Spouse is Afraid of Flying

[USGrant1962]

I know I will probably jinx myself but in 4 million+ miles I have never experienced turbulence to the level of injuries. I've flown in extreme turbulence before but I'm fortunate I don't get motion sickness so that is one advantage I had over those who do.

...

I'm maybe 1 million miles but spread across airlines so hard to calculate. Interestingly, my very first airplane flight was probably the worst whole-flight turbulence of all ~1,000 flights. I was about 26, on my first flight ever going to Jamaica on vacay. The seatbelt light never went off for what I would now call medium turbulence - but it was for the whole flight from BWI (I think) to Jamaica. Huge cheers and clapping when we landed. I thought that was normal!

1,000 flights later and I've never had anything like that. I did have two sudden turbulence incidents where the plane dropped hundreds of feet at altitude, coffee cups flew up, overhead bins popped open, and people screamed. In one case someone passed out and we did an emergency landing in Omaha. The person seemed OK on the stretcher out of the plane. But in no case was the plane in any actual danger.

Anyway, to OP's problem. Some people I know take Ambien for anxiety and sleep on planes. Maybe that is an option.

 

[Sunset]

If flights continue to be a problem, and want to travel together, then car, train, and cruise ships can cover a lot.
Cruise ships can be used to visit Europe, and return to the USA. Fortunately the route from UK to USA and back is often run Cunard.
Obviously not as convenient as a plane for planning.
Most cruise lines do transatlantic crossings every 6 months, I wish a few more would make them more regular like Cunard.

 

[rk911]

My wife hates to fly and it's a problem because I want to travel more. Last year we drove to Florida (from Massachusetts) and it was ok, but I'd rather spend 3 hours on a plane than drive.


She has tried zanax, and bloody marys on the flight, still has anxiety.


Any ideas that could help?

Travel by train? Not as fast as a plane but, generally, faster than a car.

 

[Koolau]

Travel by train? Not as fast as a plane but, generally, faster than a car.

If I think of train travel as an "adventure" then it just might be fun (and I did it - once.) Oddly, I "felt" much less safe on a train than I do on a plane. That's just a "feeling" like those who "fear flying."

I think of train travel as having most of the downsides of car travel (longer time to get some place, requiring expense for food on the way, somewhat higher death rate per million miles vs air and need to sleep - motel with car/extra expense on train for a cabin) but also the added downside that planes give you (need ground transportation once you get there.)

Based on that, I prefer to travel by car if possible. It's true that car travel is MUCH more dangerous on a per million mile basis. BUT it's much cheaper (usually) especially if you have multiple people in the car - and then you have a car when you arrive.

Some people love train travel. I'm not one of those people, so YMMV.

 

[djsander]

I’ve flown a lot over the years. So where along the way I developed the sense of I don’t like to fly and get some fear and anxiety. I’ve been catapulted off and aircraft carrier and helicoptered several times off an aircraft carrier in my Navy days. Didn’t bother me then. Last year we flew out east for a get together with our kids. It’s was the first time for DW and I to fly in a long time and I had flown on my own quite a bit for my employers. She was tense about me flying. I did surprisingly well. The crowds and packed planes didn’t affect me like they had. I think being retired I’ve gotten rid of an enormous amount of stress and can relax again. Will see come October we will be flying again.

 

[HawkeyeNFO]

If you're trying to go between Massachusetts and Florida, then I'd book a sleeper car on Amtrak. Sure beats driving.

 

[braumeister]

If you're trying to go between Massachusetts and Florida, then I'd book a sleeper car on Amtrak. Sure beats driving.

When I lived in the DC area, one of my neighbors told me his mother drove herself there from Michigan and put her car on the Auto Train to Florida. Then she had her own car for months there during the winter and did it again in reverse when going home.

Maybe worth looking into.

 

[rk911]

If I think of train travel as an "adventure" then it just might be fun (and I did it - once.)..

For our 50th anniversary back in 2020 we were considering several travel options one of which was a rail trip through the Canadian Rockies. A buddy who occasionally travels by train told us the Canadian rail sleeper cars are far superior to their American counterparts. In any case the Covid panic put a halt to all of our options, so we went to Olive Garden instead.

 

[Koolau]

For our 50th anniversary back in 2020 we were considering several travel options one of which was a rail trip through the Canadian Rockies. A buddy who occasionally travels by train told us the Canadian rail sleeper cars are far superior to their American counterparts. In any case the Covid panic put a halt to all of our options, so we went to Olive Garden instead.

We actually toughed it out on our trip and slept in the seats. Our friends who sprung for the cabin regretted it. They got sea-sick while trying to sleep. YMMV

 

[LateToFIRE]

How about: Flying makes DW really, really, really stressed and cranky. I get it. So many annoyances, so much aggravation. We've all been there and experienced it. I spent a career on planes, in airports. I've learned to just Zen-out even when stuffed next to the (busted, reeking) rear lavatory stuck in the middle seat between a morbidly obese passenger and another holding a screaming, hash flinging baby (unrelated). Noise-cancelling headphones help. International 1st class helps (until your flight gets cancelled and you're marooned in the aforementioned position). I've basically tried every accommodation short of private jets to get DW comfortable - and I don't even think that would work (cabin would be too claustrophobic). But, gotta hand it to her, if she wants to go bad enough, she'll go. We just have to endure to get to the fun part of the trip.

 

[Sunset]

We actually toughed it out on our trip and slept in the seats. Our friends who sprung for the cabin regretted it. They got sea-sick while trying to sleep. YMMV

We did an overnight train ride from NY to Chicago arriving at ~8am downtown.

We had a roomette on the train.

It rocked a bit, side to side, which was odd for me, and not really quiet plus I was excited by my first train ride in 6 decades, so missed some sleep.

However, compared to driving from NY to Chicago it was very relaxing, especially having the Steak dinner in the dinning car (incl), and breakfast too !! (incl).

Had I driven all night I'd have White Line Fever..... and been a wreak upon arrival.

 

[cathy63]

For our 50th anniversary back in 2020 we were considering several travel options one of which was a rail trip through the Canadian Rockies. A buddy who occasionally travels by train told us the Canadian rail sleeper cars are far superior to their American counterparts. In any case the Covid panic put a halt to all of our options, so we went to Olive Garden instead.

If you're going to do a train trip through the Canadian Rockies, the way to do it is on the Rocky Mountaineer. They stop at night and take you to a hotel for sleeping.

We did their Vancouver to Banff trip many years ago, then just a couple years ago we did their Red Rocks to the Rockies trip from Moab to Denver. Both journeys were equally amazing and enjoyable.

 

[skyking1]

My friend Frank went with me to help transport my aunt to visit her sisters near the end of her life.
She and her husband had some strange pulmonary illness that eventually claimed them, and the airline did not want to fly her with supplemental oxygen.
The drive would have been brutal, so I volunteered to take her to Yakima and bring her back to Medford in our plane.
Of course this had to happen in February in the worst weather.
On the way back we warned her it was going to get rough across the Cascades. She tightened up her seat belt and muttered, " I've seen worse". She was something else.
When we left out of the Medford valley to get back to Seattle, it got really bad. Frank and I just smiled at each other, put our headsets back on (repeatedly), and kept the dirty side down while the stall warning horn beeped (repeatedly ).
I make it a point to keep my seat belt fastened any time I am sitting in the commercial flights.

 

[Koolau]

How about: Flying makes DW really, really, really stressed and cranky. I get it. So many annoyances, so much aggravation. We've all been there and experienced it. I spent a career on planes, in airports. I've learned to just Zen-out even when stuffed next to the (busted, reeking) rear lavatory stuck in the middle seat between a morbidly obese passenger and another holding a screaming, hash flinging baby (unrelated). Noise-cancelling headphones help. International 1st class helps (until your flight gets cancelled and you're marooned in the aforementioned position). I've basically tried every accommodation short of private jets to get DW comfortable - and I don't even think that would work (cabin would be too claustrophobic). But, gotta hand it to her, if she wants to go bad enough, she'll go. We just have to endure to get to the fun part of the trip.

I've adopted a philosophy of flying: To get from point A to point B (5000 miles, give or take) I am going to be anywhere from inconvenienced and uncomfortable to humiliated and miserable for a day. I have to do that twice a year to accomplish my travel plans. It's much worse than it needs to be (anyone who traveled in the 60's knows what I mean.) BUT, for one day, I can stand almost anything. I also think about what someone like Mark Twain had to go through to travel roughly the same distance when he toured Hawaii. He probably traveled first class (IDK) but it was still weeks between the train travel and ship. I am blessed to only be miserable for a day at a time. YMMV

 

[Retired2016]

My wife hates to fly and it's a problem because I want to travel more. Last year we drove to Florida (from Massachusetts) and it was ok, but I'd rather spend 3 hours on a plane than drive.


She has tried zanax, and bloody marys on the flight, still has anxiety.


Any ideas that could help?

My husband hates flying and has a lot of anxiety too. Flying first and business (on points) has made it a lot more palatable.

 

[FlaMariner]

Take the Amtrak Auto Train next time to/from Florida......You and your car travel overnight from northern VA to central FL.

 

[Nightcap]

The Unindicted Co-Conspirator feared and hated flying. After not flying for over 25 years, I had a chat with our physician, who prescribed a low dose of Xanax, and I bought first-class tickets.

Did the Xanax help? Maybe a bit, but I think the big comfy first-class seats and the attentive ministrations of the attendants made the biggest difference. In a few weeks, we’re heading on the trip of a lifetime in Europe. Icelandair Saga Class. She’s eagerly looking forward to it.

 

[MC Rider]

I went up in small planes a few times with my Dad when I was single digit age. Not afraid of flying, but agree that the system now sucks and I hate it.

 

[imnontrad]

I have a BIL who can't fly without a lot of anxiety and a sister who cannot tolerate long drives. So she flies to the destination and he drives.

 

[catii]

I'm a former USAF combat pilot, so flying doesn't bother me, but it's a godawful hassle these days. DW also doesn't mind flying, but my youngest sister refused to get on a plane, even to visit us in Hawaii.

"Fear of flying" wasn't unusual in the military, & I stayed in contact with a hypnotist who had resolved a number of those problems. She agreed to treat my sister, although she had retired decades ago, & it worked just fine! My sister spent a pleasant two weeks with us, late last year, & she's now planning to do international travel that she had never before considered. Hope you can find similar treatment for your wife!

 

[Cerys]

I don’t fly frequently. But in all honesty, my anxiety about it went away when I started flying Southwest.

I generally flew from Oakland, CA to Pittsburgh PA. Home to visit family I developed a route that I just looked for all the time, Oakland to Chicago Midway, and then to Pittsburgh. I almost always had enough time to go to the bathroom maybe grab a snack, and walk. My time on the ground was the most enjoyable part of the flight. I was made for puddle jumping.

This is something that other people don’t understand because essentially I’m doing this travel part about give or take two hours longer than it should take. We’ll see I lived in Oakland, and to get to the San Francisco airport which is the only one that had a straight shot to Pittsburgh would’ve been 45 minutes to an hour and a half in traffic. Much rather be walking around Chicago Midway. Especially when I could buy an overpriced yogurt parfait. Something seemingly healthy.

Depending on what part of the trip is the issue, mine was being up in the air, this might be a solution for her it might take you longer to get somewhere but still be easier than driving, and easier on her.

I have sort of gotten over this, although my last flight was from Oakland to Pittsburgh almost two years ago, where I am now living. I am so happy to be home.

But I have friends across the country and if I ever go visit them Pittsburgh to Chicago, Chicago to San Francisco, or SeaTac. I have to look that up…

 

[Retired Expat]

Given Boeing's recent missteps her anxiety isn't unreasonable.

Consider taking trips by train then rent a car. Not cheaper but can be very pleasant. A UTube couple recommended two roomettes over a bedroom.

How about cruising? I find I can book a repositioning cruise for about the same as Business class plane ticket but it is so much more enjoyable! Only issue becomes the getting back!

 

[wrigley]

Wife is going to Italy in June. I'm staying home.


Mike

 

[raypep]

My wife hates to fly and it's a problem because I want to travel more. Last year we drove to Florida (from Massachusetts) and it was ok, but I'd rather spend 3 hours on a plane than drive.


She has tried zanax, and bloody marys on the flight, still has anxiety.


Any ideas that could help?

I. used to be very afraid of flying but I took a class on flying . It was one of two parts. The first explained how planes fly and handle turbulence . The second part was supposed to be actual flying. I only took the first part.

After that class I was completely comfortable with fying no matter what the weather. It was one of the best things I ever did and now I fly all over the world

 

[Taco]

Here is my favorite fear of flying experience...

I boarded a plane one time and was seated next to a young lady, probably in her mid-twenties, who had never flown and was quite nervous. I tried to be reassuring. As the engines revved up and we were about to take off she asked "Can I hold your hand"? So we held hands until the plane got to altitude. She seemed okay once we were up.