How have you reduced competition in your ER lives?

[tmm99]

I play volleyball. I am female, but I am competitive. It's OK if we don't win as long as we play a good game though. I just want to play my best when I'm on the court.

I hate it when I suck. I can be my own worst critic, but I try to focus more on improving my play (for the future) instead of beating myself up for my mistakes, etc. Sometimes I play awful and I bring that feeling home with me. I feel sucky for a few hours. I should stop doing that, but it's my nature to want to play well and when I don't, it bothers me.

So to answer the OP's question, I haven't tried to reduce my competitiveness. I don't think being competitive ever made me feel bad. I actually enjoy playing with and against people at my level or at a slightly higher level as people who play at a slightly higher level inspire me, but I don't want them to be too advanced as that would be stressful because I would feel like I'm dragging them down.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

So assuming you have ER'd and work competition has been eliminated, what have you done to reduce the amount of competition in your life? Or is it not an issue for you?

I bet you that since retirement, I have reduced my competitiveness much more than you have!

 

[Winemaker]

God gave me the talents to be the best; and I've always asked God to do what is best for my family. I've coached my son and daughter and their friends to do their best in baseball, softball and basketball. They've won championships and personal awards. They were able to get academic scholarships. I've led many of fellow workers on a daily/monthly/yearly safety and production goals. I've invested for myself and others and put us into 7 figures.
It was fun while in the game. I'm retired now, but we try to do the best to have fun, keep active, and enjoy each other. Sometimes it is exhausting, but life is not a spectator sport.

 

[Bigdawg]

I've never been competitive.

Robbie, you do pretty well in the BTD competition.

 

[scrabbler1]

My main source of competition I had already gotten rid of in 1999, a few years before I even semi-retired. I was playing competitive Scrabble, in tourneys. But I wasn't enjoying them any more, for various reasons. Even when I won my division in one of them near the end, and in very dramatic fashion, I didn't enjoy it. I said to myself, "If I can't enjoy winning, why play?" So I stopped playing in them. My desire for competition did not reappear elsewhere after that, including into my ER years.

 

[Midpack]

I think a little competition is good for us (among many things to keep the aging mind active), though much less than while at work - where competition was intense and almost constant. I ante up $5 two or three times a week for friendly golf competition, but everyone “wins” eventually so it’s entirely good natured. Makes us try to play well, without getting upset when golf doesn’t cooperate. Interestingly, of the 25 or so I regularly play golf with, there are two or three guys who go home immediately after their round without socializing afterwards if they play poorly - misses the point IMO.

I watched DW play pickleball for the first time recently, I’d forgotten how competitive she is! But it’s about doing your best, not beating someone.

YMMV, I’ve known lots of people who hate to compete at anything. Some of us aren’t wired like that…

 

[FindingForward]

I bet you that since retirement, I have reduced my competitiveness much more than you have!

I'd vote this best post of the thread, but since it's all about reducing competition....I'll just do this

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I owned a business in a very competitive service industry. When I sold it I had to sign a "non-compete" agreement, and I am very, very good at non-competing here in ER.

 

[garyt]

I love competition. I play basketball, pickleball and golf and love to compete at all of them. I don't actually care who wins, it's being in a close game where I have to try my hardest to compete. I don't get disappointed or mad if I lose I just enjoy the actual competing while it's happening. I could lose every pickleball game 11-10 and be happy.

 

[John Galt III]

I play cards twice a week for fun competition that does not rile me up. I used to attend a political discussion group once a week, but it turned out to be full of emotionally ugly "competitive" people trying to diminish others who had a different point of view. I am currently unsure if I want to attend any more. It is stimulating, and it is the only such group I know of around here. But it raises my blood pressure, lol.

 

[walkinwood]

Self-awareness is the first & probably the best step to address the issue. Staying aware is hard & practices like meditation can help.


I tend to compete against myself & being aware of that has helped me avoid it when I find myself stressing/ruminating about it.

 

[pacergal]

I have nothing to compete about.
I don't participate in group sports or anything like that.
Being retired took away all work stress.
We have more money to spend in our budget now than we ever did our working life.
I feel like I won the lottery, I feel so blessed.

 

[dtbach]

I've gotten into "non-competitive" sports like scuba diving and bird watching. We all enjoy what others have seen or where they have been. No need to compete just enjoy doing it.

 

[Music Lover]

I think a little competition is good for us (among many things to keep the aging mind active), though much less than while at work - where competition was intense and almost constant. I ante up $5 two or three times a week for friendly golf competition, but everyone “wins” eventually so it’s entirely good natured. Makes us try to play well, without getting upset when golf doesn’t cooperate. Interestingly, of the 25 or so I regularly play golf with, there are two or three guys who go home immediately after their round without socializing afterwards if they play poorly - misses the point IMO.

In my regular foursome one fellow and I bet a beer on the round. The 4 of us bet $1 for closest to the pin on each par 3 so the very worst you can do is lose $4.

The best are so small that no one cares if they win or lose. We play to have fun and hopefully make a birdie or two.

 

[Dtail]

I love competition. I play basketball, pickleball and golf and love to compete at all of them. I don't actually care who wins, it's being in a close game where I have to try my hardest to compete. I don't get disappointed or mad if I lose I just enjoy the actual competing while it's happening. I could lose every pickleball game 11-10 and be happy.

Actually 12-10 probably.

 

[NW-Bound]

"How have you reduced competition in your ER lives?"

I never cared to compete. In school and at work, when I was successful, it was because I did my best, not because I tried to beat anyone else.

I have never been interested in spectator sports, nor participated in any games. I have not watched a single sport game in its entirety in my life, whether live or televised.

I always do things by myself. I even stopped watching Olympic games long ago. I recall the last thing I watched was the performance by Comaneci.

 

[Midpack]

In my regular foursome one fellow and I bet a beer on the round. The 4 of us bet $1 for closest to the pin on each par 3 so the very worst you can do is lose $4.

The best are so small that no one cares if they win or lose. We play to have fun and hopefully make a birdie or two.

Same here, our standard ante is $5, we usually play 8 to 20 players. But sometimes there’s a $2/man side bet between foursomes, and two guys also play a quarter a point side bet.

 

[Lsbcal]

"How have you reduced competition in your ER lives?"

I never cared to compete. In school and at work, when I was successful, it was because I did my best, not because I tried to beat anyone else.

I have never been interested in spectator sports, nor participated in any games. I have not watched a single sport game in its entirety in my life, whether live or televised.

I always do things by myself. I even stopped watching Olympic games long ago. I recall the last thing I watched was the performance by Comaneci.

I recall you are a pretty active investor. How about trying to beat the market? Do you think there is a form of competition there?

 

[NW-Bound]

You are a pretty active investor. How about trying to beat the market? Do you think there is a form of competition there?

Not really. I constantly try to overcome greed and fear. I trade by looking at fundamentals. I don't do meme stocks, or IPO, and try to buy something I think will be hot in order to sell to the next fool.

I had the highest grade in two separate college entrance exams. Yes, it was a form of competition, because there was a quota and only the top grades got admitted. However, it is not the same thing as a boxing match, or even a race.

Imagine if a running race is done this way. Each runner runs separately in an empty stadium, and is timed. There are no spectators. In the end, the results are announced. A runner just does his best. While running, he does not know how he will place among other runners. There's no cheering crowd while he runs.

 

[Lsbcal]

Not really. I constantly try to overcome greed and fear. I trade by looking at fundamentals. I don't do meme stocks, or IPO, and try to buy something I think will be hot in order to sell to the next fool.

I had the highest grade in two separate college entrance exams. Yes, it was a form of competition, because there was a quota and only the top grades got admitted. However, it is not the same thing as a boxing match, or even a race.

Imagine if a running race is done this way. Each runner runs separately in an empty stadium, and is timed. There are no spectators. In the end, the results are announced. A runner just does his best. While running, he does not know how he will place among other runners. There's no cheering crowd while he runs.

Good analysis. I trade by a form of momentum that could be due to greater fools or actual economic fundamentals and sector issues. I do like to "beat the market" so that can be a form of competition and also anxiety. Well, investing any way I would choose would be an anxious exercise. Even buy/hold ... for me.

I use to run with a running group but didn't really like the competitive issues as those bled into the social realm. So now it is just running solo to keep up my conditioning as I age. No real emphasis on times. In your example, how about a running race where you don't have to show your results to the public?

It occurs to me that for me anxiety produced by competition is greatly increased if the "score" is public. Most of my activities now are not viewable by anyone but maybe DW and she is very forgiviing.

 

[Retch The Grate]

I’ve been in an email group for years with a bunch of fellow Navy retirees. I enjoy the stories shared about the “old days” or about what other shipmates are doing. Increasingly, I’ve not been enjoying it when someone shares an opinion piece (politics, national security issues, the military today [hint: it’s gone to hell since we got out], environment, economics, Fed policy, etc). Then everyone has to comment on the article, comment on others’ comments, comment on comments to comments, etc. There was probably some competition to comment cogently on the article and to be persuasive bringing others around to one’s own point of view. I finally got sick of reading articles that I would not otherwise have read if I’d run across them independently of this group - it was starting to feel more like reading assignments from a teacher than banter with my buds. Also, the volume of emails filling my in-box was getting out of control as I strove to keep up.

I did this in the mid-2000s with the email list for my college alums. I determined that those sorts of discussions were a net negative on my happiness and were just introducing stress and weren't worth having so I left the list and was happier. Then Facebook.

 

[Retch The Grate]

On a personal level, I'm a gamer, so pretty much all my competitiveness goes into the games I play. And I'm more interested in having a fun time than winning generally, so while I try to win and I like to win, if the game is fun and interesting stuff happens and I get to hang out with my friends... all good.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

My favorite hobby is fishing. I entered an organized fishing contest a few years ago and never had a less fun day of fishing. Not for me.

I also like to target shoot. I refuse to join a league or enter a contest for the same reason.

 

[Amethyst]

Talking about how things have gone to hell since you were younger, is a sure sign that someone's "let the old man [or old woman] in."

Increasingly, I’ve not been enjoying it when someone shares an opinion piece (politics, national security issues, the military today [hint: it’s gone to hell since we got out],

 

[grasshopper]

I've gotten into "non-competitive" sports like scuba diving and bird watching. We all enjoy what others have seen or where they have been. No need to compete just enjoy doing it.

My bold

Competitive hummingbird watcher here. I had 10 species of hummers yesterday, few people can beat that.