My parents are 90 and living together in their own home. My DF would be comfortable with assisted living but DM will never leave her home willingly. Fortunately both are in good (probably excellent for 90) physical and mental condition for now. I am a 4-hour flight + 2-hour drive away. I go to see them 3 times a year and stay for a week+ each visit which, so far, has been sufficient to gauge how they are doing. My siblings are not much closer but currently lack the flexibility to visit as often or on short notice if needed. My parents have standing arrangements with a yard man and a general contractor for home maintenance and repairs. They also have a small network of friends who can get them to appointments, church, grocery shopping and the like. As a transportation back-up they use a service called (no kidding) "Go Go Grandma" which will arrange for Uber pick-ups via a landline.
I used to worry a lot about falls and nutrition and other things many posters have mentioned or experienced with their parents. But the longer I've observed them the more I've come to accept their happiness depends a lot on their freedom to choose and that my "protecting" them might make *me* feel better but it would do nothing for their quality of life.
Recently I read a book, Being Mortal (Medicine and What Matters In the End) by Atul Gawande. Dr. Gawande is an American surgeon out of Boston and a great storyteller. This makes the book very enjoyable to read. The book provided (for me at least) an eye-opening point of view on why our parents want to live in their own homes. Gawande also provides some interesting alternatives on how to make that happen - even under some pretty dire circumstances. The book was published circa 2014 so I should think some of those alternatives are more available than they were even when he wrote it.
To the OP: I highly recommend you and your siblings read the aforementioned book. Best of luck with your situation!
I used to worry a lot about falls and nutrition and other things many posters have mentioned or experienced with their parents. But the longer I've observed them the more I've come to accept their happiness depends a lot on their freedom to choose and that my "protecting" them might make *me* feel better but it would do nothing for their quality of life.
Recently I read a book, Being Mortal (Medicine and What Matters In the End) by Atul Gawande. Dr. Gawande is an American surgeon out of Boston and a great storyteller. This makes the book very enjoyable to read. The book provided (for me at least) an eye-opening point of view on why our parents want to live in their own homes. Gawande also provides some interesting alternatives on how to make that happen - even under some pretty dire circumstances. The book was published circa 2014 so I should think some of those alternatives are more available than they were even when he wrote it.
To the OP: I highly recommend you and your siblings read the aforementioned book. Best of luck with your situation!