It's funny joke Thursday! 2005 - 2020
- Thread starter cute fuzzy bunny
- Start date
- Status
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence’s closing statement, the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch, “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.”
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said: “Actually, I made up the previous statement, but you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door.”
The jury foreman replied: “Oh, we did look....but your client didn’t”.
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer said as he looked at his watch, “Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom.”
He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly.
A minute passed. Nothing happened.
Finally the lawyer said: “Actually, I made up the previous statement, but you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
“But how?” inquired the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt. I saw all of you stare at the door.”
The jury foreman replied: “Oh, we did look....but your client didn’t”.
REWahoo
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Since this is dragging out, here's a few more election jokes. I've omitted many of them trying to stay within forum guidelines. To lazy for multiple postings...Q: Why are strippers so good at elections?
A: Because they know how to work the poles
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The high school dropout said, I can’t believe they’re considering an all mail election......After all, females worked so hard to get voting rights
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
A High School Class discussion on Elections:
Teacher: A candidate must be a natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age.
Blonde girl: That's unfair that there is a requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.
The teacher and the class were just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating ..
"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section?"
And someday she'll vote!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The major networks are reporting that (name your candidate) is ahead in all 72 states.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following are the options for open and free north korean elections
A:Kim Jong Un
B:A
C:B
D:C
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between a presidential election and a nascar race?
In nascar they proudly wear their sponsors on their shirts.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
This new election is a s***storm
But I’m hoping we at least have one law a-biden politician elected
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Glad marijuana is being legalized in some states.
It sure helps coping with the election results.
Last edited:
<mod hat off>
I am so tired of the elections. Even here. It’s time to change the subject and get back to life.
I am so tired of the elections. Even here. It’s time to change the subject and get back to life.
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
<no hat to take off>
I'm tired of it too... Maybe that's why I post jokes about it.. I'm not sure if I should laugh at it or cry...
I'll see if I can dig up something a little more pleasant to give us some hope, like Covid jokes...
Last edited:
Jeb-NY
Recycles dryer sheets
If a politician says something in the forest and there is no one there to hear him is it still a lie.
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
Ok, so MichaelB doesn't want to hear any more about politics (jokes or not) so let's see if I can bore him (and the rest of you) with some coronavirus jokes... OMG, after a quick search I can find a million of them... It's like a pun-demic... Ok,ok, here goes.... Anyone else's car getting three weeks to the gallon?"
"Never in my life would I imagine that my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth."
Q: Why do they call it the novel coronavirus?
A: It’s a long story…
Q: What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine?
A: Inside jokes
Q: What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany?
A: The wurst-kase scenario.
Nail salons, hair salons, waxing center and tanning places are closed. It’s about to get ugly out there.
I'll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but we'll have to wait up to two weeks to see if you get it.
Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means. No one will be crossing the finish line.
There's still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re s*** out of luck.
What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus. (I've actually used that line several times in recent months, and I thought I invented it)
Last edited:
MuirWannabe
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Oct 14, 2009
- Messages
- 2,115
If you’re tired of it.....just scroll on by.
Boho
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2017
- Messages
- 1,844
RetireBy90
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Car-Guy
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
OK, no politics and no covid with this one.I went to doctor recently because of my weight gains. He told me, Don’t eat anything "Fatty.”
Me: You mean like bacon or burgers or fried foods?
Doc: No "Fatty". Don’t eat anything!
Boho
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2017
- Messages
- 1,844
In Brooklyn, aren't they boyds
Maybe in 1940. Now they're "those ******* birds!"
Chuckanut
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso) Give me a forum ...
I named my TV remote Waldo.... for obvious reasons.
- Status
