ED:
Her possible unhappiness may become a serious issue for both of us. My difficulty is that I am trying to plan for survival, not a long vacation. I have a sales job to do on her and if I am not successful, we will be in desperate straits when we are older. She doesn't understand yet...We can't hold on to a big house full of stuff while living somewhere else. When we were younger, we lived many places and travelled quite a bit without a lot of baggage, so I am hopeful.
Shiny:
Ed, that is a bit worrisome. DH and I both say we want to downscale and travel for a while and it is still hard to do, so it may be traumatic for someone who doesn't want to let go. We are slowly getting rid of things and its not too bad, but when it really comes down to the bare essentials I know it will be hard even though I want to do it!
Hi Guys,... I can't say I have the answers here, but I can give you my insight... 8)
When Billy first brought up the idea of ER to me
16 years ago, I was 36. Also, I wasn't ready, I was scared and so I became angry. It was an idea/concept that I didn't understand and that is why I resisted it.
Now, the reason I didn't understand it, is because:
1) It threatened the way I was viewing how life 'should' be lived
2) I didn't know what I would replace my current working lifestyle with.. (how would I fill my time?)
3) I would have to leave family, all my stuff, I loved my house... etc. etc. etc.
4) I was flat-out scared, didn't know anyone else who was doing that, and didn't believe it would work.
Any of this sound familiar?
If I were to give any advice at all, I would suggest the following:
1)
Try not to attack her value system, or tell her that her perceptions are 'screwed up'. :
--In other words, be a friend to her, realize she is scared. If you love her, this shouldn't be a problem, and it will take patience. However, you are both in this together, so expect her to help in creating the life you both want. Expect her to participate and contribute.
2.)
Offer solutions or replacements to what you are "taking away".
--This is really important, Guys... to just "take away" home, stuff, family, friends, a job or activities that she is identified with will only create resistance and more anger and fear. Both you and your wife must concentrate on what will replace that which you are leaving behind. What will you do with your time, How will you contact family and or friends, perhaps a temporary storage option may be helpful for some 'stuff', etc...
3.)
Get it clear in your mind what is important to the both of you.
--Make a list of what is important and prioritize it. No fair putting everything as #1. This has to be done. Then you find out what is common between you, and you work on the rest.
4)
Let go and cry, let go and cry...
-- Let her cry. I know this is tough on guys, but girls gotta do it.
Some of my favorite possessions I gave to my sisters or best girlfriends... that way I wasn't "really" losing it. My Grandmother's china is still in storage at a friend's... But basically, once I got started, (and was
allowed to cry) I let it go.
Does this help at all? Did I leave something important out? Are you dealing with something else I didn't mention?
sigh... Guys and Gals.. we're different!
Its a
good thing! (Honest! 8))
Akaisha
Author,
The Adventurer's Guide to Early Retirement