Join Early Retirement Today
Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
The $5,000 Wedding Veil (reality TV version)
Old 10-08-2017, 05:43 PM   #1
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 1,640
The $5,000 Wedding Veil (reality TV version)

Even thought I am a part timer, working three days a week, I am busy. If I'm working from home I normally will work in the extra bedroom. I have a great set up- Glass desk facing 2 windows and three monitors (one is the laptop). Today I set up on the kitchen table working on a programming challenge. I just didn't feel like doing the hermit thing upstairs. The Mrs. and 23 year old single daughter, in a long term relationship, are in the den watching Say Yes to the Dress. Definitely not my kind of show. I am more the National Geographic leaf cutter ant special. Fascinating. I'll leave the room if they ever put on the kardasians. Apparently in this episode the bride dropped a cool $15,000 on the dress and another $5,000 on the veil. I find that disgusting. I've noticed my daughter watching this show before. I am confident there's a storm brewing and I could end up being the 'bad guy'. Well I have hurricane lamps and a generator for storm related power outages don't I? Well time for some thoughtful pre marriage storm planning.

I've seen Father of the bride with Spencer Tracy and then with Steve Martin. Spencer does frustration like no one else. Steve's got that whole comedy thing mastered. Still scary stuff for a dad. I'm not built for all that Consumerism, conspicuous consumption and all that in for a 'penny stuff'. I'm thinking my counter weapon to heavy guilt will be a fixed budget. Hand them the money and say I'm now out of it. The trick is don't let them suck you in. Right?

Not sure how it's going to work but I need to ponder on it...any thoughts?
__________________

rayinpenn is offline   Reply With Quote
Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free!

Are you planning to be financially independent as early as possible so you can live life on your own terms? Discuss successful investing strategies, asset allocation models, tax strategies and other related topics in our online forum community. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. No matter where you fit in you'll find that Early-Retirement.org is a great community to join. Best of all it's totally FREE!

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest so you have limited access to our community. Please take the time to register and you will gain a lot of great new features including; the ability to participate in discussions, network with our members, see fewer ads, upload photographs, create a retirement blog, send private messages and so much, much more!

Old 10-08-2017, 05:53 PM   #2
Moderator Emeritus
aja8888's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 10,339
My daughter (from a previous marriage) is getting married in April 2018. She is 37 and never been married. I am paying for the wedding location and fixings. She is buying her dress. So far, she is looking at $300 - $500 wedding dresses. (apparently there are some nice Chinese made ones). She is very practical and realizes it is a one time use garment.

Looks like I will be signing for $10,000 - $15,000 in location, DJ, photographer, buffet dinner, JP (my BIL), and odds and ends.

She's worth it and her fiance is a keeper.
__________________

__________________
Wear Italian, Kiss French, Drink Russian, Drive German
aja8888 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 05:54 PM   #3
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Ready's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 2,370
I think you should talk to your daughter about how this show and the money being spent on these items made you feel while you were watching it, so that she understands where you are coming from and hopefully the expectation is being set that you don't plan on spending that kind of money on her wedding. If she really thinks that type of spending is appropriate, I hope she plans to either make a lot of money or marry someone who does.
Ready is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:01 PM   #4
Moderator
rodi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 10,176
A few thoughts. If the bridge/groom/parents are wealthy, then no reason not to spend big if you find a dress or veil you love.

You could go route that my dad did for my sister and me. He said he'd offer $x towards a wedding or wedding gift. My sister spent it on the wedding... I was more frugal with the wedding and had it pay for the honeymoon and travel as well. (We got married in my hometown - not where we were living.)

I wanted a nice, memorable, but small wedding. We were married on the beach (free). My best friend made me a beautiful raw silk dress (and her maid of honor dress). I made my own hand tied rose bouquets, bouteniers, corsages... ordering flowers in bulk to do this. My veil was based on netting from a veil kit from Michaels and the headband piece that my MIL and SIL used. I made the invitations - very beautiful, with rafia tying the invite sheets together. Since the wedding was small we reserved a banquet room at a local eatery ON THE BEACH - and ordered off the brunch menu. Later my sister hosted a party at her house with a keg of beer, wine from costco, and lots of finger food from costco.

All in - $1500 for the wedding, $3500 for the Hawaiian honeymoon... so $5k.

I wouldn't change a thing.
__________________
Retired June 2014. No longer an enginerd - now I'm just a nerd.
micro pensions 7%, rental income 18%
rodi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:05 PM   #5
Moderator
rodi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 10,176
Aja888 - congrats on your daughter's upcoming nuptials. I was 38 when I got married - so I can relate to your daughter!
__________________
Retired June 2014. No longer an enginerd - now I'm just a nerd.
micro pensions 7%, rental income 18%
rodi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:06 PM   #6
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
MuirWannabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1,016
Quote:
Originally Posted by rayinpenn View Post
Even thought I am a part timer, working three days a week, I am busy. If I'm working from home I normally will work in the extra bedroom. I have a great set up- Glass desk facing 2 windows and three monitors (one is the laptop). Today I set up on the kitchen table working on a programming challenge. I just didn't feel like doing the hermit thing upstairs. The Mrs. and 23 year old single daughter, in a long term relationship, are in the den watching Say Yes to the Dress. Definitely not my kind of show. I am more the National Geographic leaf cutter ant special. Fascinating. I'll leave the room if they ever put on the kardasians. Apparently in this episode the bride dropped a cool $15,000 on the dress and another $5,000 on the veil. I find that disgusting. I've noticed my daughter watching this show before. I am confident there's a storm brewing and I could end up being the 'bad guy'. Well I have hurricane lamps and a generator for storm related power outages don't I? Well time for some thoughtful pre marriage storm planning.

I've seen Father of the bride with Spencer Tracy and then with Steve Martin. Spencer does frustration like no one else. Steve's got that whole comedy thing mastered. Still scary stuff for a dad. I'm not built for all that Consumerism, conspicuous consumption and all that in for a 'penny stuff'. I'm thinking my counter weapon to heavy guilt will be a fixed budget. Hand them the money and say I'm now out of it. The trick is don't let them suck you in. Right?

Not sure how it's going to work but I need to ponder on it...any thoughts?


That’s exactly how I handled it. Gave both my daughters $26K each and then was out of the planning. My next interaction with wedding matters was going to their rehearsal. Seemed to work well. Along with DW, they then become the budget managers. They knew they could keep any remainder for savings. But they both pretty much used it all for the wedding. I was fine either way.

Of course I love them very much. This method prevented me from being the bad guy or being at odds with them.

Muir
__________________
“Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.” John Muir
MuirWannabe is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:08 PM   #7
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 4,289
I agree that you should tell her what you're willing to spend, give it to her and then, like my parents, say, "Just tell us when and where we need to be". If she blows it all on the dress she and her fiance will have to fund everything else from other sources.
athena53 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:19 PM   #8
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 7,744
Quote:
Originally Posted by rodi View Post
A few thoughts. If the bridge/groom/parents are wealthy, then no reason not to spend big if you find a dress or veil you love.
I hope my portfolio grows to the point that one day I can say "yes" to a $5,000 wedding veil without batting an eye! Not quite there yet

Though it's unlikely that my grounded and worldly daughters would (a) think a $5,000 hat with see-through scarf thingy was ever a good idea and (b) ask me for the money. So it's probably a hypothetical concern more than a real concern in my case.

Quote:
You could go route that my dad did for my sister and me. He said he'd offer $x towards a wedding or wedding gift. My sister spent it on the wedding... I was more frugal with the wedding and had it pay for the honeymoon and travel as well. (We got married in my hometown - not where we were living.)
I'm planning on going this route and starting the discussion early on (maybe sometime in college). Set aside $X thousand for new/used car, house down payment, business seed money, wedding, "emergencies", etc. Either give it to them outright at age 21 or whatever or give them an IOU. Haven't figured out the specifics but I figure a flat amount for all the big stuff is a smarter and more equitable way to treat all 3 kids.

In my earlier FIRE planning days I thought X might equal $5-10k per kid but if net worth growth continues unabated (without a huge increase in expenses) that number might be higher.
__________________
Retired in 2013 at age 33. Keeping busy reading, blogging, relaxing, gaming, and enjoying the outdoors with my wife and 3 kids (6, 12, and 13).
FUEGO is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:20 PM   #9
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 1,640
I should say that there's no ring yet so we have time...
rayinpenn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:28 PM   #10
Administrator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: lumpen slums of cyberspace
Posts: 30,038
The $5k veil is reality tv, an extreme situation designed to provoke outrage, and it seems to be working. Our children chose a more practical route, preferring a lower profile wedding and banking the difference.
MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 06:31 PM   #11
Give me a museum and I'll fill it. (Picasso)
Give me a forum ...
Moemg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Sarasota,fl.
Posts: 11,044
I gave my daughter a set amount but I also paid for the dress and veil . We went wedding dress shopping together . Seeing my daughter in a wedding dress and veil was priceless and you can not put a price on that .I still get misty thinking about that day.
Moemg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-08-2017, 08:23 PM   #12
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Souschef's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Santa Paula
Posts: 2,465
We eloped! My wife and I had both lost our spouses after long marriages, and happened to meet through a grief recovery group. It turned out we both liked to travel, we started to travel together. We were going on a cruise from Venice to Istanbul, stopping at Santorini. . It turns out it is a very popular place for weddings, and there are a number of wedding coordinators on the island. I e-mailed one named Anna, and she was very helpful with the information.
I made the arrangements, and when we got to the top of the tram, a lady showed up with a sign with our names on it and escorted us to the car. We were driven to the church of St. Irene, and waiting there was the photographer, the videographer, and the official who conducted the ceremony.
The whole package was less than $1K
__________________
Retired Jan 2009 Have not looked back.
AA 50/45/5 considering SS and pensions a SP annuity
WR 2% SI 2SS & 2 Pensions
Souschef is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 05:23 AM   #13
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 1,640
Quote:
Originally Posted by MichaelB View Post
The $5k veil is reality tv, an extreme situation designed to provoke outrage, and it seems to be working. Our children chose a more practical route, preferring a lower profile wedding and banking the difference.

Perhaps but I am not convinced. I attended a wedding at a castle on Long Island. Yes an old estate that resembled a castle. I estimate the cost at $125,000. It was fun but it was also over the top.
rayinpenn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 05:35 AM   #14
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: philly
Posts: 1,118
What you have to remember RayinPenn, is that weddings are 90% emotional. lol
it's a big billion dollar industry.

So I'm the quintessential "girlie-girl". If it's pink I love it, I've spent the equivalent of a small countries GDP on makeup. lol.

Tread carefully here.

Now I'm a product of a 1950's mom, we started planning my wedding when I turned 16 lol all we had to do is fill in the grooms spot. No way was I going to have a "low profile" anything.

As many of you know I'm a Disney fanatic, I've seen weddings there that easily cost 100's of thousands of dollars.

I have no problem with the price of any luxury good IF a person could afford it. I had a big wedding (350 guest at the NY Hilton) so I'm not in the position to criticize anyone for dropping a bundle but the old guy and I were living together and had already had a bank account for our first house.

Say yes to the dress is one of my favorite shows. If I met someone, fell in love and got married again, would I spend 15K on a dress?? probably not, not because I think that obscene but probably because I want to get married in Paris and I would use that 15K to fly my friends and family over to the wedding.
__________________
My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being "normal" is not necessarily a virtue? it sometimes rather denotes a lack of courage~Aunt Francis
bclover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 05:36 AM   #15
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: philly
Posts: 1,118
PS. lol, I have all sons... traditionally all I'm responsible for is the Booze at the reception and a rehearsal dinner.

Yea baby...
__________________
My darling girl, when are you going to realize that being "normal" is not necessarily a virtue? it sometimes rather denotes a lack of courage~Aunt Francis
bclover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 06:59 AM   #16
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Tadpole's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,271
Quote:
Originally Posted by rayinpenn View Post
Not sure how it's going to work but I need to ponder on it...any thoughts?
If you don't sew, learn to sew focusing on handling wedding veil material. When she asks for a $5,000 veil, give her a choice. Either a more reasonably priced veil or a rayinpenn knockoff of her favorite $5000 veil.

Or give rayinpenn a choice - Either give her the money or tell her to figure where she is going to find the additional money over your $500 to buy the veil.

When I see the possibility of a $20,000 expenditure on a wedding dress, I confess I think the wedding is going to be so expensive as a whole that this dress price won't matter much. I am willing to bet that any child of rayinpenn is smarter than that.
Tadpole is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 07:04 AM   #17
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Alberta/Ontario/ Arizona
Posts: 3,393
Obviously every family is different, but have you talked to her about what she wants? Many daughters don’t want an expensive wedding, some do. Have you given her any indication about what you think would be a reasonable wedding? Communication is key.

In my case my daughter asked me at a very early age if I would pay for a big traditional wedding and I “promised” I would. So my “goose was cooked” long before the actual event.
Danmar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 07:10 AM   #18
Recycles dryer sheets
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Beach and Mountain
Posts: 489
Two established attorneys from well-off families drop $125,000 on a wedding. I have no problem with that. What I see is a pair of 20 something year olds who rent an apartment, making car payments, still paying off college debt and still drop $50,000 on a wedding. If they would have that $5,000 wedding, the rest could have paid off all their debts and given them a down payment on a house.

I have seen these mega-weddings ruin a relationship because it appears that one of the two only cares about the wedding and not the person they are marrying. I had to put my foot down when my fiance wanted me to take off from work to visit the printer to decide on the font for the invitations. BTW, we had a big no-frills wedding and just celebrated 33 years of .... bliss (?).

Thank you for allowing me to rant on one of my favorite subjects - How spending too much on a wedding can ruin your marriage.

PS - A young lady I know is going down this bad path and although I do not hear every detail, I can just tell that the groom is not happy with her slowly growing the small wedding they agreed upon into the mega-wedding she deserves.
Z3Dreamer is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 07:15 AM   #19
Thinks s/he gets paid by the post
Mdlerth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: The Shire
Posts: 1,253
Starting off the journey of nuptial ecstasy with a one-day frenzy of extravagance bothers me. Being a hopeless romantic, I think the focus of a wedding ought to be about mutual love, not showing off.

It's not about a dress. It's not about cashing in on gifts. It's not about an exotic vacation. A consumerist culture tries to convince us we need those things, but we don't.

I know, I belong in the paleontology exhibit at the Smithsonian.
__________________
Paying it forward is the best investment.
Mdlerth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-09-2017, 07:20 AM   #20
Administrator
MichaelB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: lumpen slums of cyberspace
Posts: 30,038
Quote:
Originally Posted by rayinpenn View Post
Perhaps but I am not convinced. I attended a wedding at a castle on Long Island. Yes an old estate that resembled a castle. I estimate the cost at $125,000. It was fun but it was also over the top.
Not convinced about what? That reality TV presents situations that are exaggerated, and designed to provoke reactions such as this thread?

Sure people spend wild amounts of money on weddings. Many also spend more than they can afford. The business of weddings is quite successful. But this is not much different than many other aspects of life that we routinely discuss here. Some people live below their means, many others will spend what they don't have. Such is life.

IMHO The time to start talking about weddings with a child is in their early teen years. Let them know clearly what they can expect, and how they should think about it. Otherwise by the time they are engaged, their expectations have been set by the business of weddings, and you are on the hook with no easy way out.
__________________

MichaelB is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
The Lifting of the Veil ladelfina FIRE and Money 20 07-15-2008 08:22 PM
$20,000,000,000 in Taxes. mickeyd FIRE and Money 12 11-01-2006 04:49 PM
$423,000,000,000.00 Howard Other topics 25 02-08-2006 02:59 PM
$2,000,000,000,000- Happy 55th mickeyd Other topics 12 12-28-2004 08:19 AM

» Quick Links

 
All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:32 PM.
 
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 1
Copyright ©2000 - 2019, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
×