It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020

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:LOL:


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^^^^^^^
That's not funny, it's serious.... I can't believe so many states would be deprived of a basic human right to get a Whataburger locally...... No wonder why so many people move to Texas and surrounding/nearby states.


But seriously :) when I was a kid out mowing yards back in the early/mid 60s to make money, I would eat at Whatabuger every Saturday (that's when I could mow yards all day)... If I remember correctly, I could get a large burger, fries and a Coke for a dollar bill and I still would get some change back.
 
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:LOL:

Divorce trial transcript of a blonde women accused of cheating on her husband with another man while on business trips:

Q. Did you stay all night with this man in New York?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you stay all night with this man in Chicago?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you stay all night with this man in Dallas?
A. I refuse to answer that question.
Q. Did you stay all night with this man in Miami?
A. No, his trip was cancelled at the last minute.
 
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:LOL: A few more one ~liners...


You shouldn't pi$$ off older people:
The older they get, the less "Life in Prison" is a deterrent.


How can you tell who loves you more, your dog or your wife:
Lock them both in the trunk of your car for an hour. Then open it up, and see who's happier to see you.


How many bureaucrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
Time for a committee meeting to work that out.
 
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:LOL: Stupid Criminal (Reported as real)

Two men got into a serious argument. It escalated, and became so heated that one of them eventually called the police. When the two had been calmed down, their identification was taken and… bingo! Both of them turned out to be on the police wanted list, a small but important fact they had forgotten during the dispute.
 
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:LOL::LOL::LOL: (Another stupid criminal) I heard this one years ago and it was reported as actually happening...


A would be robber walked into a home improvement store. So he'd look like a paying customer, he pickup a power drill to buy and walked up to the checkout counter. The lady cashier rang up the sale (29.95). The would be robber then handed her a $100 bill so she would open the cash register to get his change. Since it was a large bill, and per story policy, she stuffed it in a secure drop box before opening the register to get his change. As soon as she opened the register, he pull a gun and said "this is a robbery, give me all the paper money". She complied and gave him all the money out of the register, which was later estimated to be $38....:facepalm: He then fled with the cash and was never seen again....

So he actually lost $62 on the robbery and he forgot to take the drill too!:facepalm:
 
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:LOL: Yes, we have stupid criminals in Texas too... (although I suspect Tim was really from out of state)


Timothy (last name withheld) was back in jail in Waco, Texas, after he had escaped while being held for aggravated robbery. His getaway had taken him to Baylor University, where he broke into a building in order to find a change of clothes from his orange prison suit. The building was the Fine Arts Center, where Tim raided a costume closet. He apparently thought he would be inconspicuous if he changed into a 19th-century green wool outfit (with rubber galoshes) that made him look like a “leprechaun,” according to the Waco sheriff. Tim was soon spotted on the street and rearrested. Said the chairman of the theater department, “He just really stood out.”
 
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:LOL::LOL:


A beautiful blonde is sitting at the bar sipping a drink. The bartender comes over and strikes up a conversation with her about family and life in general. She says: You know, I have been wondering for some time now if my brother is really ok in the head... He really thinks up some strange things. The bartender says, why do you think that? Well he's always talking about his 4 sisters. But, how come he has 4 sisters and I only have 3 ?
 
:LOL::LOL:

A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
 
Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.
She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.
She insisted on speaking to the Manager. The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them."
'Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."
"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."
"Well, we have them, and you could have."
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.
After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him. The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.
"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"
"That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."
"But I didn't!"
 
Stolen from elsewhere:

Spelling is freeware, which means you can use it for free.
On the other hand, it is not open source, which means you cannot change it or publish it in a modified form.
Click to expand...
 
:LOL::LOL: Maybe a re-post


In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it.
So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips.
She looks great!
The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed instantly. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains.
“That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?” she asks.
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
 
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A guy was stopped for speeding and the officer was having nothing to do with letting the guy off. As they talked, little bugs kept flying around the face of the officer. He said something about them being annoying and the speeder said, "You usually see them flying around a horses ass." The cop quickly replied, "Are you calling me a horses ass?" "Oh, no sir, not me, came the reply.........but it's hard to fool them bugs."
 
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