Alone, antisocial and ready to retire

haha said:
Just remember, no luck with women means only that the man is too nice. :)

Ha
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Ha, that comment was funny, but partially true for my gentle giant friend. After about 20 years of little success and relative solitude, found a nice sweet girl 17 years younger and is starting his family. Little does he know he will need a stand in"stunt double" here in about 12 years when she hits full stride in her 40's. My GF is in her early 40's and I limit the time I see her because I cant keep up!
 
Welcome to the forum Nuiloa :flowers:

I have had solitude and live-in companionship intermittently since 2004.
In choronological order...
10 months solitude (widowed), but still w*rking
2 years live-in companionship, both still w*rking
2.5 years live-in companionship (same person), FIREd, so I was alone all day
6 months solitude (break-up), FIREd
8 months live-in companionship, me FIREd, he is retired so we are together most of the day but not 24/7

When I was alone, either living completely alone or just alone all day, I had to really motivate myself to get things done around the house (unassisted) and/or get out and socialize.
I searched for social things for non-seniors to do during the day, and came up pretty empty handed. My age (48 at FIRE in 2007) prevented me from joining certain groups. I'm 53 now and still ineligible for these groups. :nonono:
So I volunteered to be a driver for the DAV Transportation Network. :D
I did that for 2 years, off in winter and on in good weather. It got me around people, it was a specific arrival time commitment, and it was very rewarding. I stopped when it was time for me to stop.
Then I helped out at a food bank for several months. I got bored with that very quickly.
These days I hang out at the Legions with Mr B (boyfriend) and meet all sorts of people. Sometimes I stay home, i.e. when he goes solo to periodic meetings.

I am an extrovert, or at least I used to be. I believe I have migrated to a nice balance of enjoying solitude as well as being around people.

So...what I would suggest is to start off doing 1 volunteer or group activity, something you are personally interested in and is age appropriate for you. If that does not suit you, try something else or take some time off from it.
Set your goal to be a balanced mix of alone and social time. It is your time and you will know what w*rks best for YOU. :flowers:
 
I picked up a couple of books a few years ago:
"Party of One: The Loner's Manifesto" by Rufus, kind of an "It's OK to be alone" book.
"Celebrating Time Alone" by Fisher, a collection of stories about different loners (not anyone you'd know) who have thrived.
"The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World" which is more of a "You're different, so here are some tips on how to cope in the real world".

None really grabbed me, but they weren't bad, and for the most part just reinforced what I already knew, that it's ok to be me. Not the strongest of book recommendations, but you might check them out at a library or bookstore and see how they look to you.

I also have another Zelinsky book, The Joy of Not Working, which helps with the "What will I do all day" question. Constructive, easy to follow, mostly common sense. I can't say there were any revelations here either, but it may have organized my thoughts and plans better.
 
Very interesting thread for me. I live alone on my small farm. I still work (or is that w**k) as a secretary, a one gal office in the middle of a 200 acre farm, so Im alone most of the day. And dont mind it one bit. When I go home, I close the gate, and am there most of the time by myself. Well, as by myself I can be with 3 dogs, 4 horses, oodles and oodles of chickens. And a cell phone and internet. So the word "alone" can be interpreted many ways. I never feel lonely. I can call, or text, a friend if I need a little conversation. And the internet has totally changed life as we knew it. What with email, chat rooms, and forums, such as this, you're only a click away from interacting with someone. I hope to retire in 4-5 years, and am considering a move to the Blue Ridge Mountain area. I dream of finding a little place where I can have my puppies, a few chickens, a garden, an incredible view of the mountains, wild life all around me. No where in that dream are neighbors, shopping close by, public transportation.

I have a good friend, who I see once a month or so, who Ive known for 20 years, but Im sure when I decide to sell and move north, he won't go, and it really doesnt matter to me. I see adventure in my retirement!

I also would love to take a year in retirement, with an RV, and travel this wonderful, beautiful country of ours. Just me and the puppies. Its so good to hear others are doing this also, because Ive never thought I couldnt do it. In fact I know I can, and think it would be just the most wonderful experience.
 
Nuiloa said:
Being a newbie, I still haven't figured out the acronyms. What are ISTJs and INTJs?
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Here's the info on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test/Types:

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

BTW, I'm an INTJ (as many on this board are - one of the rarest of the sixteen "types"):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/INTJ#Characteristics

FIRE is "Financially Independent - Retired Early"

Of course, you could be FI without being RE (or the other way around :facepalm: )...
 
rescueme said:
BTW, I'm an INTJ (as many on this board are - one of the rarest of the sixteen "types"):

...
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Lol - by the terms of those definitions, it would seem that I am an INTJ too.

My friend is an AEATT (all emotion, all the time) - no wonder we don't understand each other:facepalm:
 
Nords said:
The short answers to the questions:
1. This Atlantic article has been out for over eight years and is still getting followups from people who say "Finally someone understands me!":Caring for Your Introvert - Magazine - The Atlantic

QUOTE]

I have read this article and it is excellent! Thanks for posting it again, Nords.
I am an introvert who likes people, all kinds, the wackier the better. But I have to limit my time with them, and I cannot tolerate groups for very long before I start to feel neurotic and have to crawl into my cave again.

Not sure what causes this trait but my brother is just like me. We have talked about it and are both baffled. But it's important to accept oneself and realize one's limitations. That way I can work around them and feel happy in my life.

I am a telecommuter sometimes and also do creative work that is also solitary. So I have to force myself to step outside my boundaries. I do have one good female friend who enjoys my company. And I have a class I go to regularly with people I enjoy. I have recently decided to try some social groups again and see how I like it. Luckily I live in Colorado where I enjoy hiking with my dog who is excellent company.

Ha's suggestion about dancing is a good one. I would definitely do that if I were slimmer. But, although I'm still pretty cute, I'm somewhat overweight and afraid I'd just be a wallflower.
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QUOTE]


Ha's suggestion about dancing is a good one. I would definitely do that if I were slimmer. But, although I'm still pretty cute, I'm somewhat overweight and afraid I'd just be a wallflower.[/QUOTE]

As with age, size is just a state of mind. I weigh well over 300 pounds and I not only perform live on stage as "Nuiloa" (which is Hawaiian for "very much" or "large amount") but I also teach both Polynesian dance and tap dancing. I STARTED dancing when I was 35 and about 250 pounds.

I also geocache, which often involves walking up and down and around some pretty significant obstacles.

I vowed early on that I would NEVER let my size limit my ability to do anything. I camp, I travel, I go to the beach and wear a bathing suit - and if someone doesn't like it, they don't have to look. I call it my F*** You attitude.

Go in with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face and I can guarantee that you won't be a wallflower. In my experience, men like women who don't feel like they're going to snap like a twig in their arms!
 
It is amazing how many INTs are on this board, I'm an INTP.
 
Nodak said:
I get the "when are you going to get married?" question from relatives all the time. I just tell them I'm going for my Uncle Walt's record; he married for the first time at 75 and was married for 20 years before he died.
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Just don't go for my Uncle Eddie's record he had a lady friend for twenty-five years and they finally got married . He died within a year .:(
 
Nodak said:
It is amazing how many INTs are on this board, I'm an INTP.
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INTP here as well. Did a fun, fun group thing at work one year where we got to see how people with various personality types approached problems. (fun and workgroups don't generally go hand in hand I know).

We took tests ahead of time but didn't know the results. We were then grouped for various exercises based on how we strongly we leaned towards whatever characteristic that exercise was supposed to highlight.

For the last exercise, we were divided into four groups and told to plan the perfect vacation. Our group talked for two minutes and wrote out "we're going to Tahiti." That was the extent of it. The group with the polar opposite leanings to us planned out a trip across Canada, including what type of vehicle they'd drive, how far they'd drive each day, where they would stop, what they would see, what they would eat, etc. The other two groups landed somewhere along that gradient.

The fact that my wife and I have packed up the car and gone on a 15 hour road trip because we were bored... and also taken a 2000 mile detour on a trip out west seem to bear out the personality test :D
 
I am an INTJ and DW is one too (she had to re-take the Myers-Briggs test at work last week and it confirmed her previous result).

I like to be by myself. DW travels a lot for work so, even though I am married, I do spend a lot of time alone at home. People absolutely drain me. I do have some good friends and I am very close to my family. Since my friends and family live thousands of miles away, we don't see each other all that often, but I enjoy the rare occasions when we do.

People often wonder what I do by myself all the time. Well, I always have a lot of things to do (my current project is to turn all my old photo negatives into digital pictures and organize them in digital albums). I rarely turn on the TV during the day and I always find that time flies much faster than I would like it to. I can't say I ever feel bored or lonely.

I am a bit worried about what will happen when DW retires. I think we will have to set up some "alone time" so we don't get on each other's nerves.
 
I: 22
N: 75
T: 62
J: 44

I used to be more of an introvert, but I'm actively working on it. Glad to see that my tendency to be judgmental appears to be in check!
 
Mead, my J is usually 100 when I take the MBTI! :)
Nords, also my thanks for that article. Always good to know that we are not alone, even if we prefer it sometimes. :)
 
My lifestyle has changed drastically in retirement. I thought maybe retirement would have changed my personality too, but according to that test I am still strongly INTJ.
 
W2R said:
My lifestyle has changed drastically in retirement. I thought maybe retirement would have changed my personality too, but according to that test I am still strongly INTJ.
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Do you think it is strange that, of all the people on this forum, the vast majority who replied to the thread are INTJ? Seems birds of a feather....

I'd suggest we start a club, but I suspect no one would come to the meetings.
 
Nuiloa said:
Do you think it is strange that, of all the people on this forum, the vast majority who replied to the thread are INTJ? Seems birds of a feather....

I'd suggest we start a club, but I suspect no one would come to the meetings.
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Perhaps those on this forum who aren't INT's weren't interested in this particular thread, so therefore didn't contribute :)
 
veremchuka said:
... you can hear the wood drying in here and I love the sound of silence. This is why I said where I am is not rural enough even tho I'm on a dirt road in a small town of 5600. If I could I'd live in the middle of 1000 acres and have the nearest person at least 5 miles away that would be great.

I too wonder if this propensity to being a loner is partly responsible for our ability to FIRE?
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Nope, you're not the only one. DW and I are both ISTJ's. We can go to a loud party and enjoy it, but then it takes us both three days to recover.

I remember shortly after I earned my pilot's license, on a flight at 6,000 feet I realized that "Hey, the nearest person is at least a mile away!" Most days the air there is smooth as glass and it's like sitting in your living room, with the airplane trimmed you can fly it with a fingertip. That sense of isolation is sometimes hard to find anywhere near the Washington, DC area.

And that "quiet time" was one of the things I liked about working midnight shifts. At the time after midnight or so they all but rolled up the sidewalks, at least during the weekdays. So unless "the stuff hit the fan" there wasn't much to do besides drive around and listen to the all-night radio.
 
Walt34 said:
there wasn't much to do besides drive around and listen to the all-night radio.
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I was the all-night DJ on a radio station in Reno in the late 1980's. Loved that shift. I felt as if the night belonged to myself and a just small number of listeners. At that time of night in Reno, it probably was a rather small number as well.
 
Nui, don't even start on the left-handers--not only is this forum disproportionately INTJ and ISTJ, but lots more lefties than the expected populace.

I think just like there are a lot of engineers here (not me!), the concept of ER and being able to entertain ourselves after retiring simply appeals more to introverts. The extroverts are happier running the world, I suspect.

heh heh heh (a nod to my favorite left handed INTJ on the forum, Uncle Mick)
 
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