Dear Abby Forum

[Meadbh]

I don't think that's right, although obviously you feel the way you feel. I think Mrs. is just another honorific, no different than Mr. If I refer to a woman I know is married I call her Mrs. until given permission to become less formal. It relates specifically to the person I am addressing. I'm sure I'm not explaining this well, but I don't think most people consider Mrs. to indicate ownership, just a relationship.

I disagree. "Mrs" means "Mistress of". I don't want to be thought of as anyone's mistress, thank you very much.

 

[haha]

I disagree. "Mrs" means "Mistress of". I don't want to be thought of as anyone's mistress, thank you very much.

Like Elvira, Mistress of the Dark?

Wow! Who'd a known all those 50s suburban Moms were running such intersting lives!

 

[samclem]

I disagree. "Mrs" means "Mistress of". I don't want to be thought of as anyone's mistress, thank you very much.

Is that what "Mrs." means today, or is that its etymology? I think there's a big difference between the two.

 

[harley]

I've discovered when someone dislikes something like Meadbh does with Mrs. there's no sense in trying to change their minds. I've got pet peeves out the wazoo, so I'd not be one to talk. My best bet is to keep an eye on my karma when I get annoyed when someone innocently offends me, and kick their butts if they do it on purpose.

 

[Meadbh]

I've discovered when someone dislikes something like Meadbh does with Mrs. there's no sense in trying to change their minds. I've got pet peeves out the wazoo, so I'd not be one to talk. My best bet is to keep an eye on my karma when I get annoyed when someone innocently offends me, and kick their butts if they do it on purpose.

Yup, this one hits a nerve......
Meadbh (aka raging feminista)

 

[kumquat]

OK if we call you Dr.

 

[Meadbh]

OK if we call you Dr.

You can call me Dr. or Ms. or Hey You or whatever you like so long as it isn't Mrs!!!!

 

[Sarah in SC]

Does being called Missus Sarah count? I get that a fair bit. Or even on a few memorable occasions Missy Sarah. That is my all time favorite.
I appreciate the Ms. crowd, but here in the South, it would just be impossible to sustain that much staying mad, because everyone wants to call you Mrs. when you are married.

 

[bruce1]

I've discovered when someone dislikes something like Meadbh does with Mrs. there's no sense in trying to change their minds. I've got pet peeves out the wazoo, so I'd not be one to talk. My best bet is to keep an eye on my karma when I get annoyed when someone innocently offends me, and kick their butts if they do it on purpose.

I have to concur with Harley here.

I once refered to a woman as Ms and was on the receiving end of some loud comments from her that ended in " I am quite proud to be referred to a Mrs. XXXXX thank you very much. "

Moderation in all things

One of my pet peeves when I was working was listening to one of my lady coworkers explain something to someone and then having the person ask to speak to me and accept the same explanation from me because I was male. That was a complete waste of my time.

BRuce

 

[Khan]

I have to concur with Harley here.

I once refered to a woman as Ms and was on the receiving end of some loud comments from her that ended in " I am quite proud to be referred to a Mrs. XXXXX thank you very much. "

Back in the '70s I had a long running argument with an FB secretary who insisted the USArmy did not allow the use of 'Ms'.

Then there was the tax preparer who insisted we couldn't file jointly because we didn't have the same last name.

Moderation in all things

One of my pet peeves when I was working was listening to one of my lady coworkers explain something to someone and then having the person ask to speak to me and accept the same explanation from me because I was male. That was a complete waste of my time.

BRuce

I had a PHB who did this all the time. I would tell him something about the computer system, and he would call the tech guy to verify it. Tech guy finally told him to listen to me, as I knew what I was talking about.

 

[ziggy29]

I have to concur with Harley here.

I once refered to a woman as Ms and was on the receiving end of some loud comments from her that ended in " I am quite proud to be referred to a Mrs. XXXXX thank you very much. "

It's like other things, too. There have been times I've held a door open for a woman just barely behind me when entering a building, and I'd get a glaring expression back or something to the tune of, "I can open the door myself, thank you."

Keep in mind she's right behind me, maybe 4-5 paces. It seemed rude to me to shut the door in her face.

So then if we take that to the bank and shut the door in another woman's face the next time this happens, either (a) I'm rude and inconsiderate or (b) I'm some unrefined troglodyte who doesn't know how to treat a lady (especially big down south).

Sigh. Can't win...

 

[ls99]

Nice part of living in a small town is ladies recognize gallantry and appreciate it.

 

[REWahoo]

...or something to the tune of, "I can open the door myself, thank you."

That's when you get free entertainment with a big and a very sincere "You have a nice day, Mam!" response. Makes my day.

 

[Khan]

It's like other things, too. There have been times I've held a door open for a woman just barely behind me when entering a building, and I'd get a glaring expression back or something to the tune of, "I can open the door myself, thank you."

Keep in mind she's right behind me, maybe 4-5 paces. It seemed rude to me to shut the door in her face.

So then if we take that to the bank and shut the door in another woman's face the next time this happens, either (a) I'm rude and inconsiderate or (b) I'm some unrefined troglodyte who doesn't know how to treat a lady (especially big down south).

Sigh. Can't win...

I someone holds the door for me I say 'thank you'.

I hold the door for whoever is next.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

 

[Westernskies]

I have a dilemma though. The clerk I usually see at Safeway always addresses me as Mr. but her name tag says only "Linda". She is my age, and after her courtesy I just cannot address her as Linda. So I answer with courtesy, but without using her hame.

I deal with the Safeway issue by using a false phone number for my Safeway Club card. The friendly clerk always says " Thank you, Mr. Dahl" when she hands me my change. Not my name, but she doesn't need to know that.

 

[Bestwifeever]

If someone holds the door for me I say 'thank you'.

I hold the door for whoever is next.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

I do the same, male or female.

The person who doesn't hold the door for the next person when they're weighed down with three bags and losing their gloves and running late--not the person who takes three seconds to kindly hold the door for the next person--will one day get the karma he/she deserves!

 

[calmloki]

I someone holds the door for me I say 'thank you'.

I hold the door for whoever is next.

Why does it have to be so complicated?

Women have held doors for me - i hustle up & say thanks!
I've held doors for many women, most of them at least smile - never had anyone go beyond non-acknowledgment, even the butchest, crew-cut, plaid shirt sans sleeves wearing tattooed - dare i say dyke looking - lass. Don't think the rough looking women have been any less polite than the lipstick crowd, but i tend to just treat people like people.

 

[Rustic23]

I think it is safe to say that this thread has been successfully hijacked.

 

[noworkethic]

Is it okay to hijack a thread that has pretty much run its course or should it just be left alone to die a natural death?
BTW I was chewed out once because I opened a door for a woman, but that was long ago when feminism was in its infancy. I suspect that we have come far enough that not even Ms. Steinem et. al. would complain today.

 

[jazz4cash]

I had a 5 year old punk call me "dude" the other day. I asked him if he called his dad "dude", and he said yes. So I said: "Well, I'm not your dad, so you can call me "SIR", got it? With scared eyes, he said: "Yes sir".

Gotta love messing with other people's kids.......

That was cruel, FD. The kid probably recognized you from the board.

 

[Abreutime]

My Dad just mistakenly signed an email with his first name (instead of "Dad") since he was using his work email, and I jokingly responded with an email asking if this means I can call him that.

I call everyone that I work with (up to the CEO) by their first names, except for one gentleman. He happens to share my first name, and I call him Mr. Last Name because he gets a kick out of it.

 

[Danny]

Is it okay to hijack a thread that has pretty much run its course or should it just be left alone to die a natural death?
...

i don't think it has to die - it is the Dear Abby Forum so I know i'm going to be coming to it from time to time to ask for answers to life's persistent questions...

 

[bbbamI]

What were we talking about?

 

[Danny]

bbbb- we were talking about names (and your lips)

my yoga teacher announced that as of today she has a new first name...there was an awkward couple seconds...reason: she had just today become an American citizen got rid of her old Chinese name and adopted the "American" one....she said she had started crying when she did the pledge and been crying all day ...all of us gave her a standing mountain ovation with both hands clapping..it was very touching to see someone so moved to become an American!

 

[Sarah in SC]

What a great story, Danny. I am so happy for her and very proud! It is good to remember how many people dream of becoming citizens of the United States and for the native-born to count our blessings and good fortune to be born here.