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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-15-2007, 01:21 PM   #21
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

sorry made a mistake... posted one with nothing to add.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-15-2007, 01:24 PM   #22
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

Quote:
Originally Posted by youbet
Since she'll quickly be on Medicaid, it's not a savory thought.
Medicaid will also pay for various types of at-home care. I believe that if her doc will document that she needs help with daily living, medicaid will cover the cost of somebody coming by each day even for non-medical care. Or you/she can also pay somebody $10-15/hour for the same type of service. We have a relative in this situation, and the extra help is a welcome relief for all involved.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-15-2007, 01:30 PM   #23
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

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Originally Posted by wab
The only creative solution that comes to me is euthanasia. When my quality of life is zero, and caregivers are expending efforts to help me perform bodily functions and moving me around so that I don't atrophy, I want somebody to put me down. And I don't want my kid to have to do it herself or find some illegal path. I want this to be an acceptable choice with simplicity, dignity, and quality. Low cost and no mess.
That "solution" sounds oh-so-attractive when we're contemplating the end from the prime of our lives, but how will we feel when we're in our 90s? Who will we be then, and will we even have enough sentience to recognize the situation?

My grandfather spent the happiest 14 years of his life in senile dementia, years which a euthanasia decree would have cut out of his experience. Sure, he couldn't even remember why he was happy, but was that a reason to deny him the emotion that he rarely indulged in when he was sentient?

My mother dealt with breast cancer for her entire 40s. As a registered nurse, in the 1980s she had plenty of knowledge of & access to illicit euthanasia resources. (She was good at it, too-- after she died we realized that in a 3000 sq ft house she was never more than six feet away from a bottle of Demerol.) She could have gone at any time of her choosing. Yet she chose life for nearly a decade after the diagnosis, even as the cancer metastasized and her skeleton rotted and she couldn't walk more than a couple blocks without severe joint pain. She even resumed smoking to avoid dealing with nicotine withdrawal during chemotherapy-- hardly a short-timer's attitude.

One day, pretty much like any other by then, her bones had atrophied to the point that her leg broke. After the bone was set and the hospital had finished what she came for, she checked herself out and had herself driven home. She spoke with family (in person or by phone) and mentioned that she didn't want to go through any more of that pain. The next day she stopped eating & drinking but held on long enough for me to fly out. She died the morning after we arrived.

Did you ever read the story of Admiral Nimitz's suicide? Not the WWII Nimitz-- his son:
The New York Times, Jan. 12, 2002
http://www.lifesite.net/ldn/2006/aug/06083106.html

Admittedly these are hardly objective sources, but they shed a light on a subject that's all too easily glorified as the last expression of American independence.

I have a DNR filed away, but personally I think I'll always be curious what tomorrow's sunrise will look like.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-15-2007, 01:36 PM   #24
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nords
Who will we be then, and will we even have enough sentience to recognize the situation?
That's what a DNR is for, but that doesn't mean it's easy. My DNR has gone through several iterations already. Some of the cases are relatively "easy," but there's always enough ambiguity that somebody in the family will have to offer input. For whoever makes that decision on my behalf, I just want my wishes to be as clear as I can make them, and for all options to be on the table.

Edit: regarding the "mercy-killing" article, I would think that depression/desperation of our caregivers should be a primary concern of ours. Perhaps more so than whether or not we'd still be entertained by sunrises and sunsets.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-22-2007, 05:10 AM   #25
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

My mother had to go to the emergency room twice last week. I will not give the details. Both situations were disturbing, but she was in no danger.


We checked out some NH yesterday. About $70k/yr.... That is the basic cost. Obviously alll medical, therapy, etc. is additional.


I did my homework online. But nothing like a visit to uncover more info. We have a target in mind. Very nice, new facility (it is plan A). Another (plan B) facility is nice also. I had a good impression from plan A and B. The third one was a waste of time. Typical... Older facility. A slight foul odor when we entered, place was run down. Staff looked kinda like the facility.

We may look at a couple others.

Fortunately, she has some money. This will help her to get into a better place.

My advice to all... be sure to get your LTC insurance or have some sort of plan on how to handle the expenses should you need that type of help.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-22-2007, 12:24 PM   #26
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

Sorry to hear how tough things are, Chinaco.

Although it may not be relevant for you, be sure to learn about what hospice could offer. A doctor has to certify that the person likely has 6 months or less left to live to be enrolled.

My mom was enrolled last July. Hospice will provide equipment, send someone to the house to give her a bath, spend time with her, even clean the house to help out. A great organization.

In our case, Mom continued to hang on, and was kicked out of hospice. She's living at my sister one's house with sister two currently being the primary caregiver, and is mostly bedridden.

It's a great strain, and is destroying some of the relationships between us siblings.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-22-2007, 02:14 PM   #27
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

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It's a great strain, and is destroying some of the relationships between us siblings.
Thanks Al. Sorry to hear about your situation also.

You are correct, this type of situation can put a strain on the siblings.

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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-22-2007, 03:10 PM   #28
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

If the nursing facility is medicare/medicaid certified their last health department review is available on the medicare website. ABSOLUTELY read the health department reports. Sometimes the facility that looks a little warn actually gives the best care, and some that look the slickest don't give good care.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-22-2007, 03:32 PM   #29
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

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If the nursing facility is medicare/medicaid certified their last health department review is available on the medicare website. ABSOLUTELY read the health department reports. Sometimes the facility that looks a little warn actually gives the best care, and some that look the slickest don't give good care.
Agreed. I looked at the info posted on the medicare site.

I think the thing to do is research, interview, make a decision based on the available info. Also have a backup plan... Be on a waiting list of a backup NH. Watch the situation when she is placed in the NH to ensure things are working out. If there seems to be problems, move her to the other NH.
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on medicid but family paying extra??
Old 04-22-2007, 09:06 PM   #30
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on medicid but family paying extra??

Does anyone know if the parent has no assets hoe they handle paying the medicare?

What I am wondering about is if I were willing to pay to send my mother to a better facility would I have to pay it all and medicaid consider her to have assets since I am willing to pay, or would there be some way that medicaid would pay and i could pay extra to improve her quality of care.

I think someone mentioned places where they allowed you to come in and help. Is it possible to hire someone to come in besides the normal staff?

Any ideas?
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Re: on medicid but family paying extra??
Old 04-23-2007, 04:23 AM   #31
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Re: on medicid but family paying extra??

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Originally Posted by joesxm
What I am wondering about is if I were willing to pay to send my mother to a better facility would I have to pay it all and medicaid consider her to have assets since I am willing to pay, or would there be some way that medicaid would pay and i could pay extra to improve her quality of care.
...
Any ideas?
Medicare only pays for about (something like) 90 days of NH... mainly to recouperate, not for LTC.

State Medicaid supplies the funding for people who are broke. I would not suggest tht you sing-up to care for Mom. You will be responsible financially... there is no way of telling where things might go.

You need to study the medicaid polisy in your state regarding LTC to understand the finer points.

Here is an idea. Provided your mother does not have creditors after her... you could sell her house and use those funds to get her into a better home. Or you could just do a one-time gift to her.

Having money does not guarantee better treatment... you need to do your homework. Plus, you will never know until you begin watching over time. Some NH seem to be better at handling certain types of problems.

What you need to consider is that some facilities only have some % of their beds dedicated to Medicaid and if one of those beds is not available when she exhausts her funds, she will be asked to leave. You need to check the NH policies.


One other important item: You need to be proactive and get power of attorney for Financial and Health. Otherwise, you will wind up in court getting guardianship once they are unable to make rational decisions.
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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-23-2007, 10:13 AM   #32
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

I read stuff like this and get really scared. My mom is getting more and more limited. And stepdad has prostate cancer - hormones have stopped working, so we're looking at some pretty heavy options soon. And I'm Mom's only child, so caregiving will fall to me - nobody to help out. And she can't afford LTC insurance - if she could find a company that would cover her. My cancer history makes it impossible for me to find that kind of insurance.

I feel for you. You and your family are in my prayers.

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Re: Taking care of Mom!
Old 04-23-2007, 10:35 AM   #33
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Re: Taking care of Mom!

Actually cancer may not disqualify because once the insured needs care hospice coverage may kick in. The big risk for LTC insurers is Parkinson's, strokes and brain conditions which cause extended periods of incapacity.
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