I've posted this on another forum but I thought I'd repeat it here with an update.
I used to be one of those parents who discouraged our teen from getting a cell phone, and now I have to admit it: I was wrong. Let me explain the situation for those of you who are still attempting to have your teen win the "last one in the world to get a cell phone" competition.
Throughout our years of naval service, whenever spouse or I have had an official cell phone (or a beeper or even a handheld transceiver) we've been sorely punished for the "privilege". In ER we've had no motivation to repeat the experience, and our lifestyle doesn't require a cell phone. We're not separated by work. We can't really get to the middle of nowhere on this island, let alone break down there. It feels good not to have to care for another material possession, let alone pay a monthly bill for the burden. So no cell phones for us.
For years our kid has lusted after the shiny objects given to other kids, and for years we've told her "Get a really good job and save your money". For years the other kids were only supposed to use their cell phone to call home (or to be called by their parents) but now in high school they're added to their parent's family plan and they make as many calls (and texts and photos) as they want. Very few of them pay for it. There's also a sort of juvenile (in all senses of the word) telecom arms race to see what Mommy & Daddy have handed out for birthdays, Christmas, good grades, smoking cessation, sobriety, celibacy, or other incentives. We told her that we could understand her needing a cell phone for college, when phones would be hard to find, but we didn't see any reason for it while she was living at home and going to school only a mile away.
Last month our kid's boss gave her a meritorious 75 cents/hour raise, so our sophomore bought herself a pay-as-you-go cell phone. She estimates that she'll be spending about $30/month, which she pointed out is only ~$4/month more than our landline.
She says her tipping point was the raise, but she's noticed for months that her friends coordinate almost exclusively by cell. She was always the last to get the word about a pop quiz or impromptu socializing. She also says that the school's pay phones are usually vandalized and even the local shopping center's phones don't always work. She either has to plan ahead (duh), find a phone to check in, or miss out. Now she's solved all her problems-- although it cost most of her raise.
Her initiative was a total surprise but definitely a pleasant one. It's wonderful to watch these little wing-flaps of independence from the parental nest. She says she's been doing her own research for weeks and was thinking of asking for more allowance, but she was having trouble making it sound like justification instead of lifestyle begging. We asked a bunch of "What if?" questions and she seems to have the right answers (but what the heck do we Luddite parents know). AT&T sure knew how to hit her demographic sweet spot.
Having your own cell phone: $15.
Using your own phone: $1/day plus 10 cents/call.
Not having to beg from Mommy & Daddy: Priceless!
~800 days to college...
UPDATE:
First, it's a great relief to no longer answer our house phone when we're expecting a call, only to hear a pubescent male's cracking voice squeak out "Uhm, uh, is, uh, er, your daughter there? Can I, ah, um, speak to her?" It was amusing once but now she can do her heavy breathing on her own phone.
Second, our kid does well academically but a chronic problem in middle/high school has been group projects. She really wants to get an "A" so she always ends up in charge of the results, and considering the corresponding lack of diligence of most of her alleged "friends" I think that's a reasonable decision. Some slackers try to take advantage of her "I'll do it!!" eagerness, while others are just too disorganized to make more than a token effort. A few days before deadline the angst & drama start to build, and by the night before the pressure is intense.
She tries to remind people to turn in their parts so that she can write it up and put it all together, but it's always a hassle and she's always crazed & exasperated. Most of the time she's sending stern e-mails or MySpace notes (that the kids never read) or trying to call their home phones (that, like ours, go straight to voicemail). Total frustration.
That all ended with this week's project, and it's all because of the cell phone. It turns out that teenagers never really give each other their phone numbers-- they just call each other's phones and save them to memory. Now our kid has a roster of a dozen numbers that are surgically attached to a corresponding teen's anatomy, are always answered, and can't easily be evaded. On the last deadline night in less than 10 minutes she was able to "reach out and touch" five people, remind them what they owed her, and promise that it would take less time to get it done than it would to make up excuses about it. (I wonder where she heard that logic.) Everything was turned in by dinnertime and she'd finished it off an hour later. No angst, no drama, no craziness. She was almost as happy as we were.
If I'd realized that a cell phone was the only obstacle to our family harmony, I would've handed one out with her 8th-grade textbooks. She's learned a lot of painful lessons about project management, but they would've been learned much sooner (and much less painfully) with a little technology on her side.
So maybe a cell phone isn't such a bad idea for a teenager after all. But she still has a tremendous sense of satisfaction from earning her own money to buy it all by herself, and I'm glad we didn't accidentally deprive her of that experience.
I used to be one of those parents who discouraged our teen from getting a cell phone, and now I have to admit it: I was wrong. Let me explain the situation for those of you who are still attempting to have your teen win the "last one in the world to get a cell phone" competition.
Throughout our years of naval service, whenever spouse or I have had an official cell phone (or a beeper or even a handheld transceiver) we've been sorely punished for the "privilege". In ER we've had no motivation to repeat the experience, and our lifestyle doesn't require a cell phone. We're not separated by work. We can't really get to the middle of nowhere on this island, let alone break down there. It feels good not to have to care for another material possession, let alone pay a monthly bill for the burden. So no cell phones for us.
For years our kid has lusted after the shiny objects given to other kids, and for years we've told her "Get a really good job and save your money". For years the other kids were only supposed to use their cell phone to call home (or to be called by their parents) but now in high school they're added to their parent's family plan and they make as many calls (and texts and photos) as they want. Very few of them pay for it. There's also a sort of juvenile (in all senses of the word) telecom arms race to see what Mommy & Daddy have handed out for birthdays, Christmas, good grades, smoking cessation, sobriety, celibacy, or other incentives. We told her that we could understand her needing a cell phone for college, when phones would be hard to find, but we didn't see any reason for it while she was living at home and going to school only a mile away.
Last month our kid's boss gave her a meritorious 75 cents/hour raise, so our sophomore bought herself a pay-as-you-go cell phone. She estimates that she'll be spending about $30/month, which she pointed out is only ~$4/month more than our landline.
She says her tipping point was the raise, but she's noticed for months that her friends coordinate almost exclusively by cell. She was always the last to get the word about a pop quiz or impromptu socializing. She also says that the school's pay phones are usually vandalized and even the local shopping center's phones don't always work. She either has to plan ahead (duh), find a phone to check in, or miss out. Now she's solved all her problems-- although it cost most of her raise.
Her initiative was a total surprise but definitely a pleasant one. It's wonderful to watch these little wing-flaps of independence from the parental nest. She says she's been doing her own research for weeks and was thinking of asking for more allowance, but she was having trouble making it sound like justification instead of lifestyle begging. We asked a bunch of "What if?" questions and she seems to have the right answers (but what the heck do we Luddite parents know). AT&T sure knew how to hit her demographic sweet spot.
Having your own cell phone: $15.
Using your own phone: $1/day plus 10 cents/call.
Not having to beg from Mommy & Daddy: Priceless!
~800 days to college...
UPDATE:
First, it's a great relief to no longer answer our house phone when we're expecting a call, only to hear a pubescent male's cracking voice squeak out "Uhm, uh, is, uh, er, your daughter there? Can I, ah, um, speak to her?" It was amusing once but now she can do her heavy breathing on her own phone.
Second, our kid does well academically but a chronic problem in middle/high school has been group projects. She really wants to get an "A" so she always ends up in charge of the results, and considering the corresponding lack of diligence of most of her alleged "friends" I think that's a reasonable decision. Some slackers try to take advantage of her "I'll do it!!" eagerness, while others are just too disorganized to make more than a token effort. A few days before deadline the angst & drama start to build, and by the night before the pressure is intense.
She tries to remind people to turn in their parts so that she can write it up and put it all together, but it's always a hassle and she's always crazed & exasperated. Most of the time she's sending stern e-mails or MySpace notes (that the kids never read) or trying to call their home phones (that, like ours, go straight to voicemail). Total frustration.
That all ended with this week's project, and it's all because of the cell phone. It turns out that teenagers never really give each other their phone numbers-- they just call each other's phones and save them to memory. Now our kid has a roster of a dozen numbers that are surgically attached to a corresponding teen's anatomy, are always answered, and can't easily be evaded. On the last deadline night in less than 10 minutes she was able to "reach out and touch" five people, remind them what they owed her, and promise that it would take less time to get it done than it would to make up excuses about it. (I wonder where she heard that logic.) Everything was turned in by dinnertime and she'd finished it off an hour later. No angst, no drama, no craziness. She was almost as happy as we were.
If I'd realized that a cell phone was the only obstacle to our family harmony, I would've handed one out with her 8th-grade textbooks. She's learned a lot of painful lessons about project management, but they would've been learned much sooner (and much less painfully) with a little technology on her side.
So maybe a cell phone isn't such a bad idea for a teenager after all. But she still has a tremendous sense of satisfaction from earning her own money to buy it all by herself, and I'm glad we didn't accidentally deprive her of that experience.
