My Significant Other "SO" and I have moved in together after about 2.5 years of dating. To be more specific, I ended up buying a new home for us to live in together (with my own funds for the down payment, taking out the loan in my name and receiving the deed in my name). We are dating and not married. I've known since early on in our relationship that my SO has significant student loans (near $100k). I was OK with buying the place on my own given that we would plan to split the monthly housing costs. Even though he already moved in with me, he has not yet made any monthly payments because his lease on his old place does not expire until Sept 1. This was known in advance and I am OK with this. The plan is that we will split the monthly "all-in" costs even beginning September 1.
Since we now live in a bigger place, we needed to buy new furniture, decor, etc. I have spent close to $15k on all of the above, plus some minor rehab costs, paint, etc. We agreed to split all of such costs even and track them in a spreadsheet. As of now, he has only paid about about $3k of the total $15k because he can't swing it, given his monthly student loan payment of $1400 plus other living expenses. In fact, he told me he has accrued approximately $2k in credit card debt recently and he doesn't feel he will be able to pay me for any portion of the furniture/etc expenses for quite a while, until he pays off his credit card debt. His "free" monthly cash flow is tight and any large expense can really set him back for a while.
My thought with us moving in was that he would be splitting the monthly housing cost with me, and we would keep our finances separate and everything would be fine, despite his student loans.
I am really stumped as to how to proceed now, because it has hit me that I am effectively going to be subsidizing his student loans unless something changes.
Admittedly, we both like to travel, have fun experiences, etc. Generally, I am comfortable spending more money than he is largely because I have more money and because I don't have student loans. I am not judging him for having loans and not putting myself on a pedestal, but this is the reality. We have very different financial situations.
I am starting to realize that, we as a couple, aren't going to be able to continue living the lifestyle we like to live (travel, eating out, doing fun things, furnishing our new place, etc.) unless some changes occur: A) he somehow pays off his loans overnight B) he gets a huge raise C) we cut back on lifestyle choices.
Of course, I don't wish to change my lifestyle, but maybe that is the solution to the dilemma I am facing. Unless any of the 3 changes occur above, the only path I see for the future is that I am going to effectively be carrying the bulk of our housing expenses, unless he continues to get into credit card debt, but I feel we would both resent that in the future.
I am not really sure what to do, but it is certainly bothering me. Upon learning of his high student loans when we first started dating, it was never a game changer and I always felt that it wouldn't bother me as long as I wasn't sharing the tab with him. But now I feel that I am doing just that....
Unfortunately, I believe his student loans likely won't be paid in full for another 5+ years.