DNA Testing and New Sibling?

[googily]

If you're really hunting for someone, I'd use both. Or at least start with one and if you don't find them, consider using the other as well. I started with Ancestry, but 23 and Me has all of the other genetic stuff if that interests you.

 

[target2019]

The route we took was Ancestry test. Then upload those results to FTDNA, GedMatch, and My Heritage. That kept the initial cost down.

 

[aja8888]

The route we took was Ancestry test. Then upload those results to FTDNA, GedMatch, and My Heritage. That kept the initial cost down.

Are these other services free or do you have to pay to do whatever they provide? Thanks!

 

[target2019]

The route we took was Ancestry test. Then upload those results to FTDNA, GedMatch, and My Heritage. That kept the initial cost down.

Are these other services free or do you have to pay to do whatever they provide? Thanks!

Not free, but less than another test.

I suggest Ancestry first as it has the largest base of results.

 

[aja8888]

Not free, but less than another test.

I suggest Ancestry first as it has the largest base of results.

Thanks, I'll pass this recommendation along to DW tomorrow. Maybe she will order up the test to get things started. When her older sister started the family tree effort, which was many years ago, she got stuck and gave up. I believe her effort was before DNA testing became available to us commoners.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

I was orphaned at birth. Your "family" is made up of the people who love you, not the people you share DNA with.

 

[Sunset]

Thanks, I'll pass this recommendation along to DW tomorrow. Maybe she will order up the test to get things started. When her older sister started the family tree effort, which was many years ago, she got stuck and gave up. I believe her effort was before DNA testing became available to us commoners.

The test kits come on sale during the year, I bought mine at 1/2 price. So $100 instead of $200 (went for the full shot).

Right now there is another sale as well for 23andme

 

[Ally]

Last Christmas, I innocently gave both my children Ancestry tests. I was divorced from my first husband, and their dad, nearly 40 yrs ago. He died a few years after the divorce. I remarried.

One day, I was very busy at a cat adoption event at Petsmart. My son called and said “Mom, I have a half brother.” I told him I knew nothing about it, and was he older than my son? Yes, he is 4 yrs older.

My daughter is upset and doesn’t want to meet. I think she will change. My son does when Covid restrictions are over. Apparently, he was given up for adoption and has a very happy life. His bio mom and my ex are both dead, so he was happy to talk to a brother. I looked him up on Facebook and he looks very much like my ex. He has a job with a firm my previous workplace did business with, so I wonder if we ever met.

 

[target2019]

Thanks, I'll pass this recommendation along to DW tomorrow. Maybe she will order up the test to get things started. When her older sister started the family tree effort, which was many years ago, she got stuck and gave up. I believe her effort was before DNA testing became available to us commoners.

For research you can start for free at Familysearch.org. I did that before getting a test. They have an introduction to the possible tests out there:
https://www.familysearch.org/dna-testing/test-options

I can understand the frustration when trying to put together a reasonable family tree. There are serious genealogists and many more amateurs (like myself). The waters can be very muddy, to say the least.

 

[DrRoy]

Dr. Roy, wow, quite a story. You must be reeling from this in some ways.

I definitely was, but am adjusting to the reality. At first it feels like something was taken away. Now, after researching the new ancestry, and having had some conversations with the newly found relatives, some of that loss is being recovered. I am sure that we will be meeting each other after we have had a vaccine. It was satisfying to discover who the donor was, and to find that I was still distantly related to the Dad who raised me.

My sister (half) made contact with only one of the matches from her paternal side, but from information that was provided from there, and with some effort online, I was able to identify who her donor was also.

 

[Montecfo]

I definitely was, but am adjusting to the reality. At first it feels like something was taken away. Now, after researching the new ancestry, and having had some conversations with the newly found relatives, some of that loss is being recovered. I am sure that we will be meeting each other after we have had a vaccine. It was satisfying to discover who the donor was, and to find that I was still distantly related to the Dad who raised me.

My sister (half) made contact with only one of the matches from her paternal side, but from information that was provided from there, and with some effort online, I was able to identify who her donor was also.

That's a very healthy and I think logical viewpoint. Family bigger than you thought. I leaned I had a sister and 3 nieces I did not know about. Perhaps there will be more.

 

[travelover]

..........
I can understand the frustration when trying to put together a reasonable family tree. There are serious genealogists and many more amateurs (like myself). The waters can be very muddy, to say the least.

Yeah, I'll say. My mother said that my dad played around so much she wasn't sure which of us kids were hers.

 

[Teacher Terry]

Interesting stories everyone.

 

[RobbieB]

Oh yeah. My brother in law found out he don't know who his daddy is. My wife suspects the same.

Mommy had secrets she took to the grave. As did her suspected lover and co-worker also deceased.

Be careful what you ask, you might not like the answer.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

Oh yeah. My brother in law found out he don't know who his daddy is. My wife suspects the same.

Mommy had secrets she took to the grave. As did her suspected lover and co-worker also deceased.

Be careful what you ask, you might not like the answer.

Like I mentioned I was placed for adoption at birth. I do have a small desire to know my nationality, but not to the point where I want to risk someone finding me.

I was fortunate to get two wonderful adoptive parents, and one crazy (drug abusive) adopted brother. Real mean guy.

I cannot take the chance of another potential sibling, or half sibling or other extended relative finding me in case it doesn't work out. Takes too much out of me. I figure my birth mother knew what she was doing and I respect her decision. DW, DS & DD are the only family I need. I've already warned DD and DS not to take any of these tests and why. They agree.

As for family trees. I had a couple aunts that were into putting together detailed family trees, multi generations. I made their tree books with a big asterisk next to my name that said "ADOPTED". I think this was a disclaimer they put by us adopted relatives in case we didn't work out, then they had an excuse that we weren't true bloodline. Funny thing, some of the relatives in the bloodline didn't work out either....

 

[goingtotravel]

Haven't read the entire thread so hopefully this isn't too much off target...and warning that I feel very strongly about adoption and finding your birth family but this is just my opinion about my life.

I was adopted during the 1960's when many women were forced by their families and society to give up their children. There are many support groups for adults my age who have been dealing with the fall out of closed adoptions. There is a good book written about that era and adoption titled: "The Girls Who Went Away". It's heartbreaking to read about how mothers were basically forced to give up their children. In my upper middle class family it was thought better to rip a kid away from their birth mother than to be embarrassed to your friends and neighbors by your pregnant daughter (who was in her 20's at the time).

Through new state laws I was able to obtain my original birth certificate and now know who my mother is, know who my aunts and uncles are, know that I have a 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister, etc. My father is not listed on the certificate and it will take a DNA test to figure out who he is. Which I plan to do. My father as far as I've been told didn't even know my mother was pregnant.

I am in my 50's. The family secret, or their family secret, is not my fault and not my responsibility to keep. I want to know my ancestry, I want to know my medical history, and I want to feel connected. If my birth family doesn't want a relationship with me, well, that's their loss and has nothing to do with who I am because they don't know me. My adoptive mother agreed and encouraged me to find my birth family and I am thankful for that.

Just posting this because I wanted to represent the other side of the coin - the child - who has no connection to their family/roots/history/medical information. I will respect the wishes of my birth family if they do not want to maintain contact but I refuse to pretend like I should be an embarrassment to anyone just because I exist.

 

[ivinsfan]

The last two posts here show how emotionally charged this issue is.

I guess there is no right answer.

I don't think anyone should feel like they are an embarrassment for existing. Hoping for a connection might not be realistic for a number of reasons, but embarrassment isn't the first thing that comes to my mind.

 

[Stormy Kromer]

The last two posts here show how emotionally charged this issue is.

I guess there is no right answer.

I don't think anyone should feel like they are an embarrassment for existing. Hoping for a connection might not be realistic for a number of reasons, but embarrassment isn't the first thing that comes to my mind.

You're right, and I'm sorry I got off track from the original topic. Everyone's situation is different.

It has been my experience that when I meet another orphan we have an immediate connection, almost like cousins. I know several and we visit about our situations. It ranges from those who would do anything to meet their birth parents to people like me, who grew up fearing they'd come to take me away. When I was young I used to hide whenever a stranger came to our house.

I respect everyone's opinion 100% and realize everyone's situation is different. Nobody is wrong.

One word of caution to everyone. These DNA tests may give you a surprise that can change your life, and the lives of those around you.

 

[ivinsfan]

SK, it's not off track because if anybody follows up on info from these tests, they need to realize that they will impact more people then just themselves. And as you said nobody is wrong but people can still feel hurt.

 

[Time2]

I've been curious to having a DNA test, just for medical curiosity, not so much about lineage. My 28 yr old daughter has said she doesn't want her DNA out there and wishes I wouldn't get tested. Maybe there's something I don't know. But, she has my same crooked toe! And she's very bright, well, maybe that's from the wife.

 

[ivinsfan]

I've been curious to having a DNA test, just for medical curiosity, not so much about lineage. My 28 yr old daughter has said she doesn't want her DNA out there and wishes I wouldn't get tested. Maybe there's something I don't know. But, she has my same crooked toe! And she's very bright, well, maybe that's from the wife.

Well my DH's sister had her DNA tested and opened her info up on the internet. As she talked to my DH she said "oh maybe I should have talked to you about that first." ]

 

[braumeister]

DNA testing can be kind of haphazard, from what I see in my own case.

I've traced my ancestry on both maternal and paternal lines back over 200 years, and one side has been all from one country, the other side all from one other country. So it's pretty clear.

Yet both Ancestry.com and 23andme.com show my DNA as very predominantly from one side, the maternal line. I have no doubt about who my father is, and I have a couple of relatives from that side who look so much like me that they could probably fool a facial recognition algorithm.

So the DNA tracing systems used by the companies are still in the early stages, IMHO.

 

[Sunset]

Haven't read the entire thread so hopefully this isn't too much off target...and warning that I feel very strongly about adoption and finding your birth family but this is just my opinion about my life.

I was adopted during the 1960's when many women were forced by their families and society to give up their children. There are many support groups for adults my age who have been dealing with the fall out of closed adoptions. There is a good book written about that era and adoption titled: "The Girls Who Went Away". It's heartbreaking to read about how mothers were basically forced to give up their children. In my upper middle class family it was thought better to rip a kid away from their birth mother than to be embarrassed to your friends and neighbors by your pregnant daughter (who was in her 20's at the time).

Through new state laws I was able to obtain my original birth certificate and now know who my mother is, know who my aunts and uncles are, know that I have a 1/2 brother and 1/2 sister, etc. My father is not listed on the certificate and it will take a DNA test to figure out who he is. Which I plan to do. My father as far as I've been told didn't even know my mother was pregnant.

I am in my 50's. The family secret, or their family secret, is not my fault and not my responsibility to keep. I want to know my ancestry, I want to know my medical history, and I want to feel connected. If my birth family doesn't want a relationship with me, well, that's their loss and has nothing to do with who I am because they don't know me. My adoptive mother agreed and encouraged me to find my birth family and I am thankful for that.

Just posting this because I wanted to represent the other side of the coin - the child - who has no connection to their family/roots/history/medical information. I will respect the wishes of my birth family if they do not want to maintain contact but I refuse to pretend like I should be an embarrassment to anyone just because I exist.

The closed adoption thing is a denial of what most everyone else has... a history of family health and longevity.
It sure will make a difference to me if all my relatives died at age 65 vs 95. Currently I don't know.

I've felt the birth fathers certainly got a great get out of responsibility card by society.

 

[Chuckanut]

Oh yeah. My brother in law found out he don't know who his daddy is. My wife suspects the same.

Mommy had secrets she took to the grave. As did her suspected lover and co-worker also deceased.

Most kids know who 'daddy' is. The problem is sometimes not knowing who the birth father is. Alas, fathers are not always daddies.

The days of women taking secrets to the grave are near over. DNA testing must be making a lot of women nervous these days.

 

[Silver]

I have never wanted to have any DNA testing. I feel that so much of my privacy is already taken away, I'm not willing to self-contribute any additional invasive information.

I know who my 'family" is.....people I care about and who care about me. That's enough. It's said that you can't choose your family. Well....in fact.....you can.