Boredom in early retirement.

[Amethyst]

For me it always ends up being husband and immediate family. (That takes care of the necessary "goofiness" factor which I crave just as much as substance). I just wonder what happened to all the wonderful conversations I had in college. Did those folks all go into hiding, or does everyone except the Amethyst clan and the folks on this list, totally lose their imaginations once they have kids and buy a house?

Amethyst

I like substantive conversation too, amethyst. It's been a problem my whole life, though, not just now that I'm headed for retirement. My usual solution has been to find one person with whom I can talk in depth. It's often just a single person. Kind of a shame that it can't be a wider group than that, but that's just the way it's worked out for me, anyhow.

 

[Longview]

For me it always ends up being husband and immediate family. (That takes care of the necessary "goofiness" factor which I crave just as much as substance). I just wonder what happened to all the wonderful conversations I had in college. Did those folks all go into hiding, or does everyone except the Amethyst clan and the folks on this list, totally lose their imaginations once they have kids and buy a house?

Amethyst

There don't seem to be a lot of freethinkers in the world, most have chosen their side/world-view and like to share their talking points with one another. Maybe (wishful thinking) it's just that most put on masks over the years, and they are just scared to speak plainly.

But I definitely know what you're talking about. At least I still have good conversations when I get together with my old college friends.

I just recently ERed (? FIREd? Dunno the proper verb form), and am wondering about how I'll be making new friends. I imagine most people I'd want to hang out with are too busy working.

 

[Meadbh]

I just recently ERed (? FIREd? Dunno the proper verb form), and am wondering about how I'll be making new friends. I imagine most people I'd want to hang out with are too busy working.

I have taken advantage of a club for people new to the area (which I am) and have found multiple activities that interest me. My social calendar is filling fast!

 

[Amethyst]

Sounds like a great idea. Let us know how it goes.

A.

I have taken advantage of a club for people new to the area (which I am) and have found multiple activities that interest me. My social calendar is filling fast!

 

[Milton]

I don't like a lot of activity; it overstimulates me and makes me anxious/stressed. I like a quiet, simple life. I'm not sure I would call it "bored," though -- to me, it's peaceful, and it allows me to think and recharge.

Greetings, fellow introvert!

 

[ER Eddie]

Hey Milton.

Now leave me alone. j/k.

 

[urn2bfree]

I assume that anyone concerned about boredom in early retirement will never voluntarily retire. I guess they are hoping to die on the job. If you are bored when you are at the youngest, presumably most physically fit(potentially anyway) time In your life, how in the world is being 10 or 20 years older going to lessen the potential for boredom? If retiring later is the plan, won't age and or infirmity limit your choices of activities and therefore create a greater chance for boredom?

 

[Sarah in SC]

I, too, love those simple pleasures, and the ability to take enough time to bring creative ideas to fruition. In fact, I fear that I could retire too late to really use my creativity. Eyes and hands deteriorate, and mine have seen their best days in an employer's service.

As I age, I find another concern about retirement emerging. It has to do with socializing. I am gregarious and can easily chit-chat and small-talk to get the ball rolling, but I can't stand small talk for very long. I need more substantive conversation. At work, there is always WORK to be discussed. Everyone has something to contribute.

When they aren't discussing work, though, people always seem to slide into those middle-aged standbys, "kids," "property values/property taxes," "petty gossip," and "politics." All good subjects for a little while, but please...can't there be a little variation? And after trying once or twice to turn the conversation to something more entertaining (to me), I have to find an excuse to leave the room. The same thing happens when I join "interest groups." You'd think people would discuss the hobby or interest at hand, but no, there they are talking kids and property taxes.

As one ages, the standbys seemingly evolve to "grandkids," "the organ recital,"** "cost of living," and "what's the world coming to; wasn't like this when we were young." And there I will be again, running from the room.
I don't like that the alternative to social boredom seems to be hermit-dom, and I don't know what to do about it.

Amethyst
**Organ recital: My knee, my kidneys, my heart, my spleen, etc. etc.

Oh this is the worst! I was at some social gathering a while back, and my sister told me I introduce myself to one of her friends and tell them about our upcoming trip. So I give my "elevator speech" version which goes something like: "we are driving a short bus around the world starting this summer." What's the first question she asks? "So, do you have kids?" Um, no.

Kid talk will run me off faster than anything!! Now you tell me that it never ends, it just turns into grand kid talk! Gaah!

 

[scrabbler1]

Same here. I don't like a lot of activity; it overstimulates me and makes me anxious/stressed. I like a quiet, simple life. I'm not sure I would call it "bored," though -- to me, it's peaceful, and it allows me to think and recharge. "Bored" is an unpleasant state, similar (in my mind anyhow) to apathy.

Same here. While I do enjoy my volunteer work and the resurrected hobbies which involve interaction with others, I enjoy my quiet, peaceful, basically introverted life. Never bored.

 

[kcowan]

I have taken advantage of a club for people new to the area (which I am) and have found multiple activities that interest me. My social calendar is filling fast!

Yes there will be a filling and then a selective purging as you shed those that do not fit you just right.

I imagine most people I'd want to hang out with are too busy working.

One of the things we have discovered is that our retired interests are much different than our work interests. This has led us to a whole new group of friends.

We also avoid groups that are too committed to one activity, whether it is cars or kids. or or...

 

[FUEGO]

Sounds like some of you are "friend snobs" - like me!

I do pretty well with small talk, but it isn't fulfilling (merely time killing). I find myself keeping a smaller circle of closer friends that I don't mind talking to for hours without getting bored or exhausted. Superficial friends (maybe acquaintances is a better term?) get little face time. Guess that makes me a friend snob!

 

[Sarah in SC]

I like that "friend snob" term. I think I just want to spend time talking to people about fun exciting stuff rather than minutiae of daily life.

 

[LoneAspen]

Sounds like some of you are "friend snobs" - like me!

I do pretty well with small talk, but it isn't fulfilling (merely time killing). I find myself keeping a smaller circle of closer friends that I don't mind talking to for hours without getting bored or exhausted. Superficial friends (maybe acquaintances is a better term?) get little face time. Guess that makes me a friend snob!

Reminds me of that line from Fight Club about "single-serving friends". I've had many of those in my life. In fact, whenever I've moved from one place to another, the communications with past acquaintances pretty much dries up.

 

[traineeinvestor]

W*rk offers some benefits (apart from the financial aspects) including intellectual stimulation (somewhat faded for me) and interaction with other people (some good, some bad).

But w*rking comes at a cost. While many have issues with stress and other issues at w*rk, for me the biggest issue with w*rking is the opportunity cost - it is either harder or impossible to do many of the other things I would like to do while I am w*rking.

The "pull" factor is a greater motivation than the "push" factor for me (by a considerable margin). I'm hoping that means that I will have plenty of things to provide me with a boredom free and stimulating in retirement. If I ever start posting "today I did the laundry" on the "what did I do today" thread, that will be a pretty good indication that I got it wrong.

Since I am already starting to shed some of my responsibilities ahead of retirement in September this year, I have started a few things including enroling for an MFA in creative writing.

 

[LinCella]

I'm looking forward to some peaceful, relaxing time. I'm a loner and enjoy my own company, though I have plenty of good friends. I'm going to take my time when I move to my new town before joining anything. I'm really picky about how I use my time. Once w*rk is over, all my time will be my own and that's how I like it. I'm not worried about making new friends to add to my old friends, but only for people I can really connect with. I am almost never bored, thankfully!

 

[Milton]

Once w*rk is over, all my time will be my own and that's how I like it.

I assume you're not married? ;-)

 

[LinCella]

Ok, I love the "what did you do today" thread. Especially coming home from work and realizing I did nothing I wanted to do today. I go weak in the knees when someone posts "had coffee on the porch, took a nap", I go positively giddy with "gardened, took a nap". Yeah, the nap bit gets me every time!

 

[LinCella]

Milton, too funny! I'm not married though I have two dogs and two cats who think my time is their own.

 

[sengsational]

Ok, I love the "what did you do today" thread. Especially coming home from work and realizing I did nothing I wanted to do today. I go weak in the knees when someone posts "had coffee on the porch, took a nap", I go positively giddy with "gardened, took a nap". Yeah, the nap bit gets me every time!

That IS one benefit of working remotely...I take an hour for lunch, but it's usually a 10 minute lunch and a 50 minute nap, hehe.

 

[youbet]

But I used to get bored at work, too.

In fact, I can't imagine anything more boring than sitting in one of those ridiculous meetings, usually with a lot of people I didn't like, talking about stuff I wasn't interested in! Or sitting in my car in heavy traffic during one of those brutal Friday evening commutes! Or being forced to go into the office on a bright, sunny summer Sunday afternoon to work on some dopey PowerPoint presentation for my power-hungry boss (while he's out golfing)!

Why would you have chosen to do that to yourself? I'm always amazed at how folks allow themselves to spend the majority of their lives doing things they don't like doing........

It seems like a worse mistake than failing to LBYM, invest prudently and achieve FIRE.

 

[DeborahB]

For me it always ends up being husband and immediate family. (That takes care of the necessary "goofiness" factor which I crave just as much as substance). I just wonder what happened to all the wonderful conversations I had in college. Did those folks all go into hiding, or does everyone except the Amethyst clan and the folks on this list, totally lose their imaginations once they have kids and buy a house?

Amethyst

It took me a long time but I finally found friends that were more like me - we started meeting once a month for a pot-luck and organized conversation (the host picked the topic). We never did very well sticking to the topic, but it was definitely intellectually stimulating and I enjoyed it. It kind of fell apart but we're trying to get it going again.

I can only take so much "chat" that is meaningless. That's why I like this forum - we've got humor and we've got intellectual conversations. Or something resembling same....

 

[F4mandolin]

Big question for me is....do I sell my expensive mandolin and buy an octave mandolin and a cheaper mandolin.....or take up some other hobby? Boredom is either what you want or what you are forced into......I choose.

 

[My Dream]

Thanks everyone for your replies and although it's given me a new perspective I have to be honest and say, I still don't totally understand the whole reason for boredom period, but I have to respect others personality/mindset per say.

For me, being a workaholic I missed out on a lot and in er it gave me the chance to pick up the guitar again, learn to play the piano, do home Reno’s that I didn't have time for before, attempt to learn how to manage my money, restore a car that's been sitting in our garage for 25 years, among other things. Last but not least and the most important thing was spending much more time with my wife and kids as well I had the opportunity to spend much more time with both my in-laws and parents, after all spending time with the people you love is a priority with me.

When I see people claim they're bored in er, yet I see their homes run down or their marriage falling apart, losing touch with their kids and all they do is watch TV, I think..... they have time on their side to try to change all that, but again, I don't have the right to judge, therefore to each their own and I try to remember that my glass is always half full.


Have a great weekend everyone.

 

[H2ODude]

Here's a slightly different perspective of retirement boredom vs. the dynamic fast paced exciting activity of w*rking. I started to retire almost 2 years ago and then fully exited even part time about 6 months ago. To the point that I even debated not renewing my engineering license, a rather dramatic statement for a long time PE. I did anyway for some unknown reason, I can assure you it is NOT to ever w*rk as an engineer or any other job. Anyway.

This week my last employer invited me to accompany them to a function that was about 5-6 hour drive away, and would include a site visit on return trip. Up one day, gala event that night, and return trip the next with a site visit. Bear in mind that in the last job there was a fair amount of travel.

As we rode in the car back, it dawned on me that there is NOTHING more boring than business travel! Whether it's riding in a car, sitting in an airport or car, killing time in a hotel room...ugh. Those are OK if the reward is pleasure travel, but not to do work. Other boring work things are meetings, and I could go on and on about that.

So, maybe YOUR career was endless excitement and stimulation, but in retrospect I'll take my occasional sense of being a tad bored any day over being dictated to as to where I have to sit my butt and be still. At least now I can change what I'm doing at will. My choice.

 

[Felix Mulier]

I'll take my occasional sense of being a tad bored any day over being dictated to as to where I have to sit my butt and be still. At least now I can change what I'm doing at will. My choice.

Couldn't agree with you more! There's a big difference in my mind of doing something because you want to do it, vs doing something because you have to do it. And it doesn't really matter what "it" is. As much as possible, I try to do what I want when I want.

Found these quotes I thought all y'all might enjoy:

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. ~Will Rogers[/FONT]

[FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want. ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
[/FONT]

And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. ~ Abraham Lincoln