Weddings

[48Fire]

Our daughter just got married. I wrote her a check for $20,000, and told her to do whatever she wanted, and invite whoever she wanted. I think she spent most of it on the wedding, including 200 guests

 

[Derslickmeister]

Our daughter just got married. I wrote her a check for $20,000, and told her to do whatever she wanted, and invite whoever she wanted. I think she spent most of it on the wedding, including 200 guests

That is exactly what we did. I gave DD the money and said whatever is leftover is yours. They had a beautiful beach wedding in Destin, Fl. I think they spent about $15k and used the rest for the honeymoon. This is definitely the way to ensure you stay within budget

 

[jpjr]

Our son is getting married this fall in a state park with beautiful surroundings. They both worked two jobs since graduating college to pay off (reduce?) college loans, and they decided that spending a fortune on a wedding just wasn't in the cards. Although we offered modest assistance, they respectfully declined. (We'll make that up later.) I understand the joy of the pomp and ceremony of a large gathering, but is it really necessary to pay $100 a plate for some third cousin or distant aunt to sit at the table in the back of the hall with some other unknown guest? I guess if you have tons of $ then spend it as you may, but if you want to be FIRE, then maybe it can start when you say "I do."

 

[Revlefty]

I can't remember what the wedding cost...but the honeymoon cost $350 which was exactly what we got in cash as wedding gifts. That was 42 years ago.


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[haha]

You can do it for far less and be perfectly happy with it.

-ERD50

If you are male.,the cheapest and best, long term as well as short, is to take a nice vacation with your honey, in lieu of a wedding.

Then you will never wake up and say, Oh god damn, what have I done?

Ha

 

[Khan]

First marriage (1977): ~$500, 5 people in church, told parents several weeks later.

Second marriage(2014): ~$500, 3 people on boat.

If I had many thousands to spare, would have flown in some friends and chartered a boat.

 

[HFWR]

The wedding was inexpensive, but the marriage was costly...

 

[MuirWannabe]

Twin daughters. One married this past November and then the other January. I paid. Gave them each $26K. They wanted a nice wedding. They could have chosen to keep the money, a portion of it, or spend even more out of their own pocket.

Both weddings served sit down meals at the receptions. One wedding served alcohol and one did not. Both daughters spent right at the full $26K. These were nice weddings/receptions but were nothing way over the top.

Do I think it would have been wiser to spend less and save some of the money? Yes. But I'm a guy. It's what they wanted and as their dad I was glad they were happy. And glad that DW was happy as well. It's honestly hard to relate as to why it matters so much to some young ladies. But it does. And that's okay.

Muir


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[jollystomper]

I recall our wedding being around $3000 in 1983, which adjust for inflation would be around $7200 - though I suspect wedding costs have risen much faster than average inflation. We did not include liquor beyond the champagne toast, which helped keep the cost down. Because my family and I wanted additional guests, we paid for the extra headcount above what DW's parents were covering.

My oldest brother married off 2 of his daughters and easily spent over $100,000 total. These were very fancy weddings which extras such as shuttle service for the guests between hotel-church-reception locations. But, being a frugal investment banker , he could afford it. He always wanted to give doth daughters big weddings, and both daughters (doctor and lawyer) are VERY appreciative of having him as a dad. He retired after the last one got married, I suspect because that was the last major expense he wanted to cover from current earnings.

 

[Danmar]

Do I think it would have been wiser to spend less and save some of the money? Yes. But I'm a guy. It's what they wanted and as their dad I was glad they were happy. And glad that DW was happy as well. It's honestly hard to relate as to why it matters so much to some young ladies. But it does. And that's okay.


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Yes, agree. Really seems stupid to me. If I was going to spend a lot on my wedding, I would take my best 20 friends to an exotic location and pay for it all.

My daughter's wedding is made a little more complicated by the fact that her mother and I are not married to each other anymore and if wasn't a happy parting of the ways shall I say.

 

[frayne]

Twin daughters. One married this past November and then the other January. I paid. Gave them each $26K. They wanted a nice wedding. They could have chosen to keep the money, a portion of it, or spend even more out of their own pocket.

Both weddings served sit down meals at the receptions. One wedding served alcohol and one did not. Both daughters spent right at the full $26K. These were nice weddings/receptions but were nothing way over the top.

Do I think it would have been wiser to spend less and save some of the money? Yes. But I'm a guy. It's what they wanted and as their dad I was glad they were happy. And glad that DW was happy as well. It's honestly hard to relate as to why it matters so much to some young ladies. But it does. And that's okay.

Muir


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You're a good Dad.

 

[Bamaman]

We went to a wedding last night in our local park. They rented two picnic pavilions. The bride's dress was $35 at Goodwill. The groom bought a new pair of jeans, and wore a golf shirt. And the bride's family cooked all the food--barbeque, of course.

And the total cost was $500 tops. And it was perfectly decent.

I've been to a number of weddings that were incredibly expensive--and I never enjoyed one of them.

It just seems like the 20 Somethings" getting married today have such illusions of grandeur. I would hate to think I had the student loans they have hanging over their heads and the pressure to build a retirement nest egg with net zero interest payments and a stock market at an all time high. And they expect to start their married lives in a large new home with two expensive new automobiles in the driveway. And they're lucky to have decent jobs in this poor job market.

 

[Sue J]

I know a couple who paid for their son's wedding (the bride was raised in foster homes and had no relatives to help pay) by taking out a 2nd mortgage on their home. It was one of those big weddings with all the trimmings and the marriage lasted less than 2 years. The 2nd mortgage is still going strong!

I know many women grew up dreaming of their day as the bride, their chance to be the princess for a day. Not me at all. I would have liked a wedding like Khans or jpjr's son. I did it for my parents and DHs parents and I know they were happy with it.

 

[Samz]

Every time they re-run this or similar news releases I send to our DD.
More Money Spent on Wedding Ring & Ceremony Means Higher Chance of Divorce


http://www.releasewire.com/press-releases/more-money-spent-on-wedding-ring-ceremony-means-higher-chance-of-divorce-555359.htm


Not sure how much of this is sinking in...we expect her long term BF to officially ask any time now. They regularly have conversations about "when we are married". We like the soon to be fiancee too.

When I tell her how that with our savings, it looks like I can retire soon, she asks if we will have enough for nice vacations and if we have something set aside for her wedding. Yes and Yes is the answer. The idea of handing over $20 - $25K and letting her spend / save what she wants may be a good idea.

 

[frayne]

It just seems like the 20 Somethings" getting married today have such illusions of grandeur.

I can add to that; 20 somethings of yesterday as well as today and in the future will have delusions of grandeur as well.

Marriage after all is nothing more than man made institution.

 

[Klubbie]

Guest list is the single biggest thing. My fiance and I have been battling over guest list with our parents on the guest list since we got engaged last year. Our total cost will be around 20k. Our parents were gracious enough to give us about 16k or so to cover our costs. We will pay the rest out of pocket and not have any debt from the wedding which is good.

In retrospect, if we had to do it all over again we'd probably elope and skip the actual wedding. It will be nice but it's been way too much from a financial and stress standpoint and we're still 3 months away.

 

[NW-Bound]

We have a big family, and the money to be spent on our guests, mostly relatives and a few family friends, is worth it. My daughter and the groom do not have many personal friends.

Two of my nieces were married recently, and we all had a great time. As stated earlier, my daughter and her fiancé initially thought of a minimal wedding mainly due to cost concerns, but after we offered assistance, they have been having a great time planning for the event. And it pleases our heart to watch them doing it.

Finally, it's the tradition in both sides of our families, DW and mine, that relatives would give fairly generous cash gifts to the young married couples. That offsets the cost of the wedding. If they elope, no gifts!

PS. As we pay for most of the wedding costs, the cash gifts will be for the kids to keep.

 

[Koogie]

My better half and I are finally getting around to getting married in September after having been engaged for 17.5 years (I tell people I finally passed the probationary period.. ha

We think we are gonna bring it in for under $5K. We're in our forties so are keeping it low key. We rented out a nice little Victorian era B&B for the weekend in the town we just moved to and are getting married in the garden there. 12 immediate family members only (because all our friends live out of town and asking them to fly in is like handing them a bill for thousands of dollars).

She is buying her dress and the cake locally. She hired a music student from the local university to play violin during the ceremony and I bought my morning suit cheap off of the internet.. ha The B&B is catering the dinner afterward and we're bringing our own wine and aperitifs. We are even going to make our own wedding rings at a class run by a jeweler. We've specified no gifts and paying for it ourselves. Going to let her dad pay for the flowers (and that'll probably be the most expensive part )

 

[Bestwifeever]

My better half and I are finally getting around to getting married in September after having been engaged for 17.5 years (I tell people I finally passed the probationary period.. ha

We think we are gonna bring it in for under $5K. We're in our forties so are keeping it low key. We rented out a nice little Victorian era B&B for the weekend in the town we just moved to and are getting married in the garden there. 12 immediate family members only (because all our friends live out of town and asking them to fly in is like handing them a bill for thousands of dollars).

She is buying her dress and the cake locally. She hired a music student from the local university to play violin during the ceremony and I bought my morning suit cheap off of the internet.. ha The B&B is catering the dinner afterward and we're bringing our own wine and aperitifs. We are even going to make our own wedding rings at a class run by a jeweler. We've specified no gifts and paying for it ourselves. Going to let her dad pay for the flowers (and that'll probably be the most expensive part )

That sounds lovely--nice you can get what you want. And no one wants to rush into a wedding .

Is it really costing you $5k for 12 people?

 

[Koogie]

That sounds lovely--nice you can get what you want. And no one wants to rush into a wedding .
Is it really costing you $5k for 12 people?

Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha

 

[Moemg]

Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha

A bottle of wine is always a nice gift & congratulations .

 

[Bestwifeever]

Very nice, Koogie, to pay for some of the guests' rooms.

I was going to suggest puppies as wedding mementoes but bottles of wine make more sense.

 

[Koogie]

A bottle of wine is always a nice gift & congratulations .

Thank you. Sadly one of the guests is an AA-er, so we don't want to go down that route necessarily. Was one of my first thoughts too.

 

[Koogie]

Very nice, Koogie, to pay for some of the guests' rooms.

I was going to suggest puppies as wedding mementoes but bottles of wine make more sense.

Well, they brought us into the world so the least we can do is pop for a couple of rooms as a thank-you... ha

Funny but when I think about it, all the attendees have pets. Strange but we're the only ones that don't. Maybe we'll give out dated and monogrammed flea collars as keepsakes... ha

 

[rodi]

Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha

Since we had a casual/beach wedding we gave away beer cozies (the rubber sleeves that keep a can of soda or beer cold)... They had our first names and the wedding date. Friends LOVED it... and use them.