Romanticizing retirement

[Billy]

while a happy person will find a way to be happy even in hard times, sure, a miserable person will find a way to be miserable even on easy street. but sometimes life offers a chance to change. maybe the miserable person had never gone snorkling off the swim platform of a boat before. maybe that person will discover a new world there, a new self here.

Very well put. I am the kind of person who believes in the possibility to change one's life. We might have our particular bent or slant to the opportunities presented to us, but the opportunities are there.

It's up to us what to do with them.

Akaisha
Author, The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement

 

[free4now]

For me being retired for a month or so has been much more mellow than I thought. I had the idea that all the time I was formerly at work would be spent going out and doing fun things. The reality is that I mostly do things around the house most of the day, and then go out and do things with other people in the evening after they get off of work. Sadly, I end up in the same rush hour traffic jams as everyone else going out in the evening.

The unexpected bonus is the feeling of relaxation and integrity from not trying to pretend I'm interested in my former work.

My inner lazy bum was repressed (barely) while working and is now fully unleashed. It feels like a healthy stage for now but one of my big to-do items is figuring out how to motivate myself by attraction to positive goals, rather than motivating myself by fear of bad consequences as I have most of my life. Some people are naturally motivated towards what they want, but in the past I've been motivated more by avoiding what I don't want. I think this is a form of depression, and I would have to say I'm still in that depression, but it feels a lot better!

 

[REWahoo]

My inner lazy bum was repressed (barely) while working and is now fully unleashed....
...I think this is a form of depression, and I would have to say I'm still in that depression, but it feels a lot better!

After 10 months, my inner lazy bum still wakes up each morning with a big grin on his face.
Depression? Wasn't that something that happend back in the 1930's.

 

[lazygood4nothinbum]

figuring out how to motivate myself by attraction to positive goals, rather than motivating myself by fear of bad consequences as I have most of my life.   Some people are naturally motivated towards what they want, but in the past I've been motivated more by avoiding what I don't want.   I think this is a form of depression, and I would have to say I'm still in that depression, but it feels a lot better!

when you can see yourself so clearly and honestly, new worlds can not help but to make themselves accessible.

"if you look in a mirror you discover it has infinite potential, beyond limitation. it could be a small mirror, yet even a small mirror can reflect a whole view of a countryside. the reflection is beyond the size of the mirror. through the reflection you find in the mirror, you can discover its infinite potential; the reflection is very important for discovering that nature." ~~namkhai norbu rinpoche

 

[Billy]

free4now

... one of my big to-do items is figuring out how to motivate myself by attraction to positive goals, rather than motivating myself by fear of bad consequences as I have most of my life.   Some people are naturally motivated towards what they want, but in the past I've been motivated more by avoiding what I don't want. 

I understand! A good deal of my earlier life was spent clearly knowing what I didn't want, but was hard pressed being able to verbalize or visualize something I actually wanted. I mean something attainable and reasonable - not magical thinking... It was a rebellious stage, I guess. 

I agree, with the comments on self reflection by namkhai norbu rinpoche. It's the only way we can find out what motivates us in a positive, purposefully directional way. Otherwise, we are simply rebelling once again, and we don't genuinely know ourselves.

Good luck! It's worth the personal journey. You will find your strength there.

Best,
Akaisha
Author, The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement

 

[audreyh1]

The unexpected bonus is the feeling of relaxation and integrity from not trying to pretend I'm  interested in my former work.   

My inner lazy bum was repressed (barely) while working and is now fully unleashed.  It feels like a healthy stage for now but one of my big to-do items is figuring out how to motivate myself by attraction to positive goals, rather than motivating myself by fear of bad consequences as I have most of my life.   Some people are naturally motivated towards what they want, but in the past I've been motivated more by avoiding what I don't want.   I think this is a form of depression, and I would have to say I'm still in that depression, but it feels a lot better!

Well, if it feels a whole lot better - it's hard to call it depression.

If you start staying in bed all day - then it might be depression!

The "feeling of relaxation and integrity" because you are no longer pretending - that is a REALLY BIG DEAL.

Enjoy unleashing your repressed inner lazy bum! Gosh - it could take a year really to decompress for all those hard working years, so give yourself plenty of time and don't worry too much if you aren't pursuing positive goals just yet.

I bet if you just focus now on getting enough exercise and doing at least one enjoyable thing every day, that will give you time to "heal" and then other important things will follow. What you want will start to come more tangible.

It seems like it's taken me decades to learn to switch from avoiding the bad, to moving towards the positive goals. Be patient with yourself. This is a major transition with a lifetime of habits to overcome.

If you really feel lost about what you really want out of life, Barbara Sher has several really good books on the subject. Wishcraft isvery good and is available free on the net: http://www.wishcraft.com/ It's just as important to a satisfying retirement as it is to a satisfying career.

Audrey

 

[audreyh1]

OK - last one I promise!

Audrey

 

[dex]

And what if your spouse's idea of the ideal retirement are drastically different than yours? How do you compromise on something as major as that??

I would be interested in how your plans have differed or stayed the same when you actually reached your goal.

No spouse.

No surprises; I knew my nature would not change after ER.

I think after awhile in ER you will become back to the personality qualities you had before you started working. In the beginning you may do things on your "Bucket List" but after awhile you will revert to and be guided by your true nature. I've come to this conclusion from the book below and my personal experiences and observations of other people.

Welcome to the home of Barbara Sher's WISHCRAFT!
"OK, let’s take the three characteristics I named as defining genius—great brilliance, original vision, incredible determination—and see whether you had them when you were 2 years old"

The concept is to use your earlier self to guide you to your passions and enjoyment of ER. This person got lost through the socialization process. It isn't as easy as it sounds.

Most of the clichés you have heard are true – “Life is too short.”, “No one regretted working more on their death bed.” When you turn the phrase “I will believe it when I see it” on its head to “I will see it when I believe it” you will be on your way to finding your path to early retirement. Once you have been retired for awhile the fears you have now will seem a distant memory.

 

[dex]

PS - I replied to the first post before reading the others. It seems great minds think alike - Audrey referenced the same book.

 

[Dawg52]

18 months into retirement for me. No problems but haven't been able to travel as I had hoped. I need to stay close by to look after my mom and aunt, 90 and 96 years old. But I do slip off for a few quick trips to the gulf coast for a change of pace.

No complaints though. My mom and aunt are both in good health, so I'm happy for that. Plus I get to play golf almost everyday and that is my real retirement passion anyway. Traveling can wait.

 

[REWahoo]

18 months into retirement for me. No problems but haven't been able to travel as I had hoped. I need to stay close by to look after my mom and aunt, 90 and 96 years old. But I do slip off for a few quick trips to the gulf coast for a change of pace.

No complaints though. My mom and aunt are both in good health, so I'm happy for that. Plus I get to play golf almost everyday and that is my real retirement passion anyway. Traveling can wait.

You may be a gutless equity investor, but you're OK in my book.

 

[harley]

And what if your spouse's idea of the ideal retirement are drastically different than yours? How do you compromise on something as major as that??

I retired 2 years ago, DW was out of work which evolved into ER for her too. I had been talking about FIRE and what I planned to do for at least 10 years before pulling the trigger, so I assumed we were on track together.

So I was surprised at her reaction when I told her I was planning to bail in about a year. She sort of freaked out, and said she didn't know what we would do in retirement. (This is after we got through all the financial discussions, with her paying attention this time). She just figured I had been "talking" all that time, but not serious about it. Just goes to show that communication isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Of course, we worked through it, and are having a wonderful life. We talk about working here or there occasionally (me at Barnes & Noble for the free book access), but so far we're having too much fun just doing whatever we feel like whenever we feel like it. There are more things to do than there is time to do it, so I doubt we'll ever get too bored.

 

[OAG]

I (and DW) have been "retired" so long we have almost forgot about what it was to have done anything else. Have to really jog the memory to remember some of the "early years". I do remember about 22 years ago she lost her job due to downsizing and I said "good me, too" lets sell the house and go to Florida. Knocked around there for 19 years and said lets move someplace else. OK, one of the DD and family is in Ohio, lets go bother them for awhile; and we did and have. Now after 3 years here we are "planning" on another move in 2 to 4 years; have to hurry a bit this time as Ohio has almost run out of restrictions to put on my driver's license (got to use rear view mirrors and wear glasses to drive now). Never plan just do what you want.

 

[kcowan]

We are playing it as we go. MIL just died this year at 92 so we have some new options. Moving to Mexico next month for the winter. Thinking of Europe on a river cruise next June. Maybe Australia in September.

We both had high profile jobs when we retired in 2002 and so suffered a bit of withdrawal but have gotten over that entirely now.

Like any other change on life, there is no substitute for personal experience.