frayne
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Statistician's Blues
Guy comes into a bar and puts a bag on the bar top. Bartender asks "what's in the bag?".
Man pulls out a magic lamp, a piano, a stool, and a 1 foot tall man who sits down and begins to play.
Bartender says "man that's pretty cool, how did you get this?". Guy points to the magic lamp. Bartender asks "can I try?".
The man agrees and the bartender rubs the magic lamp and genie comes out to grant only one wish. Bartender says "Sure....how about a million bucks!"
Genie goes poof and 5 minutes pass. Oddly enough a duck walks in the door
5 more minutes another duck comes in
Bartender looks at the man and says "Bro, I asked for a million bucks"
Man looks at the bartender and says "Do you think I really asked for a 12 inch pianist?!"
Plagiarised from an Australian Newspaper. The curse of all this digital tracking of our lives.
“Hello! Is this Gordon's Pizza?”
“No sir, it's Google Pizza – we bought Gordon’s Pizza last month. Do you want your usual, sir?”
“My usual? You know me?”
“According to our caller ID data, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with cheese, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms on a thick crust.”
“OK! That’s what I want.”
“May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes, and olives on a whole-wheat gluten-free thin crust?”
“No, you may not! I don't like vegetables.”
“Your cholesterol needs help, sir.”
“How the hell do you know?”
“We cross-referenced your mobile with your medical records, and have the result of your blood tests for the last seven years.”
“Listen, I don't want your vegetable pizza, and I take medication for my cholesterol!
“Excuse me sir, but you don't take your medication regularly. Our database indicates that you only filled a prescription for 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Soul Pharmacy, four months ago.
“I bought the rest at another pharmacy.”
“Not according to your credit card statement.”
“I paid in cash.”
“Sir, you didn't withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.”
“I have other sources of cash.”
“That doesn’t show on your last tax return, unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.”
“WHAT THE HELL?! Goodbye, I'm sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, and all this crap. I'm moving to an island without internet, cable TV, mobiles and jerks watching and spying on me.
“I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired six weeks ago.”
Somewhere in the joke you have to say the genie was hard of hearingGuy comes into a bar and puts a bag on the bar top. Bartender asks "what's in the bag?".
Man pulls out a magic lamp, a piano, a stool, and a 1 foot tall man who sits down and begins to play.
Bartender says "man that's pretty cool, how did you get this?". Guy points to the magic lamp. Bartender asks "can I try?".
The man agrees and the bartender rubs the magic lamp and genie comes out to grant only one wish. Bartender says "Sure....how about a million bucks!"
Genie goes poof and 5 minutes pass. Oddly enough a duck walks in the door
5 more minutes another duck comes in
Bartender looks at the man and says "Bro, I asked for a million bucks"
Man looks at the bartender and says "Do you think I really asked for a 12 inch pianist?!"
Somewhere in the joke you have to say the genie was hard of hearing
Amazing how little times and relationships have changed. Witness this 1955 Houskeeping Monthly guide to the modern housewife:
https://www.littlethings.com/1950s-good-housewife-guide/
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
I can see how that would resonate with campanologists.
Amazing how little times and relationships have changed. Witness this 1955 Houskeeping Monthly guide to the modern housewife:
https://www.littlethings.com/1950s-good-housewife-guide/
Wow. If I hadn't been around then (for some of the fifties), I wouldn't believe that anyone would think that way. A different world back then.
Of course, there are men today who go through the roof if dinner isn't ready when they get home.
But is it really so bad? I mean, if we accept the premise that the husband was the "breadwinner", and the wife was a "stay at home Mom (or not even a Mom)", then why shouldn't she be working hard to have everything nice for him when he gets home, if he spent his day working hard so she could have nice things?Investigations found this to be a hoax. According to snopes.com, the wording "The Advertising Archives" located on the right side of the image suggests a fraud, since the Archives itself was not started until 1990.