Is Taking Up A Collection For A Friend Ever Inappropriate?

[Midpack]

Follow up.

Several of us talked the organizer into offering to prepare meals for them instead of just $. Evidently she does most of the cooking, Joe doesn't cook, and I would imagine she's not keen on cooking lately.

But she has severe dietary restrictions, and it would be hard for most of us to prepare meals she can eat, so the organizer is going to buy a gift card to their favorite grocery chain. Evidently they buy prepared meals there often already, so it will be well used. Joe will know what she can eat.

I am OK with the idea, now that we've at least told Joe what we had in mind. And there won't be any confusion about just getting an envelope full of cash.

Good enough for now. Maybe we'll follow up with some help around the house as the situation progresses.

 

[jazz4cash]

Sounds like a great solution. What prompted the change in plans? Help with transportation, doctor trips, etc is another great way to offer assistance.

 

[marko]

If Joe is financially independent he won’t need money and it might even be a source of confusion. Awkward as well.

Companionship and support after his wife passes might be more meaningful and relevant.

Unless a very large amount would be collected, it's sort of: "Sorry about your wife, here's $215, hope it helps"

I was once told: "Some people know how to give but don't know how to take"

 

[jollystomper]

Follow up.

Several of us talked the organizer into offering to prepare meals for them instead of just $. Evidently she does most of the cooking, Joe doesn't cook, and I would imagine she's not keen on cooking lately.

But she has severe dietary restrictions, and it would be hard for most of us to prepare meals she can eat, so the organizer is going to buy a gift card to their favorite grocery chain. Evidently they buy prepared meals there often already, so it will be well used. Joe will know what she can eat.

I am OK with the idea, now that we've at least told Joe what we had in mind. And there won't be any confusion about just getting an envelope full of cash.

Good enough for now. Maybe we'll follow up with some help around the house as the situation progresses.

Great solution! I think it will be more appreciated and considered more thoughtful than money. Last year when DW had to stay off her feet for a month due to a fractured ankle, even though I can cook a bit, we greatly appreciated the meals and gift cards we received.

 

[Aerides]

Glad it worked out. Just one note to this situation and others:

Often, asking the bereaved or caregiver of someone who is ill "let me know how I can help" isn't as helpful as it seems. The person needing the help is often overwhelmed, unable to focus on basics, and the question alone can feel like another task. Far better to offer them ways you think you might help:
"Can I bring you dinner tomorrow, let me find you a housekeeper to help out in the near term, how about I do your grocery shopping this week? Offer ideas vs. assigning them the emotional labor of finding a way to make you useful.

 

[pb4uski]

Follow up.

Several of us talked the organizer into offering to prepare meals for them instead of just $. Evidently she does most of the cooking, Joe doesn't cook, and I would imagine she's not keen on cooking lately.

But she has severe dietary restrictions, and it would be hard for most of us to prepare meals she can eat, so the organizer is going to buy a gift card to their favorite grocery chain. Evidently they buy prepared meals there often already, so it will be well used. Joe will know what she can eat.

I am OK with the idea, now that we've at least told Joe what we had in mind. And there won't be any confusion about just getting an envelope full of cash.

Good enough for now. Maybe we'll follow up with some help around the house as the situation progresses.

Reading your post gave me an additional idea to offer. I'm guessing that a lot of the foods that Joe would buy at their favorite grocery chain is the same stuff. Perhaps he can order online during any periods of down time and either have it delivered or one of the golf guys can go get it and deliver it to Joe at home. Even more convenient for Joe once you get the logistics figured out for the first time.

DD rarely goes to the grocery store anymore. She belongs to Walmart+ and orders them online and they deliver them to her door.