Let's Pick on the Men Today!

[Momtwo]

NEW EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!!!

ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:

DAY ONE

HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

LOSS OF VIRILITY
Losing the remote control to your significant other - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALT H
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available

 

[cube_rat]

You forgot one other subject:

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING. How ro prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.

 

[cube_rat]

You forgot one other subject: 

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING.  How to prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.

 

[cube_rat]

Whoops, hehe. I need remedial training in editing a post.

 

[Dawg52]

Wait a minute........this is not funny.

 

[LovesLife]

Yes, it is.

 

[Jarhead*]

You forgot one other subject: 

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING.  How ro prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.

With a wife and two daughters, I have heard this complaint a few times, but in defense of me, and your he-men that may be getting up in the dark, it sometimes works both ways. Here's a little ditty:

Water upon wood makes a sound that all can hear,
but water upon porcelin falls silently to the ear.

 

[SteveR]

You forgot one other subject: 

LEARN HOW TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN AFTER WHIZZING.  How ro prevent your wife and daughters from falling into the toilet in the middle of the night.

Where is it written that men have the responsibility to lower the seat?  We need it up...you need it down.....seems like the requirement to have it down all the time is just another cross we men have to bear.    If you want it down....you should put it there when you wizz and then put it up again or risk having a wet seat on your next visit.  8)

This did not work for my wife either but I thought it would be fun adding it to this thread.

 

[Nords]

Where is it written that men have the responsibility to lower the seat?

After decades of advising billions of readers on coping with their grave, life-threatening problems, Ann Landers finally listed the top two items that consistently generated more mail than any others:

1. Whether the toilet seat should be up or down, and
2. Whether the toilet paper should hang down in front of the roll or behind it.

Which gives you an idea of how far the human race has come since we dispensed with outhouses & corn cobs.

For you men, particularly the foolish grasshopper who provoked this thread, my advice to #1 & #2 is: "Whichever way your spouse says to do it.

All other choices are irrelevant, despite their inherent "correctness", and may actually be hazardous to marital harmony.

 

[cube_rat]

Well, WE women need it down all of the time.  You fellas need it up with number one and down with number two.  Or you could simply leave it down  all of the time.  There are sub-set of men that like to sit on the throne during all phases of elimination.  This way standing up and sitting down doesn't interupt the important reading.  

 

[TromboneAl]

I tried putting it down, but then DW complained about pee on the seat.

 

[Danny]

The seat thing. I can't be bothered with ethical decisions now that i'm retired, and I don't have the energy anymore, so I just use the bedroom window..

 

[SteveR]

Here is a serious reply to this thread:

Subject: : Men's rules

Message: In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the
woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something
she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for
doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the point
system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-10)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the snow (+10)

But return with Beer (-5)



You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with a 6-iron (+10)

It's her pet (-10)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2)

Named Tiffany (-4)

Tiffany is a long legged dancer (-150)


HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (0)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)


A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+2)

You take her to a movie she likes (+4)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called Deathcop 3 (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of
it(+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)


ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) Yes, you lose points no matter
what

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)


COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem] You listen,displaying
what looks like a concerned __expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the
TV(+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-1000)

 

[KB]

Both of my boys put the lid down, yes, I trained them well when they were young.

They will have happy wifes some day. I met that goal !!

 

[Outtahere]

There are sub-set of men that like to sit on the throne during all phases of elimination.

That's my dh!!! LMAO

 

[wabmester]

2.  Whether the toilet paper should hang down in front of the roll or behind it.

There is no one correct answer. It depends on whether you have cats. For humans, the obviously correct way is to have the paper hang down in front. But if you have a cat and you do that, you'll find the paper unrolled in a big heap on the floor. So, in our house, certain bathrooms have an anti-cat roll in which the paper hangs behind the roll.

 

[kat]

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-10)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) In the snow (+10)

But return with Beer (-5)

Important correction to be made here.......

But return with Beer

Otherwise, just about right on target.

 

[Martha]

Psychologist Robin Kowalski at Western Carolina University asked 167 men and women to list the habits that bothered them most about their current or past partners. At the top were complaints about guys who don’t talk enough or chew with their mouths open, and women who talk too much or play with their hair.

But just as the men were running out of gas, the women shifted gears, pointing out more problems: He’s often late, he’s always looking at his watch, he plays too roughly with the cat, his shoes and belt don’t match. When Kowalski tallied the gripes by gender, she found that women had two to four times as many pet peeves as men.

 

[haha]

Psychologist Robin Kowalski at Western Carolina University asked 167 men and women to list the habits that bothered them most about their current or past partners. At the top were complaints about guys who don’t talk enough or chew with their mouths open, and women who talk too much or play with their hair.

Women who play with their hair are hot.

Ha

 

[Gone4Good]

Well, WE women need it down all of the time.  You fellas need it up with number one and down with number two.  

This is perfectly true. But I've never once, not once, made the mistake of sitting down without first checking to see if the seat was down. Not even when drunk out of my mind. So as long as that's true, I don't think I should be held responsible for the incomprehensible fact that 50% of the population can't seem to successfully work a toilette without running the risk of falling in.

 

[bosco]

let's think about this toilet seat thing. Women need it down 100% of the time. Men need up up, say 80% of the time.

Is it not simply sexist to think that it is men's job to be "toilet seat valets" for women and that somehow if a woman is not looking where she parks her bum, this is a man's fault?

The most efficient approach, from an engineering perspective, is for the person about to use the appliance to arrange it in the state that they wish, and then leave it there when they are done. This minimizes the number of "fruitless round trips" (a man puts the lid up, pees, then puts it down again. next man has to lift it up again, then put it down. goes along with beer-drinking... ). Otherwise, the only person that ever has to fuss with it is a man. It is their solemn duty to arrange the seat for the convenience of women, so women don't have to get their hands yucky or look before they sit down. This almost feels like an original sin issue. Is this fair Makes about as much sense as providing 50% urinals in the women's rest room.

Fortunately, my SO is not helpless and gladly lifts the seat herself before sitting in porcelain.

 

[haha]

I make it a rule to do what I can to curry favor with women. My personality is cross enough for them to bear; I have no problem with accepting their definition of toilet etiquette.

OTOH, if my need for women ever decreases significantly, they will be on their own when it comes to porcelain problems.

Ha

 

[bosco]

cheap attempt coming to hijack the thread:

"We always hear "the rules" from the feminine side. OK - we are now going to hear the rules from the man's side. Please note ...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, we scratch it. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape"

 

[cute fuzzy bunny]

Usually a fight about the toilet seat has nothing to do whatsoever with the toilet seat.

However, let me point out that one can easily check to see if the seat is up.

I will publicly in this forum praise my wife for always remembering to put it up when she's done.

Probably because I have the same malfunction that tbone al has...

 

[Nords]

Women who play with their hair are hot.

Mikey, I think they were referring to the hair on their...

Never mind.