We fought the good fight

[Romer]

I am very sorry for your loss. The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time

Think of something you would like to do. For example, you can find friends and a consuming hobby in joining a club, building a vehicle and going off road. I am not talking rock crawler build, more moderate to take you to places few people ever get to see. Maybe that isnt for you and instead you want to buy an old Mustang and restore it or when you downsize, refinish your own basement and learn some woodworking while you build built-ins. Maybe none of those are for you, but you should find something that will fully engage you as you try and define what this next phase of life is about.

I know it isnt any consolation. My Dad had all kinds of health issues including several heart operations. It was my Mom who passed away at 64 and he went on another 23 years. He got into antiques, buying and selling them. You have to find something.

She wouldn't want you sitting around, would she? Forgive me for presuming what she would want for you.

Again, I am very sorry for your loss

 

[RetireeRobert]

So sorry for the sudden unexpected loss of your dear wife. My deepest condolences to you.

I lost my sweet wife of almost 41 years 22 months ago. She had not been to a doctor for 25 years, then took ill over a period of four months and then was gone. I was seven years older than her. The thought I would be the one left behind to navigate the world alone had never ever occurred to me. I went to a Griefshare group a few times, but did not find it to be my thing. One thing someone did say however did kind of help frame things in my mind. They said losing a spouse was like an amputation. The loss is always with you and very evident. But like those with an amputation, they learn to deal and function and go on given their new circumstances.

I pray you find the strength and courage and clarity to adjust and navigate through your new life circumstances.

My deepest condolences to you.

 

[blueskyk]

I’m so sorry for your loss - tragedy and grief are profoundly disorienting. I found support groups helpful - just knowing there were others as bewildered as myself was oddly comforting. You kind of keep each other company while everyone feels their way forward in the dark.

The forest regrows after the fire but it takes a while before something new and hopeful sprouts.

I wish you the comfort that may be found in knowing you are not alone and wise companions who truly understand.

 

[RetireeRobert]

......... You kind of keep each other company while everyone feels their way forward in the dark.........

Another succinct way of describing life after loss of a spouse-----"feeling your way forward in the dark".

 

[Good_Life]

I am so sorry jime444. Life is so precious. I took your advice and gave my DW a hug and kiss. My deepest condolences

 

[skyking1]

I am so sorry for your loss. You said you just wanted to talk. I see a whole lot of people here who will listen. I can see your point of staying the course that you both set forth.

 

[TexasPE]

Grief Share/ Toastmasters

Support groups are a great idea…they have “ been there”, sometimes a therapist, not so much.
So sorry for your loss.

Many churches have a grief sharing program. You don't have to be a member to participate.

Toastmasters is a good way to make new friends in a warm, supportive environment. Membership exceeds 300,000 in more than 15,800 clubs in 149 countries

https://www.toastmasters.org/

 

[SVHoper]

Sorry for your tragic and sudden loss. Of course, it is expected that you will take a while to see the same joy in life... but it will return.
In the meantime, focusing on improving your health and friendships will help to enrich your life.

I have about 5 friends (non-romantic) that I see regularly. With each one, I have different shared interests and they all enrich my daily life immensely. I met all but one in different groups. I highly recommend meetup.com when you have the energy.

 

[Lstansbury]

((a hug))

Been there, done that -- twice. First one died on a Monday after being diagnosed on a Friday afternoon. Second one suddenly needed 6 weeks in ICU, and never came home.

What I know that may help you...

1. No one else can tell you how to grieve. Everyone's story is different. You do you.

2. Don't be surprised if you feel tired sometimes, inexplicably tired. And need lots of naps. It may not happen, but don't be surprised if it does. It's normal.

3. I didn't like grief groups either. Talk about a weird reason to get together for coffee. Who wants to be a member of that group? But books for those who were grieving did help me.

4. It's not your fault. Irrational thing to think, but a lot of widows/widowers do think that on a subconscious level. (discovered that in one of those books).

5. A stunning number of people will tell you stories about tragedies they experienced that you never knew a human could survive. Those stories gave me strength in an odd way. My tragedy was bad, but it wasn't as bad as that poor soul's tragedy. Maybe that helps, just google "sudden death of a xxxx" and forums come up.

Finally, just know that I bet you made your wife a very happy woman while she was in this form and this life. Good job.

LS

 

[a60dan]

Sincere condolences on the loss of your wife.

In the past year, 2 of our friends lost their husbands at age 60.

It’s really hit me as yet another sign of what I need to do regarding work.

I’ve found the right kind of support groups far more helpful than therapists.

I used to never ask for help and try to tough it out alone.

Now I know that I can get the best help from others who have walked the path before me.

 

[Dtail]

My sincere condolences go out to you.
Take some time first before making any large decisions.
Somewhere down the road, happiness will return to you.

 

[Souschef]

My condolences on your loss. Some years ago, I lost my wife of 30 years. This is one of my favorite quotes:
Grief is like the wake behind a boat. It starts out as a huge wave that follows close behind you and is big enough to swamp and drown you if you suddenly stop moving forward. But if you do keep moving, the big wake will eventually dissipate. And after a long enough time, the waters of your life get calm again, and that is when the memories of those who have left begin to shine as bright and as enduring as the stars above

 

[Dreamer]

I am so very sorry for your loss. You have received some very good advice and I have nothing to add. I would encourage you to continue talking to us anytime that you wish. We are very good listeners. Take care of yourself.

 

[lawman]

First let me say that I'm very sorry for your loss..I have not experienced the loss of a spouse or child which would be nothing less than devastating for me. I do have a story that I will not share here but suffice to say I have needed much help by many professionals along the way. Some counselors are much better than others but just know you are not going through anything that others have not experienced and then some..Please read the book of Ecclesiastes. It is the darkest book in the bible but it will show you that even though life is futile God still intends for us to enjoy life realizing that we will all be judged..The other point I will make is that finding the right group can be helpful to your healing as can writing about your life and pain..Good luck friend..

 

[RobbieB]

Sorry too. It sucks. I know. Took me 5 years to recover. It does get better with time.

 

[Go-NoGo]

My sincerest condolences to you Jim, take the time to grieve. Time will heal as best as it can.

 

[maestro]

Travelled my whole life for business. Been all over hell. No interest whatsoever of offshore travel. May do some travel in US [mod edit]
No real questions, conservative investor, history buff. Would like some advice on spending, travel, dealing with my loss, etc. yes I’ve seen a therapist…………wasn’t for me……………..

I feel your pain, and I am so sorry for your loss at this stage in your life. The perception and recognition of a higher presence might be worth consideration. 'Water' and being close to the sounds and sight of it can be rejuvenating. Find a beach or lake and walk the shoreline. Or get up into the mountains high. I wish you peace ahead.

 

[athena53]

My condolences on your loss. No real advice other than make sure you get through your grieving period before making large financial/lifestyle decisions. You want to make sure you aren’t making decisions based on emotions. Good luck to you!

I agree with this. My DH died when I was 63 and he was 78 but it was anticipated and I knew it was a likely scenario given the age difference. I'd retired at age 61. You're not in a position where you have to make any quick decisions and in a way that's a luxury. There's a lot you can do with your resources but there's no rush. For me, it's a joy to be able to see a need in an area important to me and be able to help. I do a fair amount of volunteer stuff, especially for my church, but sometimes I just write checks, too.

Take your time and take care of yourself.

 

[Skitso999]

My condolences; I am so sorry to hear of this terrible loss.

I agree that finding people in your life is great, therapist or not. A volunteering gig, a cards club, cycling group, or some other informal sport to do with others? Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, being with people (and maybe pets) can reinforce that our lives matter more in context to our world and how we fit into it. These associations can bring not only comfort, but even meaning, whether you talk intimately or not. Just something to consider.

I'll admit this answer is somewhat influenced by reading Viktor Frankl's book "Man's Search for Meaning" recently, and finding it really inspiring.

Good luck in your journey. I'm glad you're in this group.

I think the idea of an active club is a great idea! If you're into movies, a movie-watching club, etc.

Have you considered becoming active in a local church of your own denomination that needs members? You could be very valuable to a good organization, and gain some new friends and more hope for the future!

 

[ncbill]

I can't imagine...so sorry for your loss.

 

[51togo]

My sincere condolences to your loss!
Many good advises, I’m in the aviation field too … anytime you feel like talking just send private message ok too!
Take care of yourself and stay healthy.

 

[mcbraemer]

My sincere condolences.
Having just got back from a driving trip out East it's been an emotional week. My sister lost her husband of almost 40 years, to covid in April 2020. No funeral, service, hospital visits prior to his passing were permitted back then. She checked him into the hospital for what seemed like a bronchial issue and one week later he's gone. Our driving trip was to attend an outdoor memorial for my brother-in-law, nearly 18-months afterwards. He was still working when he passed at 66 yrs old, never having collected a penny os Soc Sec; my sister and he were deprived of all retirement joys.
I feel your pain, and our recent gathering was simply another example of the difficult human condition.
All previous advice from previous posters here is excellent and I concur. You might also derive internal peace and direction through your Higher Power, whomever and whatever that may be for you. There can be significant benefits for you and those around you. Whether you prefer religious or personal spirituality, there are great people and life mending thoughts in this realm, with innumerable texts and podcasts to help you. We all need help from time to time, and you have an incredible resource here that can be available to you if you so desire. This route, secondary only to my great DW, has benefited me more than once, and may help you too. Best Regards.

 

[RetMD21]

Sorry to hear of your loss. You would have a hard time running out of funds so you could put that all on the back burner. If you are interested in exercise and nature you could do some hiking. I find it refreshing. I am a fan of simplifying and reducing homes cars and possessions. I think you are on the right track with that.

 

[nhcycling]

I’m sorry for your loss Jime444. Take care of yourself.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I am so very sorry. I have lost 5 friends in their 50’s and 60’s during the past 6 years. 2 were a couple but for the rest they had to go on without their spouse and it’s tough. I think it’s sad not to be able to enjoy your retirement years together. Support groups can be helpful. You will find your path.