Getting divorced: he partly blames RE dreams

Thanks for the update and am glad that you are in a good place. Haven't talked to my ex in 25 years or so.
 
Marathoner said:
/snip/

My friends and family are just amazing. I have had so many new experiences in the past few months, and I am loving life. I thought I was happy before, but now I truly am.
Click to expand...


You probably were happy before... things change, and for you they changed for the worse for awhile and now have changed for the better... but if I went through what you did I would not try and change my thoughts of how I felt the whole time....

As an example, my oldest sister got a divorce after 11 years... which was about 35 years ago.... but she still says that she was happy during that time... it was just that things changed and she moved to another happy place...
 
Congratulations in getting your life back.

It is just as well that your x is saying that he won't marry again, he needs to mature before getting someone else involved in his life. I wouldn't believe any claims of celibacy.
 
A success story!

All that . . . and . . . you are happy with your j*b! Not hearing that from too many people these days.
 
Thanks for the update. I am glad to hear that you have succeeded in moving on.
 
East Texas -- thanks for asking!

It's now been over a year since I posted here and received some of the best advice of my life. It's really amazing to me how much my life has changed in the past year. I had always thought I was happy, but I now realize the constant stress I was living with trying not to upset him.

Perhaps the best thing to come out of this is that I have grown much closer to my parents. They were extremely supportive when everything happened, and that's brought us closer. My dad has season tickets to a local college basketball team, so I go to all the home games with him, and my mom and I paint together.

My mom and I are planning a trip next year to France so she can meet the family I stayed with when I was a high school exchange student. I qualified for the Boston Marathon again, as did a friend who'd been trying for years, so we're going to head out in 2014 and run it. Three of my friends are doing the same 50K as me, so I'll get a lot of time with them running on the trails this spring.

I still hope to buy a house in the spring. I will meet my running mileage and books read goals for the year. Did not finish the painting of my city's skyline or knitting this wonderful purple scarf, but that just means I can do that in 2013. Realized how much I enjoy going to movies alone; joined a film club with a screening once a month so I'm seeing some great indie films.

On a professional level, things could not be better. I have amazing coworkers who really have accepted me and made me feel part of the family. (As hokey as that sounds.) The work is interesting and challenging, and the organization I work for has extremely high ethical standards. As always, I must make the disclaimer that FIRE is still in my future!

I really can't think of anything negative to say about my life. Except for the fact that I'm not already FIREd as I have so many outside interests and hobbies and not enough time for them! But since I am working on living in the moment more instead of always being so focused on the future, I am just enjoying every day as it comes.

I hope this post doesn't come off as boastful. I realize that I am very lucky to have so many supportive, wonderful people in my life who have helped me get to this point. And that includes everyone who posted on this thread, giving me reassurance that things would be OK, and helping me find the strength to do what I needed to do.
 
Marathoner said:
East Texas -- thanks for asking!

It's now been over a year since I posted here and received some of the best advice of my life. It's really amazing to me how much my life has changed in the past year. I had always thought I was happy, but I now realize the constant stress I was living with trying not to upset him.

Perhaps the best thing to come out of this is that I have grown much closer to my parents. They were extremely supportive when everything happened, and that's brought us closer. My dad has season tickets to a local college basketball team, so I go to all the home games with him, and my mom and I paint together.

My mom and I are planning a trip next year to France so she can meet the family I stayed with when I was a high school exchange student. I qualified for the Boston Marathon again, as did a friend who'd been trying for years, so we're going to head out in 2014 and run it. Three of my friends are doing the same 50K as me, so I'll get a lot of time with them running on the trails this spring.

I still hope to buy a house in the spring. I will meet my running mileage and books read goals for the year. Did not finish the painting of my city's skyline or knitting this wonderful purple scarf, but that just means I can do that in 2013. Realized how much I enjoy going to movies alone; joined a film club with a screening once a month so I'm seeing some great indie films.

On a professional level, things could not be better. I have amazing coworkers who really have accepted me and made me feel part of the family. (As hokey as that sounds.) The work is interesting and challenging, and the organization I work for has extremely high ethical standards. As always, I must make the disclaimer that FIRE is still in my future!

I really can't think of anything negative to say about my life. Except for the fact that I'm not already FIREd as I have so many outside interests and hobbies and not enough time for them! But since I am working on living in the moment more instead of always being so focused on the future, I am just enjoying every day as it comes.

I hope this post doesn't come off as boastful. I realize that I am very lucky to have so many supportive, wonderful people in my life who have helped me get to this point. And that includes everyone who posted on this thread, giving me reassurance that things would be OK, and helping me find the strength to do what I needed to do.
Click to expand...

I haven't read a lot on the subject and it's definitely not an issue for me but be careful of the long distance running.

The Marathon Myth: Is It the Quickest Way to a Heart Attack?
 
Marathoner, thank you for your update. It's wonderful that your life is now looking so positive, and gratifying that we were able to play a small part in helping you to move on from a bad situation. Fundamentally you are a strong person with a great future. It has been a pleasure and a privilege to get to know you, even if only online. I hope you will check in and contribute from time to time, and perhaps provide support to someone else.

:flowers:
 
This is such an awesome update and a great look back at how far you have come in just a year. I remember vividly your initial posts from last year, and am proud to be part of a community that was able to provide you with some much-needed support that helped you make hard decisions and turn your life in a more positive direction. Onward and upward, and best of luck for 2013 and beyond!
 
Marathoner, thank you so much for the update. It is wonderful that you have built a great life.
 
Hello! I just received a PM from a very nice member asking me for an update. Not sure if anyone else is interested, but since everyone was so great in helping me through the worst period of my life, you might be interested to see how the great advice you gave helped to transform my life!

Two years ago, if you told me how great my life would be, I never would have believed you! In many ways, I am grateful for his cheating, as I was basically just existing before, walking on eggshells around his personality disorders and being ashamed of his behavior when we were out in public. I thought I was happy, but that's just because I am really good at making the best of a bad situation.

Everyone always asks what happened to him -- is he still with his mistress? I honestly don't know. He couldn't get a job in my town (consequence of sleeping with your coworker when you are supposed to be seeing patients!) so he moved several hours away. Because we don't have kids, we are entirely no contact. Or at least I am. He does occasionally send me e-mails asking me to send him naked pictures. I ignore them, obviously. And he was begging me to take him back, so if he is still with her, there's a good chance he's cheated on her with someone else. So glad that's not my problem!

As for me, things are great. Still at my job -- after a challenging few months late last year, things are going well there. I bought my dream house in my dream neighborhood. It's an old Victorian, and every morning I get so happy that I'm here. It has built-ins and stained glass windows and a butler's pantry. I live by great running trails, too! I'm able to bike to work and to most of my errands (not so much this ridiculously cold winter.)

My ex was the most anti-social person ever, and I tried to squash my natural extrovertedness to keep the peace. Which means now that I'm free, I'm doing things like crazy! I have season basketball tickets with my dad again for our local NCAA team, I've been going to movies and concerts, the planetarium, dinner with friends; it's so great!

I've started doing a lot of yoga, which has been amazing physically and mentally. Still running a ton -- my goal last year was to run 2013 miles (I wound up doing 2015) but I'm dialing it back a bit this year. Also still reading a lot.

Trip to France is delayed a year due to my host parents' schedules -- they're coming to New York in June, so my mom and I are going to go out there so she can meet them and then we'll visit them in France the following year. This fall I'm going to hike the Grand Canyon rim to rim with a friend. Due to the Boston terrorist attacks, I postponed running the race in 2014, but am in the early planning stages to run it in 2015 with my friend who is hoping to place in the 75-79 age group (she is amazing and such an inspiration!)

I've been spending a lot of time with friends and family, and I feel so lucky to have so many good, caring people in my life.

I have dated a little bit, but I'm enjoying myself so much right now that it's not a priority. Actually, I have some really, really funny dating stories that friends are asking me to write up into a book for them -- trying to decide if I want to do this or not. (I can be a bit eccentric, but there are some really interesting people out there!!!)

Sometimes I still can't believe how much my life has changed over the past few years. I was nearly suicidal after I found out that he was cheating on me. I'd given up so much of myself during my marriage that I'd lost who I was. Everything had become about him -- putting him through med school/residency/fellowship, making his life easy, not upsetting him in any way -- that I'd completely lost myself. This second chance has been amazing, and I am determined to make the most of it!

I don't frequent this forum all that much since I don't have much to add, given that FI is years off for me. Sometimes I think how much closer I'd be if I hadn't funded a med school education, but that kind of thinking gets me nowhere, so I try to instead focus on all the good in my life. And there's more of that now than at any other time in my adult life.

Thanks again to those of you whose wise words and logic helped me to make the hardest decision of my life!
 
Thanks for checking in, Marathoner. Yours is a powerful story of personal growth and renewal, and I, for one, am grateful that you have shared it with us. May you continue to experience all the joy that is life. -- Gumby
 
Glad things worked out well for you!

Looks like it ain't going to well for him.

Asking for naked pictures. LOL. Your ex is a piece of work. Maybe he's trying to blackmail you into coming back.
 
I don't have much to add either, but I don't let that stop me...

Glad things are looking up!
 
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