Love the practice run but... ...

[Mark2024]

Got my wish of receiving a package from the company.

Have been sleeping well, do my walks whenever I want, taking care of family members, lost about 10 lbs, and forgetting what date it is very quickly. I guess this is honeymoon period of retirement. Really enjoying it.

The latest Monte Carlo says 99% with $130,000 a year spending without including the pensions. With zero debt, we could survive on about $3000 a month easily.

BUT, a big but, I need to find something to do outside the house and away from the spouse. Can't take the constant nagging just about anything and everything. Is this common?

Of course the best way to get out the house is to find another job with a lot of travels. Will see.

 

[OldShooter]

... BUT, a big but, I need to find something to do outside the house and away from the spouse. Of course the best way to get out the house is to find another job with a lot of travels. ...

A few years ago I discovered the Red Cross. From a volunteer POV it is an amazing organization. There is a huge spectrum of jobs. Driving blood to outstate hospitals. Supporting victims of local fires. Blood bank jobs. Travel? Working in shelters or doing other jobs following natural disasters. In the latter case, you can volunteer to be deployed pretty much anywhere on US territory, including the Pacific islands. Typical 2- or 3-week stints. This spring they were just crying for people who could deploy anywhere from the Hawaii fires to the Florida hurricanes. Lots of skills needed, from techie IT to medical/mental health and nursing, and just plain management skills. https://www.redcross.org/volunteer/volunteer-opportunities.html

 

[Aerides]

How long since you actually retired?

 

[38Chevy454]

The old saying "you have a job to retire from, but you need something to retire to" applies to you. Do you have any hobbies or sports activities you want to pursue? Volunteering is a great way to get out of the house and have some social interaction with people that are not family. Or take a part time job just doing something you like? You don't want or need benefits, it's more of a way to get out and have something to do away from home.

 

[MichaelB]

BUT, a big but, I need to find something to do outside the house and away from the spouse. Can't take the constant nagging just about anything and everything. Is this common?

Another option is to find something outside the house that you both can do together.

You being at home with nothing to do upsets the status quo. If her responsibilities continue unchanged while yours are reduced she might see that as unfair. Getting out of the house for a couple of hours every day might help, but it also might help if you and your spouse redistribute the daily chores.

 

[cathy63]

For getting out of the house, let me put in a plug for volunteering with AARP Tax-Aide. No prior tax experience is needed. Most places do training for a couple of weeks in January and in-person tax prep from Feb through mid-April. It's a relatively short commitment, so you can try it out and see if it helps before deciding whether you need something longer term.

Does/did your spouse work outside the home? If not, this is a big adjustment for them too. You're in their space all the time; doing household chores differently or not doing your fair share; moving things around; being in the way; talking when it used to be quiet; etc. The changes that have been so great for you are very likely making your partner's life more difficult and they're missing the way things used to be. And yes, this is very common. Have you tried talking to them about how you can make this easier for them?

 

[RetiredAt55.5]

Build a man cave ... with a lock.

Ditto on the Red Cross suggestion. You can also spend about 2-3 hours donating platelets there, every 7 days, watching Netflix while you donate and then having some snacks when you're done. They give you peace and quiet (headphones), while you watch the movie of your choice, plus you get the satisfaction of helping cancer patients.

You can also be a greeter (ambassador) at their centers.

 

[Car-Guy]

BUT, a big but, I need to find something to do outside the house and away from the spouse. Can't take the constant nagging just about anything and everything. Is this common?

Build a man cave ... with a lock.

And no cell phone.

My man cave is part of my converted barn. It's 50 ft from the house and "pretty much off limits" when "we need a break" and is well respected.

 

[Mark2024]

A few years ago I discovered the Red Cross. From a volunteer POV it is an amazing organization. There is a huge spectrum of jobs. Driving blood to outstate hospitals. Supporting victims of local fires. Blood bank jobs. Travel? Working in shelters or doing other jobs following natural disasters. In the latter case, you can volunteer to be deployed pretty much anywhere on US territory, including the Pacific islands. Typical 2- or 3-week stints. This spring they were just crying for people who could deploy anywhere from the Hawaii fires to the Florida hurricanes. Lots of skills needed, from techie IT to medical/mental health and nursing, and just plain management skills. https://www.redcross.org/volunteer/volunteer-opportunities.html

Thanks. Just signed up for Red Cross.

One limitation is that we only have one car. Buying a second one has been under consideration but unlikely.

 

[Out-to-Lunch]

I think you and your wife could benefit from reading "A Couple's Guide to Happy Retirement and Aging" by Sara Yogev. https://www.amazon.com/Couples-Guide-Happy-Retirement-Aging-ebook/dp/B07ZK9SKSY/

 

[COcheesehead]

You need to find common activities or bad things will happen.

 

[Cayman]

Nice choice stepping up for American Red Cross! I've served as a Board and committee member, also installed fire detectors and community disaster education & readiness. Nonprofit volunteer work - highly recommended for all ages, and it's especially good for retirees.

1. Red Cross - Great with variety of boots on the ground disaster assistance or admin assistance. 2. VITA or AARP Tax Aid/ preparer - another great service. With both Red Cross and VITA you learn, can train others and get to meet and help fellow citizens.

 

[Gumby]

We have a combination of together activities and separate activities. After 4-1/2 years, we've settled into a rhythm that works for both of us.

 

[audreyh1]

Was your spouse a stay at home spouse before you retired? She may feel the house is her domain, when of course it’s both of yours. Or it may be an issue that you both need to do household chores so that she can retire too.

No nagging at our house. We both retired at the same time and immediately started doing a lot more things together. “Is this common?” No, I can’t imagine the kind of home strife you describe.

 

[Cayman]

You need to find common activities or bad things will happen.

Yes. Pursuing individual hobbies/interests is necessary - it strengthens you. It's also very important to pursue mutual hobbies and interests. Rack up as many positive shared experiences as you can.

 

[Mr. Tightwad]

Is this common?

Yes, for married men.

 

[COcheesehead]

Is this common?

Yes, for married men.

Not for us. We do many things together. We also have our own interests, but spend large parts of almost every day together.

 

[ERD50]

Thanks. Just signed up for Red Cross.

One limitation is that we only have one car. Buying a second one has been under consideration but unlikely.

For the amount of driving we do, 2 cars seems like a waste, but...

no way would I go to one car unless forced. It gives independence, and I think that eliminates a few strain points in the relationship. Always needing to be aware of and plan car use is just a friction point that I prefer to eliminate.

To each their own, just my 2 cents.

-ERD50

 

[RetireBy90]

I had the same situation when I retired. I knew I would need something to keep me busy and did some of the projects from my list, taking my time. Then when Covid hit we started helping with increased food distributions at church and I now spend 2 or 3 days a week with 2-6 hours of food pickup, packing or distributing. I have met new friends and get the socialization and sense of purpose, also get my 150 min of workout my quack doctor said I need. It took a while to find this and it fits well with lawn care, household chores in spring and fall, and I can take off to travel when we want.

I suggest you try this and that. My biggest worry is being too involved and piss off DW

 

[MarieIG]

We have a combination of together activities and separate activities. After 4-1/2 years, we've settled into a rhythm that works for both of us.

This - now.

DH retired before I did and seemed much more relaxed after I "finally" retired.

For OP - consider getting yourself a reliable used vehicle.

 

[audreyh1]

We are happy with one car. DH doesn’t care to drive but can if he has to. Sometimes I joke that I’m his chauffeur. But I really don’t mind. He bikes to nearby locations a lot.

After retiring we realized no one had driven his sedan in 6 months. So we sold it and never looked back. 24 years now single car retired couple.

 

[Mark2024]

We are happy with one car. DH doesn’t care to drive but can if he has to. Sometimes I joke that I’m his chauffeur. But I really don’t mind. He bikes to nearby locations a lot.

After retiring we realized no one had driven his sedan in 6 months. So we sold it and never looked back. 24 years now single car retired couple.

we drive about a total of 5000 miles a year with one car. I would walk to nearby stores when weather is good.

 

[Alan]

We have a combination of together activities and separate activities. After 4-1/2 years, we've settled into a rhythm that works for both of us.

We have been like this for the 50 years we have known each other so retirement is just more of the same. Currently there is a local charity that we both volunteer at but do entirely different things. She helps maintain the historic gardens at the site and I am a volunteer custodian, opening and/or closing the site, some maintenance but mostly greeting and/or informing visitors about the history of the site. (A priory that was built 900 years ago).

We still enjoy lots of travel together, definitely a common interest in places we like to visit.

 

[W2R]

Frank and I were both married to other people for a couple of decades early in life, before we met online back in 2000 (at which point we were both single). He's a widower and I'm a divorcee. So when it comes to the "time alone" vs "time together" conflicts, we have both BTDT before we ever met.

On our first date (at Denny's, for coffee ), I laid it all out - - that I don't want to marry, or to live together, or to share our money. I just want a caring and deeply emotionally committed relationship. Much to my joy and surprise he thought that was super since he is the eldest son in a well known old New Orleans family and was concerned about gold diggers. I had no idea.

After 15 years of caring, committed companionship, I bought the house next door to his house. So, we are convenient to one another but also can easily go home whenever needing more time alone.

His entire home is his "man cave" and I seldom go there. He comes over here and if I need more time alone I just tell him. We both have hobbies that we enjoy doing alone, and yet we both cherish one another's company as well.

So, if I was the OP I'd be slowly trying to persuade the wife to try something like this. Maybe start by making part of the house the man cave, and part the women cave, then moving to a duplex, or something like that. Has to be done lovingly and very slowly over several years, with reasons and intentions clearly communicated.

 

[audreyh1]

we drive about a total of 5000 miles a year with one car. I would walk to nearby stores when weather is good.

I know from years of posts on this board that it’s very unusual for a retired couple to have only one car.