What have you utterly failed on (or failing)?

[robnplunder]

To all you successful (and not so successful) folks ....

What have you utterly failed on in your life? Or failing?

I will start with two of my failures:

Despite DW & my trying, we have utterly failed on keeping good relationship with number of family members & relatives. It's not us (so I say). We just have weird gene in our clan that makes half of our folks gambler, drinker, spender, stubborn, etc..

Golf - DW & I started 5 years ago. I improved quickly to 12+ handicap and then despite keeping up with practices, it has gotten worse in the last two years. Handicap is up to 20. This is very puzzling to me since I have been always athletic. Any sports I picked up, I did well. Not so with golf and it has become a four letter word sport to me.

 

[Options]

Everything. I have failed at absolutely everything. When someone told me not to say that, I replied yes, I may not have failed at everything, but if there's anything left to fail at, I'll find it and fail at that, too.

OTOH, am quite proud of my failures. My strength (or ignorance) is that I always, but always, get back up. Have always learned from even the greatest of failures and come back stronger, better. Hasn't been a single exception. It's probably called "too stupid to stay down."

 

[aaronc879]

I failed at getting a college degree. I went for 3 semesters. I never skipped a class or was even late for a single class. I studied a lot but still basically flunked out.

Besides a 18 month stint when I was 18-19 i've failed to maintain a regular exercise schedule. I'm not overweight with a 21 BMI and 14% body fat but it could be much better.

I've failed to learn how to eat well or cook. Everything I eat is packaged. The most complicated thing I make is a frozen pizza which I have 6-7 nights a week.

I've failed to learn any kind of fashion sense. I wear shorts/jeans and a t-shirt every day. If it's cold I put a hoodie over the t-shirt. Even if I suddenly had millions of dollars I wouldn't know how to dress nicer.

When I lost my job in August of 2011 I failed to find a new job despite hundreds of resumes being sent out and going on dozens or interviews for positions that I was very much qualified for. I've failed to improve my very quiet demeanor even when it's important like during interviews.

I've failed to develope any close friendships since before high school. Plenty of acquaintances but no real close friends. At most 1 serious relationship and few other relationships.

Okay, that's enough for now.

 

[nash031]

I don't consider that I've failed at anything yet, because I still have time to correct it (golf, for example!).

I do wish I was genuinely nicer to all people, not just friends or people I know. I also wish I didn't allow others, particularly those I don't know, to elicit emotional responses from me. I'm getting better at both of these, but it takes work. Hopefully, I won't be a failure!

I failed a math class in college once... it helps if you attend, I learned.

 

[Andre1969]

I had to retake a few classes in college. IIRC, I failed Calculus the first time, got a D in it the second time, but managed an A when I re-took it over the summer.

I also took a sadistics -er, statistics course, got a D the first time, but got an A when I took it again over the summer. Now that I think about it, I also had to take a public speaking class. D the first time, but the second time I got an A.

Oh, I had a marriage that failed. But, looking back, having that marriage fail, especially so early on, was probably one of the biggest blessings of my life!

 

[aja8888]

To all you successful (and not so successful) folks ....


Despite DW & my trying, we have utterly failed on keeping good relationship with number of family members & relatives. It's not us (so I say). We just have weird gene in our clan that makes half of our folks gambler, drinker, spender, stubborn, etc..

Golf - DW & I started 5 years ago. I improved quickly to 12+ handicap and then despite keeping up with practices, it has gotten worse in the last two years. Handicap is up to 20. This is very puzzling to me since I have been always athletic. Any sports I picked up, I did well. Not so with golf and it has become a four letter word sport to me.

Weird genes? Nah, lots of us have those kind of folks in the family.

Golf: I've been playing for 50 years and seen my handicap bounce around between 8 and 20. I think that is golf.

I failed at a marriage. Now that can be a big mess and hard to clean up.

Other than that, I think I am pretty good at most things I try to accomplish.

 

[Cassie]

1. I failed at losing weight most of my adult life....have lost since January retirement and go to Weight Watchers regularly now.

2. I failed at making/having close friends because I worked too much and am basically a loner. I want to change that.

 

[Rustic23]

Completely failed, my answer would be, nothing. There are things that I did better than others. Example Golf, I played around with it four or five times in college, was really bad, but had no desire to put the work in to get better. i.e. didn't really like it.

 

[LoneAspen]

Back in the mid 2000's, I got sick of Silicon Valley and the IT world, and decided I wanted to get back to the mountains and work for myself. So I moved back to Colorado and got my real estate license.

Spent almost every dollar I had trying to keep that business afloat, but failed. I had to move back to the Valley, and the IT world, and sitting in a cube all day, with about $1000 to my name.

Although I utterly failed at that venture, I still count it as the most fun "job" I've ever had. The two years I spent doing real estate were more enjoyable, and the team I worked with was the best couple folks I ever worked with, than the 25+ other years I ever spent in IT.

If I take it to another level, my biggest failure is never finding a "job" I truly enjoyed and making a success out of it. Unfortunately, the most profitable set of career skills I have (IT skills) are in an industry I've grown to loathe.

 

[ls99]

I failed at nothing.

I prefer Richard Feynman's description variant. I know many many ways things I do, do not work.

 

[Calico]

Knowing when to keep my mouth shut (on more than one occasion). Does that count?

 

[robnplunder]

Knowing when to keep my mouth shut (on more than one occasion). Does that count?

You said too much already ...

 

[Lisa99]

1. I failed at losing weight most of my adult life....have lost since January retirement and go to Weight Watchers regularly now.

2. I failed at making/having close friends because I worked too much and am basically a loner. I want to change that.

+1

 

[Asher Aion]

I have failed in maintaining those friends that I had earlier in life. That is a shame.
I have failed as well to cultivate new friends as time has gone by. Many acquaintances but few close friends.
Being whom I am, it does not really bother me though. And am too lazy to change.
I hope to not fail my kids as they spread their wings. That would bother me forever.
I have been blessed in life so I don't often think about failure. My FIL was always living in a stupor of fail brought on by negativity and blame from his self righteous, but well meaning father. This attitude permeates my DW's siblings as they have very low expectations in life, and sad to say, I now see it in some of DW's nephews and nieces. Attitude is everything, but family is forever.

 

[MissMolly]

I, too, have failed at maintaining a healthy weight. I'm great at losing weight - I once lost 135 lbs, got down to a size 4 (I'm 5'8" so that was skinny), but then put it back on, Then lose it again, put it back on, wash and repeat ad nauseum.

I, too, have failed to maintain an exercise program. I do great while losing weight (see above) and then lose interest.

I, too, have failed at maintaining old friendships or making new ones. I had w*rk friends when I was w*rking. I have a bunch of siblings/cousins/in-laws. But no friends now. Just family and acquaintances. But I have never been good at making friends. Not even as a kid. I know I will come to regret this some day. Right now it really doesn't bother me.

I fail to keep my opinions to myself around my adult children. They do not appreciate that. I'm trying, but it's just so darn hard when I see them making what I consider to be bad choices (with money, mostly).

I have failed at quitting smoking. Once quit for 5 years....once for 2 years....many times for shorter periods, but then I am sucked back in again. I don't understand that about myself at all. I never wanted to be an old lady who smokes.

 

[robnplunder]

... and everything else is work in progress.

 

[ERD50]

I failed at nothing.

I prefer Richard Feynman's description variant. I know many many ways things I do, do not work.

Interesting timing. I just started reading Scott Adam's (Dilbert writer) book - (wait, his name is Adams with an 's' - so is that Adams's, Adams' ? - arghhh, I FAIL at possessives):

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big: Kind of the Story of My Life: Scott Adams, Patrick Lawlor: 9781480555341: Amazon.com: Books

I'll post in the book thread, or maybe start my own on this when I finish, but so far it is excellent (IMO).

Who hasn't had failures? Where to start? Where to end? I do know people who have ruined their lives by dwelling on their failures. I'm kind of in-line with Scott Adams line of thinking - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

One particular failure was I tried to start my own software business. Right when digital interfaces became popular on electronic musical instruments (MIDI). This was mid 80's, so it was a C-64. My program actually worked very well (I came across my notes a few years back, and chuckled - hey, that was pretty clever! - and I'm my own worst critic). It took me about a year to develop, I was working by myself part-time while I kept my day job, and coding this style really was not my forte'. And just after I went to market, some of the 'big boys' jumped in. Their programs didn't do what mine could do, but there was some overlap and I really didn't think I could compete. Advertising was expensive. I decided to cut my losses and get out, after maybe a dozen sales.

But I don't regret it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. And it keeps me from wondering 'what if'? I also wonder - what if I had some success and quit my day job? Maybe I'd get crushed a year later, and then what? Maybe I'd recover, maybe not? Oh well, it all turned out well, no complaints.

Some of those old lines about failure may seem corny, but I think there is a lot of wisdom to them: like 'Life's not about failing, it's about what you do after you fail', and a bunch more I can't think of now.

Embrace Failure!

-ERD50

 

[ERD50]

...
I fail to keep my opinions to myself around my adult children. They do not appreciate that. I'm trying, but it's just so darn hard when I see them making what I consider to be bad choices (with money, mostly). ....

May I make a suggestion, that seems to be working for me?

Don't offer an opinion ('I think you should do this or don't do this'), but offer information ('xyz can be a good idea in some cases, but it comes with the following risks, you can read about them at such-and-such link').

That way, you are respecting their ability to make a decision, you aren't being a 'mother hen'. Yet, you offer information you have gained from experience.

Of course, if they are making a really bad decision, you might want to push a bit harder, but I think it helps to make it their decision, not yours.

My qualifications (well, OK, DW's qualifications): two kids apparently successfully launched, the last one seems to be on her way. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed (for all three)!

-ERD50

 

[MissMolly]

May I make a suggestion, that seems to be working for me?

Don't offer an opinion ('I think you should do this or don't do this'), but offer information ('xyz can be a good idea in some cases, but it comes with the following risks, you can read about them at such-and-such link').

That way, you are respecting their ability to make a decision, you aren't being a 'mother hen'. Yet, you offer information you have gained from experience.

Of course, if they are making a really bad decision, you might want to push a bit harder, but I think it helps to make it their decision, not yours.

My qualifications (well, OK, DW's qualifications): two kids apparently successfully launched, the last one seems to be on her way. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed (for all three)!

-ERD50

You are absolutely correct that I need to learn how to phrase things differently. I need to learn to put my brain in gear before I put my mouth in motion. Thank you for the suggestion.

Sent from my KFTT using Tapatalk HD

 

[steelyman]

There was an HR manager where I worked who called her staff together and told them to say, "You may want to..." rather than "You need to...".

 

[inky]

What an interesting, cathartic thread. Thanks to everyone for their courageous postings.

I have been gaining and losing the same 15 pounds all my adult life.

I have failed so far to find a career that fulfills me. My work as a software engineer is intellectually challenging but the work feels completely meaningless to me. I failed to stand up to my parents and follow my passions when I was young, and now am looking to early retirement to fulfill some long-postponed dreams of being an artist and writer.

I've failed to maintain any romantic relationship for longer than two years, let alone get married. The older I get, the more I prefer solitude so the less regret I feel about that. Maybe early retirement will give me the opportunity to have the solitude I crave along with companionship with a significant other on weekends and after work.

 

[txtig]

I failed at retirement. I retired 2-1/2 years ago after 27 years with Megacorp. Retirement lasted the weekend. Went to work for another company the following Monday. Still there. Still thinking about retiring . . . again.


Sent from my iPad using Early Retirement Forum

 

[AnIntentionalRoad]

Great thread!

For many things in life, if you are not failing sometimes, you are not stretching yourself enough. Career, sports, hobbies, etc.

Other than those, which are more works in progress, I would say my relationship with my mother and two siblings has been just above failure level for many years. We are going through the motions with each other and I don't think I have the motivation to put in the work to try to make it better.

 

[daylatedollarshort]

When my peers were buying up one word domain names in the nineties, I thought they were wasting their money. I just didn't see a future in it. I also thought Youtube would go the way of Napster, due to copyright infringement issues.

My visionary skills are right up there with Harry "Who wants to hear actors talk?" Warner.

Other than that, it would take me too long to list everything else.

 

[aja8888]

I forgot about a big one: Back in Connecticut in the 1970s, a friend and I rented a small industrial building to rebuild and sell older model mass emission spectrometers to scrap dealers (he was an EE, I an ME). We only sold a few, it was a thought.

The real deal was the building had an artisan well in it and the area had just gone through a drought and people were buying water in gallon jugs at supermarkets. We had all this great, free water and thought about bottling it and selling it instead of spectrometers. We both said, "Nah, selling water is only good if there is a shortage...who would buy bottled water when they have city water or their own wells?" So the idea died....and so did our future of making Megs Bucks!