You're so lucky - How do you respond?

[bradaz2488]

I can so relate to this topic. I'm the only one in our circle of friends that achieved ER'ed and most of our fiends will likely have to work past 65 because they are not discipline savers and live beyond their means. I wish I had a dollar every time I heard "your lucky", "you sleep on money" or "you have a money tree". I could have ER'ed 10 years ago ... I really care & love these people, but it gets my blood boiling when they say these things. I know they do not mean to get under my skin and I think they are truly happy for me, but it comes across as if I did not have to work hard and sacrifice to achieve ER. Almost as if I just simply bought a lottery ticket and won.

I do consider myself lucky to have been born in America with a loving & supporting family. I was also lucky to get hired by a very successful MegaCorp because I knew someone. I look at these as lucky opportunities in life and it is up to you to either make them a success or failure. Success is hard work.

Ironically I may be saying the same thing ("your lucky") to them someday. My ER plan does not assume SS/Med. We all know these institutions are on the road of bankruptcy. My fear is the Government will reform SS/Med to only people with a low net worth. So people who were discipline savers & LBYM will not qualify because their net worth is too high. I hope this does not happen, but if it does then I think I will have the right to say to them "you are truly lucky" and "you are welcome" for the +$200K I paid in....

 

[ziggy29]

Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

 

[SumDay]

On "Black Friday" each year I feel the need to post on Facebook: "buy stocks, not stuff ".

As Dave Ramsey says: "Buying stuff you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like...."

And I agree with those who consider themselves lucky. We've planned, worked hard, worked at jobs we didn't particularly love, but had great benefits and good salaries so we could someday get off that treadmill. We've never had a natural disaster to deal with, nor a serious disabling accident or illness, didn't have kids who would need to rely on us for the rest of our lives, etc. Any of those things could easily derail anyone's plans, no matter how thorough they were. I've seen plenty of hard working individuals who simply cannot get ahead. I am pretty bloody lucky.

 

[mrfeh]

I was born a white, tall male in America and was able to start investing in the early 1980's - all luck. But others with the same luck did not take advantage of it the way I did.

I agree. Not to dispute the OP's point, but there is an aspect of luck involved.

Take me for example - my wife and I have always LBOM and saved/invested prodigiously, just like the OP. I earned a college degree and have worked hard my entire adult life. Because of this, we'll be able to retire early.

But, I've also been fortunate in ways that are completely out of my control. A few:

• I'm a white male, born and raised in America
• I didn't grow up in poverty
• I'm intelligent, which paved the way for a good education
• I'm analytical, which led me to a career as a software developer, which has been quite lucrative over the last 20 years (in other words, my preferred career provides high compensation)

Again, I'm not disagreeing with the OP. I just think it's helpful to appreciate the good fortune many of us have experienced.

 

[pb4uski]

I was born a white, tall male in America and was able to start investing in the early 1980's - all luck. But others with the same luck did not take advantage of it the way I did.

+1, except the tall part

 

[pb4uski]

....but if it does then I think I will have the right to say to them "you are truly lucky" and "you are welcome" for the +$200K I paid in....

I recently accessed my earnings record online and at the bottom of the page it shows the total amount of SS taxes that you and your employers have paid and the total amount of Medicare taxes that you and your employers have paid.

 

[retire2020]

I agree. Not to dispute the OP's point, but there is an aspect of luck involved.

Take me for example - my wife and I have always LBOM and saved/invested prodigiously, just like the OP. I earned a college degree and have worked hard my entire adult life. Because of this, we'll be able to retire early.

But, I've also been fortunate in ways that are completely out of my control. A few:

• I'm a white male, born and raised in America
• I didn't grow up in poverty
• I'm intelligent, which paved the way for a good education
• I'm analytical, which led me to a career as a software developer, which has been quite lucrative over the last 20 years (in other words, my preferred career provides high compensation)

Again, I'm not disagreeing with the OP. I just think it's helpful to appreciate the good fortune many of us have experienced.

My heart goes out to all who are genuinely unlucky and I never get upset when they call me lucky. I accept it and pray for them - One of my best friends has handicapped kid, another college friend(very smart) is just unlucky to find a job because of where he lives and another with health issues. I'm very lucky and fortunate compared to them and many other genuinely unlucky people.

I was talking about the people who absolutely have no issues, earn way more than I do, their house is 2.5 x value of my house, their swimming pool maintenance bill is higher than my property taxes, blow over 1k/day on lavish vacations, have two-three luxurious(bmw/mercedez/lexus) cars, open budget but still have financial problems. They've no clue or any planning about retirement let alone Early retirement. They all think they'll always have same lucrative jobs and do not even have emergency fund. When I tell them I do not have any mortgage/car payment or any kind of debts and have one year expenses saved in cash if I loose my job or if there is any emergency....they just tell me "You're so lucky"...One of them even told me that I'm an idiot that I save money in 529 plans-they think this will prevent kids from getting scholarship - which is not true as 529 is owned by parents not kids.....now that makes me mad, very mad.

 

[frayne]

No doubt the birth lottery gives you a step up in life being born white and with hard working and intelligent parents. That said, many of those who tell you how lucky you are had exactly the same start and opportunities but made different choices along the way.

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

This is one of my favorite Robert A. Heinlein quotes:

"Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded — here and there, now and then — are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right-thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty.
This is known as "bad luck.""

How can I not applaud someone who quotes Bob Heinlein?

I am beyond NRA and still working, so I do not get such comments.

I like the response, "I make my own luck." I am trying to teach my chillin's this. Got one in the fold, not sure about the other.

 

[samclem]

I think, being charitable, that some people say "you are lucky" as shorthand for "you are in a good spot", not "you achieved your present situation through chance."

I don't get many comments like this because I don't choose to let acquaintances know the details of my financial situation. And, like Travelover, I don't much care what folks think about it. (See the signature line--also by Heinlein.)

 

[sunsnow]

No one has actually said that to me, but if it were to happen, I might say something along the lines of:

Yes, we both are extremely lucky, aren't we? We are so lucky to live in a country that provides countless opportunities to amass wealth. We're lucky that our society has strong protections for individual rights, as well as pretty decent healthcare, and relatively clean water and air. We are also fortunate to live during a time of relative peace. All of these things make it possible for hard work to pay off in the form of FIRE--while people in many parts of the world can never attain that goal, no matter how hard they work or how diligently they save.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

I used to get a lot of the other moms tell me I was lucky to be able to work from home when my kids were in school. But I didn't find a job and get hired. I went back to school for difficult classes, did volunteer work to build up a portfolio and networked online with people doing the same type of work and got a lot of free advice.

I used to try to help the other moms who seemed interested do the same. But putting in a lot of work for possibly no pay - ever - just wasn't something most could get their heads around.

I spent a lot of time with one mom with a business related masters degree going over how to get started. After hours of work on my part she told me she could devote one day a week towards developing a home business over the summer (12 days total) and then if she wasn't making $40K a year she would have to look for a job.

Creating a business netting $40K after putting in 12 days of work and no capital? I kind of realized after that most of the people I knew really didn't get the concept of building a business versus applying for a job and making $40K+ year on day one.

So after that when they'd say how lucky I was to work at home, I would just agree and leave it at that.

 

[rodi]

I agree with some of the other posters' point.

I was lucky to be born with intelligence, to an intact family that valued education.

I was lucky to have a father who modeled the millionaire next door stuff - (I thought we were poor - because he was careful with is spending and didn't buy unnecessary crap - only later did I realize that's why he could afford to pay for our college and retire with nice income.)

I was lucky to be given the opportunity to go to college (public school) paid for by my parents. No loans. It made the "strings attached" worth it. (Had to be a major that would result in a job, had grade minimums.)

I was lucky to figure out maxing out the 401k early is a good thing.

I was lucky in so many ways.

My brother had the same parents, same upbringing... and turned out very differently. He was unlucky to get cancer in college, and a different cancer in his late 40's. But his other differences were choices, not luck - living beyond his means, marrying a horrid woman and then having an expensive divorce... buying an overpriced house at the peak of the market.

Luck is part of it - but choices are also a big factor.

I like to be thankful for the luck part.

 

[Culture]

We do a disservice to our cause and fellow person when we discount that luck is involved in our success. There is no doubt that that all FIRE's have an element of luck. I am going to hazard a guess that no one here on this board was born with Down's Syndrome or in a Kinshasa slum, and I am absolutely certain no one has Trisomy.

On the other hand, there is also no doubt that the harder you work at it, the more likely you are to succeed. I would not be where I was without hard work, good choices and the willingness to defer short term pleasure-gain for long-term pleasure gain.

The hard question is figuring out how much of our willingness to work hard, make good choices and make sacrifices is genetic. The older and wiser I get, the more I have come to believe that genetics (luck) is more important in these areas than most people believe. I still believe in free will, but I believe people are much less free than they think they are.

 

[enjoyinglife102]

Most times I've heard this it's from someone "stuck" in the rat race with no finish line in sight. Regardless of how they got there and the choices they made, it is easy to empathize with someone whos BS bucket is at capacity. A lot of us have been there, done that. I just say:
"No doubt I've been fortunate in many ways and I'm grateful every day for both all that I have and all I've been able to accomplish." Then I let the person go off a little bit sharing their misery and become even more grateful that that isn't me!

 

[Walt34]

The hard question is figuring out how much of our willingness to work hard, make good choices and make sacrifices is genetic. The older and wiser I get, the more I have come to believe that genetics (luck) is more important in these areas than most people believe.

I've often wondered about that too. Setting aside health issues that will derail anyone's ER plans, one sees so many examples of people raised in the same circumstances with radically different outcomes. And I see it so often in the people around us.

These are otherwise healthy, apparently normally intelligent people who seem completely unable to plan past their next paycheck or payment. I just don't get it.

 

[jkern]

I sometimes reply: "Well, I can't work all the time."

 

[jollystomper]

What I note is that folks assume that the things you end up in that look fortunate are "luck". However, one doesn't know if one was put into that situation, if that would have the same (or better) results.

For example, several posters mentioned how lucky they felt being born white and in the U.S.A. I am not white, and while I was born here my parents were immigrants and we grew up barely above the poverty line. I could look at the situation and say "I would be better off if I was born white". However, I'm glad I was not. Why? Because I don't know if, being born white, I would have had the same drive for achievement that has contributed to my "lucky" position today. Perhaps I would have assumed that everything would come my way, take things for granted, and not strive to be the best with my academics, athletics, and career.

So yes, you can be born into situations that seem more fortunate than others. But ultimately one has to decide if they are going to do what they can with the hand that was dealt to them which doesn't guarantee but can improve the odds, or spend more time looking at others and wishing for the "luck" they see, which has more odds of failing.

 

[MRG]

I agree with 'you make your own luck'.

But there is some luck, I had a couple of industrial accidents that could have fatal(or worse). So I believe I was lucky.

So some luck, but a lot of hard work, planning, saving....

MRG

 

[Willers]

I agree with the earlier posters that it is best to just agree and move on. Those that mean it as a compliment don't require anything else. Those that don't are affected more by a smile and an agreement than any other response you could give.

There was only one occasion when I just couldn't resist. When I was younger DW and I would buy the worst house in a neighborhood, live in it while fixing it up, and then sell it and repeat. After I'd bought a modest sized-house in a great neighborhood a coworker told me how lucky I was to live there (he was not being kind). I'd been up until midnight the night before tearing out a ceiling and being covered with bat guano that the critters left above the drop ceiling. I calmly described my previous night and suggested that he come over that night to see how "lucky" I was. He didn't ever bring it up again.

I am the first to admit that I had some advantages in life: I was born to parents that stayed together and valued education, I was born reasonably intelligent (the DW may disagree), I have a great supportive DW, and I emerged unscathed from a couple of life-changing experiences from which I learned some important lessons.

At the same time, I sacrificed, worked long hours, looked in the mirror rather than others when assessing mistakes, and most of all kept learning (that's why I'm on this board).

I love an age-old quote I last heard in the Last Lecture (watch it on YouTube if you haven't): "e cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." I think people most of those on this board played them very well.

 

[haha]

II love an age-old quote I last heard in the Last Lecture (watch it on YouTube if you haven't): "e cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." I think people most of those on this board played them very well.

I agree with you. Still, I am sometimes amazed at how many stupid decisions I have made over my lifetime, that didn't kill me or bankrupt me or make me paraplegic, but might have done.

A person cannot rely on luck to achieve success, as there just isn't that much luck in the whole world. Still, everyone needs luck, if only to account for being among the living by late middle age. For the logically inclined, luck is necessary but not sufficient to bring about good results.

Ha

 

[growing_older]

I do freely admit that good luck has played a large part in my good fortune. I muddled through and didn't play the cards I was dealt particularly well. I had the great good luck to be born into an upper middle class family that valued education and at least attended pretty good schools. I inherited some reasonable intelligence. I can do a pretty good job with computers, despite my lack of real dedication and determination to excel. I saved like crazy and like to ignore my investments, so I'm not tempted to do anything except stay the course.

I could have made much worse decisions, and when bad things happened to me I was lucky they weren't much worse than they were. I wasn't so lucky to get a silver spoon, a big inheritance or win any of the IPO lotteries. I worked steadily and saved steadily and made at least a little bit of luck through just plain grinding along day after day. But it's also fair to say I was lucky to start with many advantages and lucky to avoid many kinds of misfortune that could have affected me.

Most people saying "how lucky you are" seem to be envious of a kind of luck (windfall investment, big inheritance, corporate conspiracy) that don't actually apply, so they probably don't understand what I mean when I agree that I did have a lot of good fortune in my life.

 

[travelover]

............
These are otherwise healthy, apparently normally intelligent people who seem completely unable to plan past their next paycheck or payment. I just don't get it.

I'm convinced that the inability to handle money is just a manifestation of mental illness, which runs a pretty wide spectrum.

 

[friar1610]

A major part of my ability to retire early is a result of my military pension, earned from 28 1/2 years of active duty plus 4 years in the Reserves. (I also did the LBYM/saving/investing routine as well and retired for good at 58.) When I get the "lucky" bit I respond that I was "lucky" to get deployed, to have to move every 2-4 years, to have to uproot my kids from their schools and leave friends behind, to get no Government help or subsidy to buy/sell homes, to have my wife not be able to get jobs up to her potential because she was a "military wife" who would move in 3 years, etc., etc.

I wouldn't have stayed in the Navy for a career if I didn't fundamentally want to do it, but I get irritated when people who never served somehow think I'm "lucky" to have a lifetime pension as a result.

And the fact that I saved/invested along the way and had a nice nest egg when I was ready to retire was not the result of "luck".

 

[Willers]

Still, I am sometimes amazed at how many stupid decisions I have made over my lifetime, that didn't kill me or bankrupt me or make me paraplegic, but might have done.

I did as well. I conveniently left that part out.

They say that it is best to learn from others mistakes. If true, there are many out there that have learned a lot from watching me.