Making marriage last

[Nords]

For the record:  5 months pregnant...
I'll give you a full update in a year or so.

I hope you can give us an update a bit sooner than that!

 

[FlowGirl]

I hope you can give us an update a bit sooner than that!

I'll do my best. Assuming I have the energy to make it to the keyboard those first few months!

 

[SecondCor521]

Soon to be divorced guy weighing in on the marriage topic, but not the religion topic.

Marrying young, as someone else mentioned, is a big part of it. We were married at 21 and made it to 37, in retrospect partly due to sheer persistence.

Respect and trust are key, because those two give you the motivation and the opportunity to really communicate. Almost after the fact I have learned that real talking sometimes breaks down due to a lack of either or both of those two ingredients and you lose someone without even realizing it.

There are stresses put on people by life, and not working through it can drag even the best of us down. We had a few doozies, more than some but fewer than others, I'm sure.

Unsolicited advice:

1. Don't take your spouse for granted. I thought our marriage was good when in reality I wasn't paying attention to signs of trouble (because I was focused on other stuff -- work, triathlons, money, etc.).
2. If you're wondering about the stability of your marriage, don't have kids. Divorce sucks, and it especially sucks for kids, who I consider innocent civilian casualties.

2Cor521

 

[Ed_The_Gypsy]

Ask the man who knows! Thanks, 2Cor. Very good advice.

 

[sgeeeee]

. . .Not all marriages fail for the same reason. Nor is there usually one reason for the breakdown of a particular marriage. Nevertheless, we hear some reasons more often than others.

They are:

1. Poor communication
2. Financial problems
3. A lack of commitment to the marriage
4. A dramatic change in priorities
5. Infidelity

There are other causes we see a lot, but not quite as often as those listed above 
They are:

6. Failed expectations or unmet needs
7. Addictions and substance abuse
8. Physical, sexual or emotional abuse
9. Lack of conflict resolution skills

I wonder how useful this list really is.  Do people who communicate poorly (item 1) really recognize that as a problem?  What is someone supposed to do about (2) Financial problems?  It's not like we plan to have them.  (3) A lack of committment to the marriage.  I'm not sure what that means and I've been married for over 31 years.  (4) A dramatic change in priorities.  So what are you supposed to do?  Decide that you are not going to let your experiences in life change your priorities?  (5) Infidelity.  Well isn't that a surprise?  We should avoid infidelity.  If you really didn't understand that before you got married, I'm not sure seeing it on this list will help.  And if you've already committed infidelity, then what?

Items (6) through (9) don't seem to be much more help.

My parents were married at age 21 and remained married for over 52 years until my mother died.  My wifes parents are still married.  I grew up in a small town with a half dozen married Aunts and Uncles that were all married once 'till death do us part.  Like I mentioned, my DW and I have been married for over 31 years.  I have some experience with lasting marriages.  But I am convinced that no single formula or set of guidelines works to describe a lasting and successful marriage.  I think people are all different and relationships are different x2.  If it works for you, that's great, but don't believe for a minute that your formula for bliss will work for someone else.  

 

[donheff]

You were always on my mind, you were always on my mind.

That doesn't get it done.