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Old 06-07-2015, 06:35 PM   #41
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Guest list is the single biggest thing. My fiance and I have been battling over guest list with our parents on the guest list since we got engaged last year. Our total cost will be around 20k. Our parents were gracious enough to give us about 16k or so to cover our costs. We will pay the rest out of pocket and not have any debt from the wedding which is good.

In retrospect, if we had to do it all over again we'd probably elope and skip the actual wedding. It will be nice but it's been way too much from a financial and stress standpoint and we're still 3 months away.
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Old 06-08-2015, 07:02 AM   #42
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We have a big family, and the money to be spent on our guests, mostly relatives and a few family friends, is worth it. My daughter and the groom do not have many personal friends.

Two of my nieces were married recently, and we all had a great time. As stated earlier, my daughter and her fiancé initially thought of a minimal wedding mainly due to cost concerns, but after we offered assistance, they have been having a great time planning for the event. And it pleases our heart to watch them doing it.

Finally, it's the tradition in both sides of our families, DW and mine, that relatives would give fairly generous cash gifts to the young married couples. That offsets the cost of the wedding. If they elope, no gifts!

PS. As we pay for most of the wedding costs, the cash gifts will be for the kids to keep.
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Old 06-08-2015, 11:12 AM   #43
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My better half and I are finally getting around to getting married in September after having been engaged for 17.5 years (I tell people I finally passed the probationary period.. ha

We think we are gonna bring it in for under $5K. We're in our forties so are keeping it low key. We rented out a nice little Victorian era B&B for the weekend in the town we just moved to and are getting married in the garden there. 12 immediate family members only (because all our friends live out of town and asking them to fly in is like handing them a bill for thousands of dollars).

She is buying her dress and the cake locally. She hired a music student from the local university to play violin during the ceremony and I bought my morning suit cheap off of the internet.. ha The B&B is catering the dinner afterward and we're bringing our own wine and aperitifs. We are even going to make our own wedding rings at a class run by a jeweler. We've specified no gifts and paying for it ourselves. Going to let her dad pay for the flowers (and that'll probably be the most expensive part )
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Old 06-08-2015, 11:54 AM   #44
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My better half and I are finally getting around to getting married in September after having been engaged for 17.5 years (I tell people I finally passed the probationary period.. ha

We think we are gonna bring it in for under $5K. We're in our forties so are keeping it low key. We rented out a nice little Victorian era B&B for the weekend in the town we just moved to and are getting married in the garden there. 12 immediate family members only (because all our friends live out of town and asking them to fly in is like handing them a bill for thousands of dollars).

She is buying her dress and the cake locally. She hired a music student from the local university to play violin during the ceremony and I bought my morning suit cheap off of the internet.. ha The B&B is catering the dinner afterward and we're bringing our own wine and aperitifs. We are even going to make our own wedding rings at a class run by a jeweler. We've specified no gifts and paying for it ourselves. Going to let her dad pay for the flowers (and that'll probably be the most expensive part )
That sounds lovely--nice you can get what you want. And no one wants to rush into a wedding .

Is it really costing you $5k for 12 people?
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Old 06-08-2015, 12:10 PM   #45
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That sounds lovely--nice you can get what you want. And no one wants to rush into a wedding .
Is it really costing you $5k for 12 people?
Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:07 PM   #46
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Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha
A bottle of wine is always a nice gift & congratulations .
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:16 PM   #47
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Very nice, Koogie, to pay for some of the guests' rooms.

I was going to suggest puppies as wedding mementoes but bottles of wine make more sense.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:54 PM   #48
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A bottle of wine is always a nice gift & congratulations .
Thank you. Sadly one of the guests is an AA-er, so we don't want to go down that route necessarily. Was one of my first thoughts too.
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Old 06-08-2015, 01:56 PM   #49
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Very nice, Koogie, to pay for some of the guests' rooms.

I was going to suggest puppies as wedding mementoes but bottles of wine make more sense.
Well, they brought us into the world so the least we can do is pop for a couple of rooms as a thank-you... ha

Funny but when I think about it, all the attendees have pets. Strange but we're the only ones that don't. Maybe we'll give out dated and monogrammed flea collars as keepsakes... ha
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Old 06-08-2015, 03:54 PM   #50
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Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha
Since we had a casual/beach wedding we gave away beer cozies (the rubber sleeves that keep a can of soda or beer cold)... They had our first names and the wedding date. Friends LOVED it... and use them.
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Old 06-08-2015, 04:33 PM   #51
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Well, that's being "optimistic".. ha Probably $3.5K for 14 (including us) is more likely but we're trying our darndest to spend more !!

That includes three B&B rooms for two nights for our elderly parents and her inlaws. And we want to give little mementos to the guests for coming. Any ideas in that regard ?

I suggested a bunch of those "I went to Koogies wedding and all I got was this lousy t-shirt"

That got vetoed for some reason, so I gave up... ha
Inlaws? She's already got inlaws?
Memento gift, a picture frame with a funny pic of the two of you.
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Old 06-08-2015, 05:01 PM   #52
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Doh... her relatives, not inlaws. Getting ahead of myself, lol. I do like some of these ideas !
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Old 06-08-2015, 06:27 PM   #53
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There's a big fan club hereat E-r.org for Thermopen cooking and grilling thermometers--they come in pretty colors too, perhaps to coordinate with the wedding color scheme?
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:47 AM   #54
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There's a big fan club hereat E-r.org for Thermopen cooking and grilling thermometers--they come in pretty colors too, perhaps to coordinate with the wedding color scheme?
Thanks, great idea. Isn't that the one they recommend on Americas Test Kitchen ?

I am unaware of a color scheme. Which isn't to say there isn't one. I shall inquire !
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:08 PM   #55
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Classic man! OF COURSE there is a color scheme! Lol!
It might make it easier if you decide whether you are giving a gift to each couple, or to men and women separately for gift ideas. Something special from your new town is nice, and edibles are always popular, perhaps in a nice box that has your names and the date on it.
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Old 06-09-2015, 08:30 PM   #56
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Once you got flowers, you got yourself a color scheme!
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Old 06-09-2015, 09:01 PM   #57
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Mine was more in the range of five to ten dollars. The best man wore jeans, as did the bride; the judge wore white spats. That was 37 years ago. The judge's parlor at his house had a plastic Space Needle on the mantle in lieu of flowers.

I love this. My wedding 9 years ago cost about $120. $60 for the license, and $60 for the judge. We took the bus to the courthouse downtown. We already had bus passes so I didn't factor that into the cost. Unfortunately the courthouse has a view of the jail!
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Old 06-10-2015, 06:45 AM   #58
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I am retired. Just survived my only daughter getting married. She is my daughter, wife's stepdaughter, first of four potential marriages, two mine, two hers. So we knew we were establishing a precedent in how we chose to handle. We decided to give her the $7k we could afford up front and let her decide how to use. Her mother was also a source of $'s. The key in my opinion is to get in front of things as quickly as possible. Don't wait till all the plans are made and then have the disappointment because whatever you give is not enough at that point. Tell them up front what you can afford and they have that number in mind while planning. Hard to set boundaries with strong emotions at work and some choose not to (ex) but that is not my problem. One down .
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Old 06-10-2015, 06:57 AM   #59
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Late to the party again but...

What we did with both of our daughters weddings was to give them $10K up front for costs and then cost share every dollar over $10K at 50%. This let them have as large a wedding as they wanted, but, because they had skin in the game, they weren't going to go overboard. Then for the first Christmas after they were married we sent a check to them that was almost the amount that they put into the cost. Just sort of a "getting started" gift, you know.
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Old 06-10-2015, 08:04 AM   #60
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Late to the party again but...

What we did with both of our daughters weddings was to give them $10K up front for costs and then cost share every dollar over $10K at 50%. This let them have as large a wedding as they wanted, but, because they had skin in the game, they weren't going to go overboard. Then for the first Christmas after they were married we sent a check to them that was almost the amount that they put into the cost. Just sort of a "getting started" gift, you know.
That sounds like a great way to do it. As I said earlier, we set a budget for our daughter's wedding before any cimmittments were made. She has mostly stuck to it and any overruns are acceptable. The whole thing is quite stressful though. A bit worried about having to deal with my first wife, daughter's mother, at the wedding. I am sure it will be fine, but still stressful.
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