daylatedollarshort
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
- Joined
- Feb 19, 2013
- Messages
- 9,358
DD is 34. Otherwise, you pretty much have the scene described.
The real question is how to not do this? This isn't the first time. For example, while in college, DD moved into an apartment. I'm sure she was excited, but my initial reaction was that it was a dump. DD's boy friend's Mom came in a was all excited and said how great it was. I'm sure she's either blind or she's learned this lesson. FWIW, within a month, DD heard a rat in her walls, it died, she had to fight with the management to rectify the situation . . . It was a dump, but being right didn't make me feel any better. I want to stop focusing on the negative, but it is who me and DW are.
For those that do it well, do you just pause and never say anything negative? Are you just a glass 3/4 full kind of person? Me and DW spoiled a great idea of DD, it isn't the first time and I want to figure out how to stop.
I don't always do it well, but some things I find helpful to try to remember:
Mary Kay Ashe has a technique to help with this. Imagine everyone you meet wearing a sign that says "Make me feel important".
Researchers found the 5 to 1 technique was what made for happy marriages but it works for really any relationship - work teams, teacher - students, parent child. Have your positive vs. negative interactions be at least 5 to 1.
And all the usual, Dale Carnegie book ideas, be a good listener, ask open ended questions, ask for advice, don't give unsolicited advice, give sincere compliments, etc. There's lots of free youtube videos on these kinds of subjects.
I still screw up with our adult kids more often that I would like to, but when I remember these kind of techniques I can course correct and usually make repairs when needed. One of our adult kids bought an expensive gift I didn't gush over enough and let sit in the box for a long time, and I regret that. Have used it now and am sending pictures this week to try to make amends.
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