you want to do in the future. Stay busy and stay positive. Ignore the doomsday scenarios and don't watch TV news more than an hour or two per day. The market has recovered somewhat and businesses will slowly start to open again.

Things will get better and life will go on.

 

[Aerides]

It's natural that this current situation is getting most of us a little down. Added to that your recent layoff, even more understandable.

From reading your post, it seems your main sources of depression and sadness are the what if's. The worst cases. You don't seem to be considering that things might all be relatively ok. Or that you can't see the future and are probably wrong no matter what you think it is - as are we all.

If your home drops in value (but the desired new location somehow doesn't?)
If the dow falls further (it might, and then it might not)
If your investments disappear (they won't, you're smart enough to have a good nest egg, to survive volatility, and won't sell to make paper losses reality)
You have a strike against you from a layoff (no you don't, you shrug and say "covid layoffs") - meanwhile no one is hiring so don't even bother putting yourself thru that if you can afford to wait (and you can)
"I might have to pay rent, I might be stuck"

All these are guesses, and probably wrong ones, and worst cases. So my only advice at this point is to really try and just stop the what-if's from popping into your head - or bat them away when they do, don't let them rattle around making noise like they are. Get yourself a positive mantra to use and drown them out.

Get your house ready to list, find a good realtor to do that (they are finding ways to manage in most locations.) Find a way to get outside and get a little exercise each day. Keep busy, and focus only on today and maybe tomorrow.

 

[bingybear]

OP, I'm in Ohio too and I know scary things are right now. I would expect housing to take a hit in the short run. You would likely get low offers if you put your house on the market now. I doubt people will be offering more than asked as they have the last few years.


Take a deep breath. It is hard to make good choices when you're scared.

 

[Toocold]

Being unemployed for the first time is jarring, so it's understandable especially during these times. I find that my happiness is inversely correlated to the amount of news and social media I digest. I would start with a walk and see how you feel.

 

[IMATERP]

Things are not as bad as they seem. Take a deep breath - and a step back. Use this time to work on things around the house and ENJOY the forced vacation.

Accept the fact that you are in no way responsible for the situation you are in - in fact, view it as a benefit that you have have been doing all the right things (at least financially.)

I would now wait six months before making any major decisions (like selling the house, or selling positions in your portfolio.). Also, I would start looking for a “side hustle” that you would enjoy for a few years if money is a concern.

Once a vaccine is developed, the economy should get its footing again - thus your situation will not last forever.

I

 

[frayne]

Uncertain times for sure and it is natural to worry when thinking about what is going on around us. I'm fortunate to be in a position where I don't have to be too concerned with the financial aspect of this event. I rationalize my situation like this, when I was 19-20 years old I was humping the central highlands of Viet Nam with a fifty pound ruck sack while the opposing team was trying to kill me. I can now stay at home, sit on my butt, watch Netflix while having groceries delivered and cutting my own hair for as long as it takes without pissing and moaning about how tough I have it. I guess it is all a matter of perspective but my heart does go out to those less fortunate.

 

[Poopycat]

Hi everyone, thanks for all the responses. I had to disconnect for a couple of days just so I could try to get myself in the right frame of mind. I am feeling better and, while not jumping for joy, at least more optimistic that things will work out ok.

I do intend to file for unemployment. Today is the first day I can do that. The company that laid me off apparently has some sort of ID number, a “mass lay-off number” (isn’t that sad) that is meant to help expedite the claim. I tried to get in the online system last night but it wasn’t working. I hope I can get in this week so I don’t need to call it in. I did receive severance and a partial bonus payout so I don’t even know whether I’ll get much in the way of severance. But it doesn’t hurt to find out.

Knocking on wood, but my portfolio has remained stable since the drop. Probably because I’m sitting on a lot of cash and bonds right now. I work with an advisor who I trust, and who has done well for me, and we had talked a month and a half ago about my plans, so some of my investment allocations had already shifted away from equities. And I’m a little more conservative-minded anyway. So I can wait on the sidelines with cash right now.

Surprisingly, houses are selling well where I live. I see multiple Sold signs. It’s because even now, some people still have to move. And there’s a short supply of houses on the market. I am still going to put the house up for sale. This is a personal decision. I am not happy where I am. But I have already told the agent that I will not take a bath on it either. If I can’t get a good price now, I can stay put. I don’t want to be here, but I can wait. Sitting is the lowest cost option for now because I have a property tax abatement. This is a very popular neighborhood; eventually prices will come back. But hopefully I can make a sale now. I do think the market could get progressively worse as we go on, so yes, if I get out now, perhaps if recovery doesn’t go well and we have secondary infections (god I hope not though), there could be further pressure on housing prices as people decide to let go of their vacation homes or even struggle to pay their mortgages. I just have to be patient. Which, sadly, is another virtue I’m lacking!

I could return to TX as well, at least until things settle. I have friends there, and rent is half what it is in CA. The risk is health care. [mod edit]

So I’m reversing my thinking as best I can. I have options. And I can keep irons in the fire for all of them and choose what is best for me. Maybe an interesting job offer eventually pops up, or maybe it’s a temporary move to a low cost state while I wait to see if things can happen for me in my preferred part of the country. And if not, I can go the expat route if needed. I’ll be just fine. Thanks everyone.

 

[Poopycat]

Being unemployed for the first time is jarring, so it's understandable especially during these times. I find that my happiness is inversely correlated to the amount of news and social media I digest. I would start with a walk and see how you feel.

I do find that turning off the news has helped me. I hate being less informed, but the news is just so depressing...

 

[Poopycat]

I second the suggestion to file for unemployment. Just know that you're among many still trying over the last month. It will take awhile. Be persistent. Our state keeps urging people to apply for the 40,000 available jobs that essential businesses are desperately hiring for. They may not pay what you're used to, but it's something if you want some money coming in or if you'd feel better being somewhat among other people right now.

Fortunately, I don’t need the money at the moment. I should get a decent sized separation check in a couple of weeks. And I am eligible for unemployment, although I’m not sure if severance will reduce the amount I’m eligible for. I expect it will. I also bought tickets to a sporting event this summer that I expect will be canceled. At least I hope so; it would be dangerous to pack 20,000+ into stadium grounds for an entire week, if you ask me. If it’s canceled, I would get a very nice refund. I would definitely have more money coming in this year than I spend.

I could definitely see myself doing part-time delivery work as a retiree, or any number of part time jobs. But for now, I’ll stay on the sidelines and just hold out for full time jobs in my field or nothing at all, and leave the essential immediate openings for those who desperately need money.

 

[Poopycat]

Take a deep breath. Go for a walk.

Sometimes things happen that are bad, and sometimes things happen that seem bad (but aren't really). You had a plan, and yes while that was 350K higher, if you were financially ready then you are most likely financially ready now.

Here's the thing - letting go is scary. Whether that be your job or a relationship (even an abusive one). That takes TIME to process, especially when it happens all of a sudden and even more when there is a whirlwind of external factors (like the virus, housing market, a potential move and so on) adding to the stress factors. And they ARE stress factors.

I don't have an easy answer for you...other than you can get through this. Some of the getting through this is to have enough laid out in front of you to assure yourself that you have 'enough' to get by if things don't work out so great. Some of getting through this is to relieve stress though physical and mental exercise unrelated to the things bringing on stress.

ETA: I think if you took a survey where people were forced to answer truthfully, you would find a LOT of retired people were anxious when it actually came to the event, and especially anxious in cases where it was somehow forced upon them.

I think that’s the big thing: I didn’t choose to be let go. I had already planned to leave at the end of October!!! Voluntarily! I had already started telling friends and family that I was done. I was working on my exit plan. I already had my November itinerary in place.

Then the rug was pulled out from under me, right as the market dropped. My six months to plan was gone. And the ego was bruised. But really, the financial part isn’t that different. I lose six months of salary and a full bonus payout, but I make up a lot of that with severance, partial bonus, and perhaps unemployment. It’s a drop in the bucket compared to my overall portfolio. So the main reason I think I’m reacting this strongly, other than the obvious coronavirus fear, is how this all went down.

 

[SpinDoctorTX]

Severance pay doesn't ding your unemployment eligibility (at least not in TX). Good luck with the house sale- you never know with real estate, it could get snapped right up.

 

[bloom2708]

If you had a reasonable stock/bond/cash allocation (retiring in < 6 months) and lost $350k, you must have a large pile. You likely will be fine.

I would sell the house. De-clutter your life possessions and think about where you want to live. Closer to family? Great weather?

How about renting for a period? It sounds like you are single, didn't mention kids.

The world is your oyster. Even now. This virus has gotten most people to basically pay for living and food. That should slim the budget down to fit for a long time.

See if the house sells. See where you want to be. Maybe part-time work? Maybe an RV? Maybe shorter term rentals.

Good luck!