Mental 'readiness' for ER

[Dtail]

DH became Medicare eligible this month, although I'm several years away but decided early this year that August 31 would be my last day. It was a TOUGH decision. VERY tough. The drawdown after all these years of saving is terrifying to me.


Here are some things that pushed us over the edge:


1. We moved to an over-55 community in 2015 and watching all these garage doors go up and down all day as they head out for breakfast, or lunch, or shopping or vacation or a day trip has made us insanely jealous.


2. DH had a serious health issue ~10 years ago, and it's left him with some cognitive challenges. That's not going to get any better.


3. We ran every retirement calculator we can find, and all are 100%. Our fee-only advisor keeps asking us why we're still working.


4. It's frankly getting harder for me to learn all the new "stuff" thrown at me at work each day, and I just don't want to do it anymore. My new boss is much younger, way too enthusiastic, and is annoying.


5. I have retiree medical (as of today), so hoping that hangs on until 2022.


6. I'm tired. I want to sleep late any d*mned day of the week. I want to go wash my car at 10 a.m. on Tuesday. I want to ride my bike early in the morning before it gets hot, instead of being on a 7 a.m. conference call. You get the picture.


Good luck with your decision. Only you can make it, and whatever you decide, it will be right.

I think besides the monetary readiness, this is one of the top two next areas of importance. One never knows about health, so we all should enjoy it while we can.
I hope you and your DH can enjoy many more years together.

 

[24601NoMore]

DH became Medicare eligible this month, although I'm several years away but decided early this year that August 31 would be my last day. It was a TOUGH decision. VERY tough. The drawdown after all these years of saving is terrifying to me.

I hear you on the 'drawdown is terrifying' part..I've managed to cover "most" of our core expenses (groceries, insurance, utilities, cars, etc) via divvys and interest but will have to pay HC (COBRA for first 18 months..probably ~$15K total then HOPEFULLY subsidized ACA premiums assuming that's even still around, but still probably $10-15K/yr if not more for the next 10 years) which my income stream will not cover. So, I'll need to dip into my piggy bank and pull some $$s. Plus, if we have any unexpected expenses (new roof, major dental) or want to do any travel (Africa safari has been our dream "we're outta here, now let's go where we always have wanted to" trip) that'll all come via drawdown of assets.

Complicating things is the "bunny market" we're in now (up/down/up/down/up/down). Seems like the market is going nowhere fast this year, or will even end the year on a down note. Fortunately I can pull from cash reserves and not have to sell while down (part of the benefit of being hyper conservative) but still..the "kitty" is not limitless. And, it's somewhat depressing watching the invested assets drop or basically stay flat vs having any return.

I have a massive spreadsheet that I've worked on for a couple of years now with a bunch of tabs that maps everything out (including income, expenses and all sorts of what-ifs and drawdowns by year) but it is still terrifying to shut off the W-2 spigot and go to purely self sufficient. I've also had some real challenges getting other gigs after getting laid off a couple of times and am apprehensive that if I "needed" to go back that it will be easy. Most likely would not be, especially at my age and demographic (middle aged white guy - unfortunately doesn't help).

 

[tmm99]

All the hesitations are understandable, but just imagine you have a short time left to live. Would you still be doing what you've been doing? That may put everything in perspective. In my case, a health issue that turned out to be nothing put everything in perspective (before I realized that it was nothing).

 

[24601NoMore]

All the hesitations are understandable, but just imagine you have a short time left to live. Would you still be doing what you've been doing? That may put everything in perspective. In my case, a health issue that turned out to be nothing put everything in perspective (before I realized that it was nothing).

Nope. Short time to live = I'm outta here this minute, no matter what.

That said, I very well may have health issues. I'm totally exhausted ALL the time and generally feel like I'm 25 years older than I am. Every day pretty much kicks my tail mentally and physically. Fall asleep on the couch at really early times like 7 PM. Planning to schedule a physical and (ugh) colonoscopy (first one ever - I'm equally terrified of that) before I do bail. Don't want to bail and THEN find out I'm dying of some terminal disease. That'd be bad from a HC / $$$ perspective..

Realizing all that, I've come to the very hard conclusion that my best course of action is to give notice after the next RSU vest which is just about 2 months out at this point. I'll still be leaving some very significant $ on the table but it's also not worth winding up 6' under for. The only other option is to pursue another gig internally but I did that once previously and the way our company rolls, could not even get a return call from the hiring manager. Nice. Kinda disuades me from trying another time but guess each time could be different..

 

[cantfindmyglasses]

Hi RetireSoon, I've been discovering first-hand just how hard the decision can be. I posted my situation on the "Hi I AM' forum in early 2018 (http://www.early-retirement.org/forums/f26/er-before-fi-help-90394.html). Have come to realize that even though our numbers work out for ER in early 2019, the idea of leaving traditional career was terrifying after decades of clinging to a self-identify as "earner/provider". For that reason, enough never seemed like enough and a scarcity mentality has been tough to kick. However, have developed two side gigs that I'm passionate about and that will provide enough $$ to support the plan. In the past few months, have finally come to see and trust that in those side gigs, I'm living a convergence of opportunities, enjoyment, passion, purpose and faith (these are not church-related activities and I live my faith quietly). It's going to be like a trust fall; just have to trust and lean into it. You will read that "retiring" without one or more strong passions is quite a risk psychologically/emotionally. But if you have such opportunities, paid or not, grab the brass ring if finances and family are in sync with your plan. That's where I'm headed in a few months!

 

[Dtail]

Nope. Short time to live = I'm outta here this minute, no matter what.

That said, I very well may have health issues. I'm totally exhausted ALL the time and generally feel like I'm 25 years older than I am. Every day pretty much kicks my tail mentally and physically. Fall asleep on the couch at really early times like 7 PM. Planning to schedule a physical and (ugh) colonoscopy (first one ever - I'm equally terrified of that) before I do bail. Don't want to bail and THEN find out I'm dying of some terminal disease. That'd be bad from a HC / $$$ perspective..

Realizing all that, I've come to the very hard conclusion that my best course of action is to give notice after the next RSU vest which is just about 2 months out at this point. I'll still be leaving some very significant $ on the table but it's also not worth winding up 6' under for. The only other option is to pursue another gig internally but I did that once previously and the way our company rolls, could not even get a return call from the hiring manager. Nice. Kinda disuades me from trying another time but guess each time could be different..

Please relax about this procedure. It will be the best 30 minute nap you will ever have and would probably not be the cause of your tiredness.

 

[pb4uski]

Please relax about this procedure. It will be the best 30 minute nap you will ever have and would probably not be the cause of your tiredness.

Plus, don't skip it... second cousin died yesterday of colon cancer that could have easily been detected and treated but she "didn't like to go to the doctor".

 

[moester]

Can totally relate. Was FI and able to go ER, but I just couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger and walk away from future earnings security. Until. I was forced to leave because of my mother’s failing health (I was the “responsible child”). Now that she is departed and we are done with all estate stuff, I am SO glad I left - wouldn’t think of going back into work environment. It was a terrible thing that caused me to leave, but I don’t think anything else would have torn me away from the future income stream.

Now I’m doing the stuff I LOVE. Keeping my own schedule. I feel like my life has more purpose and meaning than ever. I only wish I would have had the guts to make the decision on my own.

 

[FREE866]

great comments all around on here...just to echo what some others have said in that I never realized what a prisoner I was to my job. Not working is such freedom and its kind of indescribable.

That said, I sometimes wish I had a bigger buffer in that my withdrawal rate % is right at about 3.3% which is fine. I'm also only 51 so ideally I'd like to start taking SS at 70, but that is a long time and if we have really bad market that might not be possible.....So I guess , yeah I do have some very subtle uncertainty, but truly love my days

 

[Sheryl]

I joined this forum in 2004. Here I am still waffling. In 2008 I developed major health issues and stayed for the insurance. I'm still "only" 57 but still having trouble getting out!

 

[Richard8655]

When I was in my 50’s, I decided I didn’t want to worry about health insurance unknowns, costs, and the later complications of Medicare. So we moved to Canada and got health cards (issued to all residents and citizens regardless of income or job status). Loved the ease of use (just show the card) and the high quality care. Best of all, no worries ever about losing health care coverage.

But returned for better job prospects. But I miss that kind of security.

 

[lem1955]

When I was in OMY land, the quality of my work suffered. The toxic environment didn't help. The decision to leave was made for me. A real sour ending of a 22 year run with the company. I went to a non-profit part time to let my portfolio grow a few more years. Best move I ever made. I left the nonprofit in 2015 and love being retired.

 

[PointBreeze]

Terrifying and wonderful

I, too, grew up with barely enough money, and put myself through school and worked my backside off to become successful.

I pulled the plug in October, retiring at age 58. After a week of joy and relief, I was terrified and immediately started lining up consulting gigs and adjunct teaching jobs. After a few months, I started to resent those gigs and jobs and longing for my free time. But when I think about absolutely no $$ coming in, I get so anxious I can't sleep (the current market conditions and ACA/SocSec/Medicare uncertainty contribute, of course, even though before I pulled the plug I calculated I could handle a repeat of 2008 and the ACA going away. SocSec/Medicare cutbacks will be harder to weather).

I've decided to settle on a middle road for the next year: I'll only take consulting gigs that are interesting, will take no more than 1/2 my time, will pay enough that I don't feel resentful, and that are flexible. I just found one that will last about a year, and then I hope that I will really pull the plug at age 60.

I also learned that when I consult 1/2 time, I need to consciously plan to do fun "retirement" things with the other half of my time, and not just sit around reading.

 

[Dtail]

I, too, grew up with barely enough money, and put myself through school and worked my backside off to become successful.

I pulled the plug in October, retiring at age 58. After a week of joy and relief, I was terrified and immediately started lining up consulting gigs and adjunct teaching jobs. After a few months, I started to resent those gigs and jobs and longing for my free time. But when I think about absolutely no $$ coming in, I get so anxious I can't sleep (the current market conditions and ACA/SocSec/Medicare uncertainty contribute, of course, even though before I pulled the plug I calculated I could handle a repeat of 2008 and the ACA going away. SocSec/Medicare cutbacks will be harder to weather).

I've decided to settle on a middle road for the next year: I'll only take consulting gigs that are interesting, will take no more than 1/2 my time, will pay enough that I don't feel resentful, and that are flexible. I just found one that will last about a year, and then I hope that I will really pull the plug at age 60.

I also learned that when I consult 1/2 time, I need to consciously plan to do fun "retirement" things with the other half of my time, and not just sit around reading.

Better late than never. My background and age doesn't lend itself to consulting type jobs. I am on ACA.
I put my trust in the calculators and keeping track of every expense along with low cost index investing.
Don't wait too long.....

 

[PointBreeze]

Good advice!

 

[rude20]

Conundrum, I understand your comments 100%. My job requires me to be up all hours of the night and at age 56, after doing this for 17 years, it gets real old real fast. I finally started looking at my investments and my budget and came to the decision I can retire, it is just what am i willing to give up. Once i saw i could get by on retirement and live a modest life, my stress went down, health and energy went up and now i am exercising more than i did before. Health and Happiness does not come in the money. It comes in the knowing you are no longer a slave to your job for survival.

My job seems better now knowing I can leave at anytime without worry. Just going to work until it is no longer enjoyable.

 

[pb4uski]

Once you are FI if job demands get unreasonable your attitude can be:

You want what? and by when? You're pulling my leg, right? Not happening... good luck with that!

 

[brett]

Three dates were important to me.

The first was 53. At that point I was confident that, with an anticipated severance of 2 years or so I would hit the magic 55 be qualify for my full DB pension and benefits at 62 with small reductions of 3 percent if I took it earlier. I realized at that point that I was on the way so to speak. It was real and it was coming together. We started thinking about the possibilities.

The second was 58 when I knew that the golden handshake was actually coming in six weeks. I was so ready. Five years of prep and anticipation for this amazing opportunity. I had a great employer, a wonderful boss, and an A team to boot. The hard part was keeping it quiet and then not displaying or vocalizing my pleasure until the exit negotiations were complete. It was our chance and we embraced it.

The third was 62. When I could delay the DB no longer and took the monthly payment option. A supplemental pension got paid out in three equal annual payments.

In between all that we sold our home, downsized, and traveled. Never looked in the rear view mirror for a moment....just kept on moving forward.

I think the real benefit was anticipating the milestones and understanding that each of them unlocked new opportunities for us. I saw too many folks surprised and unprepared emotionally and/or financially ill prepared for this. For some, especially those married to the company and the job, it made a significant negative impact on their lives, emotions, and outlook on life going forward.

 

[Nomad4hire]

Hey gang..wonder if anyone else is having a similar issue to what I'm currently struggling with..

FI and working in a job that's absolutely impossible (for a variety of reasons I won't bore you all with). Every day is a challenge and the stress is off the map. I've worked on my ER plan for a LONG time now, and financially CAN (and "should") put in my notice, but I'm having a very hard time even thinking about doing so.

A few reasons why:

- Fear - I went through my first lay-off in 2008 at the heart of the economic meltdown. Was the worst days of my life, bar none. I for the most part completely freaked out about not having a job or the income that goes alone with it. To VOLUNTARILY put myself right back in that situation is..terrifying, although a lot has changed since then including building up an ER income stream that will pay most of our bills until we get to SS.

- Fear part 2..no idea what the cuts to SS, Medicare or ACA subsidies may be..also worried about the longevity of the Bull and a likely Bear/sequence of returns risk right as I jump off the ship 10 years before SS/Medicare. We CAN make it even with cuts..but it's still much more unknown than it was in our parent's generation.

- Upbringing - no other way to say it..upbringing was not prosperous (OK, we were pretty much not even middle class). My dad was an electrician that was frequently on and off work or between jobs..mom worked to take care of the kids. We literally did not have a spare $1 to our name. (One time we wanted to do an event that literally cost one dollar..Mom said we couldn't because we "did not have the $1 extra to spare"). So, I worked my tail off..put myself through college (a 10 year 4-year degree since I had to work to pay my own way)..and now am in a much better place and have achieved FI in my mid 50s. To that point..

- Golden Handcuffs - sitting on significant $$s in unvested RSUs..every quarter is another pretty large chunk of extra $$S. Hard to walk away from that on top of professional-level compensation which makes for a very nice W-2. Especially after growing up with not even $1 extra to my name.

On the flip side, the money is not even worth it. I could (and should) pull the plug tomorrow. Next vest is mid August. After that, my plan has been to give notice..but I JUST. CAN'T. FATHOM. doing so. (And, funny enough - I'm on the "OMQ" [One More Quarter] plan at this point to get the next big chunk of extra $$. Seems to keep moving out another quarter every time I think I've done the last one for some reason. Go figure).

I have all sorts of interests and things I know I can spend my time on. My DW says that it's a testament to a lot of hard work that we CAN RE. It'd be great..we could do whatever we want..whenever we want..leave all the BS (which is immeasurable) behind..

So, why in the heck is this so hard? I can't even fathom pulling the ripcord even though the work situation is totally impossible to the point it's unhealthy.

Thanks for listening and for any/all advice..

Thank you for sharing your story, and starting what I think is one of the most beneficial threads I’ve read on ER.org. I have been stuck in the OMY loop for several years. While I benefit from the added $$s and delayed draw downs, I can assure you that I have paid a price for it in terms of the stress/frustrations and personal misery.

Best of luck to you Retiresoon and thanks to so many who shared their own stories, struggles, and encouragement. Never know how many readers/lurkers like me learn and benefit from the experiences.

—Nomad

 

[HillCountry]

Conundrum, I understand your comments 100%. My job requires me to be up all hours of the night and at age 56, after doing this for 17 years, it gets real old real fast. I finally started looking at my investments and my budget and came to the decision I can retire, it is just what am i willing to give up. Once i saw i could get by on retirement and live a modest life, my stress went down, health and energy went up and now i am exercising more than i did before. Health and Happiness does not come in the money. It comes in the knowing you are no longer a slave to your job for survival.

My job seems better now knowing I can leave at anytime without worry. Just going to work until it is no longer enjoyable.

Welcome on board.

I agree with you that stress a lot of time is mental. I really started enjoying work after I achieve FI in 2010.

 

[indiajust]

I've had 8 layoffs and worked at 18 places. I have no understanding of your fears or situation at all.


Write your resignation letter and leave it undated, keep it in the desk. Stock will vest during vacation. Practice retirment and confront the fear.


Once I started using Monte Carlo projections and figured out where I was with respect to the herd... my worries evaporated.

 

[badatmath]

But to the OP, a guy on my team finally retired last July. He passed in December (flu complications) despite being "healthy" otherwise. . .


Don't be him.

 

[UnrealizedPotential]

I planned to work longer than I did. I walked out of my job at age 46. I woke up one day and decided I was done. I couldn't take it anymore. Still the fear was there about leaving my paycheck behind. I did it anyway. The stress, BS load, and the everything that went along with it was finally greater than the fear of leaving my paycheck behind.


So I have been living very conservatively since then. That was over two years ago. I have been slowly, slowly ratcheting up spending. I mean slowly to compensate for this fear of not having a paycheck. I think going forward my yearly spending amount will accelerate . I wish I had some formula for this, I don't. I take it month by month, depending how I feel.


It's hard for me to let go. But I have to at some point. So I have been slowly increasing my spending. I think what I will end up doing is "turning on" one of my accounts that I have not been taking money from and just take the monthly dividends instead by the end of the year. This way it's automatic.



The hard part is deciding which account to do this from. But that's what happened to me and how I deal with it all.

 

[Helena]

.

For decades I planned to retire from my corporate job at age 55.

Although I was ready financially and looking forward to it, when the time drew near, I began to hesitate, thinking maybe I should work another year or so.

Ironically, a few weeks before my 55th birthday [my original target retirement date], I began having a major problem with the day care for my special needs adult son [he had attended that same day care for decades.] That was enough to convince me that retiring on my original retirement target date was the wise choice. I am so glad I did and was able to devote quality time and road trip/vacation adventures with my son. Six years later, my son suddenly and unexpectedly died during a seizure.

 

[Helena]

But to the OP, a guy on my team finally retired last July. He passed in December (flu complications) despite being "healthy" otherwise. . .

Don't be him.

Before I retired from my corporate job, my supervisor and I would discuss our future retirements [she was a couple of years older then me.] She also would have liked to retire at age 55. But she said she had to work several years longer for financial reasons. [Which was odd because I was a single mom and she was married with no children and earned a much larger salary.] A couple of years after I retired, she suddenly and unexpectedly died while still working.

.