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Equal Contributions (calling Haha)
Old 02-13-2008, 07:57 PM   #1
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Equal Contributions (calling Haha)

Okay, I normally think that a husband/wife team should come to their own agreement on who contributes what to their marriage. But when I read this:

The Hard Stuff: "He Needs a Real Job!" - * MSN Lifestyle - Relationships

it makes me re-evaluate some of the threads here...
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:06 PM   #2
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Sometimes men are a little like horses — you quit kicking them on, and they figure this means it's time to stop and graze.
Wow, she got us all figured out...
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Old 02-13-2008, 08:47 PM   #3
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Whatever amount you arrive at, half is his responsibility
That's not a bad deal. My amount is over half since my income is higher than her income.
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Old 02-13-2008, 09:39 PM   #4
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So, c'mon, folks... which one of you registered posters is this?

I think after five years it's safe to say that the job search has ended... and if MSN is the best place she can think of for advice in all that time, I don't see a lot of hope for the relationship either.
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Old 02-13-2008, 10:20 PM   #5
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OK, I'll admit that my spouse is an engineer. There was a time after we moved that she wasn't even looking for a job and had appeared to 'retire early.' Her friends supported her stay-at-home-momness, but I applied pressure for her to get a job. It has worked out well. She has worked ever since and even though she could retire now, she wants to keep working.
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Old 02-14-2008, 08:52 AM   #6
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I was a little surprised at how hard Karen-the-advise-columnist pushed that hubby must contribute 50% of their financial needs. Would she be so firm on this if it was the wife who was under employed? I'm thinking not.....
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Old 02-14-2008, 09:34 AM   #7
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I have an admission to make... my wife contributes more to our retirement than I do.

We both contribute the max to our 401(k) (and I contribute another few percent after-tax). But, all of the other after-tax investments and emergency savings contributions and large expense contributions come out of her pay checks.

On the other hand, the mortgage, car payment, insurance and food come out of my paycheck. She hasn't complained about the arrangement yet.
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:11 AM   #8
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Is anyone surprised that these two gravitated to the teaching profession? nice not to have accountability and a powerful union that keeps the status quo...you know for the children.
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:19 AM   #9
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I love reading advice columns. The crushingly bad advice given out and the absolutely preposterous situations some people cant figure out on their own is well worth the time spent.

My forehead is usually sore for days from excessive slapping after reading a good one.

In this instance, I'm wondering if the spreadsheet employed calculates the contribution levels of both parties all the way through the relationship. I'm also wondering about whether anyone will figure out that the guy may have some issues that need some attention.

Maybe he's just depressed from losing his job and doesnt want to engage in another tightly committed "relationship" and is just playing with more tenuous jobs that he doesnt have to fear losing. Granted, confronting the issue and communicating through it are crucial, but I didnt immediately leap to the conclusion that the horse needed to be kicked until it started producing a 50% income result.

Oh, and maybe the kids can get jobs and pay for their own college?
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Old 02-14-2008, 11:20 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by TickTock View Post
Okay, I normally think that a husband/wife team should come to their own agreement on who contributes what to their marriage. But when I read this:

The Hard Stuff: "He Needs a Real Job!" - * MSN Lifestyle - Relationships

it makes me re-evaluate some of the threads here...
No sure why you might be calling Haha on this, as I would consider myself a casualty rather than an expert in socio-sexual relations. My wife once confided in me that it turns women on to see their men work. Corollary, it turns them off to see their men idle.

This had nothing to do with adequate support, just that in her estimation anyway, if bubba wants the eggs he better be gettin' the bacon in some easily observed and understood manner.

Ha
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:08 PM   #11
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No sure why you might be calling Haha on this, as I would consider myself a casualty rather than an expert in socio-sexual relations.
I put your name on the thread title because you ususally point out when a double standard exists or is likely to exist. Was not meant to be derogatory in any way; thought it was something you'd be interested in.
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:17 PM   #12
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I put your name on the thread title because you ususally point out when a double standard exists or is likely to exist. Was not meant to be derogatory in any way; thought it was something you'd be interested in.
Oh, I did not think you were being derogatory. In fact, I love you man! I was just continuing the banter. I am really not that sensitive.

You are right, I do notice double standards, and not just gender based ones. IMO it is the way of America today. If a person can't laugh at this crap, he is in for an unpleasant time of it. Whatever a whole lot of Americans accept as obviously true is bound to be ridiculous.

Ha
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:20 PM   #13
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Oh, I did not think you were being derogatory.
Whew. Hard to tell over the internet, sometimes.

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In fact, I love you man!
You're not getting my Bud Lite.



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TickTock Rule Of Finance - heavily discount any promises of money/benefits to be paid to you in the future

"I've traded love for pennies, sold my soul for less" -Jim Croce, Age
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:28 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by haha View Post
My wife once confided in me that it turns women on to see their men work. Corollary, it turns them off to see their men idle.

This had nothing to do with adequate support, just that in her estimation anyway, if bubba wants the eggs he better be gettin' the bacon in some easily observed and understood manner.

Ha
Now you tell me...

ETA: After reading the first few paragraphs off the column, I've scratched the name Karen Karbo off my list of prospective "future ex Mrs. 2Cor521s".

2Cor521
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:32 PM   #15
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Now you tell me...

2Cor521
Hey, just listen to Uncle Ha. You will still get the crap beaten out of you, but you will no longer be surprised about it.

Ha
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:35 PM   #16
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I love reading advice columns. The crushingly bad advice given out and the absolutely preposterous situations some people cant figure out on their own is well worth the time spent.

My forehead is usually sore for days from excessive slapping after reading a good one.

You would be amazed at how MANY people take a columnist's advice as gospel and act accordingly...............
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Old 02-14-2008, 12:50 PM   #17
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In this instance, I'm wondering if the spreadsheet employed calculates the contribution levels of both parties all the way through the relationship.
Good point...... and often a difficult one to reconcile to both party's satisfaction.....

Example: During our serious working years, I frequently earned double DW's salary. Today, I'm fully retired, don't make a penny and enjoy it that way. Since retirement, DW does a combination of volunteer and compensated work with special needs kids (including our grandson) part time. She graciously throws her check (amounts to about 5% of our pre-retirement combined income) into the "fun and entertainment" account and we spend it as we get it. Believe me, when she says "tonight's dinner and concert are on me" my response is "yes maam and thank you!" Any reference to my past contributions always leaves me regretting the day I was born.....

No one should be denied their day.
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:08 PM   #18
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Hey, just listen to Uncle Ha. You will still get the crap beaten out of you, but you will no longer be surprised about it.

Ha
Yo Uncle H.,

At the moment I prefer solitude where I have complete control over 66% of my time and all but $x,xxx of my monthly finances and where I am not required to accommodate or try to understand one of those female creatures. I find them to be intrinsically appealing and damnably confounding and frustrating simultaneously.

I have pledged $1,000 to the favorite charity of my (female, happily married, and sharp as a tack) divorce attorney if I do remarry.

2Cor521
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Old 02-14-2008, 01:27 PM   #19
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Interesting how couples manage their finances. At the time I remarried I was making about twice what she made. She was the one who insisted on paying the higher of whatever utility bills came in and the phone bill that she ran up talking to her mother. That was reasonable since she was the only one who called anyone long distance.

My position was that I was going to be paying for the house & utilities whether I was married or not. Still, it ended up being about the same percentage of her net income. We never bothered to figure exact percentages. As long as the bills got paid I didn't really care who paid 'em.

A funny: A couple years later we bought a new car on one of those 0% down low-interest financing deals. Car & loan in both names of course. Salesguy put my name first on the loan & title, but she made all the payments. At end of term I get a nice letter from GMAC about making timely payments. No mention of her name. She was absolutely furious! I promised the next time she could be on top. Somehow, that didn't help....

Next one we paid for with cash, so the promise remains unfulfilled.
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Old 02-15-2008, 12:55 AM   #20
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A funny: A couple years later we bought a new car on one of those 0% down low-interest financing deals. Car & loan in both names of course. Salesguy put my name first on the loan & title, but she made all the payments. At end of term I get a nice letter from GMAC about making timely payments. No mention of her name. She was absolutely furious! I promised the next time she could be on top. Somehow, that didn't help.....
He he! Here's another funny: My ex and I were buying a new truck for him. We filled out the financial paperwork to see if the dealership could beat the financing offered by our credit union. My ex was a graduate student and not working much so I just listed down my not insubstantial engineering income. Salesguy comes back, takes a quick glance at the figures, says that we should get a good rate, then looks me straight in the eye and says "Do you want to put down your income too? Every little bit helps". I smiled ever so slightly and replied: "That is MY income. [turn to look at spouse] Do you want to put down your income? You know, every little bit helps...." The salesguy quickly interjected "That won't be necessary!" and whisked the paper off to the Financing Dept before my ex could even open his mouth....
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