Elderly Parents Driving Vehicles

[donheff]

My parents stopped in the low mid 80s but they were in an assisted living facility and didn't really need a car. I have a brother and sister in their early 80s who both have retinitis pigmentosa (progressive loss of vision) but live in suburban houses where cars are more essential. My sister kept driving for years past her expiration date, getting to the point where she only went to the grocery store which required only a few right hand turns (taking advantage of the small box of clear vision left). Her kids finally sabotaged her old car and got her to quit. My brother's RP progressed more quickly and he had to quit driving a few years ago. His wife has some dementia and difficulty with directions so she drives and he tries to describe where to turn despite the fact that everything is a blur. It has gotten to the point that they really need to stop. They had to call one of the kids for a bail out when then made some wrong turns and got lost about two miles from home. DW and I live in a location where driving is an option we can quit whenever we want. We plan to stay where we are for as long as we can. We would not consider moving to a location where a car was essential.

 

[Amethyst]

Bring on those self-driving cars. They can't arrive soon enough. While perfectly capable of driving, I am getting tired of the hassle of constantly watching out for the other "idiots," as my late Dad termed every other driver on the road. (I don't use the term, as it is offensive to the mentally challenged).

And make the self-driving cars affordable! I'd even go for a tax to provide an age-tested subsidy for self-driving cars.

 

[donheff]

Bring on those self-driving cars. They can't arrive soon enough. While perfectly capable of driving, I am getting tired of the hassle of constantly watching out for the other "idiots," as my late Dad termed every other driver on the road. (I don't use the term, as it is offensive to the mentally challenged).

And make the self-driving cars affordable! I'd even go for a tax to provide an age-tested subsidy for self-driving cars.

+1 We may all get a pass on the issue.

 

[Andre1969]

My parents are still in their 60's, but I guess I can use my grandparents and some of their relatives as a gauge. So, here goes...

Granddad (maternal):73. Stopped after it was discovered he had lung cancer. Went in for surgery to see if they could remove the lung, discovered it had spread around to lymph nodes and such, and he went downhill after the surgery and died about 5 months later.

Grandmom (maternal): 74. She had macular degeneration, and it eventually got so bad she was afraid to drive. She didn't pass the driver's test at 75, and gave it up willingly.

Aunt Maie (Granddad's "baby" sister): Sometime in her late 80's. Oddly, she's almost 92 and still had 20/20 vision. But, her nerves, reflexes, etc, have slowed down, so her daughter drives her everywhere. She also fell and broke her wrist a couple years ago, and the doctors didn't reset it quite right, so I'm sure that's a factor.

Edith (Granddad's cousin): 89. She's about to turn 91. I think she still has her driver's license, but she's had a few issues. Macular degeneration, but unlike Grandmom, her's was the type that could be operated on, and that's helped to some degree. But, that kept her off the road, and she's had relatives drive her around. Then early this year she slipped and fell on the ice and broke her shoulder. I think it healed pretty well, but she still has vision issues and bright lights bother her. Plus, her car is a nose-heavy FWD '89 Coupe DeVille with leaky power steering that her son refills when it gets too low. If she was ever out in public somewhere when the fluid level got too low, she'd be stranded. She still has a lot of fight and pep in her, but I doubt she'll ever drive again. Fortunately, she has a pretty good network of friends and relatives to help her get around.

Granddad (paternal): 90. Gave it up willingly. Mainly because he didn't drive that much any more. My Dad lives with him, and was doing most of the driving by that time, so Granddad thought having an additional car, plus his car insurance, was wasted money. He was actually still a pretty good driver at the time, but figured it was time to give it up.

Grandmom (maternal): 76-77. She got sick and passed away pretty quickly, and I'm sure she still had her license. However, she rarely drove. I always remembered, as a kid, that whenever we went anywhere it was always Granddad who drove.

 

[kcowan]

Dad drove until age 94 when a stroke caused him to have his license lifted. Another stroke took his life 6 months later.

MIL had her license lifted after a botched cataract operation ruined her sight. She was 90. It cause her to give up golfing. She died at age 93 from lung cancer.

Both of them always drove during the day on roads they knew during their latter years.

 

[splitwdw]

Spot on. A buddy had RP and was going blind. Those who knew him didn't want him driving on his OK. drivers licence. At that time OK. didn't make you retake the vision test. He finally got pulled over and the MO. officer took his OK. license. Few months later an Optometrist claimed he tested 20/40 so off he goes driving again. The guy had told me he could not have passed the test on his own, the Optometrist had helped him pass.

After a pair of DUIs earned on a 3 day drunk, the driving ended. Luckily nobody was hurt.

My aunt has RP (scary and hope I don't get it) and still has her license. She hasn't driven in 2 or 3 years. Her husband is going for surgery in November and will need a driver. He wants to take her out to a driving course to see if she can still drive. I don't understand this, when many family members and their friends have offered to drive them. I take her shopping and she runs into me all the time and trips over BIG things that a normal sighted person would see. If I am out of her circle of vision she can't see me and I could only be a few feet away. Why would you want to put someone like this behind the wheel of a car.

 

[old woman]

I am planning my giving up of license. I need a new house and will be sticking to areas with access buses so when I can't drive safely I don't need to. My boyfriend bought a farm 20 miles to the nearest grocery store and is 68 now. He will drive until he dies unless someone stops him. He smokes so hopefully he can drive safely as long as he can breathe, his dad drove until the end, not to safely hit other cars if they shouldn't have been there.

 

[Rustic23]

This is why I want them to get a move on for the self driving car! I'll settle for a greatly assisted driving car.

 

[Bestwifeever]

We figure we will probably buy only one or two more cars being in our midsixties, as we keep them for a long time and will hand over the keys without complaint when our driving days are over. We looked at a new Honda Accord Touring sedan today that sort of will drive itself (maybe a lot of cars have these systems but we haven't looked at new cars for six years). We were interested in its safety equipment--back up cameras, etc., but this car (and probably many others) has much more.

The sales staff said they took it on an extensive test drive on the highway (not with customers in the car!) and let it drive itself for a few miles by keeping their hands off the steering wheel and their feet off the gas and brakes. Way beyond alerting the driver that the car is too close to something, it comes with a "road departure mitigation system" and a "lane keeping assist system" with which the car detects the lane lines and steers to keep the car inside them; the "adaptive cruise control" maintains the interval to the car ahead; and the "collision mitigation braking system" stops the car if a forward collision is imminent. Not officially a self-driving car but much of the technology is already in place. The car comes with a Garmin navi system, and I imagine the next step will be to coordinate the maneuvering systems with the destination information.

Of course people who can no longer drive themselves because of mental confusion (my late MIL, for example, who insisted at 85 that a parked semitruck was aiming at her when she hit it head-on--umm, okay, but if so, so why didn't she steer out of the way, or hit the brakes?) are not going to know how to activate or deactivate these systems or to drive in concert with them, so they will be even more confused by them. I hope we become comfortable using them long before we might be confused by them!

 

[John Galt III]

My dad is 90 and no longer drives, thank God. From about 85 to 90 his memory for where things were, and even for where he was trying to go, were deteriorating. He would sometimes do a U turn on a divided highway because he was lost. First we got him to agree to only driving in the daytime. This seemed to be OK but even so he continued to get lost and drive and drive and drive, finally finding his way home. He refused to carry a cell phone of course. He was a burden on those around him (as is often the case with old folks, unfortunately). Now he has finally agreed not to drive anymore, and we have even sold his car, with his permission. He was getting to be quite unsafe. My mom who is 92 is still a fairly safe driver.

 

[irishgal]

My mom stopped driving at 84 because her dementia was too bad, but my dad still drives at 86, also passed the FAA physical last year so he still pilots his own small aircraft (a fact that both scares and amazes me).

 

[HFWR]

My mom stopped driving at 84 because her dementia was too bad, but my dad still drives at 86, also passed the FAA physical last year so he still pilots his own small aircraft (a fact that both scares and amazes me).

Definitely amazing!

I hope to have enough wits about me to drive as long as possible, but give it up when I know it's time.

Any thoughts of being a pilot, however, are long in the past. Plus, a plane doesn't fit my ramen noodle budget...

 

[irishgal]

Definitely amazing!

I hope to have enough wits about me to drive as long as possible, but give it up when I know it's time.

Any thoughts of being a pilot, however, are long in the past. Plus, a plane doesn't fit my ramen noodle budget...

I can imagine that it is very hard to give it up-coupled with the possible denial that we are too old to drive, ugh, it's going to be tough.

Ramen noodles are yum!

 

[Theseus]

Good reading, DM just passed her 87th birthday and is still driving. Local stuff only, doctor appointments about 5 blocks away from her apartment, grocery store a mile or so. Sometimes she feels adventurous and will take the back roads to our house, about 8 miles away. Like the fact she calls first, gives me the opportunity to tell her to just sit tight, 'we were just about to drive into town ourselves' to give her an out, which she has no problem with. She seems cognizant enough of declining physical reactions and mental acuity to know it is becoming more of a risk to drive.

I've told her if she ever doesn't feel like driving just call me and I'll drive her to where ever she wants to go. I know it is getting to be time for the talk about giving up her car, but I suspect she will feel that to not be able to drive herself will be too much of a burden on others. Available senior transportation doesn't appeal to her much, but I think she would use it. DW and I have discussed offering to buy her car from her as a way for her to give up driving, will be offering up that alternative to her soon.

 

[JoeWras]

My dad is 90 and no longer drives, thank God. From about 85 to 90 his memory for where things were, and even for where he was trying to go, were deteriorating. He would sometimes do a U turn on a divided highway because he was lost. First we got him to agree to only driving in the daytime. This seemed to be OK but even so he continued to get lost and drive and drive and drive, finally finding his way home. He refused to carry a cell phone of course. He was a burden on those around him (as is often the case with old folks, unfortunately). Now he has finally agreed not to drive anymore, and we have even sold his car, with his permission. He was getting to be quite unsafe. My mom who is 92 is still a fairly safe driver.

Ah, the cell phone.

Dad carried one and used it once or twice.

Then he forgot he had it.

Then he once remembered he had it, but forgot how to use it (even though it was a "Jitterbug", supposedly easy to use).

He also had a medical alert button. But when he fell, he forgot he had it.

All this was going on and he was still driving. On the outside, it looks so simple to take away the keys. No. This is a really difficult issue.

 

[jollystomper]

MIL is 84, in good health, and still drives. Not long distances, where she lives she can get to most things in less than 15 miles. By her choice she limits her driving to 0-2 trips per day.

 

[HFWR]

At 61, with no dementia, though slightly demented, according to some, I already limit my driving to as few trips/miles as possible, mostly because of the idjets...

That's "idiots" for those who don't speak Texan.

 

[Theseus]

Just got back from an afternoon drive. Beautiful by Wisconsin standards October day, upper 50's and sunshine. Top down, with the heat on.

Oh, yeah - we got lost. At least in my decades of wandering around the backroads, found some I'd never been on before! Hope that doesn't mean I'll have to give up driving anytime soon.

 

[travelover]

My great uncle went blind at about age 70, so he would have his wife drive him around even though she was quite senile. They pulled off this act until they were in their mid 80's when her driving got so bad that even Unk realized it was time to quit.

 

[Walt34]

Oh, yeah - we got lost. At least in my decades of wandering around the backroads, found some I'd never been on before! Hope that doesn't mean I'll have to give up driving anytime soon.

That's why I had a GPS mount on the handlebar of my motorcycle. I'd go on a "follow-my-nose" ride and end up uh, somewhere west of nowhere with no idea how to get back home. Sure, I could head in the general direction and eventually I'd stumble across something recognizable but it was easier to just turn on the GPS when I was tired and just wanted to go home.

 

[aja8888]

Speaking of driving, I just drove from the east side of Pittsburgh, PA on Rt 22 at rush hour in a driving rainstorm trying to get to the airport on the west side across the river. Driving is becoming "not fun".

If I was a few years older, no way would I attempt this.