Obsessed with value?

Hyper, I think you missed out the best bit which is the ''Show of Love'' before the parents and family let her leave the house.''If you love me then you will eat this one hundred year old egg........with chilli sauce........If you love me you will eat this stinky tofu with treacle sauce.......If you love me you will stand on your head........If you love me you will have written a love poem to read to me in front of everyone......etc etc''

Simon,
Does the fact that my Chinese bride skipped this tradition at our wedding perhaps explain why she's been pulling lines like this out pretty much every day since? :D

One advantage of ER is that it gives you lots of time and energy to attend to a high-maintenance spouse...  (no complaints here).

ESRBob
 
Hey ESR Bob! Glad you have time and energy to
support a high mainenance wife. Truly! As soon as
I had the time to see what I was doing I opted out.
No criticism here. Whatever works man.................

JG
 
Simon,
Does the fact that my Chinese bride skipped this tradition at our wedding perhaps explain why she's been pulling lines like this out pretty much every day since?

ESRBob

In my experience the answer is ''No'' :D

Had I known that, I would have skipped the egg and chilli sauce :eek: :'(

All up, our event in 2002 came to about US$45,000 but the ''Lai See'' made up for a good chunk of that. ;)
 
I didn't know there are so many mixed-race couples on this board (apparently I am in the right place!)

Yes, my fiance is a "white devil, big-nosed foreigner". :D who would not eat the 1000-year old egg! He said it's gross! :D And no, no dowry. Maybe it's just me, but I find the concept of "dowry" and "do this if you love me" insulting.

My bro's wedding will have the 12 courses I think (or maybe 15? I lost count). We had the "rehearsal" dinner this past weekend where we went through all the courses. My bro's bride's parents managed to irritate me when they told us that there would be another wedding reception held after this one in Hong Kong (where most of the bride's family reside). One expensive wedding reception is not enough?! Do you think our family grow money on tree?!

My fiance (good man) stopped me before I opened my mouth though. Although I did tell my bro that I am not flying to Hong Kong just for another stupid reception.

Jane
 
In seeking a woman with dowry
I courted with language most flowery
By the time that I wed
my dreams had all fled.
We barely avoided the Bowery.

JG
 
Between my father and myself & first hubby, we shelled out about $10,000 for the wedding. ($7500 from dad. $2500 from us). It was gorgeous, but the marriage didn't last.

For my second wedding, we spent less than $1000 on ceremony, hotel rooms for immediate family, and dinner. It was absolutely amazing.
 
Well, I just got married 3 weeks ago - and as my now husband said, "We could afford four people at the Don Cesar or a 100 at the Golden Corral." It was a beautiful wedding on the beach and then a wonderful dinner at the restaurant - we all had a blast. We received a weekend at the resort as a wedding gift and we watched many couples have very elaborate weddings there - we laughed all the way to the bank :)

Bridget aka Deserat
 
My first wedding was in 1965 (yes folks, we had TV
back then :) ) I don't remember much about it
except it was very hot and I was nervous.
Second time (2001) I got married at The Flamingo Garden Chapel in Las Vegas. Very nice and much more
memorable for me (I was 57). My spouse and I split
the cost of the trip. Good start to a good marriage.

John Galt
 
I dislike crowds and ceremonies so a "wedding" of any kind would have been torture as far as I was concerned.... fortunately my husband felt the same way. When we finally got married (had been meaning to for a few years, but just hadn't gotten around to it) we just stopped by the justice of the peace and had a quiet little no-guests ceremony. No fancy clothes (I don't like dressing up, either). I think I was wearing khaki pants and a polo shirt, which was dressy compared to the perhaps more typical attire of faded jeans and a t-shirt). No rings. (Neither of us wears rings at all, so why buy something we won't wear?) We went home and took my parents out to lunch at a nice local restaurant, and that was that.

I always wonder... do people really *want* fancy weddings, or are they just brainwashed to think they have to, or they're not really married? Clearly a few people do enjoy the whole ceremony and party thing, and more power to them (though going into debt or cleaning out your savings for it is pretty silly) but so often I hear about-to-be / recently married people talking about how stressful it was, how rushed, so much to do, so expensive, etc. etc. etc. Me, I had a perfectly non-stressful wedding day! 8)
 
I always wonder... do people really *want* fancy weddings, or are they just brainwashed to think they have to, or they're not really married?

Yes, I marvel at the same thing. Once, when I was in a grocery store I counted 14 magazines dedicated to weddings. Then I counted only 3 magazines dedicated to fishing. You can only get married 1 day (hopefully) in your life, but you can truly fish everyday. 8)

I don't have any facts, but I suspect that it is the female of the species that drives this behavior :D
 
My oldest wanted a big wedding, and I only obliged to a point. I told her I'd pay X amount, and if she wanted more, she was on her own. She ramped it up a bit from there. I told my youngest she'd get the same (adjusted for inflation) or she could dial it down and keep whatever she doesn't spend.

The best wedding I ever attended was my brother's. I was best man. There were maybe 30 people, a wedding party of 4 (bride, groom, one best man & one maid of honor), we all wore clothes we had (no tuxes), and we met in the church basement for cake and punch afterward. The whole thing was maybe 2 hours - including the cake and punch. Perfect!
 
If you've got great friends and family, then your wedding should be relatively stress-free and very memorable. Celebrating a great day with everyone together is blast, and doesn't cost that much when you really think about it. We screw it up with all the peripherals we feel are "necessary"... :confused:
 
My wife and I are both Chinese. However, we paid for our own wedding. It cost only $1,500 - church reception, flower, dress and tuxedo rental and dinner. We had 50 guests. It was back in 1985.

Other costs: diamond ring = $1,500, wedding rings = $200,
film = $100.

Spanky
 
So, Spanky, do you keep in touch with Alfalfa and Buckwheat?

JG
 
John,

I do take Ginkgo Biloba, along with multiple vitamins, and a 40-minutes walk in the woods daily.

Spanky
 
Hey Spanky! That's a good one. I take Ginkgo daily myself. I once dated a woman who had a bottle on her
kitchen counter. I said, "Oh, you take ginkgo!"
She said, "No, I stopped." I asked why. She replied,
"I read something about it." I asked, "What was that?"
She said, "I forget!" :)

JG
 
I don't think I'm obsessed with value but I do have a healthy appreciation and understanding of value. My first job, lo those many years ago, was in a corporate purchasing dept. I often spend money based on the lessons learned there.

Value sums up the buy/sell experience. And its not always about the price. Buyers often derive more satisfaction at paying a higher price. Sellers often derive a sense of satisfaction just by moving product.

Most of it comes down to the ugly price. A: Ours is one of the few cultures that seldom negotiates. Our sense of time and a zillion other reasons have stifled a wonderful facet of the buy/sell experience. B: Now that nearly everything is disposable there is less incentive to research or learn about the product, since its soon-to-be-garbage anyway.

What can you do... I say take your time learn all you can about the item you wish to buy. Negotiate with the seller when possible. "Get the story" sometimes the value is in what you learn about the purchase. Maybe your car was once owned by Jon Voight, but thats another story.

On the sell side, dont be so quick to take the first offer. Do you remember the sinking feeling you got when you offered a lowball price for something and the seller instantly said, "I'll take it!"?

Bottom line... moneys a funny thing you can only spend it once. Take your time, negotiate when possible. Life is a negotiation.

BUM
 
I agree with BUM, there is no substitute for knowledge
(well, maybe experience) and I love to negotiate. I have
found that over the years I was too quick to sell real
estate to the first bidder. Not sure exactly why
(bird in the hand?). I would fight like hell when I was
the buyer to be sure I got the property at the bottom price, but when I was selling I never was as tough.
Left a lot of money on the table I'm sure, but who knows
what might have happened if I let the buyer get away?
Another thing is that as the owner, you know all of the
flaws and drawbacks. The buyer does not. This may have influenced me as well.

JG
 
Have you seen those lines that form at stores when they have some big sale going on? People waiting for hours, traveling great distances, and jumping through hoops to get 75% off something they don't really need?

I always thought I was above that until Dell lured me with a couple of computer bargains recently. I took pride in not having upgraded my computers in a couple of years (I used to upgrade every six months or so). My old computers were perfectly functional in every way, except one -- they couldn't play the latest games.

I don't even like playing computer games, and I haven't played one in 8 years or so. But I found the need to upgrade very compelling -- I wanted the option to play these stupid games even if I had no need.

And then came Dell. Offering coupons and their refurbished outlet. I found last year's desktop model in their outlet equipped with a powerful graphics card and a kick-butt CPU. Only $300. Would have cost me at least $800 at a computer store. Sold! $300 gone, but my itch finally satisfied.

And then I found some more Dell coupons. $750 off any $1500 laptop. I've got a bunch of laptops, all perfectly good for how I use them, but hey, I could play the latest games on these new laptops, and I've never seem them this cheap before. Sold!

Oh, look, another coupon. I guess I should get a new laptop for my wife too. Sold!

And so it went for a week or two. A few grand later, I had three new laptops, a new desktop, two new laser printers, a photo printer, and a few other gadgets to boot. All for about 50% of what I thought was fair market value. Some of them justified by ideas of either selling them on eBay or by selling my old gadgets to offset their price, making them effectively free.

In short, I went temporarily insane. :)

And I know it's not just me. I see thriving sites with 100,000's of members who are just as compulsive about finding value.

If these things were readily available at the prices I paid, I wouldn't be the least bit interested. It's the idea that I bought low with the opportunity to get out even or better that compelled me to purchase. And I'm really impressed by the sales and marketing tactics used by Dell -- they feed off this bargain hunting impulse by artificially raising their list prices and giving you the opportunity to game their system in an effort to find/create the best bargain you can.

Why am I telling you this? Mostly as a cathartic act, to purge this compulsion from my system. But also because I think a lot of us hit ER through a compulsion for value, and I thought it'd be nice to share the dark side ;)

Maybe it was just some deft marketing pressure that you've apparently yet to shrug off?

Do not try this at home, I *am* a professional ;)

And dont go and make me mad or you'll find yourself with 14 cars in your driveway and a confused look on your face... 8)

By the way, that video card in your desktop system is sooo 2003...I understand that buyers of the newer model cards experience a full inch of growth in weiner size. Doesnt it make you madder than heck that some 14 year old kid can play doom3 in TWICE the resolution you can, with a faster frame rate?

As far as weddings go, I never saw anyone planning a huge wedding look like they were having fun either a week before the wedding or right after it was over. Its like building a house, it sounds good on paper but its a lot more work than you'd think.

I told my wife she could have any wedding she wanted. Our total bill including her dress, a new suit for me, and the reception dinner was under $500. Most of that was my suit and the whole rib eye I grilled for the reception dinner. I spent more time picking out the piece of meat than the rest of the planning put together. Almost zero stress.

That $500 doesnt include the engagement ring I got at Bluenile. One minor extravangance...
 
Hey TH! Re. "it's like building a house, it's a lot more work than you think." Amen brother! I only tried it
from scratch one time and aborted the whole thing pretty quick. Like you said, it looks good on paper.

I am almost totally immune to marketing in all of its guises. I know what I like/want, and usually shop until
everyone is sick of talking to me and/or hearing about it
(DW especially :) ). Anyway, almost all pop culture and
mass marketing are repugnant to me and do nothing
in terms of making me want "stuff".

JG
 
Tell me about it Brother John.

This week I finished the painting of the old house, new carpet, new linoleum, a new stove, laid in two cubic feet of topsoil, two cubic feet of redwood bark, finished the tub plumbing, finished caulking the exterior, and many, many more little tidbits.

I'm tired, and we just remodeled this sucker. Although except for the heating unit and the kitchen sink, every surface and item has been replaced or refinished.

Got good deals on almost everything, materials at least 10% off and I havent even paid for most of them on 'no payments, no interest for a year' plans. About 50k all together, but it'd have cost at least 90-100k at full retail. Well worth the 'value shopping'.

Now to get a buyer.............

Wab...you are getting sleeeepy...you are getting sleeeeeeepy...you want to buy a house in northern california...(gesturing with both hands in a hypnotic manner)
 
Re:  Expensive versus frugal Weddings.

I used to practice law, (now I practice home maintenance) and naturally had a very close friend that specialized in "family Law". (I was a corporate lawyer).  He had a few rules of thumb:  1) The more expensive and outrageous the wedding, the more expensive and adversarial the divorce.  2) Famous people are already married to themselves so should never be granted a marriage license, as that is, per se, "ego bigamy". 3) A "Normal" wedding  is an indication that there is a fighting chance the marriage will survive, "Show Weddings" that make the society page typically are the beginning of a series of financial blunders that result in divorce. These show weddings (think Donald Trump) are typically "All image and little substance".

My second wedding was simple:  I called one of my close friends, a sitting Judge, and we paid about fifty bucks to get 'sworn in" and certificate our marriage to make it legal.  Spent the money we had in the budget on the honeymoon, and toured Italy, which made more sense to both of us.  It was the second marriage for both of us, so we were not out to impress anyone.  Our mutual feeling was why waste our limited funds on ceremony when we could use it for an extra week in Rome or Naples?  We had a wonderful time.  I truly believe that our relationship took on a new level as we toured Italy like a couple of college kids.  We would have missed so many nice moments had we spent our funds on a big hall and bash.  
 
My son (a sensible type) just got married for the first
time at age 38. They picked up my son's best friend,
drove to the court house and did it.

I had no money to speak of (age 20) my first time around, so it was an economy affair, including the
very brief honeymoon. My oldest daughter probably
had the most "lavish" wedding in which I was directly
involved. Even so, I probably spent less than $6,000
total. At the time I could afford it.

JG
 
Re: Diamonds

A white guy marrying an Asian ?
I'm the white guy and my wife is the Asian.
When she asked me how big a diamond can she have for her wedding ring, I told her .9 carat. She laughed. Point 9, where did you get that number, she said.
Needless to say, she ended up with a bigger diamond than that.
She still laughs at me today about the .9 !
.
But, I must say, marrying her was the best thing I ever did in my entire life !
 
In my case, if you ask my wife, the mix was a human marrying a Klingon, but its seems to work.

Hey, TH, I'll buy your house after the bubble bursts! ;)
 
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