What do you do to be treated nicely?

[Lsbcal]

What do you do to be treated nicely? I know this is kind of an open ended question. Let's say that one is in their 60's or older. Maybe when you were young you were treated well because you were gorgeous or handsome or looked like you were moving up fast.

And treated well by whom? We could be talking about friends, acquaintances, service people, or even clerks.

What do you do that makes you feel accepted and treated well?

P.S. This came up in a comment from another thread by Amethyst in the Fire and Money section. I thought it was something that is kind of in the backs of many of our minds at all ages. I don't know if it gets more acute as we age and drop out of the work force. It might have to do with money and display, or maybe it is more general.

 

[steelyman]

This is not at all a new idea, but I think people will treat you as nicely as you treat them. Sure, sometimes one's a jerk (I certainly am), but in the long run things get cemented.

 

[timo2]

This is not at all a new idea, but I think people will treat you as nicely as you treat them.

+1
treating everyone with respect (until they prove they don't deserve it) also goes a long way. I know a lot of people have this the other way around...people have to earn their respect...but that is often taken wrong by strangers, thus starting potential relationships off on the wrong foot.

Also, this well-heeled stuff can be taken too far....right into snobville!!

 

[Bob Adams]

I listen more than I talk. I don't offer unsolicited advice and bore others with my old war stories and lessons learned. I cheerfully accept every invitation from family members though there are many times I would rather not go. I find something to compliment others about and engage them in conversation about what interests them. I apply my lifelong feeling that the only person I am interested in impressing is myself. Honestly though, in the past I tried to treat others as I wished to be treated, but now I treat others as they treat me.

 

[Major Tom]

I don't do anything in order to be treated nicely. I treat others with, at the very least, common courtesy, unless they do something to prove to me that they are not even worthy of that. However, the reason I extend these basic courtesies to others is simply because I feel it is the right thing to do. How they treat me is an indication of their personality and character. I do not act nicely to others as an attempt to coax them into doing the same to me.

 

[ER Eddie]

Yeah, as steelyman said, you generally get what you give. A few other ideas:

1) hang around with accepting and kind people;

2) communicate your needs/ frustrations;

3) ultimately you don't have much control over what others do, and trying to "get them" to act a certain way towards you will often end in approval-seeking, twisting yourself into pretzel shapes, manipulation, attempts to control, etc. ... dead end, not worth it.

4) be accepting of and respectful to yourself; that way, others' behavior towards you doesn't matter so much.

5) see through and then let go of superficial needs for "respect" or approval based on stuff like looks, money, and position. People who "respect" or like you because of those things were not respecting you (as a person) at all.

 

[Larro Darro]

I treat people good not because it may make them nice to me, but because it makes me feel good. Some people are jerks, and there is nothing you can do to change them. But I don't let them change me. In fact, in my work I have found myself being nicer to rude people than an ordinary customer.

But I will stop going to a business if I have more than one experience with a rude staff member. You can't make them be nice to you, but you can spend your money somewhere else.

 

[travelover]

I wear an eye patch and fake a limp.

 

[jollystomper]

In addition to treating others kindly and with courtesy I find a clean, neat appearance also helps. Whenever I travel I always wear a collared shirt (may add a sports jacket for business), with pressed pants (for business) or shorts (if on vacation) and clean shoes/sneakers, and I shave before the trip. It seems to make a difference to the people I interact with along the way.

Also - when something happens to you that many think you might have the right to yell or be upset at someone, try to laugh it off or at least stay calm. Even if the person who did this to you does not appreciate this, there is likely someone watching who might notice and you will gain stature in their eyes.

 

[pb4uski]

I try to treat others nicely and try to use "please", "thank you", "Sir" and "Ma'am" frequently. Seems to work so far.

If someone does treat me poorly I usually ignore it but in the extreme, if they really piss me off I turn on them with a vengeance and a sharp tongue.

 

[haha]

Also - when something happens to you that many think you might have the right to yell or be upset at someone, try to laugh it off or at least stay calm.

The only time I will yell as I try to move back is when someone is barreling toward me in a crosswalk. Otherwise the right to yell is the right to get shot or beat up. No thank you!

I see and experience plenty of things I don't much like, but I try to always keep my mouth shut. There is a giant difference in street politeness between upscale neighborhoods and urban neighborhoods where the rents may be high, but plenty of those on the street are not high rent people. I enjoy walking down the street where I live because I like the entertainment. But I enjoy walking down my GFs street because everyone is very friendly and nice. It's only a couple miles from me, but worlds apart in makeup and behavior.

Ha

 

[W2R]

This is not at all a new idea, but I think people will treat you as nicely as you treat them. Sure, sometimes one's a jerk (I certainly am), but in the long run things get cemented.

+2

I try to be nice to people as much as I can and to maintain a sweet, positive disposition.

It's hard sometimes.

Get off my lawn - YouTube

 

[Animorph]

The Golden Rule

 

[Amethyst]

I look folks in the eye, speak up and try not to waste people's time by beating around the bush. At some point I probably won't be able to keep this up, and then I'm hiring a bodyguard. I watched people almost knock down/run over my sweet patient mother because she was frail, small, and walking slowly. They did not pull that when I was walking tall at her side.
Amethyst

 

[NW-Bound]

I can be assertive when I need to, but I have found that most of the time, I do not have to.

Usually, when you treat people in the service business nicely, they sense it and return the treatment. This includes the wait staff in restaurants and hotels, people working in airlines, banks, etc...

I spent 5 days in the hospital recently, and was never demanding of the nurses and nurse aides. I tried to take care of myself, and it helped to have my wife there too. They sensed that. I told them I needed to do things myself, because that would be what I would have to do at home later. I was sure they talked between themselves about it.

 

[FIREd]

1) I treat people the way I would want to be treated.
2) I notice that people are much nicer to me when I dress nicely and am well groomed.
3) A smile and a sunny disposition go a long way.
4) I try to be as polite as I know how to be.

 

[Dawg52]

I give extra large tips to my dates.

 

[frayne]

I give extra large tips to my dates.

Wrong thread, should be in "Size Matters".

 

[Bestwifeever]

I always say thank you. But generally I am pretty invisible so nobody treats me nicely or not.

 

[Lsbcal]

I listen more than I talk. I don't offer unsolicited advice and bore others with my old war stories and lessons learned. I cheerfully accept every invitation from family members though there are many times I would rather not go. I find something to compliment others about and engage them in conversation about what interests them. I apply my lifelong feeling that the only person I am interested in impressing is myself. Honestly though, in the past I tried to treat others as I wished to be treated, but now I treat others as they treat me.

I had an uncle who was very accepting. He was very approachable and a good listener as I recall. He was non-judgmental. I think others thought very well of him because of these traits.

Sometimes I think that is the best thing about our pets. They accept us for how we are. I'm trying to be more like that too although sometimes I think it's hard work. For some of us this does not come naturally. It takes constant discipline for some of us to do what others seem to have as a natural personality trait.

 

[obgyn65]

What do I do to be treated nicely? Well, in real life, I tend to apologize a lot (some would say 'over apologetic'). Others have described me as 'sensitive', 'too shy' or 'too kind', not assertive enough. I avoid confrontation at all costs both in my personal and professional life, although I have no problem online to put rude posters back in their place, and even if I get an infraction for it this website is the only place where I am totally open and honest about my personal and financial circumstances - nowhere else. I also spend a lot of my personal time and resources helping uninsured patients in need here and abroad, and hopefully patients who know this recognize what i try to do and treat me nicely in return (some do). Some of you may call this 'hubris' or 'disingenuous' - but to me it might be more a matter of "self validation" in a US culture and environment which are very different from my environment from birth. Still trying to get accepted...

 

[ls99]

Good posture, and being alert.

 

[Htown Harry]

I try to treat others nicely and try to use "please", "thank you", "Sir" and "Ma'am" frequently. Seems to work so far.

+1

"Miss" works wonders with waitresses, female store clerks and other service workers.

Young ones are taken aback - in a good way - because it is used so infrequently. Those who remember its use are flattered.

(Side story... I went to a old-style, family-owned diner in an older neighborhood last week. The place was straight out of the 60's in every way, yet does great business. My waitress Kitty called me "Honey", "Darlin' " and "Hun" at various points during the meal. I gave her a nice tip.)

 

[Lsbcal]

I try to treat others nicely and try to use "please", "thank you", "Sir" and "Ma'am" frequently. Seems to work so far.

If someone does treat me poorly I usually ignore it but in the extreme, if they really piss me off I turn on them with a vengeance and a sharp tongue.

I got a kick out of this as you ran the full gamut of emotions here. Somehow at the end of that last sentence a picture from the distant past flashed up complete with sound effects:

Maybe I've done a little of that too.

 

[travelover]

......Sometimes I think that is the best thing about our pets. They accept us for how we are...... .

My dog thinks that I look and smell funny.