Do family and friends ask for your advice?

[David1961]

Ever since I ER'd, family and friends have tried to talk with me privately and ask questions about investing, retirement planning, etc. It's actually a compliment, but I have had almost the exact conversation with my nephew about what an IRA is three times. It's like since I ERd, people look at me like an investment guru. (Six months before I ER'd, nobody asked me anything). I take it as a compliment, but when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads. And when I say most actively managed funds underperform the indexes, they get more frustrated. Plus, I would feel bad about recommending a specific investment because if it loses, I'd feel bad. I want to help but am reluctant to give any specific advice. Plus, I feel like a Vanguard salesman, because that's the family I usually would recommend. I'm actually starting to dread Easter for this reason. Does this happen to you? Any strategies? I value their friendships and don't want to be a smart-ass.

 

[Meadbh]

The good thing is that they obviously [-]envy[/-] respect your ability to ER. I agree that there is nothing good to gain by advocating a specific product or firm. Inevitably, you will be persona non grata when it doesn't do well. It would be best to simply suggest useful resources such as books and websites. You might not want to recommend this forum if you want to remain anonymous to your relatives!

 

[heeyy_joe]

Not since the last time ten times I was asked for my advice, gave it, and then they did the opposite of the advice and it blew up in their face.

Now I list a few possible choices and say "you figure it out". This tactic has lowered my stress level considerably.

 

[Surewhitey]

I have a few friends who I tell them the moves I make the day I do. They do the same and we sometimes ask if "they'd buy" based on what they see in company "A". We all know it's for informational purposes and don't hold anyone accountable.

I do not put the gun to anyone's head to buy anything...I also do not mention a "very risky" investment if I choose to do so. Don't want them to take high risk with me.

 

[braumeister]

when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads.

I like to talk about the risk/reward ratio, and tell them I'm a low risk kind of person so I'm the wrong one to ask about the best return.

 

[Accidental Retiree]

Yes, they do ask -- and then they ignore me, anyway!

 

[Calico]

...... I take it as a compliment, but when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads.....

It sounds to me like they are looking for a quick fix, or a magic bullet, and aren't interested in taking the slow-and-steady, LBYM route. When my family used to ask me how I will be able to retire in a few years, since I earn less than all of them, I pointed out that I have been living on half of what I earn for the last 20 years, and that my mortgage will be paid off in three years, and I pay cash for my cars, which I drive into the ground. I told them about low-fee index funds, and they didn't want to hear it. Their eyes glazed over about the time I got to "giving up the cable" and "taking lunch to work every day instead of eating out."

Surprisingly, they almost never ask me anymore.

When they do, I throw the words "delayed gratification" into the conversation, and they very quickly change the subject.

Good luck with your family.

 

[FIREd]

Yes friends and family have asked in the past. When they ask about the stock market they are not trying to learn anything for the most part. They just want a hot tip. If the tip turns out badly, I'm sure I would be blamed for it. So I respectfully refuse to give any specifics. But I do offer an opinion if they ask where to find the best rates on CDs, which debt to pay first, etc...

 

[RunningBum]

I think my siblings think I'm still doing stock options and a bunch of tech stocks, which is how I mostly made my money, and are intimidated, even though I've mentioned that I'm mostly Vanguard index funds now. My brother in law did ask some specific questions on his 401K and took my advice. He had been jumping on the hottest funds from the last 3 months/year, and I explained about not buying high and selling low. My son does follow specific advice. I found I couldn't explain the rationale to him very well in a conversation so I've also put together a word doc explaining mutual funds, AA, fees, etc, along with my advice and how what I've steered him to fits that advice. I don't know how well he's read and understood it but he said he appreciated it.

 

[jollystomper]

It sounds to me like they are looking for a quick fix, or a magic bullet, and aren't interested in taking the slow-and-steady, LBYM route. When my family used to ask me how I will be able to retire in a few years, since I earn less than all of them, I pointed out that I have been living on half of what I earn for the last 20 years, and that my mortgage will be paid off in three years, and I pay cash for my cars, which I drive into the ground. I told them about low-fee index funds, and they didn't want to hear it. Their eyes glazed over about the time I got to "giving up the cable" and "taking lunch to work every day instead of eating out."

+1
These days I simply stay mostly silent on the matter... for many of the ones who have asked, my best response would be "the things DW and I started doing many years ago is why we will have the option to retire soon", and it is too late for them. However, it is easier to discuss this with younger folks, should they ask.

 

[obgyn65]

To answer the OP's question, my answer is 'no'. No one knows about my financial position. This is the only place where I discuss it.

 

[foxfirev5]

I keep a low profile about my situation. Not many would have a clue that I could pull the plug on working at any time. Therefore I would not be someone to ask for investing advice.
However some recent lunch discussions at work have me concerned. A growing number of coworkers are bragging about investment returns. I have not heard this in the past 6 years. Now I'm worried.

 

[UserRequested]

Yes - and its usually the ones who have a "little bit of spare cash" and only want a hot stock tip But they are also the ones who can ill afford the loss if the investment turns bad.

 

[scrabbler1]

I am happy to say I don't get hit with these requests for advice much. Only my best friend, one about whom I have written in threads in this forum, asks me advice. He received a large inheritance last year when his remaining parent (mother) died suddenly. I have been helping him a lot with investing this big windfall and put him in many of the same funds I am in. He has this broker friend whose advice I have little respect for but I was able to keep nearly all of his inheritance out of that broker's hands, thankfully.

Some of my square dance friends and I discuss investments, as they know I am an early retiree (and they are older than me). The topic rarely arises with any family members.

 

[easysurfer]

Every so often the topic comes up. But when I tell them I pretty much just follow indexes they seem to get bored.

 

[CoolChange]

Every so often the topic comes up. But when I tell them I pretty much just follow indexes they seem to get bored.

For me, on the rare occasions someone knows enough about my situation to ask, the LBYM (currently, way below) discussion is what really kills the conversation.

Funny [at least to me] side note: Mom (a child of the Depression) thinks that I spend entirely too freely while my professional peers tend to think that I am [-]a cheap bast...[/-]excessively thrifty.

 

[easysurfer]

For me, on the rare occasions someone knows enough about my situation to ask, the LBYM (currently, way below) discussion is what really kills the conversation.

Funny [at least to me] side note: Mom (a child of the Depression) thinks that I spend entirely too freely while my professional peers tend to think that I am [-]a cheap bast...[/-]excessively thrifty.

As the saying goes, "Everything is relative".

My dad was more of the spending, splurging type and my mom was ore of the LBYM type. For me it's always interesting to see which siblings' styles are more like dad or mom.

 

[growing_older]

No. I LBYM so much they mostly seem to think I have nothing anyway. The few occasions I've had genuine conversations and gave some advice, I was ignored anyway so I'm happy with my low profile.

 

[Animorph]

I'm sure many people feel that investing is so hard they need to hire a professional. That's what the brokers have been telling them all their lives. And we don't sound like brokers when we don't hand out hot stock tips, buy and sell now, double your money quick advice. I'm not surprised they won't listen to us. Eventually "common knowledge" will catch up with us. 401k's in particular have made pretty decent progress since I started mine, with target date funds as defaults and some kind of advice available.

 

[traineeinvestor]

Happily, I live in a culture where LBYM is the norm rather than the exception. Many of my friends and colleagues will often discuss investment ideas openly.

Immediate family is pretty similar - I discuss investments with my father and brother on a regular basis (my sister less so). More distant family are kept more distant for a reason

 

[Mulligan]

Most of my friends are in similar careers with pensions, so despite what questions they ask me, it really boils down to personal finance. They don't like the answers I give them to get their affairs in order as it really comes down to budgeting issues not investing. The last solicited advice I gave went over real well. I told him if he would get his wife off the IPhone plan ( he had a company issued phone so no expense) and switch to basic, along with him mowing his own grass instead of paying for it, that would save over $2500 a year to help pay down debt. Ya, that advise really helped... He still hasn't mowed his grass, and now a few weeks ago I noticed he ALSO got himself an IPhone. I asked him about the phone, and he said, "its cool isn't it". I just smiled and let it go, while his debt continues....

 

[jon-nyc]

I have one sibling who asks for investment advice, another who asks for money. Ask me which I prefer...

 

[pb4uski]

I've been pleasantly surprised by the lack of questions about "how did you do it?". I think most people who know us well know that I had a good job, LBYM'd, saved and invested for a long time.

I'm actually a bit disappointed that BILs haven't asked since they live in McMansions, drive fancier cars than I have and live larger (even though they probably make less than I did while I was working) and I have in mind a snarky response that I didn't live in a McMansion or drive a Mercedes or BMW. I probably wouldn't actually respond that way, but the idea brings a smile to my face.

I have helped one sister, a friend and DD with some retirement planning since I retired, in each case they solicited my help.

 

[Midpack]

Ever since I ER'd, family and friends have tried to talk with me privately and ask questions about investing, retirement planning, etc. It's actually a compliment, but I have had almost the exact conversation with my nephew about what an IRA is three times. It's like since I ERd, people look at me like an investment guru. (Six months before I ER'd, nobody asked me anything). I take it as a compliment, but when people ask "What should I put my money in now to get the best return in the next year", I answer that I have no idea and can actually see the disappointment in their faces . I mention the importance of AA and having a long time horizon and that seems to go over their heads. And when I say most actively managed funds underperform the indexes, they get more frustrated. Plus, I would feel bad about recommending a specific investment because if it loses, I'd feel bad. I want to help but am reluctant to give any specific advice. Plus, I feel like a Vanguard salesman, because that's the family I usually would recommend. I'm actually starting to dread Easter for this reason. Does this happen to you? Any strategies? I value their friendships and don't want to be a smart-ass.

I only rarely give financial advice to family, friends or (former) co-workers. My sister has asked me periodically all her adult life, and many co-workers asked during my first career. If it appears they're sincerely asking, I will give them concise, basic mainstream answers, but I always suggest books or other resources, and move to another topic altogether. Just give them responsibility for figuring it out, no need to be a "smart-ass."

The one time I thought a co-worker was sincerely interested, instead of giving him an answer, I laid out the options and pros & cons, and told him he'd have to decide from there what was best for him. And of course, suggested books that would be helpful.

If you think about it, people who ask are probably looking for a silver bullet, and they lose interest when they're given even the simplest lazy portfolio approach for an answer. The people who've already figured out what it takes, won't ask in to begin with, they already know there's no silver bullet. So it's somewhat inevitable you'll be confronted with questions from people who want an answer that really doesn't exist, so why bother?

I did get more questions from others once I announced I was retiring, took everyone by surprise. Fortunately, I've learned that many people ask just to make conversation, so it's pretty easy to politely move the conversation to another topic. When they hear you retired early they are surprised and don't know what to say/ask - the questions are often just a nervous response, usually well intended.