Trapped Gramma wants out

[OldShooter]

She may be gone. She posted a fairly nasty message that the mods almost immediately deleted and she hasn't posted since.

 

[Letj]

Would you or your daughter be able to build a small one bedroom accessory building and retire on your daughter’s property?

 

[ivinsfan]

She may be gone. She posted a fairly nasty message that the mods almost immediately deleted and she hasn't posted since.

Gramma if some comments here upset you to the point of leaving that's not a good thing. Sometimes we think we want to hear others opinions of our problems but in reality, sometimes those opinions are hard to take.


If you continue to read here or think you might actually gain something from us, come back anytime and we'll welcome you with open arms...peace out..

 

[daylatedollarshort]

She may be gone, but I will post what I know based on a friend's experience. I agree with the suggestion to look into subsidized senior housing. My friend loves where she lives now. But the wait list is years long in many areas, maybe even a decade, so seniors have to apply as soon as they can. The OP may also want to post on Reddit's poverty finance subreddit, since she is broke unless the adult kids give her some back pay. The ADU is also a good idea.

 

[Cayman]

Another vote in support of looking into senior subsidized housing. Two other thoughts - pharmacists in Maine tend to make considerably more than $100k/year base salary (Salary.com says $139k is median for Maine) - 2 are more likely at $260k+ for base, and usually have additional, generous benefits. A live in nanny should be paid at least $18/hour (Ziprecruiter).... and I'd sure pay a caring family member more than that. We don't have the full story. I'm saddened knowing OP is impoverished, using food stamps to eat in this situation (as presented). I hope there is more to the story because it is shameful as presented, the nanny grandma should be paid by her daughter and SIL for her valuable work.

 

[imnontrad]

Are you widowed or previously married for 10 years or more? You have different Social Security options.
The first step is creating your "My SS" account at ssa.gov to find out what your personal SS benefit is.
Although they are providing you a place to live, have they been paying you a salary also? (if not, they have been taking advantage of you). Have they been paying for a healthcare policy for you?
If they have a nice property, would it be possible to build a separate small home on it for you to give you a little breather space?

 

[MarieIG]

I think OP needs a budget.

Not sure how she managed to spend her entire savings while getting room, board, utilities and phone; and working for a few years. Perhaps the "savings" was very small in the first place?

We also heard that there were nannies there at least part of the time; and that the kids are in school which would allow OP at least several hours of free time during the day.

I am not ready to throw OP's DD and SIL under the bus . . .

 

[HGTVFanatic]

Time for a Family Meeting

You need to write down your entire financial situation. Ask for a family meeting when there will be no interruptions. Tell your family that you’ve been thinking about your future and it’s not looking too good. Ask them how long they foresee needing your help.
Then show them the financial document. Don’t just tell them. They need to see it in black and white.
Maybe this is something that they haven’t even considered because they have assumed some things. They might even be shocked. If they are good people, they will remedy the situation. If they say but we are giving you a free place to live! Ask them how long will that last. If you are in your 60s, are they going to want you in their home for another 30 years? And if not, then what?

 

[Bamaman]

Sounds as if you're between a rock and a hard place. With rents increasing with inflation, the chances that you can afford your own place, even renting, is low. They announced last week that the apartments in my hometown average $1811 a month--and that's not for a nice place.

I'd hate to think how cold a mobile home in Maine would be in winter. And I'd never feel safe in a trailer park either.

Your best bet is probably to stay where you are and find a good part time job. Fast food places often hire retirement age people because they're so reliable, and they're paying $13 to $16 an hour. Work until you make the $19K or so before Social Security starts charging you back 50 cents on every dollar you make--then quit.

You don't say what your income is but look into government subsidized housing--if available. We have some decent retiree apartments locally.

We wish you well.

 

[harllee]

Drumlin it sounds like to me you need to get a gig job to increase your assets. If your daughter and son in law willnot/cannot give you a salary that you can add to your savings you are going to have to figure out a way to do this your self. I am not quite sure of the ages of the 2 grandchildren you keep but could you also start keeping other children with in the house where you live or in the other children's houses? In most areas of the country there is a big demand for child care. Other ideas for a gig job--starting a maid service, lawn service, elder care, home office assistance, personal assistance. When my husband had knee replacement and I injured my back helping him, I would have paid good money for someone to help me with the household tasks, errands, grocery shopping, etc for a few months but I could not find anyone. I think a service like that would be in demand.

 

[Out of Steam]

If I was the OP and have Medicare, SS, food stamps, some potential windfall of $100K, I would be looking to get into affordable senior housing, if available where they are as a start. Waiting lists for these places may be YEARS in length (we have a relative that got into one after waiting 2 years).

This was my first thought. Your children and grandchildren might enjoy having you in a nearby village, near schools, shopping, and such.

 

[vafoodie]

Read or listen to the book Nomadland as the movie leaves a lot of the hardships out so as not to be so much of a downer.

 

[aja8888]

I think the OP hs left the room......

 

[ivinsfan]

I think the OP hs left the room......

I hate it when this happens... I looked back and she didn't really ask us anything about her DD and did not provide a lot of info so maybe we were over the top.

 

[Koolau]

I'm starting to think troll, but maybe she just doesn't want to hear that her rich pharmacist kids have been taking advantage of her so YMMV.

 

[Letj]

She may have been sent traveling. I read in the thread she posted a nasty response and haven’t been back since.

 

[Amethyst]

I agree. Not a troll, but someone who was searching for a miracle from SRPOTN. (Some random person on the Net).

It's hard to take advice when the problems are of our own making. To implement solutions would mean we'll have to go too much against our own leanings and abilities.

The thread isn't a waste, though. The ideas posted here could be of help to many.

I'm starting to think troll, but maybe she just doesn't want to hear that her rich pharmacist kids have been taking advantage of her so YMMV.

 

[Golden sunsets]

Something does seem wrong here. She shows Rockport Me as where she lives. Rockport is one of the most affluent communities in the state, not remote and poor. It's on the ocean, with very well heeled residents and a very high standard of living.

Sent from my SM-T510 using Early Retirement Forum mobile app

 

[vafoodie]

Definitely a cautionary tale worth showing to other potential grandma/nannies. My heart goes out to her. There but by the grace of years of reading, go I.

 

[rothlev]

I think you all were being a little too harsh, multi generational households may not be as common as they used to be , but family living together and helping run the household is not so terrible. grandma is not alone with living on social security, if she wants out, section 8 for the elderly is an option. Many elderly live with their children in a similar fashion. I guess it does need to be clarified that she is welcome in the household as long as she chooses, whether or not her assistance is needed. the children do need to know that they have an obligation to help her in her old age if and when needed. If I were her, I would put myself on the list for section 8 housing as that will give her a good option down the road

 

[Gumby]

She may have been sent traveling. I read in the thread she posted a nasty response and haven’t been back since.

If someone is sent packing by the moderators, it will say "Gone Traveling" under their name. It does not say that, so you may assume that she is still a member in good standing. Some members are regular participants here, some aren't.