Mental struggles to let go of the working world

[Kroeran]

Armor99:

One thing that has become clear to me is that we are process entities not goal securing. The process is more fundamental than the achievement, to happiness.

So, retiring has to be replaced with new processes. The hard part is taking health, cooking, travel, hobbies, social life, getting along with your spouse and better, etc seriously after a life of doing “things of importance.”

 

[Retch The Grate]

Wow! We (2 of us) eat "very" well (minus the frequent big parties where we host large numbers of people) at ~$8,300/yr - and that includes plenty of alcohol ...

Of course, that's eating out only 2-3X / month and cooking most of our food (including frequent filet, seafood and other more expensive entrees) at home..

Not doubting your #s, but hard to fathom how food can be $40K or so / yr without really going crazy eating at the highest end restaurants possible on a really frequent basis..that's >$3,333 / month which obviously is more than $100 a day on average..

The other #s posted for travel, healthcare, autos, etc seem pretty spot on..we're at ~$11K/yr for two leased autos, insurance + gas (not 'fancy' cars - 2 Jeeps), budget $15K or so/yr for travel ($0 for 2020), similar #s as you for healthcare, etc. But we also come in under $90K including taxes ($60 - $70K before taxes) for our total # and would be closer to $121K if we had your food budget..($40K - $8,300) + 90K..

Yeah, I estimate our consumable chemicals budget, predominantly alcohol, runs us about $10k a year (my wife has a couple of bottles of $10/bottle wine a day generally, I buy and drink alcohol infrequently, but I buy fancy scotch and tequila, we stop in Napa on our way back from Clear Lake any time we go fishing and buy a few bottles to a case of fancy stuff), our regular groceries are a bit under $200 a week, so there's another $10k, eating lunch out in the bay area usually means a bill on the order of $50-70 for two, dinner tends to be $80-$120 for two, pre-COVID we ate out 2-4 times a week, so that was pretty easily another $10k, and then few tasting menu meals at Manresa or whatnot a year for birthdays and our anniversary ($600-1000 for the pair of us each time), plus party budget ~6 times a year (again about $600-$1000 in alcohol, soda, and high quality steak to grill). I'd guess we actually spend between $35k-$40k so I budget for the higher target

 

[armor99]

Armor99:



One thing that has become clear to me is that we are process entities not goal securing. The process is more fundamental than the achievement, to happiness.



So, retiring has to be replaced with new processes. The hard part is taking health, cooking, travel, hobbies, social life, getting along with your spouse and better, etc seriously after a life of doing “things of importance.”

Once a quarter... he should have his wife give him a job performance accessment... go over goals for the following year... tell him how he has stacked up against his peers... hahah. [emoji33]

 

[VungTau]

I am still many years away from retirement. Lots of hurdles and weirdness yet in store before I get there. My NW just crossed 1.3M, and just over 1M invested. 401ks etc. But I can certainly relate to your feeling this way. You spend such a large portion of your life doing something, and when suddenly that something is not there.... it’s jarring. I know I currently do not have enough hobbies, I need to get more. I think so much of my life has been spent planning, calculating, dreaming of the end point. And can imagine that when you suddenly arrive there... you are like... now what?
I have often heard that people who climb Everest... after they get back are horribly depressed. It takes them a while to find the new “Everest”. I think that is what you are fighting with. Early in my career... I was laid off for a long period of time. I very nearly lost everything. It was good, that it made me focus on saving, but also bad, because it has left a scar on my mind... it always gets better, but never goes away completely. Take a deep breath... and allow yourself to realize.... you have won. The monsters of life are no longer comming to take it from you. Maybe splurge on something expensive... vacation etc, just to help you remember you can now do almost whatever you like... Oh... I am currently 47. [emoji3][emoji1591]

I retired at 53, now 60 and loving it! I never saw it as the "end point" but rather the beginning! And my mount Everest had been waiting for me to open that door of "retirement" and start climbing. Got to the top of my first Everest, could see some other nice peaks up there and headed for the next one Gonna keep climbing until I can't...

 

[Amethyst]

+1. Except...I know very, very few people who want to go back to work.

(Given how COVID has shredded the travel industry, make sure one's retirement goals aren't mainly "hit every major destination on the globe.")

I have been very surprised how many people I've known who have ended up bored, unfulfilled and basically lost without employment. If you haven't lived a life with many other interests other than working, especially something that has or you think will provide a purpose, I'd strongly consider having your life's plan include some kind of work. It's nothing other than that's how some people are, simple as that.

 

[atmsmshr]

Mental exercise that helped me in perspective prior to retiring.

Pretend that you have only 20 years left to live. And in 15 you will be a widower. And in 10 years your health will become a limiting factor for physical activities and mental acuity.

How do you want to live those remaining years?

Discuss with your spouse.

Prepare for a psychological adjustment taking 6 months, longer if you are an extrovert or closely identified with your work.

Now go implement the plan that you and your life partner want to live.

 

[Unpaintedhuffhines]

This is definitely an interesting topic. When I was 24 and met with a free financial planner that was offered by my company, I set 59 as my target retirement age. I'm 59 now and don't have to work (well, according to all the calculators out there), however, here I am staring at One More Year, mainly for two things: 1) not sure what I'd do every day, and 2) the dumb amount of $ I will make over the next year with RSUs (and salary/bonus).

For those that have enough $, I don't think I have ever met someone who regretted retiring, or perhaps those people keep to themselves.

Oh, and I just switched roles, and not sure if I even like what I do.

I like atmsmshr's idea about only having 20 years left. I love to travel (can't do that right now, but I expect that will change at some point), and if I have 10 solid traveling years left, that's actually not that long.

Maybe I need to rethink the OMY idea...

 

[Markola]

+1. Except...I know very, very few people who want to go back to work.

(Given how COVID has shredded the travel industry, make sure one's retirement goals aren't mainly "hit every major destination on the globe.")

I really resonate with your observations. On one hand, I’m too new at RE to know anything. On the other hand, I always had the best ideas in new j*bs during my first few months, while I still had “fresh eyes,” so I’m paying attention.

I am less than a month in but I already feel the motivation to go back to my 28 year career field quickly bleeding away. Just yesterday, I was out for a walk, dodging all the commuter traffic and I thought, with huge relief and gratitude, “I never have to go back to that crap ever again. Even if the financial need emerges, I will find some other ways to cope.” Later yesterday, a former colleague who is a consultant texted me and my gut reaction was “Oh, &*$@! She wants me to do something!” She didn’t, fortunately, but it helped confirmed that I have moved on. Honestly, I probably moved on a couple years ago but couldn’t fully see it. I thought fewer hours/week working in my field would be sufficient but, one month in, I have no taste at all for it.

Also, I absolutely used “World Travel!” as a shiny escape fantasy to mentally bridge the past few years of working. We were fully determined to rent out the house and vagabond globally. Now that it’s here but we can’t travel internationally, I find I’m not even jonesing for it. I’m finding corners of our nice city and state to enjoy and this winter we will snow bird to Georgia for the first time ever. My wife, who works part time, is more attached than I am to the original world travel bug that I caught. I’m happy to do introverted stuff around the house and neighborhood.