Hiding Wealth from Your Wife

[sengsational]

You made me laugh out loud! It's what I was thinking.

Yep. I would never consider for one second hiding significant material facts from my bride, or bride to be. I would, on the other hand, have zero problems with a pre-nup. But unless I outlive DW and have a lot of miles left, I doubt I'll ever need to think about that.

 

[Silver]

You say it is very hard for you to talk about money, but you feel dishonest about that. The only path forward I can see is talking about it.

We all have to do really hard things in our lives, but we can't reach our goals unless we do. Maturity in adulthood mandates doing the really tough stuff, whatever that may be.

Once you can discuss the issues openly, you will be more clear on what you want to do.
Her response will give you helpful information that, over time, will help in decision making. And you won't feel dishonest anymore.

 

[haha]

I think in order for a man to get married in America, and perhaps any advanced western country, he had better be very clear about why he wants to do this. There are a lot of ways to risk financial difficulty, but one good way for someone with considerable assets is marriage. It's like climbing on a saddleless horse with no bridle. No real way of forecasting the outcome.

It's pretty much the opposite of the usual belt and suspenders attitude to risk found on this forum,


If a woman wants to be married, and you aren't playing ball, she will likely move on. Emotionally difficult, but at least no lawyers are involved. Also, last I looked there is no shortage of single women in America. Chance alone makes it very likely that at least some of them will be more to your liking than the lady you took a pass on, and not al of them will be seeking marriage.

Ha

 

[Nemo2]

Is this a troll?

+1

 

[dallas27]

The woman you marry is one of the more important financial decisions you'll ever make. Treat it as such, whatever that means to you.


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[jollystomper]

The number one reasons marriages break up is over finances. Marriage, in my view, involves both trust and sacrifice. If you cannot trust who you intend to marry with knowing your finances, or are willing to lessen your grip on the finances for the sake of the marriage because you are concerned how they might take from it, you really should not be getting married at this point.

Perhaps you have not seen a complete picture of your intended as of yet. Have you dated long enough to see her reactions to a wide range of situations, especially when things do not go her way? How she reacts when she is treated unfairly? How much do you know of her finances and how she deals with them? Is she one who, regardless of her financial situation, is willing to learn and work together to improve the marriage financial situation at the cost of the individual situation? In fact, are you?

If you are not comfortable with those questions above, that might be a warning sign. Generally speaking folks do not ask each other the ¨hard" questions before marriage... and marriage is much less ¨happily ever after¨ and much more ¨how do we deal with this situation/crisis together?¨

 

[Mulligan]

You made me laugh out loud! It's what I was thinking.

Funny. If prospective bride to be read the post and noticed it went directly from like to divorce without love and a wedding I wouldn't be too keen on the proposal either.


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[RonBoyd]

I have some advice for your girlfriend. Run!

+1

 

[daylatedollarshort]

What if your GF has a trust fund somewhere she isn't telling you about and actually has more money than you? Wouldn't that be a hoot.

 

[mystang52]

+1

+2
But, I have to admit I recently withheld my newfound wealth info from DW. I sold one of my older bikes, and still have the $90 squirreled away.

 

[LoneAspen]

I am thinking of marrying a girl soon. I really like her.

BZZZZZT! Wrong answer.

 

[splitwdw]

Funny, this thread got me thinking about $400 that my husband won in a pool at work. He came home and gave it to me to buy myself something. I only see people from his company once a year so I would not have known about his winnings. I still have the winnings and am going to surprise him with some nos parts for his '60 vette.


sorry, nos= new old stock. We try to buy nos parts for the old cars to keep them as original as we can. It's getting harder to find parts in good condition.

 

[Quest4Fire]

Agreed with many previous posts on being ready for marriage.

Also maybe buy something together on credit that requires you both to get credit reports. Like a Washer&dryer, not a house. Or, mention down the road you will want to buy a place together, so let's get updated credit reports (free) together to make sure there are no issues. Knowing someones credit history is more informative than assets, IMHO.

PS This board will shoot you if you don't pay off the W&D loan sooner...

 

[Chelhxi]

Ugh, she should be the one asking for a pre-nup as a way to force you to disclose your assets and debts and to actually discuss money.

There's no way I'd marry someone who wasn't willing to talk about this kind of stuff. And I don't see a point in getting married without a pre-nup. If you're totally open and not marrying each other for money it should be no big deal.

 

[Totoro]

I'm very far from a specialist but it seems prenups aren't always a big help in the US.

Apart from that it does seem awkard for me personally not being comfortable to share wealth with a person you'll marry.

I certainly wouldn't marry anyone (or have kids!) unless I'd trust them with my life. Finance is just a part of that.

 

[REWahoo]

Prediction: The OP (new member, first post) will never be heard from again. Trolling for fun and attention.

 

[Car-Guy]

I guess I'm from the old school where I feel trust and love are the minimal prerequisites to start a marriage.

 

[LinCella]

No trust=Not a good marriage

You are already having doubts. Stay single until you are ready to share your whole life with someone.

My dad handled all the finances when my mom died she had no clue how much money they had, how to pay bills. I would never let that happen to me.

 

[Amethyst]

I'm reminded of the person who asked the forum if it would be OK to have kids so they would be cared for in their old age. I don't think they've been back. They were almost as unpopular as the person who told a mean joke about a dog!

Amethyst

 

[ls99]

He is better off renting by the hour if he is that worried about disclosing his massive wealth.

 

[bingybear]

He is better off renting by the hour if he is that worried about disclosing his massive wealth.

massive? maybe 25k... a lot for him.

If I were to loose my wife of (almost) 32 years... would I do a prenup or hide the assets?... well not hide. right now half may be protected by trusts so they end up with the present kids... hiding it really makes little sense as it can be found for divorce... it is always best to be open with what you have... and where you'd like things to go. I would not like to marry anyone who would not respect my wishes .... or I her's.

we should let the troll be.

 

[Mulligan]

Prediction: The OP (new member, first post) will never be heard from again. Trolling for fun and attention.

That was my initial thought. But I wasn't going to spoil the fun. I was waiting for a veteran curmudgeon such as a REWahoo to ruin the party.


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[ivinsfan]

I have some advice for your girlfriend. Run!

Why just his present girlfriend, I'd give that advice to the entire female population...troll or not, he's one to avoid.

 

[Rick_Head]

He is better off renting by the hour if he is that worried about disclosing his massive wealth.

I read somewhere "if it flys, floats or [mod edit]s rent it". Sounds like good advice for him.

That said, I'd advise the GF to RUN, REALLY, REALLY FAST.

 

[Texas Proud]

That was my initial thought. But I wasn't going to spoil the fun. I was waiting for a veteran curmudgeon such as a REWahoo to ruin the party.


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Heck, you qualify as a veteran curmudgeon now.... why let him have all the fun