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Old 10-26-2009, 07:28 PM   #1
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funny author

Well, I think he's funny anyway - his FAQ is brilliant.

Lots to read on his page and then there are a book or three if you feel like spending $$

Things My Girlfriend And I Have Argued About

Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About

"The quality with which I am identified most closely is probably fairness. There's an almost breathless speed about my disposition, when appropriate, to say, 'Margret, I am clearly in the wrong here. Please smash up my stuff.' However, there are times when the Shield Of Justice gleams on my arm and all of Margret's shouted accusations merely strike it and fall, lifeless, to the ground. Averted eyes and a slowly shaking head tell that I am in a place where she cannot touch me. Yes, as you ask, I am thinking of something specific.
You don't know me, right? You're aware, perhaps, that my hair's bright red, you know I've got some Web space, you have a certain suspicion that in quiet moments I speculate on what it must be like to be rubbed all over with a Nastassja Kinski - but that's it. It's not like, say, we've being going out with each other for something over sixteen years and have had two children and decorated a landing together. Given that, let me place before you a scenario: You are leaving the house to go shopping for a number of hours. Just before you go, you poke your face towards me (I, hunched and unblinking, am playing a computer game of the most frantic and intricate kind) and say, 'If it starts to rain, get the washing in off the line.'
Now, you know what's going to happen, don't you? You've never even met me, and yet you know what's going to happen. So if Margret, with whom I've lived for well over a decade and a half, doesn't bother to employ painfully basic foresight to see what's obviously going to happen... well, the Shield Of Justice is mine, I reckon".
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Old 10-27-2009, 11:29 AM   #2
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Wow! One would have to be retired and expect to live long and prosper to read all that. I also have to question the time management of the author.

(I did enjoy the exercise, however.)
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Old 10-27-2009, 12:02 PM   #3
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I couldn't read the website (he needs some help there--or not) but the paragraph you quoted is very funny and I imagine his books are too (and more user-friendly than his website!). I'll see if his books are in my library.
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Old 10-27-2009, 12:58 PM   #4
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Gee - his website starts at the top and goes down. a long, long way down. But it's all in bulleted bits, so you can just drag the slide bar to wherever and grab a sample. Or you can start at the top and be all linear and stuff. Think of it as War and Peace, one column wide, no chapter headings. On the good side, there are only two character names, and the names stay the same.



"Now, what you have to realise is that this was from nowhere, OK? Don't think there were previous conversations or situations that put this in context. Oh no. Just imagine the, 'What the f...?' moment you'd have been standing in if your partner had said this to you, because you'd have had as much preparation as I did. So, it's just after Christmas and Margret's moaning about her present (I forget what it was, a Ferrari, I think - but in the wrong colour or something), um, actually, let me come back to this, that reminds me...

Presents. Before every birthday, Christmas or whatever I'll say, 'What do you want?' And Margret will say, 'Surprise me.' And I'll reply, 'Noooooo, just tell me what you want. If I guess it'll be the wrong thing, it's always the wrong thing.' And then she'll come out with that, 'No, it won't. It'll be what you chose, and a surprise, that's what's important,' nonsense. And I'll say, 'Sweetest, you say that now, but come Christmas morning it'll be, "What the hell were you thinking?" again, won't it?' And she replies, 'No. It. Won't.' And I say, 'Yes, it will.' And she says, 'Don't patronise me.' And the neighbours freeze in their seats for a moment next door, before jumping up and removing anything they have on the shelves on the adjoining wall. And, in the end, Margret gets her way. And I hunt around in utter desperation for two months for something before finally finding the one item that will work at 7.30pm on Christmas Eve for a cost of twenty-three-and-a-half thousands pounds. And on Christmas morning it's, 'What the hell were you thinking?' But anyway.

Back at the previous item, it's just after Christmas and Margret's going on about her present, which was, you'll recall, a necklace of a single diamond suspended on a delicate chain of white gold and sapphires. And this is what I hear come out of her mouth - 'Why didn't you get me a wormery, I dropped enough hints?' You what"?

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Old 10-27-2009, 01:26 PM   #5
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Absolutely hilarious.

-CC
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Old 10-27-2009, 01:38 PM   #6
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I think the website content is funny and don't mind the format of it--I just can't get past the colors--just my poor eyesight.
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Old 10-27-2009, 01:43 PM   #7
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Can't wait for the movie, with Hugh Grant in voice-over. I couldn't get past the first argument they had, "how to cut a kiwi fruit." Had to go look it up.

How to Cut a Kiwi: 7 steps - wikiHow
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Old 10-27-2009, 01:45 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bestwifeever View Post
I think the website content is funny and don't mind the format of it--I just can't get past the colors--just my poor eyesight.
Oh - and that is written "my poor eyesight"!!!

Ahh. the color thing. Possible that it's a guy/gal thing. I mean sure, it might need sunglasses, and if you look at a white wall after you see the complementary colors for a bit... but I thought he was just a patriotic Brit and using the colors of the flag. Can't be creative in all facets..
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Old 10-27-2009, 01:53 PM   #9
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I brought it up in glorious black and white on the Kindle through Skweezer.com. Wonder if there is a way to turn computer screens into black and white display? Could be a fun site to read while in the the dentist’s waiting room.
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Old 10-27-2009, 02:04 PM   #10
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
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Originally Posted by CuppaJoe View Post
I brought it up in glorious black and white on the Kindle through Skweezer.com. Wonder if there is a way to turn computer screens into black and white display? Could be a fun site to read while in the the dentist’s waiting room.

Good Q - just looked in Firefox. At the top, click Tools, click options, click and choose use system colors, uncheck "allow pages to choose their own colors, instead of mine".

Bingo, black and white or whatever you want - maybe I'll turn away from the ER forum minty green!

Wow. that would have freaked out my gal my actually finding that. Usually i change stuff by looking at her and going "it sure would be nice if...."
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Old 10-27-2009, 02:57 PM   #11
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Yippee! This my "learned something new" moment for today. In Internet Explorer the procedure is:



To override website font and color settings
  1. Open Internet Explorer
  2. Click the Tools button, and then click Internet Options.
  3. Click the General tab, and then click Accessibility.
  4. Select the Ignore colors specified on webpages, Ignore font styles specified on webpages, and Ignore font sizes specified on webpages check boxes, click OK, and then click OK again.
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"It's tough to make predictions, especially when it involves the future." ~Attributed to many
"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is." ~(perhaps by) Yogi Berra
"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge."~ Lau tzu
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Old 10-27-2009, 03:13 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RonBoyd View Post
Yippee! This my "learned something new" moment for today. In Internet Explorer the procedure is:



To override website font and color settings
  1. Open Internet Explorer
  2. Click the Tools button, and then click Internet Options.
  3. Click the General tab, and then click Accessibility.
  4. Select the Ignore colors specified on webpages, Ignore font styles specified on webpages, and Ignore font sizes specified on webpages check boxes, click OK, and then click OK again.


Dang RonBoyd - we are interweb GODS! I may try and sort my email at some point - nah - don't want to get too cocky..
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