Wedding gift-who to make check out to?

[Scratchy]

I'm a friend of the bride and plan to give a check. Should I make the payee Mr. and Mrs. (Groom's last name)? But I don't know whether the bride is keeping her name or what kind of financial accounts they have at this point. I could make it out to the bride but that looks like a gift that excludes the groom. Interested in ideas on how to handle this huge dilemma

 

[easysurfer]

I'm a friend of the bride and plan to give a check. Should I make the payee Mr. and Mrs. (Groom's last name)? But I don't know whether the bride is keeping her name or what kind of financial accounts they have at this point. I could make it out to the bride but that looks like a gift that excludes the groom. Interested in ideas on how to handle this huge dilemma

Had a similar situation a year ago. I made check out to the groom to be certain no name mix ups.

When I got a thank you card, didn't receive a note saying "Hey, your are being sexist!", so all was well.

Actually wasn't being sexist but making sure of being accurate. Be sure in your wedding congratulations card to congratulate both bride and groom. I suppose if you really want to dot I's and cross T's, you can say in the card, "Here is a check for the both of you..."

 

[SheitlQueen]

I always make it out to John Doe and Jane Doe. I figure if she keeps her maiden name (which doesn't seem to be all the common any more) she can still sign with her married name and he can take it to the bank.

 

[MichaelB]

For a wedding check I write her first name, then his first and last name. The bank will take it just about anyway it's written.

 

[TrvlBug]

For a wedding check I write her first name, then his first and last name. The bank will take it just about anyway it's written.

This.

 

[MooreBonds]

I just tied the knot last year. We received a variety of checks with different naming conventions. Personally, we weren't "offended" by any of them, as we understand everyone has reasons for writing out a check in different ways. When in doubt, I would make the check out to your friend's maiden name only (as in "Payable to Jane Doe", leaving the groom off of it). they can still deposit it in their account that they had before they were married (since they can't legally change the name on their old account until after they are married). If they were going to keep their maiden name and you wrote it out to their married name, depending on the bank teller they go to, they might have to open up a special checking account just to deposit a few checks they get written out to "Mr and Mrs" (thankfully, my wife's old bank allowed us to deposit ALL of the various naming formats, even though I wasn't on her account....however, my bank was going to require a bank account in the name of every check variant that was written - so we would have had to have like 3 new accounts just to deposit some checks).

For a wedding check I write her first name, then his first and last name. The bank will take it just about anyway it's written.

This.

...is NOT true. It entirely depends on not only the bank, but even the specific bank teller. As an addendum to what I wrote above, some bank tellers at my wife's old bank required additional accounts. But she also goes to a bank teller at a grocer store for a bank satellite branch, and that bank teller accepted all of the various check formats.

 

[Koogie]

Statistics say there is a something like 50% chance you should just make it out to the divorce lawyer...

 

[Aerides]

IIRC most our our wedding checks were made out to Mr and Mrs, and DH deposited to his bank account since we didn't (and don't) have joint checking. But I think some were made out just to me, or just to him, and we deposited accordingly.

OP in your case, since you know and were invited by the Bride, and don't know if they are going to share a surname, I would make the check out in her current name as-is. Since it will be enclosed in a card to them both, you've already congratulated them as a couple.

ETA: And if any groom were offended by something like this, that's a very clear sign the bride has just made a HUGE mistake.

 

[brett]

Who could be offended by receiving a cheque??

For us...it is a big depends. Depends on whether we are on the brides or the grooms side. Depends on whether the bride plans to keep her maiden name-as is frequently the case.

I do not think the bank cares. The cheque does not even need to be endorsed. Deposit it in the ATM. As long as the date is current, the amount agrees with the verbage, and it is not rubber there will probably never be an issue.

Besides, the payee on the cheque is really secondary to the amount!

 

[jollystomper]

We make it out to whichever one of the couple we know best. Then we write in the check memo "THIS IS FOR THE BOTH OF YOU, OR ELSE!" Never got a complaint, and in fact many replied in their thank-you how funny they thought it was.

We probably are on the generous side with our gifts... if they are offended there are deeper problems in play.

 

[pb4uski]

How about to "[bride's maiden name] OR [grooms name]"?

 

[Meadbh]

In Quebec, the bride retains her own name; many of my friends did so also. I always make the cheque out to the partner whom I know, unless I know them equally well. I always use the bride’s maiden name, because (a) she may be keeping it and (b) if she is changing it, paperwork will have to be processed, which could potentially delay cashing the cheque, which could theoretically get lost! (My hairdresser recently got married and says she will change her name after they have their first baby!) As someone else mentioned, the handwritten note in the card can clarify that this is a gift for the couple.

I have been invited to multiple weddings this year. It’s playing havoc with my budget!

 

[pj.mask]

Why not give cash? If you’re giving more than a few hundred you should know them well enough to ask this question to them.

 

[meierlde]

The last wedding I went to was my niece's so I made the check payable to her maiden name. no issue.

 

[Meadbh]

Why not give cash? If you’re giving more than a few hundred you should know them well enough to ask this question to them.

If I am not attending the wedding, a cheque is essential. No way would I send cash in the mail. In addition, most of the weddings I am invited to are in other countries. I don’t think it would be very courteous to expect the happy couple to take Canadian dollars to the bank only to discover that they were worth fewer Euros or US dollars than they thought. No, I choose a nice rounded number in their currency and get a certified cheque. Fortunately, with private banking, there is no fee. But €200 is ~$295CDN.

 

[athena53]

Why not give cash? If you’re giving more than a few hundred you should know them well enough to ask this question to them.

Once in awhile cards get stolen from the gift table by someone looking for cash.

I'm with the group that says banks don't care. I'm sending monthly checks to a BIL, payable to him (he's late DH's brother) and his wife endorses them "For deposit only"- yes, I know it's her writing. No name, no signature, no account number. No problem.

 

[pb4uski]

Even if you are attending I think a check would be better.... I heard that at one wedding this last summer the basket with all the gift cards was stolen so I think a check would be preferable.

 

[ivinsfan]

Statistics say there is a something like 50% chance you should just make it out to the divorce lawyer...

It only took 7 posts on this one....

 

[ivinsfan]

I've left the name field blank for my last few weddings..That's really easy....

 

[gerntz]

Down the road, I'm expecting to need to make one out to Mrs. & Mrs.

 

[Gumby]

I have always written it to the one of the couple whom I know/am related to. I use maiden name for women. So far, no complaints. And they all cashed.

 

[brett]

We have never had one returned.

But we did catch a break in June. Nephew was getting married. DW decides to send them a cheque. I had a feeling that all was not well in lover's lane and suggested to DW that she wait until after the event. Two weeks prior they called it off.

 

[brucethebroker]

Even if you are attending I think a check would be better.... I heard that at one wedding this last summer the basket with all the gift cards was stolen so I think a check would be preferable.

yep.
Our son's "gift basket" for cards was stolen, at a CHURCH reception. Advise wedding "planners" to keep the gift area manned at all times.

The tragic thing is, my son and wife had no idea WHOSE wedding cards were stolen (along with gift cards, cash, etc.). So no way to send thank yous. I imagine there are people out there who think they are quite rude not to have thanked them.

At least with a check as a gift, it would never have been cashed and might tip off the giver to a theft.

 

[Car-Guy]

cash, (in a big box if you are worried about theft) next question.

 

[KM]

We also make the check out to the person who we know best (bride or groom). We use the brides maiden name, as it usually takes time for them to change their names anyway.

We stopped giving gift cards and cash a few years back. We were invited to a friend's daughter's wedding. It was a "destination" wedding and we were unable to attend. Additionally, they lived across the country, so it's not like we saw them much. Anywho - we sent a nice gift card and apologized for not being able to attend. Never heard a word back. No idea if they ever got it or not. I suppose I could have called my friend and asked her - but that felt extremely awkward too. So I did nothing....but since then, we ALWAYS give checks. With a check - its cashed - you know. If it's not cashed after a period of time, at least you have a reason to call......