This is all so interesting to read the different things. Some of these are great ideas.
I am actually really conflicted by this. On the one hand, I love Christmas gifts. It would sort of be weird to have Christmas with our kids and my mom and then have DH and I not give each other anything. It just feels strange. Of course, we traditionally do cards (yes, I save them all - love cards).
The thing as some mentioned is the stress of finding the right thing. This is why we moved to gift cards. Often, we didn't find the right thing. DH used to try to find jewelry for me and would inevitably spend money for something that I didn't really love.
The Keurig I gave him last year was notable because it was so much the perfect gift and I was lucky that I thought of it around Christmas time. But, usually there isn't that kind of serendipity.
The reason gift cards often worked for us was twofold. One was if one of us wanted to give something from a particular place but were uncertain about choosing the item. So DH gave me a Pandora gift card which I loved but I got to pick what I wanted.
The other thing was it was effectively a spending money addition. For years, in our budget we have each had a spending money category. Out of that we pay for all of our personal indulgences (books, games, hobbies) and our personal computer/electronics. So if I gave an Amazon gift card to DH it was actually increasing the amount of money he could spend on spending money. We usually preferred to give a physical gift if we could find one, but rather than get something just to get it the gift card was something.
But, we have decided to get rid of the spending money category. We are just going to spend for stuff like books or hobbies out of our regular budget. So, a gift card doesn't really do anything.
So -- I come full circle. I like the idea of gifts, but can't be sure I will find one that he will like (and vice versa). I like the idea of spontaneously buying a gift during the year on occasion if you come across something great.
But, how to handle birthdays/Christmas are still more difficult for me.
I sort of like the idea someone mentioned of going shopping at a mall together and each one just buying something they each want.
Maybe could do that for birthday as well. Yes, you could do that for something not the occasion but it would be a bit more festive.