new thread on aging

[Khan]

Nords:

Another aspect of this "I want to die in my home" attitude is isolation, fear, overwhelming maintenance, and depression. Many elders have done much better once they're in a group/social setting that's brighter and more easily maintained.

Home can be overrated. But I'm part of the "die here" crowd too.

I'm also part of the 'die here' crowd, but am not sure how to optimally arrange it.

 

[mews]

I'm also part of the 'die here' crowd, but am not sure how to optimally arrange it.

Well, compromising circumstances, charming young companion, all who knew her saying, "I am simply shocked!" sounds good.

Gotta have ambition!!!

ta,
mew

 

[kumquat]

I'm also part of the 'die here' crowd, but am not sure how to optimally arrange it.

The answer probably needs a bit of "when" in the question. This isn't a recommendation, but you could talk to a Dr. Kervorkian.

 

[CuppaJoe]

I've spent enough time visiting people in senior apts. to know I'm not ready for that, not old enough, not social enough, not in a walker yet. My former empl*yer would bore me no end with the news that his grandma came alive in one of those places after a lifetime in a single family house. An interim step might be a regular apt. building before jumping into a single age place.

Have you seen the classic Ruth Gordon movies: "Where's Poppa" and "Harold and Maude"?

 

[jambo101]

I'm sure most of us dread the day when we are off to the seniors home,but there will probably come a time when we can no longer take care of ourselves or our families find the level of care required too much and off we go to the station at end of the line where we wait for the train that has only one destination

 

[Ronstar]

I'll probably die in my workshop or out in the yard from some weird accident.

 

[cashbalancetrouble]

As a care giver for about six months now, I am interested in how you have made this decision and who you have shared these thoughts with.

My father has had a stroke and recovered well but needs an eye kept on him enough that I go to his Doctor appointments, make sure he is doing okay on medications, etc. He remains active outside the home and goes out with friends. It is more oversight that care. he is glad I am there and really wants my help. I know his wishes for the future medication etc and that he will go to nursing facility when needed but don't have a feeling for his interest in assisted living.

DW's mother is much worse off being confused and on set of demetia. This is a terrible situation at 300 miles away. Father in law is fine but does not apparently care for her much as she does not trust him. At xmas discussed their situation and were total oblivious that other people might be concerned about them. FIL would leave house and wants to but MIL is a hoarder and can't leave until she goes through everything saved in her life time.

I can understand staying if you can affior the in house care and others doing the things needed, maintanance etc. But what about not ahving the money for this and when you are just not able?

Similar threads have amazed me about diclosure of financial information but I think the big difference there has been those who have enogh and those that may not. Having been told this last week, no we won't share that info with you, I will be fine but MIL will not, ... MIL says ' I'll move in with you.'

 

[Rustic23]

ill be fine but MIL will not, ... MIL says ' I'll move in with you.'

MIL would have a hard time finding my new address!!!

 

[W2R]

I am going to live alone in my retirement house as long as I can. Hopefully I can avoid becoming a burden on my daughter and her husband-to-be, by entering a continuous care facility at some point, perhaps in my early 80's. That way they won't have to worry about me so much. I will approach it with a positive attitude.

My mother lived in a facility like that for 22 years (from 1985 to her death in 2007 at almost 98 years old). She really enjoyed it. Most of the time she had her own room (though during the last few years she had to spend some time in the skilled nursing unit.) There was a lot for the younger residents to do. They had optional social activities, a gym with a personal trainer, a hairdresser, a little library, and healthy, nutritious food (as well as more "sinful" stuff if desired). Sounds fine to me. If you didn't show up for meals, someone would come to your room to make sure you were OK.

The timing for this may depend on how Frank is doing by that time, since we could check on one another until one of us is gone. I can't see living alone without having someone to check on me, though. For those who wish to remain at home, and have no relatives nearby, I would suggest making an arrangement for a daily visit by someone to check on you and see if you are OK or need help of any kind.

 

[grumpy]

Both my parents and my in-laws moved into continuing care communities. Went we visited my folks, I looked at what a nice apartment they had, what great facilities were available to them (exercise room, indoor pool, etc, etc) and said "I could see myself here in 20 years". We currently live in a single family home in a "55 or better" community. I hope we will be able to live comfortably here for another 10 to 15 years, but I want to err on the side of moving to a situation where further assistance is readily available, a little too soon rather than a little to late. We had to urge my folks to move (mom had alzheimers) when her care became too much for my dad to handle. I don't want my kids to have to worry about us the way we did with our folks.

Grumpy

 

[SteveL]

I put a lot of pressure on my 85 age aunt who lives alone, to buy a cell phone, and carry it with her wherever she goes. I had a elderly neighbor cross the street, who had a fall, couldn't get up, and was on the floor for 2days until we realized she was not around and broke into her house......she ended up with pneu. and passed away within nine months.

My FIL wouldn't take his DW to see the Dr. and we ended up callling Adult Protective Svcs. who forced the issue, resulting in DW hospitalization. FIL was a ret. Dr. Talk about hard-headed.

 

[Moemg]

I put a lot of pressure on my 85 age aunt who lives alone, to buy a cell phone, and carry it with her wherever she goes. .

My Mother has a life alert button . It was great when she lived alone . She fell once and pushed the button and they sent paramedics to check on her . She also has a cell phone but she does not hear it well . I put on vibrate for her and that seems to be working better.

 

[bbbamI]

Another good way to have the elderly checked on is to have Meals on Wheels deliver lunches. It's usually just Mon-Fri, but it works rather well.

 

[Khan]

I'm sure most of us dread the day when we are off to the seniors home,but there will probably come a time when we can no longer take care of ourselves or our families find the level of care required too much and off we go to the station at end of the line where we wait for the train that has only one destination

"Season ticket on a one way ride."

As I have probably mentioned before, my particular condition is hereditary physically crippling conditions.

It's interesting to notice a doctor wince when s/he looks at your xrays.

By age 70 I will no longer be able to live alone; by 80 I'll have a stroke.

Wish there was some way to reverse those numbers and have the 'big one' at 70.

I guess it's good that we're living longer than ever; just wish there was an 'opt out'.

 

[Dreamer]

I am sorry to hear about your condition, Khan. I will be hoping for a medical breakthrough of some kind for you.

 

[Walt34]

Both my parents and my in-laws moved into continuing care communities.

That's about where we are with it. My mother moved into one and six months later wished she had done it ten years sooner. Many offer the progression of single-family homes, to apartments, to assisted care, to nursing care.

We enjoy the home we have, but when I can't mow the lawn we're outa here. No one is going to take care of us but us.

We are now trying to get FIL into one. Financially and physically he can't stay in the house he's in but he doesn't want to face up to it. He's been getting progressively increasing family assistance for years and at this point it's become more than doing small favors and light help, but a burden. I've made it clear to SIL, BIL, etc. that I'm done working on his house.

No way am I going to do that to my family.

The core issue of course is one that is mentioned often here. Take responsibility for yourself.

 

[aaronc879]

My Mother has a life alert button . It was great when she lived alone . She fell once and pushed the button and they sent paramedics to check on her . She also has a cell phone but she does not hear it well . I put on vibrate for her and that seems to be working better.

My grandmother has one of those. When she was 88 she slipped on a carpet and was unable to get up. Turned out she had broken her hip. If she hadn't had the life alert button, which she received as an 80th birthday present from her daughters, who knows how long she may have been on the ground. She fully recovered and now at age 92 still lives alone. She talks to one of her daughters at least every other day and one of them stops by once a week.
My paternal grandmother, age 77, still mows her large yard, shovels driveway, and get on her hands and knees and cleans the bathroom and kitchen floors ect. She's more physically able than I am at age 29. I often can't get up off the ground unless I have something to grab to pull myself up. I'll probably be in assisted living before age 60.

 

[Coach]

I'm 57 and live alone in my own home. Although nothing is definite, I'd like to live here another 10 years or so, then move into an "Independent Retirement" type facility -- preferably one that also offers assisted living.

We encouraged my parents to move into a place like that, unsuccessfully. Only after my Mother died did we ged Dad moved. He had several good years there with friends and activities that he enjoyed before he had to move into assisted living.

I suspect Mom would have lived longer if we could have gotten them to move.

The parents of a friend of mine made the move on their own and never regretted it.

Coach