My wife wants to get rid of the dog against my will...

[thefed]

So the other day, somewhat out of the blue,my wife tells me she found a perfect home for our dog.

Me: "What"

Her: "I'm sick and tired of cleaning up her hair, washing her after she rolls in poo,the flea fights, the irritable skin, etc etc. I CANT take it any more. I know it makes me horrible, but she needs a better family. One that walks her often, plays with her daily, brushes her regularly,etc"


We do neglect our dog somewhat. She's a 4.5 yr old sheppard mix. She gets out to run around maybe 3/week with the kids. She isn't 'walked' but once every 3 months or so. We do hook her to a run every week or so. She is not brushed regularly (thus the influx of hair), she gets yelled at a lot for stuff around the house....trivial things....mainly our irrational responses to normal dog behavior. But the consensus is that we truly do love her and she's a good, well mannered dog.

But my WIFE, on the other hand...she's the problem. Shehas a mild case of self-diagnosed OCD. She vacuums 4-5 times/day due to dog hair alone. She wont let the dog on certain rugs the kids play on. She rarely even touches her. The wife and I have seen her 'problem' get worse over the last year. I feel its a self-fulfilling prophecy...if she didnt always say that she was OCD, it wouldnt become so evident in her behavior.

Anyway, she is fed up with the dog's lack of cleanliness...and it shows in her attitude. She is getting harder to deal with and she realizes it. So the main REASON she wants to get rid of the dog is the cleanliness. Her secondary argument is that someone else could offer a better and more active life for the dog.

I feel that getting rid of the dog is the LAST option.... AFTER we take the proper steps to fix our end of the deal...more walks, more exercise, more attention, more brushing. But I KNOW, deep down, that 2,3, maybe 6 months down the road we will be slacking again. EVEN SO, who's to say she'll be better off with the next guy? We can screen all we want, but 6 months down the road when he's working 80 hrs/week and cant spend time with her (the dog) ,she's in the same boat.

We have discussed and discussed for hours about this, and she is ADAMANT about getting rid of the dog...even had a guy come over today to see her!!!! I think she may actually get rid of or dog while I'm gone...she's that fed up. No need to mention my reaction toward her in that situation :-(


I dont know how to get thru to her. she acknowledges that this dog is part of the family, is a great security guard, awesome with the kids, well mannered etc. It boils down to the dog hair, really. The lack of attention is just her 'backup argument'. I think she needs to seek help for this self proclaimed OCD...she knows it's an issue, but wont see anyone.


Any advice on how to break thru? This is becoming a barrier in OUR relationship. I'm tempted to give in because I care more for her than the dog, BUT that dog is so sentimental to me I CANT.

 

[kyounge1956]

If you are the one who really wants to keep the dog, why is your wife the one who has to clean up after it?

If your wife's symptoms are pretty mild she might get some relief using one of the self-help books for people with OCD. But really it would probably be better if she would at least talk to her doctor about it and make sure her self-diagnosis is correct before trying anything along those lines.

 

[Westernskies]

Try this simple test:
Lock your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour.
When you open it, which one is happy to see you?

 

[CyclingInvestor]

I feel that getting rid of the dog is the LAST option....

Certainly for me, getting rid of the dog(s) would be the last option - not surprisingly, I am divorced (with dogs).

Perhaps a maid would be cheaper than 2 divorce lawyers or the anguish of giving up the dog.

 

[CybrMike]

Sounds like you need to get your wife under control. Get rid of the dog, seesh.

Seriously though, i know where your coming from. My wife has some OCD issues and absolutely "hates" our dogs. She voices her opinion of that fact constantly. She also gates up many areas of the house to keep them confined as we move throughout the house so that they can't get where she doesn't want them to go. Its sad really.

If she ever mentioned getting rid of them though, it'd be over.

 

[crazy connie]

Your wife needs some real help.

The dog stays and should be cared for properly by you and the children.

A member of the family is just that. What message would getting rid of a family pet send your children? When you get old or make a mess where do you get sent? When she gets old or makes a mess where do the kids get rid of her?

 

[thefed]

Sounds like you need to get your wife under control. Get rid of the dog, seesh.

Seriously though, i know where your coming from. My wife has some OCD issues and absolutely "hates" our dogs. She voices her opinion of that fact constantly. She also gates up many areas of the house to keep them confined as we move throughout the house so that they can't get where she doesn't want them to go. Its sad really.

If she ever mentioned getting rid of them though, it'd be over.

ooooh, there's gates......

 

[Calgary_Girl]

Wow...tough situation. I don't think I could ever get rid of our dog and give it to a complete stranger.I feel sorry for your kids when they realize that mommy got rid of the dog...seriously. Kids have great memories... BTW, why get a dog if you know you don't have time to give it the attention it deserves? Our dog gets walked EVERY day for at least 45 min. (sun, rain, snow, blizzards, etc). It's the least they deserve for the unconditional love they show.

 

[Notmuchlonger]

This should be a good thread. The Fed you have some unique threads

 

[kumquat]

Any advice on how to break thru?

Get rid of the dog

Or better yet, I'll send you my DW's dog as a companion.

 

[jambo101]

Her: "I'm sick and tired of cleaning up her hair, washing her after she rolls in poo,the flea fights, the irritable skin, etc etc. I CANT take it any more. I know it makes me horrible, but she needs a better family. One that walks her often, plays with her daily, brushes her regularly,etc"


We do neglect our dog somewhat. She's a 4.5 yr old sheppard mix. She gets out to run around maybe 3/week with the kids. She isn't 'walked' but once every 3 months or so. We do hook her to a run every week or so. She is not brushed regularly (thus the influx of hair), she gets yelled at a lot for stuff around the house....trivial things....mainly our irrational responses to normal dog behavior. But the consensus is that we truly do love her and she's a good, well mannered dog.

Anyway, she is fed up with the dog's lack of cleanliness...and it shows in her attitude. She is getting harder to deal with and she realizes it. So the main REASON she wants to get rid of the dog is the cleanliness. Her secondary argument is that someone else could offer a better and more active life for the dog.



Any advice on how to break thru?

Seems to me that this is your dog and your wife is doing all the work, from your description you do nothing, no walks,no grooming,no cleaning up,if you want to keep that dog i'd suggest getting off your butt and start taking a bit of responsibility as a pet owner or i'd agree with your wife and get the dog to a more active home.

 

[Rambler]

Fed, seems you and your DW fight about a lot of things...If I fought with my DW as much as you fight with yours, it woudn't be the dog sleeping in the doghouse. Just saying...

BTW, ever consider keeping the dog outside instead of inside? We ended up doing that some time ago with our dog (had to give him up to a good home when we moved to asia). He slept in a nice bed in the garage at night, and was outside most days. He stayed in the house in bad weather though. Just a thought.

R

 

[thefed]

To answer some questions: yes, it was originally my dog. yes, i need to spend more time with her, but i w*rk 70 hrs a week at times and put my kids #1 on the list when i get home, followed by eating, showering, wife, paperwork, then the dog. unfortunately that's the way it is right now. the wife is home all day with the dog...she doesnt work int he traditional sense of the word.

i plan on taking a more active approach, unfortunately it had to come to this to realize i was slacking

wife suggested we make her an outside dog, but that to me is even worse than her situation now...not cool.

connie: that is my exact argument with her! It's not what our family is about. quitting because of our own faults in unacceptable and not a tendency i want to pass on to the kids. we need to be sure we're doing everything in our power first before considering other option



thanks for the input, keep it comin'! I'm sure ive got a good one coming from one of you crazy dog people out there....and i deserve it

 

[Yankees Rule]

I think I saw some pictures of your dog here on the forum some months back.

Good luck , I think I remember her being a cool looking dog.

Yes part of the family, OCD, Again good luck with that.

 

[Rustic23]

Have you tried restricting the dog to outside, or one or two rooms in the home?

Have you discussed this with the kids?

Is the dog well trained? If not train it! Nothing you can do about hair, but rolling in poo can be broken.

To me taking on a dog is like having children. You don't get rid of your kids just because they don't brush their teeth. If the dog has a mean streak, bites and such there is a reason to find another home. However, dogs shed, and kids are messy, it is something you take on when you decide to have either. Getting rid of the dog is not fair to either. You have another 9 years or so to go. All that being said, I would not pick a dog over a family, but if it were my wife, it would be a sacrifice she would never be allowed to forget!

 

[Dawg52]

Get rid of the wife.

 

[W2R]

If you are the one who really wants to keep the dog, why is your wife the one who has to clean up after it?

Exactly - - and I would venture a guess that this question has come up many times before in TheFed's household. This is just so unfair to his wife, IMO, and hopefully he is deeply grateful to her for putting up with the situation for 4.5 years before finally being pushed to this point.

My suggestions are to get rid of the dog, and get rid of the "poor me" thoughts that you are having right now! Just let it go. Either that, or get a divorce.

Bear in mind that I myself am divorced! I don't have a pet because (as much as I love animals) I don't have the time at this point in my life to really care for or spend time with a pet. To me, the responsible thing is to wait until ER when I do have the time to give an animal love, attention, and care. So maybe I am not as understanding as others about your attitude, but it is not meant personally! It is just a reflection of my own situation and decisions.

 

[Purron]

This is a difficult situation. Perhaps you should consider a family meeting to discuss the dog. After all, having a pet should be a family decision and everyone should take repsonsibility for the pet's care. I don't know how old your kids are, but even if they are very young, they can help with grooming, feeding, and playing with the dog. One other tip - if you really want to tug at your wife's heartstrings, rent the movie My Dog Skip. A real tear jerker of a flick which focuses on how great dogs are for kids.

 

[Martha]

Whatever you do, I am against having the dog be an outside dog. Dogs are social animals. They need to be with the pack. Better to give it another home.

 

[Sarah in SC]

I do not think that you or your wife want to instill in your children the idea that pets are disposable. Rather you would want them to understand that being responsible for another being (this would include animals and children of their own one day) are an enormous commitment worthy of serious contemplation prior to actually owning/having them.

You should outline the specific duties associated with pet ownership and share them out within the household. The kids are certainly old enough to make sure doggie has water in her bowl (even if they can't fill it) and food twice a day. If they are bigger, they can take her on short walks (even just around the back yard). Little girls usually love to brush dogs and dress them up in baby clothes. A grooming appointment a couple of times a month would also improve the dog hair situation as well.

The OCD is another problem, for which the focus on the dog hair is merely a symptom. She needs treatment. And you both need couple therapy to talk through your problems and communicate better. But you knew that already.

I would not consider a relationship with someone who put housekeeping above the love and companionship of animals. Those sad, sterile houses hold no joy or interest for me.

 

[Marquette]

Dog rolls in poop
Wife vacuums a lot every day
Dog isn't being brushed
Dog is being yelled at for trivial stuff around the house
Dog takes too much time

Brush the dog, teach the dog to not roll in poop (pick up after the dog so there's no poop to roll in), use positive reinforcement to address any trivial issues.

A tiny bit of proactive work would drastically cut down on some of these issues.

 

[honobob]

A tiny bit of proactive work would drastically cut down on some of these issues.

Uh, where's the drama in that?

 

[happy2bretired]

From reading your past posts, I believe you own your own business. Is there any way that you could take your dog to your place of business during your work hours? The dog would get some attention from you during that time and your home would get less dog mess during that time.

 

[WM]

I agree with everyone who said "take more responsibility for the dog yourself." If that's not possible because you're working too many hours, I think the groomer suggestion was a start. And I bet you could hire a neighborhood kid to walk her, too.

And yeah, how is the dog rolling in poo? Are your kids old enough that they can take responsibility for making sure there's none in the yard, and if they screw up, they have to bathe the dog?

Also, as someone who stayed/worked part time at home for several years, it occurs to me that maybe your wife is so focused on the dog because it's literally right in front of her all the time. I did the same thing with our dogs (although to be fair, one of ours did have serious behavior problems). Is your wife happy at home? Does she get out to do other things and spend time with other adults? Personally, being at home by myself all the time made me get a little weird. I wouldn't say I have OCD tendencies, but cleaning the house does make me feel better when I get stressed - something I can control, I guess.

 

[FUEGO]

Dude, you need more time in your day. Welcome to life!! Competing demands on your time. You have to prioritize the things that bring you the most value and focus on those. It looks like you have prioritized what is most important when you say "...But i w*rk 70 hrs a week at times and put my kids #1 on the list when i get home, followed by eating, showering, wife, paperwork, then the dog."

If the dog is last on that list, maybe it is time to dump the dog. Focus on your family, hygiene, and your business(es) if they are most important to you. Better to live a harmonious life that brings joy to you and your family than live a life of constant battle with your family and that isn't a happy place for your family or the dog.

It sounds like your wife is very unhappy with the situation, so you need to respect her concerns and do what you can to address those concerns, which may include re-allocating some of your time to take better care of the dog, or making the sacrifice to get rid of the dog in order to make your family life much healthier.