Who knows your $hit?

[Mdlerth]

Too early to draw any conclusions anyway

I am about to clock out for the final time in 6 weeks, so I'm only at the starting line.

When I look at the vast span in the projections generated by FIRECalc for the next 30 years, I will leave an estate which, divided among our 5 chilluns, could be no great shakes, or it could be a bonanza, or more likely somewhere in between.

My conclusion is that it's far, far too early to start planting expectations in the kids' minds about what they might get someday.

But it also occurs to me that bequeathing my children the expectation that they need to govern their own lives with maturity and discipline, instead of counting on crumbs from Mom and Dad, is a gift worth a hundred times more than any $$ we might leave them.

 

[Cayman]

I’d suggest that if family & close friends can’t handle the personal details of a financial discussion, then there are more problems with the relationship than with financial details. That’s how it’s been with some of my (former) close friends and how it is with some of my relatives.

We start this discussion with our daughter & son-in-law every year:
“Should we gift you again, or are we causing affluenza? Is it stunting your growth?”
They’re earning and saving and investing for their own FI, and they don’t need our help. Having the discussion (and giving them the choice) helps us all sort through the questions & issues.

We frame it as “You’re getting a little of your inheritance every year, while it has a bigger impact on your life and while we’re all still around to talk about it. You can figure out how to manage your money (with our help) and someday you may have to help us manage our money too.”

We’ve had some pushback: “Are you guys sure you won’t need that money for yourselves? Wouldn’t you rather spend it on travel or give it to charity?” That’s led to even more useful discussions which helped everyone understand our accounts, our asset allocation, and where the compounding is taking us.

Yet they’re still reaching a 40% savings rate on their own gross income, without our gifting."

"We take a dual approach. We’ve totally opened the books for our daughter (the co-trustee and executrix of our estate planning) and son-in-law (contingency trustee/executor). She can see all of our accounts with her own login, and she’s watching. When we mentioned that we’d bought a replacement vehicle, she said she’d seen the money moving around and wondered what was happening in our lives.

She could also technically abscond with our assets and have a heck of a party lifestyle (or give it all to a cult), but... if that happens then my spouse and I have enough pension income (and later Social Security) to rebuild our lives. So far we’ve seen the opposite effect: she’s behaving as a fiduciary and she’s much less stressed over the possibility that she’ll be ambushed by our disability.

I’d much rather equip her with the knowledge and tools to properly manage our finances (as I wish I’d been equipped) instead of keeping her ignorant out of worry that she’d screw it up.

Thanks Nords for sharing good examples of an open approach to finances with kids that provided very good outcomes. Sounds like you and your wife have done a great job equipping your kids with the knowledge and tools to best manage their finances over their entire life. In my book, that's an invaluable gift - and also a basic responsibility, just like we should teach our kids the basics of living. They're crippled without financial knowledge and tools.

 

[Sue J]

Just me. I'm the only one who knows. DH is just not interested. I've given him the login and password to Vanguard and I guarantee he has not looked.

I recently had surgery and we went over the "if I die" scenario. Basically, I told him that in the immediate months after I'm gone his pension goes into the checking account and everything is paid automatically except for this one and that one. Everything is on my computer - Bookmarks/Banking. My computer autofills the passwords. After that, it's all at Vanguard.

Beyond that, you should have paid attention all these years. And I left a note in last years tax folder explaining relevant changes along with the comment, "If you're looking in this folder I must be gone, Sorry about that."

Thankfully I survived so he's back to ignoring all this again.

 

[brett]

Our children both manage their finances well. We taught them the basics and they moved forward from there.

Teaching and coaching them did not in any way cause us to be transparent with our own financial situation. They were aware with how we managed, just as they are aware that one of the results was a financially secure early retirement.

I really do not see the connection between teaching your children .to be good stewards of their financial resources. You can impart this wisdom and set an example without providing them the details of your finances until such time as it becomes a necessity. They are smart enough to understand good outcomes when they see them.

 

[aja8888]

Just me. I'm the only one who knows. DH is just not interested. I've given him the login and password to Vanguard and I guarantee he has not looked.

I recently had surgery and we went over the "if I die" scenario. Basically, I told him that in the immediate months after I'm gone his pension goes into the checking account and everything is paid automatically except for this one and that one. Everything is on my computer - Bookmarks/Banking. My computer autofills the passwords. After that, it's all at Vanguard.

Beyond that, you should have paid attention all these years. And I left a note in last years tax folder explaining relevant changes along with the comment, "If you're looking in this folder I must be gone, Sorry about that."

Thankfully I survived so he's back to ignoring all this again.

Your DH must be my DW's long lost twin sister! (good thing DD has the info....LOL)

 

[mystang52]

Only DW knows. My 2 kids know we're comfortable, but that's it. I get together with a dozen or so of my college buds every 3 months. From our discussions over the years it's evident that nearly all of us are doing well...and the few who are not poor but not quite as well off. But none of us have ever discussed specifics.