Gifting with a warm hand

[Dash man]

Thanks. How did you find the pathway for #3?

Our church has a childcare program that is open to everyone, not just members of our church. They cost less than other childcare providers in the area, but it still isn’t cheap and is just as good. We work with the Director when an applicant meets our criteria of single working parent to provide assistance. We’ve been paying half the cost for the child. I’d like to set up some fundraising to help more, but we haven’t yet.

 

[Souschef]

I am a believer in the warm hand also. The gratitude of the recipients warms my heart.
I flew over 100 missions for Angel Flight West, paying for the flights myself. After one flight a 7 yr old liver transplant patient came up and gave me a big hug. Melt
I support my religious institution with QCD's from my IRA
I support a homeless shelter locally
I recently sent a donation directly to the Maui Food Bank for the Lahaina fire victims.
I set up 529's for our grandchildren and it paid for their college tuition.
I also paid the $$ tuition for our granddaughter for an accelerated nursing school.
I gave one son a $$ down payment for his home.
And after all that, we still have a bunch left.

 

[Goldendoodlebug]

I am a believer in the warm hand also. The gratitude of the recipients warms my heart.
I flew over 100 missions for Angel Flight West, paying for the flights myself. After one flight a 7 yr old liver transplant patient came up and gave me a big hug. Melt
I support my religious institution with QCD's from my IRA
I support a homeless shelter locally
I recently sent a donation directly to the Maui Food Bank for the Lahaina fire victims.
I set up 529's for our grandchildren and it paid for their college tuition.
I also paid the $$ tuition for our granddaughter for an accelerated nursing school.
I gave one son a $$ down payment for his home.
And after all that, we still have a bunch left.

Souschef,
My sister was helped by Angel Flight. She was living in Eugene, Oregon, the hospital was in Seattle. She was waiting for a bi-lateral lung transplant.

The wonderful people of Angel flight took her and another sister (her caregiver) to Seattle.

What a wonderful organization!
Thank you for your service to others like her.

 

[Koolau]

I am a believer in the warm hand also. The gratitude of the recipients warms my heart.
I flew over 100 missions for Angel Flight West, paying for the flights myself. After one flight a 7 yr old liver transplant patient came up and gave me a big hug. Melt
I support my religious institution with QCD's from my IRA
I support a homeless shelter locally
I recently sent a donation directly to the Maui Food Bank for the Lahaina fire victims.
I set up 529's for our grandchildren and it paid for their college tuition.
I also paid the $$ tuition for our granddaughter for an accelerated nursing school.
I gave one son a $$ down payment for his home.
And after all that, we still have a bunch left.

What a great group of organizations and individuals to help out. May you be blessed in this life and the next.

I've mentioned that we plan to give to the kids before we die. We've been able to make a difference in their lives and see the results.

 

[Badger]

For a number of years we have gifted the maximum amount allowed each year to my wife's 2 grown children (60yrs and 56yrs). We split it between their birthday and Christmas. Her daughter has a good job and so does her husband so it goes mostly for fun things. Her son is self employed but between him and his significant other are in low middle income. I admire his dedication to doing quality work, honesty, and ethical practices. The gifting has helped him get through some tight times. Once we are gone they will each get enough money to give them a comfortable life if they handle it well and my wife and I didn't need to spend it taking care of ourselves as we age. That might be a big "IF" since neither has a good working knowledge of how to handle a financial "windfall". I have a suggested plan for them but I will be gone and it will be theirs to do what that want.

Cheers!

 

[Koolau]

That might be a big "IF" since neither has a good working knowledge of how to handle a financial "windfall". I have a suggested plan for them but I will be gone and it will be theirs to do what that want.

Cheers!

That's always the big IF, isn't it. Our kids, now in their mid to late 30s seem to have FINALLY gotten it and seem to know how to handle their money (heh, heh, and ours) pretty well. They all now have houses - yes, with mortgages - and they haven't tapped the Roths we set up and funded for them. SO, I'm feeling a lot better about their financial "abilities" than I did when they were late teens. I think they finally get it. Don't think I'll be around to see how they're doing when they hit 50, but we'll keep slipping them money until we pass along. At that point, they'll get a set amount and that's it. Hoping they really do well in all of life's aspects - not just financial.

 

[jollystomper]

So many here retired early with substantial amounts.

Did you start gifting money to your heirs? Did you get gifted money with a warm hand? Do you want to gift your heirs money earlier so the impact is bigger?

If you were given say $200k at 30 or $500k at 50 which would you take?

I think $200k at 30 would have been more impactful and helpful.

Good questions. We do not give large gifts to our children. We are trying to balance between gifting them and them not relying on the gifts to live. Fortunately al of our kids desire independence. For now we gift at major milestones (graduations, weddings, grandchild births,birthdays, "milestone" birthdays, settling into a new location, etc.).

We also try to balance gifting with our own future needs. One of the big gifts we hope to give them is to not have to take care of us in our later years - we have seen the stress that can cause. For example, that means having a "self-insurance" pot for things like LTC. It likely may not be needed but we do not want to take the chance.

When I start drawing SS we will have "excess" fixed income. I use to think we should invest the SS for our heirs long term future, but now I am leaning towards using the SS money to provide regular gifts to our kids - give them the money now instead of later.

As for the $200K at 30 vs $500K at 50 - I do not know. Personally I would prefer the $500K at 50, but that is because at 30 I had a solid job and career, and that $200K would more likely have been spend frivolously than at 50. But for our kids the answer would be different for each one. I do not see us leaving that amount as a single transaction for any of our kids at the moment .

 

[karen1972]

I don't have kids, my family should be well aware, most of the money will go to charity.

However, I do give generously to the nieces and nephews when its important and impactful. Help with the down payment on the house, get their car up and running when it breaks, etc, They are still figuring out life, so not just going to hand them cash to blow.

 

[Koolau]

If we live a bit longer, each of our kids will get a total "hefty" sum from one of our four warm hands. That's the plan and we're well on our way what with weddings, house down-payments, Roth funding, etc. Heh, heh, not up to $500K yet, but they aren't 50 yet either (and we'll not likely be here for their 50th.) But we do have specific numbers we plan to hit before we leave most of our remainder to charity (assuming not too much LTC - please, God!) YMMV

 

[Katiek]

My siblings and I got some gifts each year from our parents, but they both had stable pensions and weren't worried that stock market changes could impact their income.


I don't have any children, but one of my siblings does, and I'm happy for them to inherit when I'm gone. Since I don't have a pension, I'd need to get a bit older and be more financially sure about my own future before doing any significant gifts.


However, I've done a few smaller gifts already. I knew my parents wanted to leave the grandchildren something in their will, but didn't get around to making the changes before they died. So my sibling and I gifted them the amount we knew my parents wanted to leave them.



Also, during the pandemic, they were working jobs where they didn't get an income for some period of time. I sent them each a check that wasn't too big, but it came with a note reminding them that they weren't alone and that their family was there for them if they needed it. It was meant more as a reassurance during a scary time.

 

[ychuck46]

That might be a big "IF" since neither has a good working knowledge of how to handle a financial "windfall". I have a suggested plan for them but I will be gone and it will be theirs to do what that want.

You might be surprised. Growing up I always thought our daughter, an only child, wasn't listening when I talked about topics like investing and saving. Lo and behold, I was wrong. She and her husband are doing well, we gift them quite a bit during the year (also carried their mortgage on their first and then their second residences after they moved, which they paid off early), and hopefully we will be leaving them a goodly amount when my wife and I are gone. You do the best you can, don't harp on them to be exactly as you, and they will likely turn out very well. And I will be very happy if that continues to be the case.

 

[livingalmostlarge]

I was thinking of gifting $5k to each kids taxable account. I did just dump another $30k each to their 529 this week so that's tying into my spending the extra $15k if I save give it to them or if I spend it on me and DH.

The $30k is my gift to the 529 in hopes they get it for their Roth IRA. I'm pretty sure we are fully funded each kid for college before the extra. I had a coworker once tell me what if my kids don't go to college and have some saved outside so I did. Now I think maybe the taxable will be a nice house down payment or just long term investment account. If things go well I'll start gifting each $34k each year.

 

[Koolau]

DW is cashing in a MYGA this year. The taxes will take a bite, but will leave her enough to do extra gifting to the kids - which was her original goal for the MYGA. We don't gift every year nor do we gift a similar amount. We gift as we have the money available and as the kids have needs. We don't even gift the same amount to each kid in most cases. We have an overall total that we are w*rking toward (same for each kid) but the timing is based on needs and availability. YMMV

 

[ivinsfan]

Oh that is my fear as well. I have night and day twins. One is exceptionally financially responsible and practical while her brother seems to be from a different planet.

(Both received much financial education and advice. One just decided to follow it, the other decided to be completely reckless.)
I have gifted in the past to assess their management skills. I very much worry about enabling and over protecting the irresponsible one from his choices. One has 100% proven they can manage money, the other has 100% proven they cannot.

I was going to rent the house to my son but do not want that relationship with him so I’m giving it to him. If he manages to screw up a free house by failing once again to learn from his financial mistakes I will know I have done all I can possibly do. He has the knowledge but his behavior and consequences will be his choice. If he can’t be responsible with his own money he’s not going to be responsible with mine. Sometimes not giving is the better gift.

I congratulate you for making this decision. I remember from some of your past posts that you very much had internal conflict about money matters and your kids. It seems you have decided to gift cautiously and with your eyes wide open.

 

[Joylush]

DW is cashing in a MYGA this year. The taxes will take a bite, but will leave her enough to do extra gifting to the kids - which was her original goal for the MYGA. We don't gift every year nor do we gift a similar amount. We gift as we have the money available and as the kids have needs. We don't even gift the same amount to each kid in most cases. We have an overall total that we are w*rking toward (same for each kid) but the timing is based on needs and availability. YMMV

I have one of these that matured this year. Or shall I say last year. I’ve done nothing with it due to the tax hit and already being hit with IRMMA when I’m eligible in two years. I don’t know what to do with it other than roll it into another contract period so it doesn’t sit their earning the minimum guaranteed rate. I may just opt to annuitize it so the taxes can be spread out. Wish I had understood the whole IRMMA thing better before being in the two year window.

 

[Joylush]

I congratulate you for making this decision. I remember from some of your past posts that you very much had internal conflict about money matters and your kids. It seems you have decided to gift cautiously and with your eyes wide open.

Yes, I’m praying for a good outcome. I am very conscientious about being fair and equal with both of them. And the last thing I’d every want to do is reward the financially irresponsible one and leave out the responsible who should be the one being rewarded.

So in this case I gave her a house too (just happened to have two open up at the same time). She got the more expensive one which she will continue to use as a rental. He will be living in the one he got. They both seem to be very grateful.

But I do still very much feel conflicted with regards to financially helping my son and believe there’s a fine line between helping and enabling.

 

[brett]

I believe that everyone's personal, financial, and family situation is different. As are their values and their background.

There is no right answer to this. People will do what they think is right regardless of what others may think.

They are doing the best job of this that they can.

 

[Koolau]

I believe that everyone's personal, financial, and family situation is different. As are their values and their background.

There is no right answer to this. People will do what they think is right regardless of what others may think.

They are doing the best job of this that they can.

Hear, hear!