Talk To Me About The Finality of Things

[Koolau]

Our college class holds reunions every 5 years. DW and I have only missed one since we graduated. We have a "Venn Circle" of friendships between us so the reunions were always great to reconnect. Of course, the passage of time means that fewer and fewer friends will make it. We have pictures from earlier reunions of classmate friends who have since died.

One of the ceremonies at each reunion is a remembrance time where the names of classmates who have died are announced aloud. At our 40 year reunion (2019) it just seemed notably longer. A lot of people there were making extra efforts to reconnect with people, as the dark humor going around was "who knows if this reunion will be one's last".

Yes, it was a stark reminder of our mortality seeing those (about) 100 names (out of 500) on a specially prepared poster. Even those who had over-imbibed would be hushed as they gazed at their own future. My thought was "What does the last survivor do at the 75th(?), 80th(?) (or what ever) reunion?" Can you imagine a poster with 499 names on it - being viewed by one gaunt, stooped old lady? What would she be thinking? "Guess I'm next!" YMMV

 

[Gumby]

I am going to my 40 year college reunion in a little over three weeks. Assuming I am working the SSA actuarial tables properly, if there were 969 of us who graduated at age 22, there should be about 819 of us left today.

 

[jayanu]

I have been able to accept it as a part of life. For me, it makes the time with family and friends more enjoyable. As long as we can talk and reminisce, even without the physical presence, it is all good.

Back in the early 90s DW interviewed my parents for about a hour about their early lives in their native countries, why they chose to come to the U.S., and how their handled their early years in the country. One of my retirement tasks was documenting a transcript of the interview and sending it out to family members. Listening to it has made me feel my parents are still around. In additional, having lots of video of them, and and of other family members and friends who have passed is also a comfort.

Belief systems can also be a factor.

I am 76 and an extrovert (i used to be an introvert) so I get along with everyone very well. I have lost parents, siblings, friends, relatives, neighbors, co-workers. Lost 5 bosom buddies and close relatives to Covid recently. When I was young, it did not affect me much, however as I get older the "finality" is staring in the face and does impact me more than before.

We were a large extended family and except three elders all elders are gone too. When I lost my last 90 years old gregarious cousin sister, I finally decided to start writing My Story. I gave $99 gift of Storyworrh.com to my elder sister and cousin brother to start writing their stories. This company sends one question a week for 52 weeks and at the end of the year will give you a nicely bounded book of your memories to pass on to your heir. I also started using such questions and iPhone's recorder app to record stories of other elders.

I wish I had started way earlier in my 50's!
Love
Jay Shah

 

[Markola]

But why do certain people burrow under one’s skin permanently, even if there’s been no contact in ages? If the OP’s Finality could be chosen, that would be nice in many unhealthy instances, but it doesn’t seem to work that way with us humans.