How nice to see so many folks who want to share their experiences on a difficult subject.
Our four sons have been incredibly close throughout their lives. When Chris passed away suddenly in 1995 at age 36 it created a hole in all of our lives. As a family we sat down together to decide how to handle this loss.
It didn't take long to make the decision. First, donation of organs which was simpler that that time. Then, to invite Chis's friends to a small hall... for what might be called a remembrance service, but with no formality. There were about 35 people there... Fewer from our extended family as we were 1500 miles away, but all of the very closest neighbors and pals.
We expected a half hour of sharing the sadness, and some memories, but the get together evolved into a two and a half hour celebration of his life, with every person in the room sharing a remembered personal recollection, with a vignette of some event or special moment that was imprinted as a private story that most people didn't know about.
Stories that were wild (Chris was a free spirit)... Stories that made our eyes roll, funny stories (which made up most of the two hours), and private tales where lives crossed. Two hours of a real life obituary that covered the good, the bad, and some of the ugly, but a fullness of recollection, that provided closure, not only to DW and me, but, as we learned, to everyone who knew him. No meal, no drinks, no formality... just a part of life... shared by those who knew him. Now 21 years later, we still remember those special moments that help us past the sadness.
His ashes lie in the lake, in front of our campground home, where he had spent so many happy hours quietly fishing. Shortly after, we received a letter from the organ donation group... that told of two individuals who had benefited from receiving life changing organs. No names of course, but specifics, that touched our hearts. I don''t guess that this is done today, but it meant a lot to us.
Even today, we sometimes hear from those who were there... that this was a special moment in their lives.