Poll:Do You Give Gifts to Your Spouse?

[Silver]

We give each other gifts for Christmas, birthdays, and our anniversary with an occasional surprise gift thrown in. For Christmas every year I receive a large bottle of Kahlua, and he gets Maker's Mark. They usually last most of the year, but we always look forward to a fresh supply.

Last year I gave DH a dashboard camera after getting some great suggestions from the clever people here for which camera to buy. We are really happy to have it.

 

[pacergal]

When we were younger, yes. Not so much now. Mostly we go out to a nice restaurant for birthday and anniversary. If there is something one of us wants during the year that is over spending budget, we discuss together before purchasing.
We do gift money for kids birthdays, and gift plus money for Christmas. Extended family, we do a $25 gift card and White elephant exchange on Christmas, just for fun.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

We do small gifts for birthdays, but I would guess usually no more than $30 or so. Anniversary we usually will go to a high end restaurant and maybe stay the a night or three somewhere.

For Christmas, we do a small "token" gift for each other, but we decided a few years ago to make donations to a local charity here that provides gifts for kids in the child protective system in lieu of gifts. My Dad had mentioned that when he was in the orphanage, Christmas morning was a day he always remembered because they would get a new toy...and although they were much simpler toys than what you see today, it was a very good distraction from everyday life in the orphanage and at 90 years old, he still remembers the day(s) like it was yesterday. So, our Christmas "gift" is to try and spread some of that joy to the kiddos out there.

 

[aja8888]

We came to the realization that we have most of everything we would want or need that is humanly possible given our ages (both over 70). So holiday gifts are out but a token gift is usually bought just to have something under the tree when the kids show up on XMAS day.

DW knows I like sweatshirts and usually get me one (this year will probably be the World Champion Astros one to add to my collection). I usually get DW a bottle of her favorite fragrance.

 

[Moemg]

We do gifts for Christmas and Birthdays and just because. I think we both like having something to open even if it is small .

 

[Clone]

I bought my wife a 3# sledge hammer for Christmas perhaps 30 some years ago. She still brags about it. I bought her a snow shovel last year, and a few other trinkets.

We tend to get practical things, like socks and underwear. Those have become a running joke with a 50 year history going back to my mother always giving us kids underwear for Christmas.

We sometimes tag an add-on to a trip as a gift of some type. Most of the time it is just permission to splurge a bit more than we are used to doing. Very few big surprises in the gift giving category.

 

[Walt34]

After almost 30 years of marriage we stopped buying gifts for each other a long time ago. We always get anniversary and birthday cards but no gifts. We do go out to a nice restaurant for lunch or dinner, she likes that better than anything I could find in a store.

Like many, we already have everything we need and most of what we want (which is very little by now) so if one of us wants something we just go out and get it. And the last thing we need is more "stuff" to deal with anyway.

 

[tmm99]

I'm in the No camp.

We don't give each other gifts for Xmas, birthdays or anniversaries. We do nothing for Xmas and anniversaries. As for birthdays, we take each other out for lunch or dinner, usually, a cheap meal (not fast food cheap, but less than $15 a meal in almost all cases) just to celebrate the occasion. Oh, we do exchange birthday cards, and sometimes, we get some kind of sweets to go with the card, but not always.

This is not exactly a gift, but my DH sometimes goes grocery shopping and comes home with some grocery items I might enjoy eating, and that delights me to no end. It's like getting a surprise gift you didn't expect at all. LOL, I guess I'm easy to please.

I don't need anything at this point and neither does he. We both consider gift giving to be pretty meaningless, and actually stressful.

 

[MBAustin]

We generally enjoy buying gifts for each other, although it is getting harder for DH to buy for me as he is pretty much housebound these days. Although it wasn't a surprise (we discussed it) he gave me a bouquet-every-month from our local European-style flower shop for my birthday this year. He calls to arrange the date and discuss the details with the florist, I go pick it up. I'm getting him an Apple Watch and a heated mattress pad for Christmas, both surprises (I hope).

We don't do anniversary gifts anymore, though.

 

[45th Birthday]

We have been married just over 25 years. Do not give each other gifts on Valentine's Day or our anniversary (well, I did give her some nice diamond earrings for the 25th). Birthdays we give at least one present each, sometimes more. Christmas always a handful. I tend to get her expensive things like designer handbags that she wouldn't normally buy for herself. She tends to get thoughtful things for me, and is big on stocking stuffers, but tends to spend less than I do because she doesn't know much about our spending and doesn't feel comfortable. Realistically, we already have what we want and buy what we want/need without much thought. Meals out at nice places and trips short and long are normal parts of our lives.

 

[Sanstar]

We started out guessing/giving gifts for bday and Christmas. We evolved to spending an afternoon at a mall together picking out gifts we each wanted then a nice dinner out. One year, in lieu of gifts we took kids and one of daughter's friends on a Christmas cruise. In more recent years, we review our 5 year capital spending plan and decide if there is something on it we'd like to buy at Christmas. This year it's a Hensley hitch to tow the Airstream. Anniversary is a card with nice note and roses for me (of course).

 

[foxfirev5]

With more stuff than we need DW and I don't buy each other presents per se. Probably because I was the worst. Now it's a ritual that we dedicate funds to hotel upgrades or 1st class tickets and gift each other the experience. This year is our 40th so I'll kick it up a notch.
On an unrelated note, when DD was in college and another on the verge we decided to cut back a little. I overheard my DD tell her brothers "I think they're millionaires or something and all I got was like pajamas". Somehow she forgot about the car a few months earlier. Now we all have a good laugh about it.

 

[YVRRocketSurgery]

Other.

We used to buy each other gifts during birthdays, xmas, etc but we stopped because it was kind of a chore trying to find the right item at the right time. No point in trying to "force" a purchase.

We also moved to contributing to a joint chequing account where all of our spending comes out of so it's kind of ends up like buying a gift from our shared money.

However, occasionally, we don't travel together for whatever reason (boys' or girls' trip, trip with parents, etc) and when we do some shopping we'll keep the other person in mind and buy something for them if we see a deal or something they might like, clothing or otherwise.

 

[bloom2708]

My wife's birthday is Dec. 24th. Doh.

For years I say "Please, do not buy me a birthday or Christmas gift". Every day is both for us.

It has the opposite effect. For my last birthday my wife and kids gave me 5 different presents. I didn't need or want any of it. Then I had to assimilate the new junk/stuff into our stuff.

After that, I (as nicely as possible) discussed us not giving each other birthday and Christmas gifts not because of the cost but because of the stress and "have to" feel.

I am stressing that if she needs or wants something to just go buy it. Fingers crossed we have crossed the gift line.

Going out to eat is more enjoyable and we don't bring any stuff home after unless there are leftovers.

 

[rodi]

I put other.
We never do gift cards. We'll pick up small items for each other if we know the other would like it - and if it's close to a birthday or christmas it will get wrapped and gifted then. We also talk about some of our bigger spend items in terms of "gifts"... One year DH wanted this beefy expensive concrete saw... and asked for it for his birthday. I said "done - go buy it". And got him some blades to unwrap.

This year I'm doing a girls trip (in a few weeks)... when I was discussing going on this trip DH said - do it - it's your Christmas present from me. LOL.

We do stockings on the mantle - and I tend to look for small (size) items that he'll appreciate... odd kitchen gadgets, puzzles, silly stuff. Much more appreciated than an ugly sweater or a tie.

 

[braumeister]

DW still likes to receive gifts at Xmas and her birthday, while I couldn't care less. I used to generally get her a piece of jewelry, but eventually she decided she had enough and told me it wasn't necessary any more.

We hit on a simple solution years ago. Anything out of the ordinary that either of us buys in the month or so before one of those dates is handed to the other with the comment "This would make a really nice present for someone you love." The item is then hidden away, occasionally wrapped, and presented at the appropriate time. "Oh, that's exactly what I wanted; how did you ever guess?"

It works for us.

 

[Katsmeow]

This is all so interesting to read the different things. Some of these are great ideas.

I am actually really conflicted by this. On the one hand, I love Christmas gifts. It would sort of be weird to have Christmas with our kids and my mom and then have DH and I not give each other anything. It just feels strange. Of course, we traditionally do cards (yes, I save them all - love cards).

The thing as some mentioned is the stress of finding the right thing. This is why we moved to gift cards. Often, we didn't find the right thing. DH used to try to find jewelry for me and would inevitably spend money for something that I didn't really love.

The Keurig I gave him last year was notable because it was so much the perfect gift and I was lucky that I thought of it around Christmas time. But, usually there isn't that kind of serendipity.

The reason gift cards often worked for us was twofold. One was if one of us wanted to give something from a particular place but were uncertain about choosing the item. So DH gave me a Pandora gift card which I loved but I got to pick what I wanted.

The other thing was it was effectively a spending money addition. For years, in our budget we have each had a spending money category. Out of that we pay for all of our personal indulgences (books, games, hobbies) and our personal computer/electronics. So if I gave an Amazon gift card to DH it was actually increasing the amount of money he could spend on spending money. We usually preferred to give a physical gift if we could find one, but rather than get something just to get it the gift card was something.

But, we have decided to get rid of the spending money category. We are just going to spend for stuff like books or hobbies out of our regular budget. So, a gift card doesn't really do anything.

So -- I come full circle. I like the idea of gifts, but can't be sure I will find one that he will like (and vice versa). I like the idea of spontaneously buying a gift during the year on occasion if you come across something great.

But, how to handle birthdays/Christmas are still more difficult for me.

I sort of like the idea someone mentioned of going shopping at a mall together and each one just buying something they each want.

Maybe could do that for birthday as well. Yes, you could do that for something not the occasion but it would be a bit more festive.

 

[Scuba]

This is all so interesting to read the different things. Some of these are great ideas.



I am actually really conflicted by this. On the one hand, I love Christmas gifts. It would sort of be weird to have Christmas with our kids and my mom and then have DH and I not give each other anything. It just feels strange. Of course, we traditionally do cards (yes, I save them all - love cards).



The thing as some mentioned is the stress of finding the right thing. This is why we moved to gift cards. Often, we didn't find the right thing. DH used to try to find jewelry for me and would inevitably spend money for something that I didn't really love.



The Keurig I gave him last year was notable because it was so much the perfect gift and I was lucky that I thought of it around Christmas time. But, usually there isn't that kind of serendipity.



The reason gift cards often worked for us was twofold. One was if one of us wanted to give something from a particular place but were uncertain about choosing the item. So DH gave me a Pandora gift card which I loved but I got to pick what I wanted.



The other thing was it was effectively a spending money addition. For years, in our budget we have each had a spending money category. Out of that we pay for all of our personal indulgences (books, games, hobbies) and our personal computer/electronics. So if I gave an Amazon gift card to DH it was actually increasing the amount of money he could spend on spending money. We usually preferred to give a physical gift if we could find one, but rather than get something just to get it the gift card was something.



But, we have decided to get rid of the spending money category. We are just going to spend for stuff like books or hobbies out of our regular budget. So, a gift card doesn't really do anything.



So -- I come full circle. I like the idea of gifts, but can't be sure I will find one that he will like (and vice versa). I like the idea of spontaneously buying a gift during the year on occasion if you come across something great.



But, how to handle birthdays/Christmas are still more difficult for me.



I sort of like the idea someone mentioned of going shopping at a mall together and each one just buying something they each want.



Maybe could do that for birthday as well. Yes, you could do that for something not the occasion but it would be a bit more festive.

I know this approach works for some, but I hate going shopping to pick out a gift for myself. Inevitably I can't find anything I really want on that day. I'd much rather make a list and either receive gifts from the list or even better, receive a surprise I love that I didn't ask for.

I wouldn't mind not exchanging with long distance friends and relatives. I have no problem picking out thoughtful and useful gifts for people I spend time with regularly, and actually enjoy it. Picking out gifts for people who haven't given me a list and whom I don't see often is much harder. I've asked a few times about not exchanging any more, but they still want to.

 

[Katsmeow]

I know this approach works for some, but I hate going shopping to pick out a gift for myself. Inevitably I can't find anything I really want on that day. I'd much rather make a list and either receive gifts from the list or even better, receive a surprise I love that I didn't ask for.

I wouldn't mind not exchanging with long distance friends and relatives. I have no problem picking out thoughtful and useful gifts for people I spend time with regularly, and actually enjoy it. Picking out gifts for people who haven't given me a list and whom I don't see often is much harder. I've asked a few times about not exchanging any more, but they still want to.

Yes, I mostly don't have issues with other people. I exchange gifts basically with my mother and my kids. My mom usually gives me a nice piece of Herend which I always enjoy. My kids either get me a small gift or a gift card which is fine. It is just with DH that this is an issue.

 

[frayne]

We naturally gift the grandkids and kids but nothing for each other. We look at Christmas probably much differently than most and don't decorate or put up a tree. DW does hang up the X-mas cards over the foyer entrance. We both feel it is pretty much a holiday for the little ones not to mention being way over commercialized. Wife is a Seventh Day Adventist and yours truly pretty much an agnostic and that might have something to do with the way of our thinking. YMMV and that is perfectly OK with us.

 

[tinner2u]

We quit giving each other Christmas gifts years ago. Totally transformed the holidays, no stress anymore, no shopping except for the little kids. Now it's all about family and being together. Also allows us to up our charitable giving.

 

[audreyh1]

We generally suggest to the other that they should go ahead and buy that thing they want for themselves.

If it's near a holiday, then we'll say - hey, that could be your X present!

 

[Mdlerth]

A good gift costs more in effort than in money

For us it is more about the thought than the amount. It is one way that to show that we are thinking of the other.

+1

 

[brett]

We have pretty much stopped giving gifts to each other. We may do a card once in a while. We will celebrate with a special dinner either at home or in a favourite restaurant.

If either of us wants something we typically go out and buy it or order it.

We asked our children a number of years ago to stop giving us Christmas presents. Instead, we wanted them to make donation to the local food bank and they have complied.

 

[ExFlyBoy5]

On an unrelated note, when DD was in college and another on the verge we decided to cut back a little. I overheard my DD tell her brothers "I think they're millionaires or something and all I got was like pajamas". Somehow she forgot about the car a few months earlier. Now we all have a good laugh about it.

Love it...that gave me a good laugh!