Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Do family and friends ask for your advice?
Old 03-18-2013, 03:27 PM   #1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
David1961's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,076
Do family and friends ask for your advice?

Ever since I ER'd, family and friends have tried to talk with me privately and ask questions about investing, retirement planning, etc. It's actually a compliment, but I have had almost the exact conversation with my nephew about what an IRA is three times. It's like since I ERd, people look at me like an investment guru. (Six months before I ER'd, nobody asked me anything). I take it as a compliment, but when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads. And when I say most actively managed funds underperform the indexes, they get more frustrated. Plus, I would feel bad about recommending a specific investment because if it loses, I'd feel bad. I want to help but am reluctant to give any specific advice. Plus, I feel like a Vanguard salesman, because that's the family I usually would recommend. I'm actually starting to dread Easter for this reason. Does this happen to you? Any strategies? I value their friendships and don't want to be a smart-ass.
__________________

__________________
David1961 is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 03-18-2013, 03:34 PM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 11,020
The good thing is that they obviously envy respect your ability to ER. I agree that there is nothing good to gain by advocating a specific product or firm. Inevitably, you will be persona non grata when it doesn't do well. It would be best to simply suggest useful resources such as books and websites. You might not want to recommend this forum if you want to remain anonymous to your relatives!
__________________

__________________
Meadbh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 03:41 PM   #3
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
heeyy_joe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Madeira Beach Fl
Posts: 1,403
Not since the last time ten times I was asked for my advice, gave it, and then they did the opposite of the advice and it blew up in their face.

Now I list a few possible choices and say "you figure it out". This tactic has lowered my stress level considerably.
__________________
_______________________________________________
"A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do" --Bob Dylan.
heeyy_joe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 04:44 PM   #4
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Dallas
Posts: 458
I have a few friends who I tell them the moves I make the day I do. They do the same and we sometimes ask if "they'd buy" based on what they see in company "A". We all know it's for informational purposes and don't hold anyone accountable.

I do not put the gun to anyone's head to buy anything...I also do not mention a "very risky" investment if I choose to do so. Don't want them to take high risk with me.
__________________
Surewhitey is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 05:23 PM   #5
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
braumeister's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Northern Kentucky
Posts: 8,633
Quote:
Originally Posted by David1961 View Post
when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads.
I like to talk about the risk/reward ratio, and tell them I'm a low risk kind of person so I'm the wrong one to ask about the best return.
__________________
braumeister is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 05:32 PM   #6
Full time employment: Posting here.
Accidental Retiree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 975
Yes, they do ask -- and then they ignore me, anyway!
__________________
Chief Retirement Strategist
The AR Group
Accidental Retiree is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 05:49 PM   #7
Full time employment: Posting here.
Calico's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 927
Quote:
Originally Posted by David1961 View Post
...... I take it as a compliment, but when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads.....
It sounds to me like they are looking for a quick fix, or a magic bullet, and aren't interested in taking the slow-and-steady, LBYM route. When my family used to ask me how I will be able to retire in a few years, since I earn less than all of them, I pointed out that I have been living on half of what I earn for the last 20 years, and that my mortgage will be paid off in three years, and I pay cash for my cars, which I drive into the ground. I told them about low-fee index funds, and they didn't want to hear it. Their eyes glazed over about the time I got to "giving up the cable" and "taking lunch to work every day instead of eating out."

Surprisingly, they almost never ask me anymore.

When they do, I throw the words "delayed gratification" into the conversation, and they very quickly change the subject.

Good luck with your family.
__________________
Calico is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 05:56 PM   #8
Moderator Emeritus
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 11,044
Yes friends and family have asked in the past. When they ask about the stock market they are not trying to learn anything for the most part. They just want a hot tip. If the tip turns out badly, I'm sure I would be blamed for it. So I respectfully refuse to give any specifics. But I do offer an opinion if they ask where to find the best rates on CDs, which debt to pay first, etc...
__________________
FIREd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 06:00 PM   #9
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
RunningBum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,202
I think my siblings think I'm still doing stock options and a bunch of tech stocks, which is how I mostly made my money, and are intimidated, even though I've mentioned that I'm mostly Vanguard index funds now. My brother in law did ask some specific questions on his 401K and took my advice. He had been jumping on the hottest funds from the last 3 months/year, and I explained about not buying high and selling low. My son does follow specific advice. I found I couldn't explain the rationale to him very well in a conversation so I've also put together a word doc explaining mutual funds, AA, fees, etc, along with my advice and how what I've steered him to fits that advice. I don't know how well he's read and understood it but he said he appreciated it.
__________________
RunningBum is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 06:05 PM   #10
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
jollystomper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,364
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calico View Post
It sounds to me like they are looking for a quick fix, or a magic bullet, and aren't interested in taking the slow-and-steady, LBYM route. When my family used to ask me how I will be able to retire in a few years, since I earn less than all of them, I pointed out that I have been living on half of what I earn for the last 20 years, and that my mortgage will be paid off in three years, and I pay cash for my cars, which I drive into the ground. I told them about low-fee index funds, and they didn't want to hear it. Their eyes glazed over about the time I got to "giving up the cable" and "taking lunch to work every day instead of eating out."
+1
These days I simply stay mostly silent on the matter... for many of the ones who have asked, my best response would be "the things DW and I started doing many years ago is why we will have the option to retire soon", and it is too late for them. However, it is easier to discuss this with younger folks, should they ask.
__________________
Current target FIRE date: Under negotiation, can happen anytime.
jollystomper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 06:20 PM   #11
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
obgyn65's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: midwestern city
Posts: 4,061
To answer the OP's question, my answer is 'no'. No one knows about my financial position. This is the only place where I discuss it.
__________________
Very conservative with investments. Not ER'd yet, 48 years old. Please do not take anything I write or imply as legal, financial or medical advice directed to you. Contact your own financial advisor, healthcare provider, or attorney for financial, medical and legal advice.
obgyn65 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 06:25 PM   #12
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,437
I keep a low profile about my situation. Not many would have a clue that I could pull the plug on working at any time. Therefore I would not be someone to ask for investing advice.
However some recent lunch discussions at work have me concerned. A growing number of coworkers are bragging about investment returns. I have not heard this in the past 6 years. Now I'm worried.
__________________
Retired in 2016. Living off dividends / interest and a mini pension. Freedom.
foxfirev5 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-18-2013, 06:52 PM   #13
gone traveling
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 329
Yes - and its usually the ones who have a "little bit of spare cash" and only want a hot stock tip But they are also the ones who can ill afford the loss if the investment turns bad.
__________________
UserRequested is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 07:17 AM   #14
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 3,873
I am happy to say I don't get hit with these requests for advice much. Only my best friend, one about whom I have written in threads in this forum, asks me advice. He received a large inheritance last year when his remaining parent (mother) died suddenly. I have been helping him a lot with investing this big windfall and put him in many of the same funds I am in. He has this broker friend whose advice I have little respect for but I was able to keep nearly all of his inheritance out of that broker's hands, thankfully.

Some of my square dance friends and I discuss investments, as they know I am an early retiree (and they are older than me). The topic rarely arises with any family members.
__________________
Retired in late 2008 at age 45. Cashed in company stock, bought a lot of shares in a big bond fund and am living nicely off its dividends. IRA, SS, and a pension await me at age 60 and later. No kids, no debts.

"I want my money working for me instead of me working for my money!"
scrabbler1 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 06:15 PM   #15
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
easysurfer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,905
Every so often the topic comes up. But when I tell them I pretty much just follow indexes they seem to get bored.
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
easysurfer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 08:08 PM   #16
Full time employment: Posting here.
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 925
Quote:
Originally Posted by easysurfer View Post
Every so often the topic comes up. But when I tell them I pretty much just follow indexes they seem to get bored.
For me, on the rare occasions someone knows enough about my situation to ask, the LBYM (currently, way below) discussion is what really kills the conversation.

Funny [at least to me] side note: Mom (a child of the Depression) thinks that I spend entirely too freely while my professional peers tend to think that I am a cheap bast...excessively thrifty.
__________________
If there's one thing in my life that's missing; It's the time I spend alone
Sailing on the cool and bright clear waters; There's lots of those friendly people
Showin me ways to go; And I never want to lose your inspiration
CoolChange is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 08:29 PM   #17
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
easysurfer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 7,905
Quote:
Originally Posted by CoolChange View Post
For me, on the rare occasions someone knows enough about my situation to ask, the LBYM (currently, way below) discussion is what really kills the conversation.

Funny [at least to me] side note: Mom (a child of the Depression) thinks that I spend entirely too freely while my professional peers tend to think that I am a cheap bast...excessively thrifty.
As the saying goes, "Everything is relative".

My dad was more of the spending, splurging type and my mom was ore of the LBYM type. For me it's always interesting to see which siblings' styles are more like dad or mom.
__________________
Have you ever seen a headstone with these words
"If only I had spent more time at work" ... from "Busy Man" sung by Billy Ray Cyrus
easysurfer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 09:16 PM   #18
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
growing_older's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 2,609
No. I LBYM so much they mostly seem to think I have nothing anyway. The few occasions I've had genuine conversations and gave some advice, I was ignored anyway so I'm happy with my low profile.
__________________
growing_older is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 09:46 PM   #19
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,863
I'm sure many people feel that investing is so hard they need to hire a professional. That's what the brokers have been telling them all their lives. And we don't sound like brokers when we don't hand out hot stock tips, buy and sell now, double your money quick advice. I'm not surprised they won't listen to us. Eventually "common knowledge" will catch up with us. 401k's in particular have made pretty decent progress since I started mine, with target date funds as defaults and some kind of advice available.
__________________
Animorph is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-19-2013, 10:09 PM   #20
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 1,577
Happily, I live in a culture where LBYM is the norm rather than the exception. Many of my friends and colleagues will often discuss investment ideas openly.

Immediate family is pretty similar - I discuss investments with my father and brother on a regular basis (my sister less so). More distant family are kept more distant for a reason
__________________

__________________
Budgeting is a skill practised by people who are bad at politics.
traineeinvestor is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


 

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 09:25 AM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.